


Loki Loki Literature Club

by JohnnyJohnJohnson



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel, doki doki literature club
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 92,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22888660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnnyJohnJohnson/pseuds/JohnnyJohnJohnson
Summary: At the seemingly innocent Literature Club, nothing is what it seems. For Loki, God of Mischief, joining the Literature Club is a huge mistake that only happened because of a misunderstanding. But since it is his last year of exile, he thought, "It couldn't hurt." Oh how he was wrong.... Based upon the game, Doki Doki Literature Club, Loki Loki Literature Club follows the original story with a few added tweaks, therefore, making it fanfiction. As Loki meets and gets to know the four other members of the club, he is drawn to them out of curiosity, nothing else, or so he tells himself. Being the only male against four other females of course leads to many awkward and uncomfortable situations, as one would imagine. But the more time he spends with each girl, the more he can't resist staying. After all, he does not yet know the dark secret hidden beneath the Literature Club….
Relationships: (It's a surprise!)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

“Heeeeeeey!” I hear an annoying girl yell at me as she runs to catch up with me. I groan and pretend I don’t hear her. “Hey, Loki! Wait up!” She begins to wave her hands in the air wildly. I walk faster. “Loki!” The girl finally catches up to me, out of breath. I sigh helplessly.

“Hi, Sayori.” I reluctantly look at her. She hasn’t changed a bit since the last time I saw her. She still has short, salmon pink hair with a red bow in it and her bright blue eyes stare up at me with their usual joyous look. Sayori is my neighbor and my ‘good friend’ since I got banished here and started going to college. We used to walk to school together a lot. But lately she’s started to over-sleep frequently.

“I almost overslept again!” Sayori whines. I take in her unkempt school uniform. The ribbon around her neck is crooked and her grey coat isn’t buttoned up. Even her blue skirt and orange sweater are creased. Yup. Definitely Sayori. 

I don’t say anything. I don’t want to talk to Sayori right now. I just want to walk to school alone, in silence.

“Thanks for waiting for me!” Sayori says in a cheerful voice. 

“I didn’t wait for you,” I mumble. Sayori dismisses my comment and continues rambling.

“So, how’s everything been?”

“Fine.”

“That’s good. Has anything changed with you?”

“Not that I know of.” 

“Have you made any friends since the last time I saw you?”

“No.” 

Sayori gives me an alarmed look.

“You don’t have any friends?! Why?”

“I guess I just haven’t found anyone very interesting,” I say in an uninterested tone. I don’t have any use for friends so why would I go out of my way to make them? Plus, nobody goes out of their way to be friends with me anyway. Well, all except Sayori for some reason.

“Well, you can always come hang out with me whenever you want!” Sayori says. “You can find me at the fountain during lunch.” 

“Thanks,” I reply, not really meaning it. 

“It’s funny that you haven’t changed a bit since our first year!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you still have long, black hair and the same bored blue eyes.” 

I run my fingers through my long, wavy hair proudly. Despite the few side ways looks I get due to it, I decided to keep my usual appearance of long hair. I also chose to keep my face the same, even though Thor warned against it. I mean, no one’s recognized me yet, so I have no reason to do anything about it.

“You know, you’ve always been one for looking sharp,” Sayori says.

“You think so?”

“Yeah! You’re always looking your best, which is a complement given most of the boys at our school. Your tie is always fashionably tied, your sweater is intact, and not to mention the style you have with your coat. Somehow everything you wear looks just as cool as your are.” 

All of the details Sayori describes are all apart of my perfect illusion. I use my ability as a God to mask my superior Asgardian outfit, and instead make myself appear like I’m wearing the uniform; but it’s all really an illusion of my own making. How God-like are school uniforms? Thankfully, it’s almost over, just one more year….

“Thank you.” I adjust my tie and stand up taller. Sayori giggles in return, and we continue walking to school. 

We can see our school now, just a street away.

“Hey, Loki?” Sayori asks as we cross the street.

“Hmm?” 

“Do you know what club you’re joining?”

“Club?” I think for a second. “No, I haven’t really given it too much thought.”

“Oh! Well you could join my club!” Sayori’s eyes are now even brighter as she awaits my response.

“You’re club?”

“The Literature Club! 

“Maybe,” I reply, deciding not to turn her down immediately since I don’t have any other clubs in mind at the moment.

“Okay.” Sayori smiles, trying not to seem disappointed.

School is as boring and plain as ever, and it’s over before I know it. After my final class, I stare at the club list, waiting for an ounce of inspiration. Baking club. No. Baseball club. No. Manga club. No. 

I sigh helplessly. Do I have to join a club? At that moment, I hear a gentle knocking from the doorway: I see Sayori knocking on the wall, signalling her arrival. When she notices I’ve seen her, she strides in.

“Hey, Loki,” she greets me.

“Hey, Sayori,” I say as Sayori walks up to me nervously. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at your club by now?”

“Well, yeah, but I thought you might need some encouragement, so I thought, you know….”

“Um….No, I don’t know.”

“Well, that you could join my club.”

I scoff. “There is no way I am joining your club.”

“Eh? Why?”

“You can’t expect me to join a club just because you’re the vice president for it. And plus, I don’t really want to do a literature club.”

“C’mon please?”

“Why do you care so much, anyway?”

“W-Well….I kind of promised everyone that I’d bring a new member, a-and Natsuki made cupcakes and everything….and ehehe….”

I groan. “Sayori! Why’d you drag me into this?!”

“Oh please just come for a cupcake. You don’t have to sign up right now, just try it out,” Sayori pleads. I gaze into her puppy dog eyes. I will not give in. I will not give in! Stop looking at me like that! Stop it!

“Alright fine. I’ll drop by for a cupcake. But only for a cupcake!” 

I had no clue what I was getting myself into as I followed Sayori to the Literature Club room. I didn’t know that it would mark the day I sold my soul for a cupcake and surrendered my clear thinking. I did not yet know the horrors that awaited me behind the Literature Club door. I did not know the hauntings that would take place in such an innocent place. Not knowing any of this, I follow Sayori into the unknown.

“I got us a new member!” Sayori shouts as we enter the club room.

“Wait! I haven’t fully decided if I want to join the club!” I snap. My eyes fall on three women sitting at various desks. They all have a matching uniform to Sayori’s, except theirs is actually buttoned up and professionally worn.

“Welcome to the Literature Club,” a tall and pretty woman with very long, purple hair says to me. “I look forward to getting to know you.” The woman has her hands behind her back and her school uniform is buttoned up modestly. Something that catches my eye is her sweet smile. And the fact that she stood up when I entered.

“Wait. You brought a boy?” a second woman asks. She has cute pink hair that’s put up in half-down-half-up pigtails with red ribbons. A matching red barrette pins her bangs out of her face. She’s shorter than the other woman. Way shorter. She must be one year beneath us. Or maybe three.

“Ah, Loki! What a nice surprise!” a third woman says. This woman has long, light brown hair that’s tied into a ridiculously long ponytail with a white bow. Some of her hair is not tied into her ponytail, but instead is pushed in front, falling onto her shoulders. I notice that the first woman’s hair is also like that.

I’m speechless. All I can think is: This club is full of incredibly beautiful women!!

“Welcome to the club, Loki!” the brown-haired girl, who seems to know me, says with a wide smile. My eyes linger on the cute pink-haired girl. She finally notices that I’m staring at her. 

“What are you looking at?” she asks in a cute voice as she folds her arms moodily. “If you wanna say something, just say it!”

“My bad,” I say, realizing that I’ve been staring.

“Wait,” the pink-haired girl now looks up at me with wide eyes, “you’re British?” At her words, I stare at her, furrowing my eyebrows perplexedly. It’s hard to tell if it’s a good thing that I have an accent. People do tend to ask a lot of questions about it; I hate it; it’s seriously annoying. 

“I didn’t know we had any transfer students here,” she continues. “Wow, that’s so weird. Have you been to London?”

“Natsuki,” the purple-haired girl chides. The girl, apparently named Natsuki, gives a little, “Hmph!” as she turns her gaze away from mine. According to Sayori, Natsuki is the one who made cupcakes.

“Nevermind her, Loki!” Sayori whispers in my ear happily. “Anyway, this is Natsuki, always full of energy. And this is Yuri, the smartest woman in the world!” She motions to Natsuki and the purple-haired girl.

“D-Don’t say things like that,” Yuri stammers as she starts to play with her hair, refusing to meet anyone's gaze. Yuri seems to be the very timid and reserved type who’s always reading a book. She probably is one of the smartest people on Midgard, for all I know. 

“No need to be modest, Yuri,” Sayori giggles to herself, “And finally, there’s Monika, but you already seem to know each other, she’s the club leader,” Sayori says. I turn to the brown-haired girl. Nothing about her seems familiar to me. 

“That’s right!” Monika smiles gracefully. Wait. I remember that smile. I think hard for a minute and it hits me. Monika was in one of my classes last year and in a class during my first year here. We hardly talked. Or, well, did we ever? Monika was one of the most popular girls in the entire school. She has all of the desirable qualities; pretty, smart, athletic. Basically, completely not my type.

“Um, yeah,” I say, nodding to Monika. 

“Now that we’ve all gotten acquainted with each other, shall we begin?” Monika asks. Sayori nods enthusiastically which is a good enough answer for Monika.

“Come on, Loki. I’ve added another desk to our table,” Sayori says to me. The girls have arranged a few desks to form a table. Still feeling a little wary about the other girls, I sit down next to Sayori.

“I’ll go get the cupcakes!” Sayori pushes her chair back and at the same time, Natsuki does too.

“They’re my cupcakes! I made them, so I’ll get them!” Natsuki snaps.

“Oh, sorry. I got a little too excited,” Sayori mumbles as she sits back down. 

“How about I make some tea as well?” Yuri says politely before getting up and walking over to the closet at the back of the room.

Natsuki returns soon after, tray in hand. “Ta-da!” Natsuki pulls the cover off of the tray revealing an adorable sight. The table ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ at the cupcakes that are decorated to look like cats with white and black icing. I have to give it to Natsuki, they’re adorable.

“So cuuuute!” Sayori says in amazement.

“I never knew you were so good at baking, Natsuki!” Monika praises. Natsuki blushes at the compliments.

“Ehehe. Well, you know…” Natsuki mumbles. “You haven’t tried them yet, so don’t say anything tell you eat one.” We each take a cupcake. Sayori is the first to take a bite.

“Mmmm! Delicious!” Sayori exclaims, getting frosting on her face. 

I gaze at the cupcake in my hand, deciding if I really want to eat something so sugary. In the corner of my eye, I see Natsuki staring at me. Is she waiting for me taste it? Awkwardly, I bite into the cupcake. Sayori and Yuri are right, it is delicious, but really unhealthy.

“These are really good, Natsuki,” I say, making Natsuki blush and turn her gaze away from me.

“Why are you thanking me? It’s not like I made them for you or anything!” Natsuki stammers, trying not to sound embarrassed.

“Huh? I thought you did. Sayori said….” I trail off. “Oh, nevermind.” I don’t see the point in arguing with this girl when it won’t benefit me in the end.

Yuri returns to the table carrying a tea set. She carefully hands us all a tea cup before placing the teapot next to the cupcake tray.

“You keep a whole tea set in this classroom?” I ask, actually curious.

“Yes. Don’t worry, the teachers gave us permission. After all, doesn’t a hot cup of tea help you enjoy a good book?” Yuri smiles sweetly.

“Yes, obviously he agrees,” Natsuki mumbles. She then adds, “He’s British….” 

I stare at Natsuki, my eyebrows furrowed, and my mouth slightly open, implying, “Are you stereotyping me?” in my head. 

I turn back to Yuri and respond, “I would think so. I do enjoy tea and reading, so I suppose mixing the two together would result blissfully.” 

I sip my tea. The hot liquid fills my mouth, giving me a calming feeling. Yeah, this definitely would go well with reading.

“Don’t let Yuri intimidate you, Loki,” Monika says, giggling. “She’s just trying to impress you.”

“Eh?! W-What do you….” Insulted, Yuri looks away. “I was just saying that, you know….”

“I know what you meant.” I set my cup of tea down. “Maybe drinking tea while reading isn’t something I do consistently, but I at least like tea and am interested in combining the two.”

“Aw, I’m glad.” Yuri smiles softly, still not meeting my gaze.

When we finish our cupcakes, Monika starts talking again.

“Anyway, what kind of literature do you like, Loki?” Monika asks, obviously trying to move the conversation forward. She puts her elbows on her desk and rests her chin on her hands.

“Oh….um….I read a variety of things. I guess I like to read murder mysteries. Or, just mysteries is fine too.” I sigh. “I’m not really into a certain genre, is what I’m trying to say.” I don’t know why that was so hard for me to say. Ugh, I feel so stupid.

“That’s fine! Keeping an open mind is the key to literature,” Monika says enthusiastically. How does she always say the right things?

Intrigued, Yuri says, “Murder mysteries sound interesting. Perhaps I should read one someday.”

“What do you like to read, Yuri?” I ask.

“Well, let’s see…. My favorites are usually novels that have deep meanings that open your eyes to a whole new world. Literature is all about expressing yourself and I like to see the many different ways people express themselves,” Yuri says passionately. She goes on and on. Everything she says is so meaningful and profound. She must be really serious about her books. After a few minutes, Yuri pauses. “Anyway, I’ve been reading a lot of horror lately….” 

“Aw, I’ve read a horror book before,” I say conversationally.

“Really, Yuri?” Monika asks in a surprised tone. “I wouldn’t have ever guessed that someone as gentle as you would like horror. You don’t seem like the kind of person to be into horror.”

“Is that so?” Yuri says, an embarrassed blush coming across her cheeks. The blush continues to spread across her face as she begins to fidget with her hair. “Well, it doesn’t matter if a book is horror or if it’s science fiction, if a story takes me to another world or level of thinking, then I really can’t put it down. Surreal horror does a really good job of this.”

“Ugh. I hate horror,” Natsuki breaks in.

“Oh?” Yuri turns to Natsuki. “Why’s that?”

“Well, carnage is disgusting. Why would anyone want to read about blood and gore? And death is depressing. I particularly hate zombies.” Natsuki shudders. “It’s awful!”

“Ah, I see,” Monika says. Smiling, she adds, “Oh yeah, you like cute stories, don’t you, Natsuki?” Natsuki blushes in surprise.

“W-What gives you that idea?!” Natsuki asks in outrage.

“I read some of your manga last club meeting. It’s very cute.” Monika teases, leaning in towards Natsuki. “I also found this.” Monika reaches into her bag and pulls out a slip of paper. “‘Kitten Whiskers’?”

“H-Hey! Don’t touch my manga! And give that back!” Natsuki tries to snatch the paper out of Monika’s hand, but she can’t reach her from where she sits.

“Okay, okay.” Monika giggles as she hands the paper to Natsuki, who snatches it and shoves it into her bag. “You’re a good writer, Natsuki,” Monika remarks.

“Maybe,” Natsuki mutters bitterly, still furious with Monika.

“Yeah. That was a really good poem,” Monika adds.

“You write poems, Natsuki?” Sayori inquires eagerly.

“Well, yeah maybe….” Natsuki mumbles.

“That’s awesome!” Sayori cries. Natsuki doesn’t respond to Sayori’s boisterous appraisal.

“I think that’s really cool, Natsuki,” Yuri says, making Natsuki blush. “Poetry isn’t easy to do,” Yuri continues, “Even if you’re not very good at it, it’s still amazing for anyone to try it. I myself tend to struggle a bit with poetry, and having someone else read it is quite frightening. Having someone read your writing is like exposing your deepest thoughts and weaknesses. But even so, writing is a sacred art and anyone who does it should be proud, even if they aren’t ready to share their writing.” The room is silent as we all digest Yuri’s words.

“Wow, Yuri,” Monika finally says. “So you’re a writer too, then?”

“Yes,” Yuri responds.

“Oh! Can I read some of your writing?” Sayori asks hopefully.

“U-Uh….” Yuri turns away, blushing. Again, I see her begin to fidget with her hair: It must be a nervous habit of hers.

“I guess neither Natsuki or Yuri like sharing their writing,” I say.

“Awww….” The joy slowly sinks from Sayori’s face. “I wanted to read everyone’s writing.”

“Hmm….” Monika ponders for a minute. “I have an idea, everyone.” We all turn to her with apprehensive looks. “Why don’t we all write a poem tonight to share tomorrow?” Natsuki and Yuri instantly shudder.

“I-I don’t know,” Yuri says hesitantly.

“Yeah, I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea,” Natsuki agrees, folding her arms stubbornly.

“That sounds like a great idea!” Sayori exclaims, throwing her arms in the air for emphasis. “I think it’s a great way to get to know each other’s writing styles.”

“I suppose so, but….” Yuri trails off. “Perhaps Loki should decide? S-Since he’s our newest member and all….?” Everyone turns to me expectantly. Why are you putting this all on me? I’m not even an actual member!

“Um….Well, I should probably tell you that I never consented to joining this club. Sayori just brought me by because she said she needed to bring someone new and…..” I taper off as everyone’s eyes fall in defeat.

“Oh, I see, I was unaware,” Monika says sadly.

“I-I’m sorry, I thought….” Yuri stammers.

“Hmph.” Natsuki folds her arms sassily.

“L-Loki….” Sayori’s pleading eyes return to her, tugging at my heartstrings.

My mouth hangs open slightly as I look from each girl with a perplexed expression. Are you serious?! You’re really doing this to me?! Ugh….! I have no idea what to do against these women. Why can’t I think straight?! 

I sigh. “Fine….I guess I’ll join the Literature Club.” One by one, all of the girl’s eyes light up.

“That’s great!” Monika exclaims.

“I’m glad,” Yuri says, smiling in relief.

“Good. I was so going to smack you if you just came for the cupcakes,” Natsuki remarks in an aggressive tone, but I can tell she’s glad I joined.

“Yay!” Sayori wraps me in a tight embrace by surprise. 

“Do you think we should do poems?” Yuri asks again as Sayori gradually releases me.

“Listen,” I begin, “I don’t want to make any decisions, okay? I think that since Monika is the club leader, she probably has better judgement on what is best for the club.”

“O-Oh, I suppose you’re right….” Yuri looks down at her hands in embarrassment. “In that case, we should follow Monika’s lead.” Natsuki and Sayori nod in turn.

“Great! Then, be sure to write a poem tonight to bring to the next meeting, so we can all share!” Monika announces happily.

“Sounds good!” Sayori smiles widely.

“Yes. That sounds like a….good idea,” Yuri adds.

“I guess it’s okay,” Natsuki says reluctantly.

“Excellent! And with that I think we can conclude today’s meeting,” Monika says. “I look forward to reading everyone’s poems tomorrow, so don’t forget!” The room nods hesitantly, all except Sayori who is nodding excitedly, of course. 

As we pack up to leave, Sayori approaches me. “Hey, Loki, since we’re already here, do you want to walk home together?” 

“Sure, might as well.” 

Thankfully, Sayori isn’t very talkative as we walk home. During the whole way home, I can’t help but think back on the women in the Literature Club. My mind switches between each girl: Sayori, Natsuki, Yuri, and Monika. All very different women, with the same ambition. It must have taken Monika a long time to find just these three girls. I sure hope I’m not making a huge mistake by joining this club, but I guess it can’t hurt. After all, this is the last year of my exile and my last year of college. Suddenly, I’m torn from my thoughts by Sayori. 

“I’m really happy you joined the club, by the way,” she says. “I look forward to seeing you get to know everyone else.” Sayori smiles happily.

“Yeah. Me too,” I say, not knowing what else to say. “See you.”

“Bye!” Sayori opens the door to her house and disappears inside. Yeah, I’m making a huge mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

So….a poem. How do you write a poem? I guess the real question is what to write about. 

I stare down at the blank piece of paper before me, waiting for a single good idea to strike me, but there’s nothing. Not even half of an idea. I sigh as I plop my pen on my desk and lean back in my chair. My mind begins to wander. Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki….Wait, why am I thinking about them? 

Trying to distract myself from the women in the Literature Club, I shift back to my desk and retrieve my pen once more. But, once again, I quickly drop the pen without having written a word.

“Ugh! This is hopeless!” I yell at the ceiling. 

Again, my mind ventures back to the Literature Club. I wonder if the others are having as much trouble as I am? Sayori probably is. I bet she hasn’t even started. I smile to myself. It really has been a long time since I’ve seen Sayori. I wonder what she’s been up to all this time? It has been like two years. Wait! Why am I thinking about Sayori right now? What’s wrong with me? I run my hands through my long, black hair.

I sigh and pick up my pen to finally start writing. Then, I realize something. If I can’t write a poem I like, then maybe I can write a poem someone from the club will like. That will at least get me on their good sides. But for who? I stare at the wall, thinking. Yuri? Natsuki? Sayori? Maybe Monika? Well, not Monika, since I don’t know what she’d like.  
So my options are Yuri, Natsuki, and Sayori. I guess whoever I don’t pick tonight I can do later, so it’s not too big of a deal who I start with, right? 

Well, let’s think. Yuri likes dark and deep stories. Natsuki likes cute things. And Sayori likes anything happy and pretty, most likely. Alright, I think I’ll write a poem for Natsuki. With new resolve, I grab my pen and begin writing.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hi, again, Loki!” Monika greets me as I walk into the classroom. “I was worried you were going to run off on us.”

“Me too.”

I’m back at the Literature Club, surprisingly. I’m the last one to come in, so everyone else is already hanging out.

“I’m glad to see you again,” Yuri says with a smile. “Diving head first into literature when you’re not accustomed to it can be very intimidating.”

“Oh, come on! Like he deserves any slack!” Natsuki retorts. “‘Diving head first into literature can be difficult if you’re not duh dud duh,’” she says in mock tone.

“Yes, you’re right, but still,” Yuri responds maturely.

“Don’t worry guys! Loki’s great at literature, he’s just modest about it,” Sayori says gleefully. “And he’ll always give it his best if he’s having fun!” Not exactly true, but I’ll go with it. “He even helps me with busy work from time to time. Like cooking, cleaning, and homework.”

“How dependable,” Yuri says with admiration.

“Sayori, that’s because your room is so messy it’s nightmare-inducing,” I say. “And I’ve only done those things a couple of times.”

“Ehehehe….” Sayori taps her index fingers together: a nervous habit I’ve seen her do consistently. “Well, when we first met you showed me how to cook. You even cleaned my house up a bit.”

“Yeah, because I had to be at your house for a project and I was not keen on being somewhere so cluttered. And your attempts of cooking were quite unpleasant. I just had to step in.”

“I suppose that’s right,” Sayori says with a guilty expression.

“You two must be really good friends,” Yuri says happily. I turn to her with mild surprise: I forgot she was still here. “I’m almost a little jealous.”

“Oh, I don’t know about really good friends,” I say, smirking.

“Hey!” Sayori pushes me gently.

I laugh at Sayori’s insulted expression. “I guess we’re okay friends.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you and Loki will become good friends too!” Sayori exclaims to Yuri.

“U-Um….” Yuri, now embarrassed, begins to fiddle with the ends of her hair.

“Sayori,” I whisper to her.

“Hmm?” As usual, Sayori is completely oblivious to the awkward position she just put me into. I motion with my head to Yuri, trying to hint that she’s put me into a tight corner.

“Oh!” Sayori’s eyes light up with comprehension. “Yuri even brought you something, Loki!” Oh, Sayori….You really are an idiot, aren’t you?

“W-Wait! Sayori….!” Yuri brings her hands to her chest in surprise. “N-Not now!”

“Um….” I think of what I should say for a moment. “You….did?”

“I-It’s really nothing….” Yuri fumbles with one of her long strands of hair close to her chest.

“What is it?”

“F-Forget it!” Yuri looks away from me quickly. “Sayori made it sound like a big deal when it’s really not….”

“Oh? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean….” Sayori trails off sadly. Well, if Sayori isn’t going to save this situation, I will.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I wasn’t expecting anything in the first place, so any nice gesture is a pleasant surprise. And I won’t make it a big deal if you don’t want it to be.”

“I-Is that so….?” Yuri’s gaze shifts to the wall behind me. Almost there…. Yuri’s gaze finally meet mine. “Okay then….Well, here.” Yuri reaches into her bag and pulls out a book. “I happened to stop by the book store yesterday and I picked out a book that I thought you might enjoy. It’s a short read, so it should keep your attention. And we could,” Yuri trails off. I see her fingers wrap around strands of her hair. Here we go again. “discuss it....if you wanted….”

“Thank you, Yuri. I’ll definitely read this,” I say, trying to sound like Sayori. I enthusiastically take the book. 

“Well, you can read it at your own pace. I look forward to seeing what you think.” Yuri exhales softly.

Now that everyone’s settled in, I expect Monika to start off the meeting with some planned activities, but she’s already in a deep conversation with Sayori. I look further and see Yuri buried in a book. I notice that she wears an intense gaze as she reads, like she’s completely encaptured inside her book. Meanwhile, Natsuki is rummaging in the closet at the back of the room.

Not knowing what to do, I take a seat at an empty desk. I wait for an idea of something to do while I stare at the cover of the book Yuri gave me. The cover is titled “Reflection of Mine.” Realizing that this is something I can do, I open the book to the first page. I try to copy Yuri’s intense stare to see if it enhances the reading experience, but it really just distracts me. I’m only five pages in when I get sidetracked. Monika and Sayori are seated close to me and I can hear everything they’re saying. I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but I just can’t help it.

“How are we going to get people to check out our club?” Sayori’s concerned voice says.

“I’m not entirely sure of that part yet, but I think if we make it stand out, people will at least be curious enough to see what it’s all about,” Monika says in a distressed tone.

“I guess that’s probably all we can do. Maybe Natsuki can make cupcakes again.”

“That’s a good idea. I could also make pamphlets describing the kinds of things we do. Oh! And we could even add our poems to them.”

“Yeah! That sounds like a good idea!” 

“I think that we’ll be able to get a lot of new members for sure. Oh, I’m so excited for the festival! It’s going to be awesome!”

“Yeah!”

“Okay, I think we should figure out when we should----” Monika gets cut off by a loud crash from the back of the room. One by one, everybody turns their gaze to the source of the noise.

“Ugh! Monika! I told you not to mess with my stuff,” Natsuki shouts as she kneels down to pick up a pile of books that fell from the shelf.

“O-Oh. Sorry. The teacher wanted me to clean up. I didn’t mean to put your manga on the top shelf,” Monika says guiltily.

“Argh!” Natsuki angrily picks up books and starts to put them back in a box. The room returns to how it normally was in a matter of seconds; Yuri reading her book and Monika and Sayori talking about the festival. Seeing that nobody is getting up to help Natsuki, I decide to do it myself since I’m not really focused on reading anyway. I walk over to the closet and kneel down to pick up a book. Natsuki’s gaze flicks up to me in surprise, but it quickly returns to it’s angry state. 

Since Natsuki doesn’t object, I conclude that it’s okay for me to help. I reach to pick up a book and follow Natsuki by placing it in the box. Soon, all of the books are back where they need to be. Natsuki lifts the box up with great struggle, but when I reach out to help her, she glares at me, so I just let her do it herself. She heaves the box onto one of the lower shelves and slides it in place. She steps back and sighs as she puts her hands on her hips.

“Freaking Monika,” she says under her breath. I glance around the shelf, trying to find what she tried to get off the shelf. I then find a box on the highest shelf with “Natsuki” written on it.

“Is that what you’re looking for?” I ask, pointing up at the box. Natsuki grits her teeth bitterly.

“It does have my name on it, doesn’t it?” she says hoarsely.

“Do you want me to get it for you?”

She glares at me. “No! I can do it myself!”

“But wouldn’t it be more reasonable for me to just do it? I mean, I can easily reach it.”

“I don’t want your help, okay?” 

I sigh, but don’t press the matter. I watch as Natsuki looks at the box and back down. In the closet there is a spare office chair. She slides it and centers it in the right position. I notice that the chair has wheels, making it unstable. I contemplate on interjecting or even suggesting that she use one of the chairs at a desk, but Natsuki’s already leaped onto the chair. I open my mouth, but close it; I know that Natsuki will only get more sour the more I object. 

I walk around Natsuki and stand to her side. She grins slightly, her pink eyes glowing as her face turns pink too. She exhales, slowly rising to reach the box of manga. My heart beats a little faster as she pulls the box off the shelf. The chair swivels dangerously from the pull. Natsuki gasps and I instinctively fall forward, extending my hands to hold the chair firmly. Natsuki catches herself, one hand holding onto a shelf and the other balancing the box. She turns her head slightly and stares down at me. I kneel on one knee from the sudden movement. Afraid that moving to get up might shake the chair, making Natsuki lose her balance, I stay kneeling. I stare up at her wide eyes and mouth, her face almost matching the color of her hair and eyes. 

She slowly places her other hand back underneath the box. I stare up at her anxiously. She steadily slides down to place the box on a lower shelf. I don’t notice at first, not until she leans down farther, but I can see up her skirt. 

I might be blushing, it’s hard to tell. I hastily look away. My eyes wander down and around; anywhere but up. Natsuki hasn’t seemed to notice it yet, thankfully. I don’t know what would happen if she realized what kind of situation I’m in right now.

The chair sways back and forth. I must have loosened my grip. I grab onto it again.

“Hey, Loki,” Natsuki says, her voice wavering, “I don’t think I can bend down anymore without falling, can you take it from me?”

“Um, sure. I have to let go of the chair, though,” I say calmly.

“Whatever, just hurry and take this!” 

“Alright! Just let me stand up first----” I grimace as the words fall out. I let go of the chair and steadily get up. I hope that Natsuki won’t understand the meaning behind those words, but she does, of course. 

“Wait, ‘stand up’?” Natsuki looks down at me slowly. I watch as comprehension fills her clueless pink eyes. “Why are you back there….? Were you….? What….?”

“Natsuki, the box,” I say, trying to move past the situation. I reach my hands out to her, but the box stays firmly in her hands. As she realizes what’s happened, she goes into full panic.

“What were you doing back there?! You were…..were trying to look up my skirt!” 

The chair sways slightly.

“No! I wasn’t! I swear I wasn’t! Natsuki! Don’t move! You’re going to fall! Pass me the box!”

“You pervert! You set me up, you nasty liar! Argh! Get away from me! I’ll do this myself!”

“Natsuki----!”

Suddenly, the chair swivels on the ground, unbalancing Natsuki. I have a split second to act. Natsuki screams as the chair jerks her off. The box of manga flies from her hands, soaring in the air. I hold my arms out, hoping to catch Natsuki’s body, but it’s all such a blur, I can’t tell for sure if I’m in the right place. A strong force smashes into me. I close my eyes from the impact as I’m pushed to the floor. I can hear the books falling to the floor around me, but I keep my eyes closed, my arms wrapped around what I hope is Natsuki, safe in my arms. Natsuki’s screams die down and the scene slowly returns to normal. I can hear Natsuki’s heart beating against my chest, her frantic breathing, and her shivering. 

I open my eyes and see Natsuki clutching onto me, quivering. She looks so cute, but also, she looks so frightened. My back throbs from the impact, but all I can think about is Natsuki.

“Natsuki,” I say softly, “are you okay?” 

Natsuki slowly moves her head up to face me. She opens one eye and peers at me. She’s still sprawled out on my chest, but she moves her hands to the ground on either side of me to prop herself up. She groans slightly, but quickly shrieks as she realizes that the floor isn’t what’s beneath her. 

She leaps back, messily clambering to her feet, in the process, hitting me in the ribs with her knee.

“What the heck?!” she yells. “What was that all about?”

“I caught you because you were falling!” I cry furiously. “Would you have preferred me to let you hit the floor?”

“Is everything okay over here?” Monika asks as she approaches us.

“Ugh! This is what happens when you put my stuff in the wrong place, Monika!” Natsuki says fiercely. “You know, someone might think that you’re trying to kill your club members, Monika!”

“I know, I know, my bad,” Monika says with a sweet smile. 

“Oh, also, it looks like your newest member here is a total pervert!” Natsuki snaps.

“Oh please,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I am not a pervert, and you know that!”

“How do I?” Natsuki counters, glaring at me.

“This is really immature of you,” I say angrily.  
“You’re the one who’s immature, perv!”

I glare at Natsuki before looking to Monika. “Look, I didn’t do anything inappropriate, okay? I was merely thrown into an unlikely situation: Natsuki was on the chair, above me, and I was holding onto it, from beneath her. It’s all a lot to explain, and if you were there, you would understand. I didn’t see anything, but Natsuki doesn’t believe that, apparently.”

“I believe you,” Monika says, still smiling nervously. “Well, I think that this will work itself out, don’t you think?” She looks from both of us.

“Ugh, fine! I guess you probably wouldn’t do anything inappropriate,” Natsuki says, folding her arms and staring grudgingly out the window.

“Thank you,” I say with relief. Without another word, I kneel down to retrieve the fallen books. Natsuki soon joins me. We silently place the books back in the box, me being extra careful. My eyes linger on one book in particular. The cover features five girls in school uniforms all striking feminine poses. The title reads “Sugar and Spice.” I flip the book to the back to read the synopsis, but Natsuki quickly snatches the book out of my hands and places it in the box. 

I watch as Natsuki heaves the box of manga off the ground and shuffles closer to the closet. Knowing that if I offer to help, she’s only going to growl at me, I stay put. With great struggle, Natsuki places the box of manga on one of the lower shelves.

She steps back and sighs. She places her hands on her hips and I can see her smile happily.

“Do you read manga, Loki?” Natsuki asks, a little more joy in her voice; she seems to be in a good mood now.

“Manga? Not really.”

“Hmph. Well, that can change.” Natsuki reaches into the box of manga and retrieves a book. “Here!” Natsuki shoves the book into my hands. It’s the same book I was looking at before. “Since you were so interested in it before, I’ll let you borrow the first volume.”

“O-Oh….” I stare down at the manga awkwardly. “Thanks, but I don’t----”

“Oh shut up and take it already,” Natsuki interrupts.

“Okay, okay.” I flip through the pages of the manga, not really taking in any of the pictures or the content, just trying to busy myself with something. Suddenly, Natsuki snatches the book out of my hands again.

“Don’t just stand there!” Natsuki sits down against the wall below the windowsill. “Come on!” Natsuki impatiently pats the ground to her left, signalling for me to sit. “We can read a few chapters together.”

“Um….Okay.” I plop down next to her. “Are you sure this isn’t uncomfortable for you? Wouldn’t it be better to use chairs?”

“No, no. I prefer the ground. Now stop stalling!” Natsuki extends the book to me. I take it and open it to the first page. Natsuki grabs the right end of the book and I grab the left side so we can both read. But in doing this, we’re huddled very close together. My shoulder is rubbing up against Natsuki’s left shoulder. I slowly maneuver my legs to avoid them from brushing up against her legs. Natsuki shifts her legs to her right and bends them, so she puts most of her weight against me to stay upright. I try to just read, but I can’t help but get distracted. I risk a look at Natsuki. She’s intently reading. At least she’s enjoying herself. But, then, I notice Natsuki tug on her skirt, trying to make it cover more skin.

“Are you absolutely sure you’re comfortable, Natsuki?” 

“Eh?” Natsuki’s mouth is open as she perks her head up. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why would you think I wasn’t?” Natsuki’s gaze intensifies.

“No reason.” I return back to reading. This time I try extremely hard to stay focused, but out of the corner of my eye I see Natsuki staring at me. “Is this boring for you?” 

“Eh?” Natsuki’s head is tilted as she stares confusedly up at me. 

Gosh, she’s adorable.

“Re-reading the book,” I clarify.

“Oh. No. It’s actually really interesting going back and reading the first book.” Natsuki’s baffled expression quickly turns into a shy smile. “I wonder how long it’s been since I’ve read it.”

“You don’t go back and flip through the older volumes?”

“Uh….” Natsuki’s eyes look to her right as she becomes flustered. “N-Not really. I mean, I might when I’ve finished the series. But lately I’ve been busy with other series.”

“Oh, I see.” We continue reading. At this point, we’ve finished a couple of chapters. So far nothing’s really happened. We’ve been introduced to two teenage girls wanting to start a baking club of sorts. Mostly, they’re looking for members to join. I can tell where the story is going easily. The two girls will find one person at a time to join, learning unique traits about each. I’ve noticed that it’s a common theme with manga and anime, I think it’s called.

Now they have four members total, which is enough to form a full club. But, another girl tags alone too, creating what one of the characters calls a “mega club.” This character reminds me of Sayori. I guess it’s the way she speaks without thinking and always seems overly cheerful. I then think about all of the traits Sayori possesses, the ones I like and don’t like and the ones that make Sayori….Sayori. Another character reminds me of Natsuki, because of her aggressive and cute personality. 

Before my mind travels any further, I realize I’m supposed to be reading. I snap out of my thoughts and stare at the page before me. It features a chaotic fight brewing between the full-of-it character and the Sayori-like character. I don’t remember how this started, I must’ve missed something. I read further to see if it clarifies, but of course, it doesn’t.

“Hey, Natsuki?”

“Yeah?”

“Um….What is this book about?”

“You don’t know what it’s about?! But we’re like five chapters in!”

“I know, I know. Everything’s just happening so fast that I keep missing things.”

“You haven’t been paying attention?!”

“It’s not that, I promise!” This is so obviously a lie. I just hope she buys it.

“Hmph! I guess I did forget to tell you before we started….” Natsuki sighs. “It’s about a group of five girls in a baking club. It consists of lots of drama and romance as the girls strive to figure out their confused love lifes as well as friendships. It’s an amazing read that keeps you interested the whole way.”

“Aw, so a slice of life story, then?” I smile proudly at the knowledgeable terms I’ve learned since living on Midgard. It really surprises me sometimes how little I know of this realm, so I’ve always noted new terms and whatnot.

“Yeah,” Natsuki replies.

“Okay. Sounds....” I fumble for an appropriate word. I want to say ‘girly,’ but somehow that seems like a bad idea. “Interesting,” I finish.

“If you’re going to judge, you can do it through the window!” Natsuki growls.

“I’m not judging.”

“It was the tone of your voice.”

“I didn’t mean to sound like I was judging. You obviously really enjoy this, so it must be a good book. Especially if you’re willing to share it with me.” I hope I don’t sound too desperate to preventing Natsuki from erupting on me.

Natsuki opens her mouth to retort but shuts it quickly. “Nice save.” I want to say, “I know.” But that will definitely get me smacked, so I just remain silent. Neither of us look at each other as we sit in silence. Finally, I break the stillness.

“So, do you share your manga with your friends? Or am I the first?”

Natsuki turns and glares at me. Shoot. I said the wrong thing. “Could you not rub it in? Jeez….”

“Oh, Sorry. I wasn’t aware that was a sensitive subject for you. Forgive me.”

Natsuki looks forward. “Hmph.” Another pause. Then finally, “Like I could get my friends to read this. They’d just laugh at me and say, ‘You still read that stuff? I would’ve thought that you would have grown out of it by now.’ It makes me want to punch them in the face....”

“Oh….” 

Natsuki continues, “I mean, I feel like I can’t even keep my manga in my own room. I don’t even know what my boyfriend would do if he found them. At least they’re safe here in the clubroom. Except Monika’s kind of a jerk about it. Ugh! I can't ever win, can I?!”

Suddenly, an overwhelming surge of hatred goes through me. “You should.”

“Eh?” Natsuki looks at me with a puzzled expression.

“You should punch them. They have no right to judge you, especially not your father. Honestly, it takes so much effort to find friends who don’t judge, much more for friends who are also into the stuff you like. It’s the same everywhere, not just here. Even Asgard is the same way. It’s made out to be a golden paradise when it’s really just the same as everywhere else. It just covers up all of its impurity with pounds and pounds of shimmering gold, as if that makes it superior to every other realm.” I gasp at my words. I hurriedly glance at Natsuki. I messed up. I mentioned Asgard. Oh no, oh no, oh no…. Natsuki stares back at me with bewildered eyes.

“L-Loki….” Natsuki’s face turns into a meaningful expression. “I’m not entirely sure what you were talking about, but….” Natsuki then smiles cutely. “I’ll definitely be sure to hit them really hard next time!”

“O-Oh. I’m glad,” I say in relief.

“Well, except for my boyfriend. He’s the one who----” Natsuki is cut off by Monika’s booming voice.

“Okay, everyone!” Monika calls out from the front of the room.

“Eh?” Natsuki stops mid-sentence and turns to where Monika is.

“Are you all ready to share today’s poems?” Silence meets Monika’s words. “Alright! I’ll take that as a yes!” 

I make a mental note of where we left off and hand the book to Natsuki.

“No. You keep it.” Natsuki looks at the ground with somber eyes.

“Huh?”

“Well, not keep it, just borrow it. Otherwise, we’ll never finish it. Just finish that one before tomorrow, so we can start the next one.” Natsuki’s eyes flick up to me. “And if it gets bent, I’ll kill you.”

“O-Okay. Thanks.” I stand up and slowly walk back to where I put my stuff. What was she going to say before Monika interrupted her? It sounded like her father was….was….. I shake my head. No, That can’t be it. It’s probably nothing serious. Feeling reassured, I slip the book carefully into my bag, forgetting about the conversation with Natsuki.  
\---------

“By the way, did you remember to write a poem, Loki?” Monika asks, randomly appearing in front of me. I jump and exhale sharply. “Sorry, did I scare you? I tend to do that a lot.” Monika laughs softly.

“Not at all.” I straighten my tie. “And to answer your question, I did in fact write a poem and it’s absolutely astonishing.” 

“Oh ho ho! I’m glad to see that you’re confident! I look forward to reading it!” Monika smiles brightly. “Well, now that everyone’s ready, why don’t you find someone to share with?” I look around the room and see that everyone is busy retrieving their poems. I follow reluctantly. 

What have I got myself into? Mine is absolutely awful! Why did I tell Monika it was so good? I groan as I locate my poem from a folder and slide it out. What am I saying? It’s not completely awful. I mean, it at least has to be better than Sayori’s, right? Right. 

I stride over to Sayori’s desk. She sees me coming and smiles happily.

“Hi, Loki!” Sayori exclaims as I sit down in a desk next to her’s. “Do you want to share poems?”

“That’s why I’m here.”

“Ehehe! You go first!” 

I hand my poem to Sayori, happy that I’m not shaking. I really can convince myself of anything, can’t I? She reads it silently, glancing up at me every once in a while. Finally, Sayori sets the poem down and fully looks at me.

“This is a really good poem, Loki! Are you sure it’s your first time?”

“Of course. Do I look like the type of person that would write poems on their free time?”

“Ehehehe! Actually, yes! But either way, it impressed me! And actually….” Sayori’s expression turns into a guilty smile. “I was afraid you wouldn’t do it seriously. Or, not at all. I’m really happy that you just wrote one.”

“You don’t trust me?” I fake an expression of hurt.

“Ehehehe….Not all the time…..”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t trust me either.”

“It really just reminds me that you’re really a part of the club! Ehehe!”

“Not the fact that I’m right here? In the clubroom?”

“Well, that too. Ehehe….! It’s just….Well….”

“I know what you mean. I’m just messing with you.” I smile at her deviously. “I guess I may not be too into literature yet, but that doesn’t mean I’ll just ditch you guys.”

“Ehehe! See? It’s like I said before, Loki.”

“And what did you say before?”

“Deep down, you’re not selfish at all. You’re actually a really caring and loving person.”

“No, I’m not. What makes you say that? I’m nowhere near loving. I even....” My mind flickers to the battle of New York, making me grimace.

“Eh?! I didn’t mean it to be offensive! I’m just saying that trying new things for other people….that’s something that only really good people do, you know?”

“I-I see. If you insist.” I’m not sure if Sayori fully understands how I feel about all this and why I joined the Literature Club in the first place. Then again, I can’t deny that she’s part of the reason I joined. Knowing how much this means to her and the amount of effort she puts forth for it. But, I won’t tell her any of this. Ever. 

“Yeah! And I’m going to make sure you have tons of fun here, okay?” Sayori smiles broadly. “That will be my way of thanking you.”

“Alright, then I’m going to hold you to that.”

“Ehehe! Okay! Now, you’ll read my poem too, right?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” 

Sayori hands me her poem, which is written on a crumpled scrap of paper. I begin reading, despite the messy handwriting. 

Forgotten Promise  
Eggs and bacon,  
Pancakes and waffles,  
Cereal and oatmeal.  
These are the things I have forgot.  
The things that I miss and yearn for.  
The promise I will never forget again.  
For, now, I am hungry.

“Hey, Sayori?” 

“Y-Yeah?”

“This is just a guess, but…..did you wait until this morning to write this?”

“Eh?!” Sayori’s face lights up in surprise. “N-No!”

“I knew it.” I smile mischievously.

“H-Hey! Don’t be mean! I still tried my best….”

I laugh. “I’m not trying to be mean. I actually thought your poem came out nice. Or, how should I put it….? It sounds just like you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. The whole poem just screamed Sayori. Especially the part at the beginning, the middle, and the end.”

“Ehehehe!”

“Did you really forget breakfast this morning?”

“Of course not! Breakfast is the most important meal in all the meals! Besides, I get all cranky when I don’t have it. I just wrote about what it would be like if somebody did forget breakfast.” Sayori grimaces uncomfortably. “Just the thought of it just makes me shiver.”

“I suppose so.” As soon as I finish my sentence, Monika calls out for everyone to switch. “Anyway, thanks for showing me.”

“Ehehe! This was so much fun! I can’t wait to do it again!”

“Yeah, me too,” I say sarcastically.

I get out of my chair and glance around the room. Natsuki is walking away from Monika, so they must’ve shared. But that means…. My eyes fall on Yuri. Yuri didn’t get to share with anyone.

As I walk to Yuri’s desk, I see her eyes flicker to me, but she pretends not to notice me.

“Hey, Yuri.”

“H-Hello.”

“Do you want to share poems?”

“O-Oh, sure.…”

“Here, you can read mine first.” I extend my poem to her and she gently takes it out of my hand. Yuri stares down at it intensely without saying a word. A minute passes, more than enough time for her to finish reading.

“Um….” I break the silence.

“O-Oh!” Yuri finally realizes that she’s been taking a while. “S-Sorry….! I forgot to start speaking, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, though. Don’t force yourself.”

Yuri inhales and exhales slowly. “I just need to put my thoughts into words. Hold on….” Yuri breathes for a second. “....Okay.” Yuri returns her gaze to me with renewed strength. “This is your first time writing a poem, right?”

I chuckle gently. “Does it show?”

“I-It’s not that! I’m just making sure. I guessed that it might be after reading through it.”

“Aw, so it’s that bad.”

“N-No!! Did I just raise my voice? I’m sorry….” Yuri turns her reddened gaze away as her fingers weave in and out of her hair.

I sigh; I’ve had my bit of fun. “It’s fine. It honestly doesn’t bother me. What were you saying?”

“R-Right….Um….It’s just that there are specific writing habits that are usually common for new writers. And having been through the beginning stages of writing myself, I’ve learned to pick up on them. I think the most noticeable thing I recognize in new writers is that they try to make their style very deliberate. In other words, they tend to pick a writing style separate from the topic at hand, and they combine the two together. In the end, both the style and the expressiveness are weakened.” 

My eyes are transfixed on Yuri. Once she finds her train of thought, it’s as if her demeanor totally changes. Her stammering is completely gone, and she sounds like a genius. 

“....Of course that’s not something you can be blamed for,” she continues. “There are so many different skills and techniques that go into writing, even one simple poem. It might take you some time, but it all comes with practice, learning by example, and trying new things. It also helps when others give you valuable feedback.” She pauses briefly before saying a bit hastily, “Natsuki can be a little biased sometimes, though….”

“Biased? How?” I snap out of my daze.

“U-Um....Well….N-Never mind. It’s nothing. I shouldn’t be talking about people like that, anyway. Sorry….”

“It’s fine.” There’s an awkward pause between us. “Do you mind if I read your poem now?”

“Not at all. I’d love to share my thought process behind it.” Yuri smiles dreamily, as if this is a rare opportunity for her. She hands me her poem eagerly.

The Creeping Shadow

On sunny days, she grazes in the meadow.  
On cloudy days, she sneaks inside the rabbit’s burrow.  
On rainy days, she is forced to hide beneath the roof.  
On stormy days, there is nothing to do but fall where it is waterproof.  
But Gracie won’t listen to the soft whispering of the older,  
She wishes to go outside into the alder.

Laughing and smiling, Gracie ventures into the depth of the woods.  
She continues further and further, farther than she should.  
Farther and farther, later and later, Gracie sings happily.  
The swaying trees swing around her absently.  
Ignorant Little Gracie does not yet notice the creeping shadow.  
Little Gracie finds herself in the depth of a white glow.  
Endless white fog stretches for miles.  
The storm rages on without a smile.  
Little Gracie’s eyes are a waterfall as she becomes a lost soul.  
But the tall shadow is also a lost soul,  
And he has a goal.

Slowly and silently, the shadow strides to the crying girl.  
Little Gracie still cries out to the fog, still as white as a pearl.  
Slithering, long fingers wrap around Gracie’s neck and stroke threateningly.  
The talons slice, revealing a sight so very unsettling.

Little Gracie fell on that stormy night.  
She was nothing but a gruesome sight.  
Gracie’s story is told through the village.  
A story detailing a frightening image.  
The image of a tall black figure,  
With looks so disfigured,  
A sight so bitter.  
A merciless killer.  
Nothing like a calming meadow.  
But instead, a creeping shadow.

“I-It’s awful, isn’t it?” Yuri says.

“What? No, it’s really good,” I say

“I-Is that so….?” 

“Yeah. I thought it was dark, which, in my opinion, suites you.”

“But Loki, being dark isn’t exactly a compliment….”

“O-Oh. I meant that it had a creepy feeling. Especially the ending. That was pretty dark. And by ‘it suits you’ I meant that you’re really good at writing horror. Not many people can capture the true and unsettling feeling of horror. But you can.”

“Oh....I’m…..glad you like it. To be honest, I wanted to write something a little more mild since this is the first time sharing.”

“Aw, I see.” That was mild? What is not mild like, then? Holding back a smirk, I say, “So to not show off too much.” I smile slightly at her, expecting her to smile back, but instead, she blushes and turns away from me.

“Showing off isn’t something I can do when I’m not really good. Yours is much better…..” Yuri’s lying through her teeth and she knows it. Of course hers is better! It’s beautifully structured and meaningfully written. Which, is much more than you can say about my poem since I didn’t write it from my heart. Or, not for the right reasons, I should say. It came from some part of my heart, maybe just not the part Yuri writes from. 

“I didn’t mean it in a mean way. I was just….” I want to say that she was just coming up with an excuse for not writing the ‘best’ poem she could, but that’ll probably just make her even more awkward. “I just think that you should give yourself more credit. The poem you wrote today was completely fine. In fact, it was amazing. I would say not to worry about the club being able to fully comprehend your poems, you write whatever way gets your feelings and thoughts through. Even if the reader doesn’t understand the point of it, at least you understand it, you know?”

Yuri stares at me with pleased eyes, giving me the feeling that I said the right thing. “I understand what you’re trying to say and you’re completely right,” Yuri says kindly. “I do tend to be very modest about my writing, I just can’t help it. Thank you for accepting my writing and feelings, Loki. No one’s ever been able to see eye to eye with my thoughts.” 

“Don’t mention it.” I half smile at Yuri who timidly smiles back. 

“Switch!” Monika’s voice calls out to the room.

“Well, it was nice sharing with you,” I say as I get up.

“You too. I look forward to seeing your writing skills develop,” Yuri responds, getting up too. I nod to her and walk a few paces before stopping. I quickly glance around the room and see Natsuki leaning against the wall, acting all moody with her aggressive pose. I smirk as I approach her. Her eyes dart to me and I can see an expression of alarm, but she hides it and pretends she hasn’t noticed me yet. Finally, I’m standing right in front of her and she can’t ignore me anymore.

“You first, dummy,” Natsuki says with a stern stare. I look into her pink eyes and can see a look of absolute fear. My smirk lengthens. “What?! Ugh! Just give me the poem!” I hand her my poem and seat myself on top of a desk. I face Natsuki, taking in her intense look as she reads it and her unmistakably cute features. Finally, Natsuki hands the poem back to me. She clears her throat, and with a cute and feisty smile she says, “Okay, let’s start with the things I don’t like!” Typical Natsuki….

“Yes, let’s start there, shall we?” I say in a mock tone similar to hers. I stare at Natsuki and she stares back. Without saying a word, Natsuki snatches my poem back and re-reads it. 

“Nevermind,” Natsuki says as she tosses the poem aside. “I don’t feel like giving you my opinion.”

“What? But I’ve been dying to hear what you think of my poem.” In all honesty, that statement isn’t entirely false. After all, I did write this poem for Natsuki, so she better tell me if I pleased her or not! “Come on, Natsuki. Just tell me how great it is and we’ll be on our way. Or, how awful it is. Plus, I wrote this poem thinking about sharing it with you.” I know I’ve gone too far with that one sentence, but too late to go back now! “In addition, Monika said that she wants everyone to become more comfortable sharing. How are you going to get comfortable sharing your writing when you can’t give feedback for someone else’s writing?” I might’ve hit a nerve there because Natsuki’s eyes are now firey and her fists are clenched. But, yet, she still looks cute.

“Well, I would be more comfortable sharing my poem if yours was really bad!” My eyes widen in surprise. Natsuki turns her head away and I can tell she’s blushing. “You were supposed to write a super dumb poem so that I could show you what real literature looks like! But you just had to ruin it!”

“So….you liked it?” I smirk. “Thanks, Natsuki.”

“Ugh! You’re so….so….! You just….You....don’t…. You really are stupid, you know that!” I laugh gently. Natsuki must really hate me. I can’t tell if it’s a good thing that she liked my poem. Maybe I shouldn’t have made it so “good”.

“Anyway, you still have to show me your poem, right?”

“Ugh….fine…. But it’s only because Monika would kill me if I didn’t share.” Natsuki extends her poem to me and I take it out of her hand.

It’s Alright  
Kittens have claws.  
Puppies have paws.  
Elephants have trumpets.  
Tea cups have crumpets.  
Mortals are stupid.  
But everything is stupid.  
So I guess it’s alright.

“See? I told you you weren’t going to like it,” Natsuki says, averting her eyes from me. 

“First of all, you never said that. And second, I like it,” I shrug, nodding slowly.

“What?” Natsuki’s eyes shoot back to me, full of anger and surprise. “Don’t you dare lie to me!”

“I’m being serious for once. I thought it was nice. Why are you so convinced I wouldn’t like it?”

“Well….” Natsuki folds her arms as she searches for words. “I just thought that you would be like everyone else.”

“And what is everyone else like?”

“They’re ignorant jerks who think that writing has to be sophisticated in order for it to be good. So.…” Natsuki’s eyes show an expression of hurt and fury, which makes me feel….a little bad for her. “....people never take my writing seriously.”

“They have no right to do that, though. After all, isn’t writing about expressing yourself? Everyone has different ways they choose to express their feelings. If your style works best for you, just ignore all of those jerks and write that way. Plus, the style doesn’t lessen the meaning of the writing, so I don’t see how they can judge.”

“Exactly! I like when it’s easy to read, but it hits hard. You’re the only to ever understand that, Loki.” Natsuki goes quiet for a second before resuming. “I made a big deal about your poem because seeing others around you do great things can be…..disheartening. I guess that’s why I wrote that poem. To express how I feel about people and my whole life and everything.”

“I think I understand. People really are stupid. But, I guess we all are in one way or another, so you’re right.”

“But the nice thing about simple writing is that it puts more focus on the structure and words. Like how I set it up for a rhyme at the end, but made it fall flat on purpose. It helps establish the deeper meaning.”

“Indeed. There are a lot more things that went into that poem than what meets the eye.”

“That’s what it means to be a pro!” Natsuki’s snarky attitude is  
back and I can’t help but smile. “I’m glad you learned something.”

“Me too. I guess I didn’t expect to learn something from the youngest member.”

Natsuki’s hard stare returns as she says, “Hey! I’m the same age as everyone else, you know! I’m twenty!”

“O-Oh. I didn’t realize.” I’m still older than you, not just as a god, but as a human. Aren’t I, what? twenty-three?

“Just because I’m a lot smaller than everyone else doesn’t mean you can discredit me!”

“I won’t discredit you. Forgive me. Either way, thank you for sharing your poem with me. I look forward to doing it again.” Natsuki’s face turns a bright pink as she stares at the wall to her left. Deciding she’s not going to respond, I walk away.

Deciding who to share with next is easy this time since there’s only one person left, and that’s Monika.

Monika is still at the front of the room at the teacher’s desk. I slide a chair up to the desk and sit down across from Monika. She smiles widely at me.

“Hi, Loki! Having a good time so far?”

“Yeah. I guess it’s alright.” Those few words remind me of Natsuki’s poem, but I quickly push the thought out of my mind.

“Glad to hear it! My member’s happiness is my top priority in this club, so be sure to tell me if you have any suggestions or concerns, okay? I’m always here.”

“Of course. I’ll definitely come to you if I need anything.” Yeah, right. Like I’m going to ever bring things up. That’s Sayori’s job anyway. 

“Anyway….Want to share your poem with me?”

“Is it a choice?”

Monika giggles. “Not really. But if you really don’t want to share it with me I’ll let you get by without my prestigious feedback. Also, everyone's a little nervous about sharing poems, so just know you’re not alone.”

“Yeah, tell me about it….” I recall Yuri’s nervousness and Natsuki’s stubbornness.

Monika laughs brightly. “I’m sure we’ll all be able to get more and more comfortable as we progress. After all, it’s just a barrier we have to get past before we can fully bloom.”

“I suppose you’re right.” I hand Monika my poem and watch as she reads it.

“Mhm…..” Monika furrows her eyebrows. “Mhm!” Her eyes light up. Finally, she looks up at me. She rests her forearms on the desk and clasps her hands together. “I like it, Loki!”

“Thanks.”

“It’s a lot cuter than I expected.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, exactly?” At my resigned face, Monika laughs. 

“It’s not a bad thing! It actually reminds me of something Natsuki would write. And she’s a good writer, so it’s a compliment to be like her.” I laugh nervously.

“If you say so…..” I hope Monika can’t tell that I’m desperately trying to hide the fact that I did write the poem for Natsuki.

“Yep! Natsuki’s way of writing isn’t actually as easy as it may seem. Her poems might be easy to write, but it’s challenging to get the meaning through withIN such a short and simple poem. I think it’s an accomplishment that you’re willing to try that writing style.”

“Perhaps. But I plan on trying many styles.”

“That’s good too! Keeping an open mind always helps people  
find the style that best suites them. And not to mention that I love seeing you try new things! Everyone’s a little biased of their own writing at first, but I’ll always help others find what suits them best! So be sure not to let others force you to write the way they want you to. After all, it’s not like you have to worry about impressing them or anything.” Monika laughs. I can’t tell if she’s mocking me by mentioning impressing others, or if she’s just saying it without knowing. But either way, she gives me this strange feeling, like there’s more about her personality than she lets on.

“Anyway, would you like to read my poem now? Don’t worry, I’m not nearly as good as everyone else….”

“You sound pretty confident for someone who claims to not be very good.”

“Well, that’s because I have to sound confident since I’m the club leader. But, that doesn’t mean I always feel that way.” Monika grins at me, obviously entertained by my devious remarks.

“I see. Well, let me read it so I can see just how ‘bad’ it is.” Monika grins as she passes me her poem.

A Fragile Flower

I hold a fragile flower within my hand.  
A blooming, fluttering rose as red as blood.  
I must keep it from falling at all costs.  
I watch as it explodes into a large and flowery sight.  
It’s so overwhelming. I don’t want it to ever end.  
But in time, everything withers away.  
As soon as it starts, it will disappear.  
Now, all I hold are the broken pieces of my heart.  
Within me is a sudden emptiness. Without him, I am lost.  
But I keep moving forward, never giving up,  
Not until I find the perfect rose bud.

“So? What do you think?” Monika asks eagerly.

“It’s very well done. What was the inspiration behind it?”

“Aw….” Monika looks very hesitant to share this information with me, but she does nonetheless. “Well, I actually got out of a relationship recently. It was really hard to say goodbye to someone I had spent so much time with. I’ve been in lots of breaks up in the past and it always feels the same way. Despite all my efforts to stay close, the world just has a different plan. Writing about my feelings always makes me feel better. I guess it’s a way of healing. But, it’s kind of hard to talk about deep stuff like that sometimes. It just takes time I guess.” Monika laughs cheerfully. “Anyway….Here’s Monika’s Writing Tip of the Day!”

“You have tips?”

“Of course! It’s part of my job as the leader.” She giggles brightly. “Well, here it is: Sometimes when you’re writing a poem or a story, your brain gets too focused on a specific part. If you stress over making it perfect, then you’ll never get anywhere. You just have to get something down on paper first, then you can tidy it up later! Another way I look at it is: If you keep your pen in the same spot for too long, you’ll end up with a dark puddle of ink! So get moving, and go with the flow! That’s my advice for today! Thanks for listening.” 

“No problem.” I push my chair back and place it back where I found it. Glad that’s over. I find an available seat and sit down. That was a little more nerve-wracking than I anticipated. I think I know what Yuri and Natsuki were talking about now; sharing your writing is really frightening; especially when you feel like everyone is judging you for your inexperience. I just wish they’d tell me the truth, even if it may hurt, I can take it. I’ve been in combat before, so I’m pretty sure I can take a few bad comments about my writing. But, I guess I can’t expect that from these women. I look around the room and see Sayori and Monika chatting at the teacher’s desk. My eyes then land on Yuri and Natsuki who are only now exchanging poems. I continue to watch with interest. 

The two girls’ expression are extremely different as they read. Natsuki’s eyebrows furrow in frustration and she wears a thin frown, while Yuri smiles bittersweetly. I notice Natsuki mouthing, “What’s with this language….?” to herself. Unfortunately, Yuri notices too.

“Eh? Did you say something?” Yuri asks politely.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Natsuki responds in a sassy tone as she shoves Yuri’s poem back into Yuri’s hand.

“Eep!” Yuri freaks out and begins to flatten the paper out on the desk.

“I guess you could say it was fancy.”

“Th-The poem? Um....thanks. I thought yours was….er....cute.”

“Uh....cute?” Natsuki puts her hands on her hips. “Did you completely miss the point? It’s clearly about people being ignorant and, well, stupid! How can that be cute?”

“I-I know it’s about that! I just meant….um....the language was cute. The way you wrote it just felt….”

“Felt...?”

“Felt cute, I guess.”

“Is that really all you have to say about it?”

“W-Well, I was just trying to say something nice….”

“Yeah, that was real nice. Is it really that hard for you to come up with something nice to say?”

“U-Um….” Yuri tries to hide her hurt expression by changing the subject. “I do have a couple of suggestions if you’re open to hearing them.”

“If I was looking for suggestions, I would have asked someone who actually understood it. Which people did, by the way. Loki understood my thought process behind it completely.” Stop. Bringing. Me. Into these things! Just leave me out of it! Please! “....He liked it, too! So, I think I’ll give you some suggestions! First of all----” Yuri raises a hand to silence her.

“Sorry. I appreciate the offer, but I’ve worked a long time establishing my writing style. I don’t plan on changing it anytime soon, not unless I come across something truly inspiring, which I haven’t yet.”

“Eh?!” Natsuki clenches her fists and grits her teeth. She suddenly gets up. “How can you offer suggestions when you won’t accept them from others?! You’re so full of it, you know that?”

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just that….” A strong and confident expression comes over Yuri as she says, “I think that you are also that way, refusing my suggestions just as fast.”

“Urk! W-Well…..!”

“I think we’re both in the wrong here. We should apologize and move on. After all, Loki also liked my poem, so both our poems are good. In fact, he thought it was really impressive.” As soon as she says this, I know she’s made a mistake.

“Oh?” A devious grin comes over Natsuki’s face. “I didn’t realize you were so set on impressing our newest member, Yuri.”

“E-Eh?! N-No! That’s not….I was….You’re just….” Yuri stands up as well. A courageous look comes across Yuri’s face as she claims a defensive pose. “M-Maybe you’re jealous that Loki appreciates my advice more than he appreciates yours!”

“Huh? What do you know? He probably appreciated my advice a lot more because it made sense, you dummy!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! My advice makes perfect sense! I think it’s actually really helpful and inspiring.”

“Yeah, that’s you. Nobody else thinks that. Honestly, are you really that stuck up?”

“U-Uh….No….If I was full of myself….” I think Yuri is going to set things right finally, but instead, she says, “....I would go out of my way to make everything better than everyone else!”

“You already do!” 

“What? How?!” Natsuki and Yuri stare furiously at each other, not noticing Sayori approach them.

“Is everything okay over here?” Sayori asks nervously.

Totally ignoring Sayori, Natsuki presses on, “You know what?! I’m not the one who started to thrust their chest forward in order to show off their feminine features as soon as Loki showed up!”

“What?!” Yuri brings her hands to her chest in a defensive stance. 

“Um, Natsuki, that’s a little----” Monika gets cut off by Yuri and Natsuki.

“This doesn’t involve you!” they shout together.

“G-Guys….I don’t like fighting. Can we just….” Sayori is once again ignored. Suddenly, Yuri turns to me. I stare at her in surprise.

“L-Loki.…!” she cries. “Don’t listen to Natsuki! She’s just trying to make me look bad. I really don’t intentionally display my…..”

“That’s not true!” Natsuki breaks in. “If Yuri could just get over herself and learn to accept the fact that writing that isn’t like hers is still good and that it’s more effective, then this wouldn’t have started in the first place! See, it’s her fault!” Natsuki points an accusing finger at Yuri. “Like you said, Loki! The style doesn’t lessen the meaning of the writing! In fact, the style can increase the meaning! Like mine does!”

“W-Wait! I write in a sophisticated style for a reason! It’s the only way to convey complex feelings within me. Using deep and confusing words helps me explain those feelings most effectively. Getting rid of those terms is like limiting yourself....a-and it’s also a waste of skill! Y-You understand, don’t you, Loki?”

“Uuuuuuh…..” I have no idea what to say about this. 

“Well?!” Nastsuki and Yuri stare at me expectantly. This again?! Why? Why is it always me?! The one person who doesn’t really know anything about literature! Ugh! Are all mortals like this? Or is it just these ones? Either way, whoever I agree with will probably think more highly of me. But, which one? Yuri or Natsuki? I think hard for a moment, Yuri and Natsuki’s eyes lingering impatiently on me the whole time. I really don’t care either way. Honestly, both writing styles are good. I don’t see why they’re arguing. Simplistic and complex writing are equally excellent styles. Ugh! Do I really have to choose? My eyes flicker around the room for a distraction, anything! Then I see it.

“Sayori!” I shout. Sayori jumps.

“Eh?!” Sayori stares at me with a perplexed expression.

“Yeah!” A plan is quickly forming in my head. “You two fighting is making Sayori upset. How can you continue fighting when you know you’re making your friend distressed?” I give Yuri and Natsuki a cold look to show them that I mean it. It really is selfish of them to fight at me and Sayori’s cost.

“Loki….” Sayori stares at me with a grateful look. 

“Well, that’s her problem, then! This isn’t about her so I don’t know why she’s here,” Natsuki retorts.

“Th-That is true,” Yuri says. Natsuki puts her hands on her hips in triumphant of Yuri agreeing with her. “This argument does not include Sayori. Therefore, she does not need to inspect it. If it hurts her, then she is more than willing to leave.”

“Precisely. Unless Sayori wants to explain to Yuri why she’s a stuck up jerk, then she would be better off leaving.”

“It’s your immaturity that’s made her upset, Natsuki!” Yuri says.

“Wait a minute! Are you listening to yourself?! This is exactly why….why....why nobody likes----!”

“Stoooooop!!!” Sayori screams, silencing the room instantly. Yuri and Natsuki raise their eyebrows in shock. My eyes widen too as I take in the tears threatening to pour down Sayori’s face. “You guys are my friends! And my friends are wonderful people that I love because of their extraordinary differences! Yuri, you are the most brilliant person I have ever met. The way you write gives you a distinct feeling with the strongest vocabulary. Natsuki, you have such strong feelings that really bring out your fiery and cute personality. Your writing helps readers feel a strong emotion with only a few words. See? Everyone’s so talented. So why are we fighting?”

“Be-Because,” Natsuki begins, but she doesn’t have a come-back.

“Well….” Yuri trails off.

“Also!” Sayori brings the attention back to her. “There’s nothing wrong with being cute, Natsuki! Being cute is a wonderful thing to be. And having very distinct feminine features isn’t anything to be ashamed of, Yuri. It’s something to embrace.” 

“Nicely said, Sayori,” I say in a strong but gentle tone. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.” This catches Yuri’s and Natsuki’s attention. Now do you understand that I’m not the person to be asking these kind of things? Sayori is the one born to handle these things! 

“I-I’m sorry….” Yuri looks down at the floor in shame. “I-I’ll go....make some tea.” Yuri rushes off to the closet as fast as she can.

“Hmph!” Natsuki sits down with a defeated expression as she stares down at the desk.

“So, this is why Sayori is Vice President” I whisper to myself.

“Yup!” Monika responds, overhearing my comment. “To be honest, I seem like a good leader who can organize things, but that’s just about it. I’m not very good with....er....people. I couldn’t even bring myself to interject….” Monika stares down at the floor with guilt. “Some leader I am, huh?” She laughs gently.

“Don’t worry about it. We all have areas of leadership we struggle with. I have a hard time with people too.”

“Hmm….I guess that means Sayori is unique in her own ways, isn’t she?” Hearing her name, I look to Sayori. She’s having a cheerful conversation with Yuri as she helps her fix some tea. 

“Yeah….I guess she is….I mean, she might be an idiot from time to time, but, she really does know her way in this realm.”

Monika laughs, shaking off my strange language. “Take good care of her, okay? I would hate to see herself get hurt.” Monika’s voice is now serious. It’s almost….menacing.

“U-Um….yeah. I’ll be sure to protect her,” I say in a suspicious tone. But what exactly does she need protecting from? Before I can ask, Monika smiles sweetly and walks to the front of the room.

“Okay, everyone! It’s just about time for us to leave, so let’s quickly wrap this up. First off, how did everyone think about sharing?” 

“It was so much fun!” Sayori exclaims.

“Well, despite the arguing, it was a pleasant experience,” Yuri says as she sets the tea set on the arranged desks.

“I guess it was alright,” Natsuki says as she takes a cup of tea from the tray. “Mostly….” 

“Yeah, I thought it went well for the most part,” I say, slumping down at a desk and retrieving a cup as well. “Definitely one of the most diverse things I’ve done.”

Monika laughs. “Excellent! In that case, be sure to write another poem tonight!” I sigh. In any case, I at least learned more about the other members, so I can hopefully do a better job at impressing them.

“Loki!!” Sayori exclaims as I get up and swing my bag over my shoulder. “Ready to walk home?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure, let’s go.” Sayori giggles. It really has been a long time since we’ve walked home together. I guess I’ve missed it. I reach out to pick up the tea set, but Yuri quickly snatches it.

“I’ll take care of this. You guys can get going,” Yuri says with a soothing smile.

“Alright. Thanks, Yuri. See you tomorrow.” I smile at her as she nods and takes the tray of tea away. Sayori pulls me to the exit eagerly.

“Bye, everyone!” Sayori calls out to the rest of the club. They wave back as me and Sayori disappear behind the door and we begin to venture home.


	4. Chapter 4

Me and Sayori walk home with the usual conversations. Nothing really important happens as we walk home, not until we’re more than half way home. 

I just can’t stop thinking about Yuri and Natsuki’s argument as we walk home. Yuri definitely didn’t seem like the kind of person that would let herself get caught up in such a petty fight. And I didn’t think Natsuki cared so much about what others thought about her and her writing. 

“Um....Sayori?”

“Hmm?” Sayori looks up at me with a cute smile.

“About what happened during the club….”

“Yeah?” Sayori’s expression turns into a worried gaze.

“Does that happen often? Yuri and Natsuki fighting?”

“Oh, no! That’s really the first time I’ve seen them fight! I mean, there’s always been some negative energy from Natsuki towards Yuri and all, but she’s never bursted out like that. It’s really strange.”

“Perhaps not as strange. I was probably the source of the outburst, and I only just joined recently.”

“Eh?! You didn’t do anything, Loki! It’s not your fault! I think that Natsuki just got a little fed up about being called cute and blew up.” Sayori giggles at her use of words. “Trust me, they’re both amazing people with great qualities.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“Ehehe!”

“I can see why you’re such good friends with them now.”

“Yeah, I suppose so. You know, Loki….I’m really glad I get to see  
you in the club. Thanks for joining, it’s really made me happy to see you get along with everyone. And I think you’re a huge hit with everyone else, too!”

“Sayori….That’s….probably true. But don’t say it like that.”

“Ehehehe! Everyday is going to be so much fun!”

“Yeah….” I sigh. “So it will.”

We reach our houses in a matter of minutes. We say goodbye to each other and enter our separate houses. The first thing on my mind as I step through the doorway is the dreadful feeling that I have to write another poem tonight. I tend to my normal chores and finish my homework as usual. Once I’ve completed all of these daily tasks, I head up to my room to write a poem.

“Ugh….What am I going to write?” I toss another failed attempt into the trash bin. I rest my chin on my hand as I look out the window. A beautiful ray of oranges and pinks fill my room from the setting sun in the distance. It’s so relaxing and calming that I become captivated by its beauty. I could probably write about this. In fact, it’s actually like something Yuri would write about. Perfect. I smile with triumphant as I begin writing a sophisticated poem about sunsets. Mid-way through, I pause. Yuri tends to write about dark things. Perhaps I should use the sunset as a metaphor for something out of reach or something that doesn’t last. I nod my head as I continue writing. Oh, how I love when things go my way.


	5. Chapter 5

The next club meeting greets me the same as the last one. Sayori’s usual cheerful welcome is the first thing I hear when I walk through the doors of the club room.

“Helloooo, Loki!!” Sayori beams at me from one of the desks arranged to form a table. Yuri sits across from her, deeply invested in a book.

“Hi,” I say with a sigh, preparing for what drama will greet me today.

“I’m glad to see you today!”

“Were you not yesterday?”

“Of course I was! I’m always happy to see you. I just really love seeing you in the club! It’s so exciting!”

“I suppose that makes sense. After all, you do get excited about the littlest things, so it’s not really much of a surprise to be honest.”

“Ehehehe! Um…..speaking of ‘the littlest things’....” Sayori’s face shows signs of guilt as she stares awkwardly at me as I take a seat next to her. “Will you come with me to buy a snack?”

“Let me think about that. No,” I say firmly.

“But why?” Sayori whines into my ear.

I scoff. “One simple reason.”

“Eh?”

“May I look inside your wallet, Sayori?” I extend my hand to her and wait for her to comply.

“E-Eh?! I-Is this really necessary?” A huge blush comes across Sayori’s face.

“You’d be surprised how necessary this really is.”

“Ah….well….” Sayori slowly reaches into her bag and retrieves her wallet. Without looking at me, she drops it into my hand. As I open it up, I see that Sayori is nervously looking down at her feet. I smile as I fumble with the wallet. 

“No bills.” I display the empty slot where the cash should be held. “And….” I unzip the coin slot and dump its contents out. “What is that? Only two coins?” I’m not entirely sure how much those two coins are worth, but by Sayori’s guilty expression, they must not be worth that much. 

“O-Oh….would you look at that. I must’ve….uh….left my money at home.” Sayori anxiously taps her forefingers together.

“Come on, Sayori. Did you really think you could trick the trickster?”

“How did you know?!” she cries miserably.

“Easy. One, I’m the God of Mischief, I do the trickery. And second, you wouldn’t have asked me to go with you to get a snack if you had money. Also, if you did have money, you probably would have gotten a snack before club. Furthermore, you always want the breakfast snacks, which happen to be the most expensive snack you can get. After all, isn’t breakfast the most important meal of the day?” I smirk at Sayori, enjoying this fun of mine.

“H-Hey!!” Sayori brings her arms up at a bent angle as her expression becomes a mix of embarrassment and shame. “Stop making me feel guilty!”

“But you should feel guilty. To be honest, I’m impressed by your devious plan of pinning the bill on me secretly. I see that you’re learning.” I grin at the position I’ve put Sayori in. Suddenly, Yuri giggles. I turn to her to see what she found so funny, and so does Sayori.

“A-Ah! S-Sorry…..Did I do that outloud?” Yuri stammers as she slowly shrinks behind her book.

“Yuri! Do you want to get a snack with me since Loki’s being mean?” Sayori asks hopefully.

“Sorry, I don’t feel like paying for two snacks today.”

“W-What do you mean? You’d only be paying for one….” Sayori desperately tries to lie despite the fact that I’ve already figured her out.

“Oh, Sayori. I really shouldn’t be spending money on an expensive breakfast item right now. Perhaps when you get more money we can. B-Besides, you should only purchase what you can responsibly afford. A-Ah!” Yuri’s eyes widen with shock at her own words. “I-I didn’t mean that! I meant to say….um….Sorry….” To Yuri’s relief, Sayori laughs.

“You should speak your mind more often, Yuri. It’s such a fun side of you!”

“U-Uh....I don’t think….There’s no way speaking my mind is a good thing. I tend to….um….speak too much of my mind.”

“Either way, you’re right. I shouldn’t have tried to get Loki or you to pay for my snack,” Sayori admits with a sunken look. “I guess my stomach can make me do horrible things, huh?” Sayori rubs her stomach.

“E-Even so. Something like that coming from you, Sayori,” Yuri says with disbelief. “I guess there is a little devil inside all of us after all.”

“Ehehe!” Sayori snaps her head back up and grins, her grief evidently short-lived.

“That’s quite true,” I say. “Don’t let Sayori’s innocent exterior fool you. She’s really a mischievous mastermind within. She always finds a way to trick someone into compliance, even me. I probably wouldn’t have joined the club if Sayori hadn’t tricked me into coming.”

“Well, when you put it like that it makes me sound like a really bad person,” Sayori pouts. “Plus, if I hadn’t tricked Natsuki into making cupcakes, you wouldn’t have come at all.”

“Perhaps….” I don’t know if the cupcakes really had any factor in my decision. Sure I made it seem that way to Sayori, but a ton of sugar wasn’t what I was looking for. But, then again, what was I looking for in the first place?

“So there’s a good side to trickery, then,” Yuri says.

“See! Yuri agrees with me!”

“Not entirely, but I don’t deny the benefits of trickery. I don’t know who I would be without trickery.”

“You know Loki wouldn’t have come without Natsuki, don’t you, Yuri?” Sayori adds.

“Um, excuse me?” I say indignantly.

“I-I don’t think….” Before Yuri finishes, something hits Sayori square in the face.

“Oww!!” Sayori holds her hand to the place the object struck. “What was that?” Sayori glances down at her desk. Recognizing what it is, Sayori smiles broadly as her mouth waters. “A cookie!!” Across the room, I hear Natsuki laugh playfully. 

“You know, I was just going to give it to you as a gift until you blabbed about lying to me, dummy,” Natsuki says matter-of-factly. “And for the record, you better be glad I gave you that cookie at all! I was debating on just giving it to Loki or Yuri or myself, they probably deserve it more than you.” Natsuki smiles triumphantly as she takes a seat next to Yuri.

“Oh, Natsuki! You’re so nice!” Sayori exclaims, completely discrediting Natsuki’s last comment. Sayori picks up the cookie and holds it close to her face, rubbing it against her cheek lovingly.

“Just eat it,” me and Natsuki say in disgust.

“Ehehe!” Sayori hurriedly sticks the cookie in her mouth and takes a scrumptious bite. “It’s. So. Gooood!”

“Yeah….” Natsuki smiles proudly. “I know.” Natsuki snaps a piece of her own cookie and plops it into her mouth.

“Wow….yours looks really good too….” Sayori salivates over the bigger cookie in Natsuki’s hand. “C-Can I try it?”

“Uh, no!” Natsuki says bossily. “Beggars can’t be choosers, Sayori!”

“B-But….yours is chocolate.”

“Well, yeah, duh! Why do think you got that one?” Natsuki points to the half-eaten cookie in Sayori’s hand.

“B-Because….” Sayori sighs in defeat. “Fine, fine….Either way, I’m still glad you shared this with me!” Jumping out of her chair, Sayori glides to Natsuki on the other side and wraps her arms around her from behind. 

“Ah! J-Jeez, Sayori! Why are you so touchy?” Natsuki says with discomfort.

“A little bit too much, Sayori,” I explain to her. “Not really all that necessary.”

“Hugs are always necessary!” Sayori snuggles Natsuki further.

“Ugh! I get it!” Natsuki twists her body to the side and pushes Sayori away. Or, tries to. In Natsuki’s hand lies the delicious chocolate cookie. Now so close to Sayori’s face, Sayori can’t help but bite into it.

“Mmmm! Yours is better, Natsuki!”

“W-What?!” Natsuki quickly pulls her hands away from Sayori. Taking in the new bite mark in her cookie, she turns back to Sayori.  
“I can’t believe you just did that! You’re such a child!” Giggling, Sayori trots back to her seat. “I’m going to tell Monika about this! In fact, Monika! Come tell Sayori that she needs to….” Natsuki trails off as she glances around the room for Monika. “Where’s Monika?”

“I’m not sure. Have you seen her?” Yuri asks me and Sayori. We both shake our heads.

“I haven’t seen her at all today,” Sayori says with a worried expression.

“Me neither,” I say with a mildly similar look.

“Hmm….strange….” Yuri looks down as she searches for reasons why Monika might be late.

“I-I hope she’s….” Natsuki fumbles on her words.

“Me too,” Sayori says.

“Maybe she forgot that there was a club meeting today,” I suggest, even though it’s probably not true.

“She’d never do that. It’d probably hurt her reputation too much,” Natsuki retorts.

“R-Restitution?” Sayori stammers. Yuri laughs.

“That’s true. She is quite popular,” Yuri points out.

“Oh, yeah. Maybe she got held up with some friends or something,” I add.

“Yeah! Like maybe….” Sayori leans forward. “Maybe she’s with her boyfriend.”

“B-Boyfriend?” Yuri says.

“I wouldn’t be surprised. Someone as well-known and pretty like her shouldn’t have too much trouble finding a lover,” I remark. The women stare at me nervously. Are they worried I fancy her or something? Why are they all staring at me like that?

“Th-That’s true. She’s probably more desirable than all of us combined,” Yuri says. Sayori nods in agreement, which makes me want to object.

“Excuse me?” Natsuki says moodily, obviously insulted by Yuri’s comment.

“You’re all just as desirable as Monika. And just as pretty.” I know I’ve crossed a line here, but I didn’t know what I was saying before I said it. Thankfully, the door swings open, ending our conversation immediately. Monika dashes through the doorway, panting.

“Sorry….I’m....late,” Monika says through gulps of air.

“There you are, Monika!” Sayori says.

“I hope you guys weren’t worried!” Monika says with a slight smile.

“We were worried that you might’ve been with your boyfriend!” Sayori exclaims.

“U-Uh….” Monika smiles awkwardly. “B-Boyfriend? I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“You don’t?!” Sayori and Natsuki exclaim.

“What made you think that?” Monika asks warily.

“Oh, um….nothing really.” Sayori hurriedly shakes the conversation away with a smile.

“Um….anyway,” I interject, “what held you up?”

“I lost track of time during my last period.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Natsuki says bluntly. Seeing everyone’s sideways glances, she clarifies. “Well, you would’ve at least heard the bell ring, right?”

“Aw, I probably didn’t hear it over the piano.”

“Piano?” Yuri perks up.

“Y-Yeah. I just started playing piano during study hall. But I’m not really good at it or anything.”

“Really?! That’s so cooool!” Sayori pipes in. “I want to hear you play!”

“I don’t know if that’s….” Monika’s gaze flickers up to me. “M-Maybe. When I’ve gotten a little bit more accustomed to the keys, I will.”

“Yay!” Sayori cheers, throwing her arms in the air.

“I look forward to it,” I add.

“I won’t let you down.” Monika beams at me. “I look forward to sharing my song with you, Loki.” It’s as if nobody else exists around me except for Monika. Everybody else just gets put out of my mind as Monika smiles serenely at me. As soon as it starts, I snap out of it. 

Blinking, I smile back at her before turning my gaze away. There’s just something about Monika that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know what it is, but there’s just a creepy feeling whenever she’s around. I hate it.

I glance around the room and see that everyone’s began to settle down. Yuri’s back behind her book, Natsuki is rummaging in the closet, Sayori is finishing her cookie slowly, and Monika is busy writing something at the teacher’s desk. Becoming aware that I have to make a choice of who to hang out with, I sigh heavily and think about what I’d be doing with each member.

With Yuri, we’d probably read Reflection of Mine together.

With Natsuki, we’d continue reading Sugar and Spice. Wait, I  
forgot to finish the book! Oh well, I guess that cancels her out.

And with Sayori, we’d…..what would we do? We’re not reading any book together. Perhaps we’d start a book. Or maybe write something together? I really don’t know. It might not even be literature related since this is Sayori we’re talking about. Actually, we might talk about that festival thing she was talking about with Monika. I guess it really is a surprise with Sayori, but I like that about her. It keeps things interesting. I look back to where Sayori was eating her cookie, and see that she’s gone. I swivel around as I search for her and then I see that she is now with Monika, deep in conversation. I guess that eliminates Sayori and Monika. Which just leaves…. My gaze falls on Yuri. Time for some more awkward situations….

Yuri is still reading intensely as I approach her. Now that I’m close enough, I can read the cover of her book. It looks identical to the book she gave me. Suddenly, Yuri looks up at me. I awkwardly sit down next to her, her gaze still trained on me.

“H-Hi,” she stammers.

“Sorry, am I distracting you?”

“A little, but it’s fine. I wouldn’t have noticed you if I was focused.”

“I see. Um….that’s the book you gave me, right?” I nod to the book in her hand.

“O-Oh. Y-Yeah.” Yuri’s face is slowly getting redder and redder as we speak. “I’m just….re-reading some of it.”

“I see.” There’s another beat of silence until I speak again. “Just out of curiosity, is there a specific reason why you have two copies?”

“Ah….Well, I just happened to stop by the bookstore one day and….er….That’s not what I meant….I mean….” Yuri exhales. “I....just got two of them when I bought the first one. That’s all.”

“I….see….” It’s all too obvious that Yuri is trying to cover up the fact that she especially bought me a copy on top of her copy. It’s almost a little cute that she would spend extra money on me. Almost. “In that case, I better get reading if I’m to keep up with you.”

“I-It’s not a race. I’ll read at your pace.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I reach for my bag, which is on the other side of the arranged desks, and slide it over to me. I shuffle through it, avoiding Natsuki’s manga, until I find Yuri’s book. It’s still in perfect condition, which seems to surprise Yuri. You don’t think I can keep things nice and clean? I’m a very organized person, I’ll have you know!

“It’s a really captivating story,” Yuri says. “Once you start it, it may be hard to put it down. It’s a very relatable and lovable story, so that’d be why.”

“What’s it about, anyway?”

“Oh.” Yuri flips her copy to the back and reads it over. I do the same, just to busy myself. It’s not long before I flip it to the cover page. I didn’t really get a chance to examine it thoroughly the first time I got it. Seeing it now, it gives me an ominous feeling. The cover features a woman looking into a mirror with saddened eyes. Behind her, I can make out the shadow of a creepy looking woman leering over her shoulder. Something about it just gives me the feeling that this isn’t going to be a happy story.   
“Alright,” Yuri says, “I just needed to make sure I didn’t accidentally spoil anything. This book features a young woman trying to live a normal life. She runs away from her ancestor’s curse, trying her best to avoid it, but there is no escaping it. Eventually, once she’s secured a decent job and is blooming a relationship between a handsome man, her other side takes over and murders the man she loves. Through a long line in her family, the descendants have had a variety of multiple personalities, the number varies and the purposes vary too. The main character only has one other personality, and its cause is one single thing. And that is the lust for blood.”

“That sounds….” I want to say dark, but perhaps there is more to it than just being dark and gory. “....Interesting.” As soon as I say this, I know that this must seem like a bland comment. I did say that exact thing about Natsuki’s book, and now I’ve done it again.

Yuri laughs at my comment.

“Are you not a fan of that sort of thing, Loki?” she asks shyly.

“It’s not that. It really sounds interesting, truly. I’m sure it’ll be an enjoyable book.”

“I hope so. These stories often interest me because of the way they challenge me to look at life from another perspective. For instance, from the second personality’s point of view I learned a whole other aspect to villains. When a villain makes horrible things happen, they don’t do it because they want to be evil. They do it because they have their own desires that they believe in. This then turns you against the protagonist opposing the villain's plans, and instead places you on the side of the antagonist. This then results in….um....I’m....I’m rambling aren’t I? Sorry…. I just get lost in my own philosophies sometimes….”

“Don’t apologize! This is actually really interesting to me.” How does this young woman know exactly how I feel? At such a young age, she already understands the ambitions people like me have. People like me….villains. I smirk to myself. If only those protagonists she speaks of would be as observant as her to see those feelings within.

“Well, in that case, I guess it’s alright for now,” she says warmly. “But, I should warn you that, like my rambling issue, I have a problem with forgetting about other people’s existence.” I stare blankly at her, not entirely knowing what that means. “In other words,” she says cautiously, “when my mind is focused on books or writing, I end up forgetting to pay attention to other people. S-So, please ignore any strange things I may say! And be sure to stop me if I start rambling like that again!”

“I really don’t think it’s all that much of a big deal. That just means you’re very passionate about literature. And I have no problem listening to you. After all, when you’re rambling, you say really interesting things that show me different ways of interpreting certain ideas. It’s something I like about you.”

“Eh? That’s…..I’m not sure if….”

“In fact! I should probably start reading it so I can fully understand what you were talking about.” I hurriedly change the subject as to avoid any more awkward responses to this conversation.

“Y-You shouldn’t! I-I mean, you don’t have to!”

“Uh, what are you saying?” Why do you wish to confuse me further, Yuri? Can we just start reading and forget all about this?

“U-Uh….” Yuri awkwardly looks away. 

“Um…..I’ll….just get started, then.” I open the book to the first page and start reading.

“A-Ah…!” 

“Is there something wrong?” I look up at her in alarm.

“I-It’s nothing! It’s just….”

“I thought it was nothing,” I say, raising my eyebrows.

“It is! It is nothing! But, I guess I feel a little….strange.”

“Strange how?”

“Well, I’ve never done this before.”

“Done what before?” Why can’t you just give me a straight answer?!

“U-Um….reading in company. It’s just not something I’m used to, that’s all.”

“I see. Well, I can always move if you end up getting distracted, just let me know.”

“Eh? I-I….alright.” I see Yuri look back down at her book and quickly follow. Opening the book back to the prologue, I begin reading. It isn’t long before I realize what Yuri meant by reading in company. I can hear her soft breathing beside me as we read side by side. It’s as if I can feel her presence all around me as I read. It’s not entirely awful. It is a little distracting, given that I usually have to re-read one sentence a couple of times before moving on, but it’s still a little comforting not being completely alone. This thought makes me glance at Yuri. I don’t know why I look at her, there isn’t a particular reason for me to watch her read, but I can’t stop myself from risking a glimpse. I look at her purple eyes as they swivel from side to side as she reads. Then, I realize she’s not actually looking at her own book, she’s in fact looking at mine. As soon as I realize she’s reading from my book, Yuri notices me.

“S-Sorry! I was just....well.…”

“No need to apologize.” I chuckle. “You really do apologize a lot, don’t you?”

“Do I? I don’t mean to….Sorry….I mean….!” I can’t help but laugh.

“You should stop worrying so much about it. It’s fine that you were reading from my book. I mean, it’s a little odd. But, that’s okay. In fact….” I slide my copy towards her until it’s centered between us.

“E-Eh? I….suppose that works.” Yuri slowly closes her own copy and pushes it aside. We each lean in a little bit, scooting our chairs close to each other to the point where our shoulders are just about touching. Like I did with Natsuki, I use my right hand to keep the book open while Yuri uses her left hand. I see that this makes it kind of difficult to turn the page. Before I bring this up with Yuri, she already fixes it by holding the left side of the book between her thumb and forefinger. Seeing how brilliant this is, I do the same on the right side. This way, I turn the page and Yuri slides it under her thumb after it flips to her side. But, like with Natsuki, by doing this, we are huddled even closer together. Our shoulders are now pressing together. It’s actually distracting me. I try my best to ignore Yuri’s soft breathing and the warmth of her shoulder against mine, but it’s almost impossible.

“Are you ready?” Yuri asks, her eyes flickering to me, not moving any part of her body as her purple eyes stare at me.

“Huh?”

“To turn the page.”

“Ah, sorry. Yes, I’m ready.”

“I’ve noticed it takes you a little longer to read, so I’m fine with being patient. In fact, you can go ahead and flip the page whenever you’ve finished.”

“Alright.” I try not to let Yuri’s words insult me, but I’m irritated nonetheless. I am an adequate reader! You only read faster because you have more time to read than I do! If I didn’t spend time fighting and whatnot than I would probably be reading a lot more. But, then again, I guess since I’m not allowed to do any fighting, I do have more time to read. Still, if you knew you were talking to a God….

We read on in silence. Within just the first chapter, it has established so many things that one would not think someone like Yuri would be into. The abrupt violence is what surprises me most. Now, I have read many horror novels far bloodier than this one, but really, it’s the fact that calm Yuri is into this level of gore. So far, a man’s head has already been severed, a woman’s heart has been ripped out, and many others have died brutally. The second personality is nicknamed “Midna” from her true name, Midnight. The prologue describes Midna being in control, slaughtering mercilessly at some sort of event. The first chapter is from the point of view of the main character. Her name is Lightning Nightingale, a name that instantly catches my attention. She is at work, preparing to head home, really nothing much to it. There are some foreshadowed lines here and there, but everything seems normal. Or it would be, if I didn’t know that something horrible is going to happen soon. The story is almost to the part of the murdering of the lover. But before we read the bloody description of his death, Monika interrupts our reading.

“Alright, everybody!” Monika’s abrupt words make Yuri jump. I then jump at Yuri’s sudden fright. Yuri quickly glances at me with an embarrassed look. I smile back at her, not as warm a smile as it could be, but warm enough to make Yuri smile shyly back. “I think now would be a good time to share our poems, don’t you think?”

“A-Ah….” Yuri mumbles as her panic rises at a quick pace. She exhales deeply to relieve some of the stress. She closes her eyes and attempts to calm herself.

“Are you worried, Yuri?” I ask.

“Ah, no, it’s not that….I-It’s nothing.” Yuri releases the book in her grasp, making the pages fall down on my fingers. I reopen the book and make a mental note of the page number we left off on and snap the book shut.

“Well, I guess I’ll try to get some more reading in tonight.” I make a movement to put the book back in my bag, but Yuri’s alarmed expression halts me. “Unless….you want me to read it with you?”

“U-Um…! I-It really doesn’t matter to me either way, honestly.”

“Very well.” I slip the book inside my back and stand up. I gaze around the room and see that everyone is available. I guess I have to make an actual decision. Since I shared with Sayori first last time and I hung out with Yuri earlier, Natsuki would be the prime option. Agreeing with my logic, I stride over to Natsuki, who is putting her manga back in the closet. When she’s noticed me, she hurriedly finishes up and sits herself down in a nearby desk. Seeing this as the best invitation I’m going to get from her, I slide down into a seat next to hers. Like we did before, I hand Natsuki my poem and she takes it. 

“You’re not even going to ask me if I want to go first?” Natsuki snaps.

“Well, do you want to? Last time I went first and that seemed to work out,” I reply.

“W-Well….Ugh. Fine.” Natsuki stares intensely at my poem, all the while her leg shaking in frustration. Eventually, she hands me my poem. “I liked your last one better.”

“And why’s that?”

“Well, it was obvious that you were trying to act better than you really are by writing something….more sophisticated.” Natsuki spits the last words out bitterly, as if it’s hard for her to say them. “In the end, it fell flat because you’re just not good enough at it….yet.”

“Ah, I see. I suppose I can see what you mean. To be honest, I didn’t think it was all that bad. Do you really think it’s that bad?”

“Er….I didn’t say it was the worst poem I’ve ever read! It’s just, a little on the basic side. Which, I mean, I do like poems that are on the ‘basic side’, but this is just elementary. As you should know, I hate when people try being fancy by using annoying and confusing language. Argh! I mean, seriously! Just make it simple, cute, and to the point, dummies!”

“That is one way to look at it.”

“Well, everyone has their own opinion.” Natsuki smiles cutely at me.

“That they do.”

“But my opinion is the best opinion, I hope you’ve learned.” I laugh awkwardly at Natsuki’s comment. My tongue is etching to say: “You mean, my opinion is the most valid opinion? I think you may have switched up some words there.” But, I resist the temptation, knowing that it would only lead to an outburst.

“Speaking of my opinion, here’s my poem. I’m sure you’ll learn something worth knowing from it.”

Katie Is A Monster  
Nobody knows that Katie is a monster.  
But I do.  
Katie has beautiful hair.  
It looks so inviting. It makes her seem approachable.   
But Katie is a monster.  
That’s why we’re enemies.  
Katie is an excellent cook.  
Her wonderful tea makes me warm.  
But I refuse to drink it.  
Katie is a monster.  
That’s why I hate her.  
Katie has a sweet smile.  
She always tries to be nice.  
But I don’t listen to her.   
Katie is a monster.  
That’s why I ignore her.  
Katie saw me crying today.  
She knelt down beside me and comforted me.  
I didn’t want her to touch me, but her touch was so soft.  
In her embrace, she didn’t feel like a monster.  
But she is.  
She’s a scary, gross, and dark monster.  
I don’t care how nice or pretty she is, she’s still a fiend.  
And that’s why we’re not friends.

“I know it’s a little overwhelming. Alright, very overwhelming.” Natsuki proudly smiles at me.

“You’re right, the amount of words is a bit overwhelming. What inspired you to make it so much longer than yesterday’s?”

Natsuki scowls. “I wasn’t talking about the amount of words, dummy! Besides, yesterday’s poem was way too short. The poem I wrote yesterday is far beneath my standard abilities, I hope you know that.”

“Of course.” There’s a few seconds of silence between us before any of us speak again.

“Anyway, the theme of this poem may be a little difficult to comprehend at first glance, but it’s about----” Before Natsuki can finish, I break in.

“It’s about the fact that you don’t like Yuri.” I smirk when I see Natsuki’s bewildered expression. Natsuki’s frown returns as she clenches her fists.

“What the heck are you talking about?! Why would I write something like this about Yuri?”

“I could just tell from the way you wrote the poem and the quarrel you had with Yuri yesterday. But don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me, mostly.”

“Ugh! Okay, maybe I did get some inspiration from the fight yesterday, but I didn’t write this poem to be mean to Yuri. I actually….It’s really about how ignorant a jerk I am!” Natsuki’s words bewilder me. I never expected her to admit about being stubborn or rude. “I hate how I can’t get past the things I don’t like about Yuri, I hate it! Because honestly, there are things I like about her. I want to be friends with her, but I can’t get myself to be around her. She just seems….so mature and better….” Natsuki’s gaze stares bitterly at the floor.

“I know what you mean. I go through that same thing with people too. I think in the end, we all hold grudges, even if we can’t help it.”

“That’s why I wrote about it. You see, the thing I like about poetry is that there’s always a good message to take away from it. If there isn’t a good message, then it’s a really lousy poem. Remember that! I’m going to write a really good poem tomorrow so you better too!” Natsuki nearly yells the last bit because she can see Monika standing up and getting ready to tell everyone to switch. 

“Swi-itch!” Monika sings.

“I’ll try my best, Natsuki,” I say, getting up. This time, I know exactly who I want to share with, and she’s happily bobbing up and down in her chair. 

“Hey, Sayori,” I say as I take a seat across from Sayori at the arranged desks.

“Hello!” Sayori nods her head as if listening to some music as she smiles brightly at me.

“I’ll volunteer to go first.” I slide my poem to Sayori who cheerfully twists it around to face her and begins to read it. When Sayori finishes, she rests her elbows on the table and lays her head inside her hands.

“I love it! It has a really nice feeling to it,” Sayori says

“I was worried for a second there,” I say sarcastically. “Does that mean you liked it more than yesterday’s?”

“I dunno! To be honest, I like all of your poems. I guess I can’t really say if a poem is really good or bad, so I just go by how it makes my heart feel!”

“As always, you follow your heart instead your natural instincts.”

“My heart is my instincts!”

“I suppose that’s true. At least it usually gets you where you need to be. Usually…. By the way, I’ve never been able to fully grasp what kind of writing you like. It’s definitely not like Yuri’s style, it could be like Natsuki’s style, and I’m not sure about Monika’s style. So, where do you draw inspiration from?”

Sayori laughs. “I have no clue!”

“Of course. I should’ve guessed.”

“Do you need my taste in writing to write me a poem?”

“Not particularly.”

Sayori giggles. “Aww, that’s so sweet of you, Loki.”

“If I did write a poem for you, you probably would be too modest about it since you’re always thinking about others. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, you do tend to worry about others more than you do yourself. When was the last time I saw you do something for yourself?”

“The beginning of club.”

“Well, my point is that if you don’t start thinking about yourself, you may end up hurting yourself, do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“Eh? I’m not sure what you mean. But I’ll try my best to remember that.”

“See? There you go again.”

“Eh?”

“You went and said that so I’d stop worrying about you.” Worrying…. Worrying about Sayori? Why am I all of the sudden so worried about her? I’m not worried, I’m…. just being observant. That’s all. 

“What are you talking about? There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“Nevermind.” At my giving up, Sayori’s eyes fill with guilt. I quickly resume my normal look to stop her from feeling guilty for something she didn’t cause. Or did she cause it?

“Um….I guess I am into happy poems,” she says.

“Aw, there we go. Happy poems. I guess I kind of guessed that.”

“I also like sad poems. Sometimes a little bit of both.” 

“Bittersweet, then. I wouldn’t have thought that from you, Sayori. You just seem so overly cheery. How could you like sad poems?” My words seem to hurt Sayori because her gaze downward. “I mean, what makes you like sad poems? That’s what I meant to say.”

“Well, I like happy the most. But sad poems can help get rid of rain clouds, and instead, bring a brightly shining sun!”

“You know, it’s strange how poetic you can be.”

“Eh? Did I say something poetic?”

“Strangely enough, yes.”

Sayori giggles playfully. “I guess I am getting better at expressing myself. Hooray! Oh! Speaking of expressing myself, here’s my poem!”

“Did you almost forgot?” 

“Ehehehe! Only a little!”

“You can’t just ‘a little’ forget about something.”

“Maybe not.” Sayori hands me her poem happily. I take it nonchalantly. The first thing I notice is the flat piece of paper the poem is written on, far different from the crumpled scrap from yesterday. Expecting something special, I start reading with interest.

The Raincloud  
Every time a rain cloud appears,   
there’s only three things to do.  
First, to make the gloom disappear,  
I must combat it with a golden sunshine to shower it with the feelings of joy.  
Second, I must open my ears to the chaotic melody of the storm.  
I take in every last word to a song so sad that it fills me with sorrow.   
But, I’ll do anything to create a rainbow.  
Lastly, I have to never let them leave the warmth of my light.   
But, like the sun, the spherical pearl at midnight will banish me from the world for a period of time.   
And when the moon is up, many things can happen.   
Overnight, I am not there, leaving the raincloud to lay alone with its despair ridden thoughts.  
Am I such a failure for not being there?   
That is the question I ask myself as I stare at the silvery white moon.  
Nonetheless, I force a smile and close my eyes, falling into a lovely dream.  
The cloud, however, frowns and cries itself to sleep where only nightmares await it.

Sayori’s usage of words surprises me so much that I re-read the poem a few times before talking to Sayori. 

“Sayori….” My tone is a mix of astonishment and disbelief.

“Yeah?” Sayori’s eyes look at me with a worried expression.

“You didn’t write this.” I’m so blunt about it, I can’t help but smile a little.

“Eh?! Of course I did!”

“No, there’s no way.”

“It’s true! I wrote it myself!”

“Really?” I glance back down at the poem and shake my head. “How?”

“I picked up a pen and started writing.”

“Well, yes, but how did you create a poem so….” Sayori stares at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence. “....so deep.”

“Oh, well, to be honest, I’ve been really in touch with my feelings lately. Not to mention all the help Monika’s been giving me!” Sayori giggles to herself.

“You’ve been in touch with your feelings?”

“Yeah! Isn’t it great? I don’t really know how it happened, but ever since you started coming to the club, it’s like a whole other side of me has been unlocked.”

“So, I’ve unlocked a sad version of you?”

“Sad? I wouldn’t call it that. It’s more like you’ve unlocked a deeper side to me. A side that can write amazing poems with such little effort. That’s what you’ve done, so thank you!”

“Happy I could help.”

“So, I take it you like it?”

“Yes. In fact, it was the greatest poem I’ve ever read. Well, from you at least. I just can’t get past the fact that you, Sayori, the giddiest person known to man, would write a poem such as this.”

“Ehehe! Well, you know!”

“No, I do not know.”

“You’re the sunshine in my life!”

“That doesn’t make any sense. If I’m the sunshine that means you’re the raincloud.”

“Well, I guess that’s true.” Sayori smiles melancholy-like at the floor. “I guess I’m glad that no one is the raincloud. But, what I meant to say, was that you’re my inspiration. You’re part of the reason I’m so happy all the time. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Loki.” I let Sayori’s words sink in. I contemplate them hard, trying to understand how Sayori is feeling and how I feel about it.

“Do I really mean that much to you? Why? What have I done to make you see me this way? I really haven’t done anything.”

“But you have! No matter how many times you deny how nice you are, you’re still a really good person on the inside. I’ve seen that side of you. You just don’t like admitting it because that’s not the type of person you see yourself as. And, I can understand why you do that.”

“Sayori….I’m really not the person you think I am. If you knew how I really am….You wouldn’t be so nice to me.” 

“You’re wrong, Loki. No matter how you are, I’ll never stop caring about you. I don’t care if you change, you’ll still be the Loki I’ve always known.” Sayori’s eyes are brimming with tears as she stares meaningfully at me. I don’t know what to say to her. I study her with a perplexed expression. My gaze drifts to the window, Sayori looks down awkwardly.

“Sayori, I fail to understand your feelings. The amount of compassion you possess is inhuman. I have never witnessed such love, not even from my mother. Why? Why do you care about me so much? If you only knew the truth, you would run away in fright. You deny that I could possibly be a terrible person. You only see the good in me, something no one else sees. I have never met anyone so....so….so perfect.”

“Oh, Loki….I’m sorry if I’ve made you upset. It just hurts me to see you bring yourself down all the time. I’ve always tried to help you see the you that I see. Everybody sometimes belittles themselves. I even do it sometimes. It’s only human.”

“Yeah, only human….” The word ‘human’ tastes bitter in my mouth. I hate lying to you Sayori, but if she knew me, the real me, she would despise me. She would only see me as a monster. And….I can’t bear to see her look at me like that. Finally, the tension is lifted by Monika’s voice, announcing for everyone to switch. Sayori and I each return our poems.

“I liked your poem,” I say to Sayori as I stand up. “I wish to see more like it in the future.” Sayori puts on a smile, trying to imitate her usual joyous look. I hope that my words are enough to clear the stress between us. I don’t want to have a conversation like that with Sayori ever again. It hurts to see her pained expression. 

Without realizing I’ve done it, I’ve already walked towards the window. Yuri sits at a desk nearby and assumes that I’m there to share poems with her.

“Um….Loki?” Yuri stares at me with a concerned expression. “Is everything alright?”

“Aw, yes. Everything is quite well.” I stare at her blankly for a minute.

“A-Are you sure? You seem….troubled.”

“No, no, I’m fine.”

“Well, would you….like to….share poems?”

“Oh!” I suddenly realize that I’m in the Literature Club and am sharing poems. “I nearly forgot.” I swivel a chair around to face Yuri and take a seat. Only Yuri’s desk separates us, which seems to bother Yuri, but I choose to ignore it.

“O-Oh….I see.”

“Here, I can go first if you’re not comfortable.”

“No, no. You went first last time. It’s only right that I go first this time.” Yuri extends her poem to me. I take it and assume a comfortable position as I read.

Temptations  
Some people say it’s dangerous to give in to temptations.  
Temptations can be consequential.   
But they can be rewarding too.  
With a knife in hand, I slice the soft cake.  
I stare as the crimson fluid soaks into the platter and my fingers.  
I slice more, enough for everyone.  
The more I slice, the more my hands become stained with sin.  
The cake has now turned from a lovely white to a dark crimson: the color of death.  
I hand out a piece to every lady, man, and child. They take it eagerly, instantly shovelling mouthfuls.  
I watch, pleased with the stress and anxiety now relieved from my chest.  
Soon, the same crimson fluid covers the floor.   
I examine the bleeding bodies. It fills me with satisfaction.  
I hurry to the oven and ready myself for another cake.  
For, I can not help but give in to the longing temptation of feeling again. 

When I finish reading, I shiver uncomfortabley as I try to understand what the inspiration for the poem was. Yuri seems to notice my questioning gaze.

“Um….I hope it’s not too much for you to handle. I wanted to do something a little more daring today,” Yuri says.

“Aw, I see. This one is a lot more….gorier,” I reply

“Y-Yes….I know….Is it too much?”

“No, not at all. Although, I am struggling to see the meaning.”

“O-Oh. Um….Well, the meaning has nothing to do with murder and blood, if that’s what you’re worried about.” She chuckles nervously. “It describes how the things that people do to feel elated are often judged by others. In a way, it’s a temptation or something that they can’t help but do. The overall message is that no one should judge other’s habits, because if it brings joy to their life, there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“Okay. Now that I fully understand what it’s conveying I can truly see the truthfulness and beauty of it.” I’m really just saying that. The meaning strikes me strange. It sends an ominous feeling through my body, making me feel wary of Yuri. It may just be how she wrote it. But even the message seems odd. I mean, poetry expresses one’s feelings, so how does Yuri relate to temptations? It feels odd.

“To be honest, this is more up to my usual standards. I tend to write a lot like this poem.” Okay, that just makes you seem creepier. I’m sorry, but this style just makes me uncomfortable. “By using certain words to create a painting of the scene which helps convey vivid emotions. Like, for instance, the various bloody scenes convey a dark and creepy feeling that make the reader feel a certain way, as you must know.” Yuri giggles softly, her sweet smile showing.

“That is true. Without the explicit terms, there would be less imagination involved. Therefore, less emotion to be felt.”

“Yes, that is how I see it. I wanted to write about this topic because it has always been hard for me to see others judge my….how do I put it? Unusual habits.” I swallow uncomfortabley, trying to hide my wariness from her. “This forces me to keep everything to myself, locking it away where no one can mock it. Writing about these certain feelings always seems to relieve some of the confinement within.”

“That’s a beautiful way to say that, Yuri.” Yuri smiles shyly at me. These unusual habits aren’t possibly what Natsuki was writing about, right? Natsuki’s poem described the certain good qualities about Yuri that she tried to ignore because she couldn’t get over the other qualities about her she didn’t like. I assumed it was Yuri’s different writing style, but perhaps it had something to do with one of Yuri’s “unusual habits”. What even are Yuri’s unusual habits?

“Thank you. I always enjoy sharing with you, Loki.”

“Why’s that?”

“E-Eh? U-Um….Did I say that out loud?”

“It appears so.”

“Oh….Well, it’s just that you always seem to understand why I write my poems and the amount of effort I put into them. You always seem to say the right things. The things that make me feel….pleased.”  
Yuri blushes with embarrassment, but I’m glad to see that she’s still smiling slightly.

“Well, you’re very welcome.” I think that’s the thing to say to that. It was a compliment, right? There’s a beat of silence as Yuri smiles at the floor, me still gazing at her. At this point, I can tell she’s trying to avoid my eyes, but I don’t know why. Finally, she looks at me.

“Oh, the suspense is killing me. I’m so interested to see what you’ve written for today,” Yuri says with a cute smile.

“In that case….” I lay my poem on the desk and nudge it towards her. “Here it is.” Yuri smiles as she gently picks my poem up and begins to read it. I stare at Yuri’s flickering eyes as they shift back and forth as she reads. I notice how her expression tends to stay surprised as she looks up and down the paper. She finally sets the paper down and looks at me with confused eyes, her mouth open and her eyes open in mild shock.

“Loki, how did you pick up on this so fast?”

“Huh?”

“I only taught you some basics yesterday. I’ve never known someone who could so easily learn these techniques.” I widen my eyes in surprise. Natsuki evidently thought it was ordinary and bland, but apparently Yuri seems to think that it’s superb, who do I trust? Gosh, this club is so tiring.

“Perhaps it’s because you’re really good at explaining things.” Or maybe the fact that I’m a god. “What you said yesterday inspired me to write something more….imaginary, I guess you could say. Something that paints a beautiful picture while also conveying a meaningful message. Did it come out that way?” I smile when I see Yuri turn scarlet and begin to fidget with her hair. Usually this wouldn’t amuse me so much, but right now, it makes me smile. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just seeing normal Yuri being Yuri that makes me happy. At least knowing that she hasn’t changed helps.

“I-I’m not used to this….”

“What? Praise?” 

Yuri gives a small nod.

“Seeing someone look up to me like this is….strange. I-I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing for you to do that I’m just….”

“It’s fine.” I for one, wish everyone looked up to me. Do you not, Yuri? And, I didn’t say I looked up to you, just for the record.

Yuri exhales and turns her gaze back to me. “It feels….nice.”

“Someone praising you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you not share your writing very often?”

Yuri blushes as she shakes her head.

“No. I usually just write for myself. A lot of my writing tends to be personal since it’s about my thoughts and experiences, so I’ve never felt the urge to share it. After all, people might laugh at me….”

“What makes you think that? I mean, I’m not laughing.”

“Well, of course you’re not. But, others who are not as mature as you often do not understand the stress of writing. Whereas, you are able to comprehend how uncomfortable it feels to share one’s writing.” There’s a second of silence as I think of what to say. A second turns into a minute as we stare silently at the floor.

“I see,” I say, thinking of starting a conversation, but nothing comes. “Um….” I risk a look at Monika who is talking with Sayori, possibly sharing. Come on, Monika! Just rotate already! End my suffering, please! I light up hopefully when I see Monika nod to Sayori and stand up. 

“Alright, everybody!” Monika stands behind the teacher’s desk as she waits for everyone’s attention. “Time to rotate!”

“It was nice sharing with you,” I say to Yuri as I get up and place the chair back in its rightful place.

“You too,” Yuri says with a smile and a nod. “I hope to share with you again.”

“Me too.” I casually walk away, relieved that that awkward situation is finally over. Seeing that I only have one person left to share with, I sigh in relief. But the stress quickly rises as I realize Monika is the last one to share with. I don’t have anything against Monika, but she tends to act kind of odd when it’s just the two of us. Seeing that I have no other option, I approach the teacher’s desk and pull up a chair.

“Hello, Loki,” Monika greets me from the other side of the desk.

“Hi,” I respond calmly.

“How has the writing been going? Do you feel like you’re improving?”

“It’s fine. I’ve learned a few techniques so far.”

“Glad to hear it! As long as it’s not bad, I’m content.”

“I suppose so.”

“Now I’m interested! I want to see what you’ve wrote for me today!” 

“Very well.” Who said I wrote it for you? Or anyone? Monika takes my poem out of my extended hand and begins to read it with her usual smile. It only takes Monika half a minute to read my poem.

“Excellent work, Loki!”

“You finished it that fast? It was pretty long.”

“Yup! And every word of it was amazing. I love how metaphorical it was. I didn’t expect you to write something so deep, so when I started reading it, I was taken aback by your usage of complex terms. It came out really nice as a result!”

“Of course it did. After all, I am Loki, Go----” I catch myself. “---good at everything.” I smile nervously at her.

Monika laughs. “That you are! I really underestimated just how good ‘Loki, good at everything’ really is.”

“Indeed,” I say, nodding enthusiastically.

Monika giggles.

“Either way, I’m happy to see that everything went your way. The description of the sunset last night was spot on.” I stare at Monika with wide eyes. An ominous feeling goes through me. Those are the exact words I thought to myself while writing this poem.

“How did you….?”

“I saw the sunset too. I actually wrote about it as well! Ehehehe! Isn’t that funny?”

“Yes, quite the coincidence.” Of course. It makes sense for her to have seen it too. Why didn’t I think of that earlier? Why did my mind instantly think the worst? I guess I just have a strange feeling about her, so when she said that, my mind immediately went to her stalking me or something.

“Actually, the way you wrote your poem reminded me of something Yuri would write,” Monika says.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, just how deep it was. And the fact that it had a hidden dark meaning behind it just seemed like Yuri’s style. But I suppose Yuri’s style is popular.”

“Hmm….I guess I can see the similarities between the styles. I didn’t mean to copy Yuri.” Good thing I’m so good at lying or Monika would definitely be making fun of me right now. Oh, Monika, you really can be annoying.

“Yes. Yuri’s style differentiates from Natsuki’s and Sayori’s styles by conveying a message through complex wording to make a reader find their own meaning from it. It’s no easy feat to do this. It requires a deep and knowledgeable mind to figure out a message that speaks so vividly through a sophisticated manner.”

“Thank you.”

Monika smiles at my assumption that she’s complimented me.

“Ehehehe! You’re welcome, Loki!” I guess that’s what I like about you, Monika. You always follow along with my snarky remarks. I’ve never had anyone do that for me. It’s a nice feeling. Having someone follow you as a leader is pleasant; especially when the person following you is the leader. 

“Well, I assume you want to read my poem. Am I correct?” Monika asks.

“Of course. I’m interested to see how you wrote differently about the same sunset I wrote about.”

“I hope it’s to your liking.” Monika giggles as she slides her poem off a stack of books and hands it to me. I notice Monika’s prestigious handwriting from before and lean in so I can read the fine strokes of her pencil.

You Are My Sunset  
You are my sunset.  
Your eyes shine with rays of celestial light that brighten my day whenever you smile.  
Reds, pinks, oranges, purples….  
The colors mix together, forming your divine personality, the one that always lifts me up when I am low.  
You glow like the shining sun, glinting off of the swaying water of the rising tides that threaten to drown me.   
You sink beneath the depths of the darkened water to rescue me from my sorrows.  
Even if you disappear for a time, you never fail to color me again with your blazing pigments.   
You are my reassurance that there is something worth living for.  
Showing endless amounts of kindness, your colors reach far and wide across the land to lighten someone else’s life with beauty.  
The grace you show with your pure perfection provides endless inspiration to my heart.  
And most of all, I know that you’ll always be there, just beyond the horizon.

“I like what you did with the sunset idea,” I say, not looking up at Monika.

“Thanks! I think you still did better with it, though,” Monika replies.

“Well, our messages are quite different. Mine was about how something as beautiful as a sunset is out of reach. While yours focuses on the metaphorical terms used by a sunset to describe attributes of somebody special. Which leads me to my next thought….”

“Oh?”

“I’m sensing a theme in your poems.”

“Is that so?” Monika smiles deviously.

“Yes, actually. I’ve come to the realization that your poems explain aspects of love.”

“Oh ho ho! You’re right! I like the subject about love because I think it’s such a beautiful thing, don’t you agree?”

“Yes, there is fine qualities about it.”

“After all, life is based upon love. Without love, life would lose meaning. Writing about the positives and negatives of love helps explain the good and bad to it. Since everything has pros and cons, something so pure and sacred also has it. A lot of people think that since I’m so popular I’m bound to have a boyfriend. But I don’t. Popularity doesn’t win love. If someone were to date me because of my status, it wouldn’t be actual love. So, for now, I am searching for someone I can truly love.”

“I didn’t know that that’s how you feel about it. Sayori’s comment earlier must’ve been offensive, then. I apologise on her behalf. I guess lots of people are quick to assume from appearances. I, for one, have never really given love much thought. But the few times I think about it in depth, I have similar feelings as you. Love really is a precious thing. If it is not nurtured and taken care of, it will wither away like a wilted rose and be lost forever.”

“That’s a wonderful way of putting it, Loki! I do love it when you get in touch with your deep side. It’s such a divine side of you! I wish I could see it more often. But it seems like you’re not very fond of it. Ehehe! I still love it!”

“Thanks….”

“Anyway, here’s Monika’s Writing Tip of the Day! When faced with difficult situations, your mind can become jammed and stressed. If you are trying to write something, for instance, and you don’t know how to get past a certain obstacle, you can always try writing it from other angles. Poetry helps do this. Poetry helps unwind your feelings and stresses and relieve it from you. After you get all of those jumbled feelings down, you’ll feel stronger and better. So just start writing your emotions down on paper, it doesn’t have to be good, it just needs to help work around them. That’s all! Thanks for listening!” Monika smiles at me before standing up. “Alright, everyone! That should be all for sharing poems today!”

“Not everyone….” Natsuki mumbles to herself. That’s right. There’s an odd number of members, so everyone doesn’t get to share with one person. But I share with everyone. I’m sensing some favouritism here….

“I have a special something planned for today. So would everyone gather at the front, please?” Monika goes on.

“I bet this is about the festival,” Natsuki mutters behind me, possibly speaking to me. I guess that makes sense. I did overhear Monika and Sayori talking about it the other day. At the arranged desks, Yuri and Natsuki take a seat next to each other. Sayori sits across from Natsuki, busily writing or drawing, I can’t tell. Monika takes a seat at the far end; the President’s seat. Not wanting to bother myself with feeling strange by sitting next to Sayori, I instead decide to stand. I stand closely behind Sayori, leaning on a desk. From here, I can see that Sayori is indeed drawing.

“Ehehehe! Maybe,” Monika replies to Natsuki.

“Why are we doing this so late?” Natsuki retorts. “At this point we shouldn’t even try to compete against the other clubs. Especially since we’re the Literature Club and we’re the ones to be made fun of. There’s no possible way we’re going to get any new members with our hurried projects and nonsense anyway.” 

“I have that concern as well,” Yuri says. “I don’t tend to do well with pressured preparations. I’ll probably just mess everything up.”

“Guys, guys!” Monika says with the same airiness as before. “Don’t overthink it so much. We’re only going to do what’s necessary, you know, the basics. After all, it’ll only be a minor project. A few decorations should suffice. Sayori and I have already designed some posters and pamphlets for the event, so we only have a few things left to do.”

“Okay. So, you and Sayori went off and started without everyone. Fine. But what are the rest of us going to do?” Natsuki says bitterly.

“Well, we’ll have to discuss that later. But right now….” Monika’s voice rises over Natsuki’s upcoming retort. “....we’ll be performing.”

“Eh? Performing?” Natsuki and Yuri stare perplexed at Monika.

“Yeah! I mean, we’re going to have to practice saying our poems out loud if we plan on performing them at the festival!” Monika smiles as everyone digests her words.

“Um….We plan to….say our poems out loud?” Yuri mumbles apprehensively.

“Heck to the no!” I can see Natsuki is firing up quickly in response to Monika’s proposal. “There is no way you can force us to perform our poems in front of everybody! I swear….if you’ve already put those posters up….”

Monika laughs nervously. “I did, sorry. Sayori’s worked really hard on them and they’ve come out beautifully.” Monika motions to Sayori, who is happily coloring a poster with vibrant colors. Sayori giggles as she displays her work. “And it won’t just be us sharing poems. I’ve invited anyone who wants to share their poetry to feel free to do so. See….” Monika points to a sentence on the poster. “....it says there.”

We all stare at the poster designed by Sayori as our gears turn. It doesn’t look half bad, given that Sayori is the one creating it. What annoys me, though, is how girly it is. Sayori’s made extra effort to add a variety of different shades of pinks and purples, not to mention the cute little doodles of cupcakes and animals on the sides. I feel really embarrassed that I’m apart of the club with the pinkest poster. I guess this is what I signed up for. Gosh, why did I even join in the first place? 

“I guess I see your point, Monika,” Natsuki says. “But I’m still mad that you didn’t tell us sooner.”

“I know, I know. You’re right, I should’ve made an effort to tell you all sooner,” Monika responds.

“Oh, Monika, I don’t think…..I would never….There’s no way…..” We all stare at Yuri as she attempts to put her thoughts into words. “I’m not comfortable doing this sort of thing!”

“Yuri, I understand how this may make you feel, but this is an important obstacle you need to get through,” Sayori says. “In the Literature Club, we’re slowly trying to make everyone more confident and comfortable about their writing. Writing and sharing poems in the club was the first step. Now, sharing them outloud to a crowd is the next one. You can see that, right?” Yuri looks nervously into Sayori’s pleading eyes. Sighing, Yuri gives in.

“V-Very well. I can see your point. This is something I need to overcome and this is the only way to do so.” Yuri gives a slight smile as Sayori grins genuinely. 

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Monika exclaims excitedly. “If we show that same encouragement and confidence, then I’m sure we’ll inspire others to join our cause!”

“Yeah!” Sayori beams. “Let’s show everyone what literature’s all about!”

“That’s right!” Monika holds her hands behind her back and leans in slightly. “I hope to see the same enthusiasm from everyone else. After all, we all joined for the same reason. And that’s to inspire others with your own written words! This is a great opportunity to do that.” Yuri and Natsuki don’t dare meet Monika’s gaze. As everyone stays silent, I can see that Sayori’s worry is enhancing. Before I can stop myself, I jump in.

“I agree!” I hastily say. Everyone’s gaze now rests on me. “I agree,” I repeat calmly. “Sharing a poem or two isn’t a big deal. It’s harder to share among the club because we’re being critiqued. But with a crowd, it’s a straight forward performance that only lasts a minute or so. Then, when it’s over, there’s applause and no one shouts out advice or insults. And if they do, then you can yell back at them. After all, if they’re stupid enough to attack someone who's just shared a part of their soul with them, then they are truly ignorant monsters that deserve nothing but scorn.” I stand tall as I await everyone’s responses.

“That’s a bit harsh, Loki,” Sayori says. 

“It’s true though,” Natsuki says. “I’m with him….”

“Yes….You’re right, Loki,” Yuri says. “Their opinions aren’t the purpose of this event. We’re just trying to show what we do in the Literature Club and why. Oh, gosh…..This club is definitely going to be the death of me….” Yuri’s confidence is slowly rising and falling as she speaks. “I think it’s a good idea for me to go outside my comfort zone for once. Or twice since I was nervous about sharing with just you guys.” Yuri giggles softly, her sweet smile showing.

“Yeah, yeah….I guess I’ll agree to do this one stupid project, just to get it over with!” Natsuki adds.

“Yay!” Sayori cheers.

“I’m glad to hear that we’ve come to an agreement!” Monika says. “Thanks, Loki. That extra push was really what I needed,” she whispers to me. Returning her focus to the rest of the club, she says, “Alright, now that that’s out of the way, shall we get started with our main event?”

“Main event?” Sayori asks, puzzled. “Oh! The main event! I nearly forgot!”

“Yup! I’d like everyone to choose a poem they like so we can practice for the real thing,” Monika announces.

“R-Right now?” Yuri asks, her expression returning to absolute horror.

“Monika!! What the heck?!” Natsuki cries in fury.

“Calm down, everybody. It’s only practice.” Monika smiles nervously as she motions with her hand to bring the tension down. 

“Come on, you know we need to do this,” I say. “If we can’t recite our poems within the club, we’re doomed for the festival.”

“Exactly!” Sayori agrees. Sayori beams up at me from her desk, trying to reach me eyes with her illuminating gaze. I stand above her and since I’m a lot taller than her, it proves to be a challenge for her, given we’re so close together. I smile down at her in spite of myself. From where Yuri and Natsuki sit together, I can see that they exchange anxious glances with each other.

“How about this, I’ll go first,” Monika suggests.

“Ooo! Oooo!” Sayori jumps up and down in her chair, her hand shooting up, hitting my hand. “Can I go next?”

“Of course!” Monika says as she shuffles through her notebook full of what seems to be writing. “Which would be a good one….?” she asks herself. “Aha! This is perfect! You’re going to love this,” she says, looking at me. I raise my eyebrows at her to clarify, but she slides out of her chair and glides to the podium. What am I supposed to expect from “You’re going to love this”? Is it really good? Or is she being sarcastic? Probably not. It’s probably going to be about love. But why would I love it? I stare at Monika with interest. Either way, this probably is going to lead to another awkward situation.


	6. Chapter 6

“This one is called, ‘The Way You Fight.’ It’s a short one,” Monika says. Everything around me seems to disappear as Monika begins to recite her poem. Her usage of words expresses the vibrancies of the true meaning. I can’t seem to understand what the message is, but the way Monika says each word is enough for me; I guess I do love it. It just has a nice lure to it. When Monika’s finished speaking, everyone applauds. Monika smiles as if that was the easiest thing in her life.

“Thank you, everyone,” Monika says with a little bow.

“That. Was. So. Gooood!!!” Sayori exclaims.

“Aw, thanks, Sayori. I hope that I inspired everyone to perform,” Monika says.

“Uh-huh!” Sayori leaps out of her seat, knocking into me. She giggles as she steps away from me and strides to the podium.

“Wait!!” Natsuki cries. Sayori stops dead in her tracks, almost  
falling over from the sudden shout. “I think I should go next.”

“Natsuki?! You want to go next?” Monika says in shock.

“Well, yeah, I guess.” Natsuki folds her arms as she tries to avoid  
blushing.

“That’s so exciting!!” Sayori cheers, jumping up and down. “Go ahead, Natsuki! You can do this!” Sayori skips back to her seat and reclaims it as Natsuki stands up. With a piece of paper clutched tightly in her hand, Natsuki storms up to the podium. Monika smiles reassuringly at her before taking a seat.

“Okay, this poem is called Kitten Whiskers,” Natsuki says.

“Oh!! Isn’t that the poem Monika read?” Sayori says excitedly.

“Yes. It is! Now shut up!” Natsuki glares at Sayori before taking a deep breath and glancing down at her poem. As Natsuki reads off her poem, I can immediately tell what the message is. I assume that her poem explains how looks can be deceiving. Like a kitten, it has a cute and comforting appearance. But it has claws and sharp teeth to add to the mixture too. I guess kittens are like Natsuki. Natsuki looks really cute and inviting on the outside, but on the inside she’s very aggressive and fiesty; just what I like about her. Natsuki finishes before I know it. I miss the applause from my own thoughts. Natsuki sits down, grudgingly looking at me. 

“Excellent work, Natsuki!” Monika says.

“Hmph….” Natsuki folds her arms and looks angrily at her desk.

“I liked the message,” I say, trying to make up for not applauding.

“Thanks,” Natsuki mutters.

“I loved it!!” Sayori smiles broadly. “It was such a good poem!” Natsuki blushes as she smiles back.

“Now, who would like to go next?” Monika asks.

“Me, me, me!” Sayori jumps up once again and speed-walks to the podium, trying to reach it before anybody objects her.

“W-Wait!” Yuri shouts. Sayori stops a few paces away from the podium. 

“Aw…..” Sayori sadly walks back to her seat.

“I-I’m sorry….You can go first. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Yuri blushes nervously as she begins to fumble with her hair.

“No, no. You should go,” Sayori says, beaming.

“V-Very well….” Yuri anxiously walks to the podium, paper in hand. “A-Alright, this one is called….” She exhales. “It’s called….” She exhales again. “C-Called….”

“You can do it, Yuri,” Sayori says.

“Y-Yes….I can do this, I can do this….” Yuri breathes in and out, gathering her courage. “This one is called Beneath the Cherry Blossoms.” Everyone’s attention is locked on Yuri from the first line. Yuri starts the poem off with a happy setting. She describes many positive aspects of life and a cherry blossom tree. From what I understand, there’s a girl waiting for somebody under a cherry blossom tree. But, knowing Yuri, I can tell that this happiness won’t last. Before I know it, the poem takes a very dark turn. Instead of the man of her dreams meeting her, it’s a monstrous creature that cuts her, turning the snow a dark crimson, as Yuri describes it. When Yuri finishes reading, it isn’t just me who forgets to applause, the rest of the room is silent as well. Yuri awkwardly looks at the floor full of embarrassment. Realizing that she must think we don’t like it, I start clapping. The rest of the club realizes too and follows me.

“That was very well written, Yuri,” Monika says. “Thanks for sharing that with us.” Yuri silently nods.

“I liked the metaphorical language. It really helped me visualize the scene,” I comment. “You should do this more often, you’re really good at it. The way you put more stress on certain words is amazing. You reading it outloud is a better experience than someone just reading it to themselves.”

“Yeah! I agree!” Sayori says.

“Yeah, it came out nice,” Natsuki says grumpily. “Once your stuttering ended, I could clearly see the message.”

“Th-Thank you, everyone,” Yuri says with a shy smile. She steadily steps away from the podium and reclaims her seat.

“Alright! Now it’s my turn!” This time, Sayori dances her way to the podium, empty handed.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” I ask, smirking.

“Eh?” Sayori glances around, turning in circles. “I don’t think so.”

I roll my eyes. “Perhaps….Your poem?”

“Oh!!” Sayori runs back and shuffles through her bag. “U-Um….” Sayori hurriedly searches. “I can’t find it!!”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to go,” I say.

“Eh?!” Sayori quickens her searching. Having fun with this, I slowly open my bag and look for a poem. I don’t have any other poems other than the ones I’ve shared before, so I’m only messing with Sayori. 

“Let’s see….” I open a notebook and begin to flip through the pages. I hear Yuri chuckle, pushing me on. Unconsciously, I turn to a page I can hardly remember. I read it in surprise. I forgot I wrote this. A couple weeks back, when school was really slow and boring, I started writing in my notebook, just to pass time. Reading it now, I’m realizing just how good it is. “Here we go.” I display the page to Sayori who squeals in annoyance.

“No fair!” Sayori cries.

“Oh, it’s fair,” I say as I walk up to the podium.

“But this means I’m going last….” Sayori mopily drops her face into her bag. My smile lengthens. I reach the podium and set my notebook down. 

“The title of this one is….” I search for a title, but apparently I didn’t write one. I quickly make one up. “....Trapped.” I silently cringe in my head as I read it outloud. Reading my words out loud is like hundreds of needles piercing my skin. I read on in spite of myself. As I read, I begin to remember the inspiration behind it. I never admit how lonely I’ve been living on Midgard. Without anyone to support me or talk to, I’ve become trapped with my own thoughts, all alone. The more I think about certain things, the more the anger and sadness builds up inside me. I realize that I haven’t felt like this since I joined the club. The feelings I expressed in this poem have now changed. I don’t feel as lonely anymore. I guess having people like Sayori in your life really brightens the mood. Even Natsuki and Yuri are pleasant people, despite their insecurities. 

I’m glad I joined this club. The thought surprises me, but I don’t deny it. I really am. Even though it’s forced me into many awkward and embarrassing situations, I’m still grateful to it. When I finish reading, the first thing I see, is Sayori’s melancholy expression. I smile at her without knowing. The room applauses a second later.

“That was beautiful, Loki,” Monika says.

“That’s my favorite poem of yours so far,” Yuri says.

“The message is relatable, which, is important,” Natsuki says in spite of herself.

“I didn’t know that that’s how you feel, Loki,” Sayori says meaningfully. 

“Well, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me,” I say kindly. Usually I would’ve said something like that in an aggressive tone, but this isn’t one of those times. “I actually don’t feel that way much anymore. It’s hard to feel like that when you have someone so annoying pestering you about happiness.”

“Ehehehe! You’re welcome!” Sayori giggles from the floor, her backpack still open and books and binders thrown around her. 

“So, have you found your poem, Sayori?” I ask.

“Yup!” Sayori waves a sheet of paper in the air. “It was right with all the other poems, the one place I didn’t think to look.” 

Me and Sayori switch places, I take a seat in Sayori’s chair and Sayori stands behind the podium. “Alright! This one’s called Fluttering Wings.” With a giggle, she cheerfully recites her poem. The poem focuses on a butterfly learning to fly, which I think is metaphorical for Sayori spreading her wings as a writer. The whole time Sayori spends reading, I think that it really expresses her personality. This must mean it’s a good poem. At the end, it takes a surprisingly sad turn. I guess she still struggles with her writing. But I guess we all do. “Ehehehe! That’s all!” The club applauses, making Sayori giggle even more. “Aw, you guys….”

“I’m surprised how well you did that,” I say.

“Well, it was a lot harder than I initially expected. But once I realized who I was doing it for, it was as easy as pie!” Sayori’s face then turns serious as she rubs her stomach. “Pie….” 

Wait, who were you doing it for? 

“I’m impressed, Sayori!” Monika says with praise. “It came out really well!”

“Thanks!” Sayori skips happily back to her seat. “Eh? When did you….?” She looks from me and the podium. 

“You didn’t realize I stole your seat?” A smile threatens to take over my face.

“I guess not.” Sayori laughs to herself as she takes the seat next to mine.

“You’re not going to fight for it?”

“Not this time!”

I open my mouth to impose, but close it. I wanted her to make a scene….Dang it….Maybe next time….

“Alright! That should be everyone,” Monika says. “Excellent work, everybody! I can’t wait to see this done for the real thing! Thank you for going further out of your comfort zones. But doesn’t it feel nice now that you’ve performed?” The room is a mixture of nods and silence. “It may be hard, but it’s well worth it! Now just make sure to pick a poem to practice for the festival, okay? Be sure to let me know what poem you plan on reciting so I can write it down in the pamphlets.”

“Do we still have to write a poem for tomorrow?” Natsuki asks.

“Of course!” Monika beams at Natsuki who glares at her desk. “That should be all for today. Be sure to write and choose a poem! Remember, the festival will be on Monday!”

“I’m so excited!” Sayori sings. I can see Yuri talking to herself, trying to mentally prepare herself for the worst.

“Excellent,” I say, getting up. Everyone else soon follows, retrieving their bags. “Ready to go, Sayori?” Sayori perks her head up from her chair. I see that she’s adding some final touches to her poster.

“Yup! Just give me one second!” Sayori hurriedly finishes up and begins to clean up.

“It’s so cute that you guys walk home together,” Natsuki says with a smile.

“Is it?” Sayori blushes immensely.

“It only makes sense for us to walk home together since we’re neighbors,” I point out. “It’s really not anything personal. I’d walk home with Yuri if she was my neighbor. Or even Monika. It’s really just what’s convenient.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say,” Natsuki says as she adjusts the strap on her shoulder bag. “I happen to live just farther down your street….”

“It must be nice having company,” Yuri says bittersweetly.

“Sometimes. Having company can be a nuisance,” I say. Yuri chuckles. “Well, we should get going.” I turn to leave, waiting for Sayori to follow me. As soon as we’re out of earshot of the others, we turn to each other, smiling.

“They’re so silly,” Sayori says.

“Yes, in some ways they are,” I respond.

“I mean, we’re just friends, right?”

“Yeah. Friends.” The words taste sour in my mouth, but I say them nonetheless. Sayori giggles in response, ending the conversation. We walk home in odd silence. Usually Sayori is making conversation or at least skipping excitedly. But this time she’s not doing any of these things. Instead, she stares melancholy-like at the ground as we walk. I try to not look at her, but it’s just so strange for her to look so down. 

“Um….Is everything alright, Sayori?” I ask. “You seem….off.”

“E-Eh?” Sayori looks up at me with wide eyes. “Did I space out?”

“Aw, that’s what it was. No matter.”

“W-Well….I was actually thinking of something earlier….”

“Oh, so you do want to talk? What about earlier?”

“About what you said to Natsuki about walking home with me….”

“Oh, that. What about it?”

“Okay, let’s say….Natsuki asked you to walk home with her, would you?”

“Where’s this coming from?”

“Well, you said earlier that you only walked home with me….because it’s more convenient.”

“Oh, Sayori….”

“Would you still walk home with me if Natsuki asked you?”

“Sayori….” I stare into her saddened eyes, trying to figure out what she’s feeling. Should I say what she wants me to say? Or what I think truly? I think about this and realize that the answer to both of those questions is the same. “I would still walk home with you.”

“Eh? Y-You would?”

“Of course. Our walking home together is unique. After all, you’re really good company.”

“You think about me too much, Loki.” Sayori blushes as she smiles bittersweetly. “Natsuki would want to walk home with you if she asked, so I have no right to----”

“Sayori, I’ve made up my mind. Why do you keep pressing me? Do you not want me to walk home with you?”

“No, no, it’s not that…..”

“Just accept my answer, okay?” 

“Okay.” Sayori smiles at me, trying to imitate her usually happiness, but she fails to do so. I decide to drop the conversation. We walk on in awkward silence. 

Eventually, we reach our street. “Hey, Loki?”

“Yes?”

“There’s someone in front of your house.”

“Is there?” I look in the distance to see who it might be and immediately groan.

“Do you know him?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Sayori’s bright mood slowly returns as she anticipates who it might be. When we reach my house, my brother comes into full focus.

“Aw, brother! I’ve been waiting for you,” Thor says.

“Eh?! You’re brother lives with you?! Wait a minute, you have a brother!?” Sayori looks from me to Thor, trying to look for some kind of resemblance. 

“Adopted,” I tell her.

“He’s adopted?” Sayori studies Thor intently.

“No, I’m adopted.”

“Oooh….Wait, since when?!”

“Since always.”

“How come I never knew this?! I’ve known you for five years----”

“Three, this would be the fourth.”

“----I’m sure you would’ve brought it up at least once.”

“Nope. Never came up.”

“Really?” Sayori contemplates this, staring into the distance with wide eyes and an open mouth.

“I see you’re still keen on keeping secrets,” Thor says with a playful grin. I roll my eyes as I fold my arms. “Anyway, who is this beautiful woman before me?” He takes Sayori’s hand and kisses it gently.

“Eh?” Sayori blushes in surprise. She can’t help but giggle at the sensation of Thor kissing her hand.

“This is Sayori. Sayori this is Thor, my brother, he’s, uh, already graduated,” I say.

“It’s nice to meet you, Thor!” Sayori exclaims.

“It is a pleasure making your acquaintance, Lady Sayori,” Thor says over-dramatically. “You just had a little syrup on your knuckle,” he says, pointing to the place he kissed her.

“Ehehehe! You’re very strange. I like that!” Sayori smiles cheerfully. Despite the current situation, I’m glad that Sayori is returning to her usual self. “Well, I should get going. I’m going to write an amazing poem, just you wait, Loki! See you tomorrow!” Sayori pushes the gate to her house open and skips to her front door. She waves at me and yells, “I like syrup! It reminds me of breakfast! Mmm!” She then disappears behind her door. The beacon of light gone, I become aggressive.

“Move,” I say to Thor. He moves out of the way of the gate and I shove it open. I don’t wait for Thor as I turn the key in my front door and walk inside. I plop my keys on the stool next to the door, along with my shoulder bag. I lift the spell on myself and return to my normal appearance, except I keep the school uniform on. “So, how does Asgard fair?”

“Asgard fairs well.” Thor glances around my entrance as he follows me. I walk through the living room to the kitchen. Thor makes himself comfortable on a sofa as I busy myself with the dishes. I try to ignore Thor and get on with my daily routine, but he keeps bothering me.

“So, that woman,” Thor starts.

“Yes, Sayori. What about her?”

“She seems nice.”

“Nice and annoying, if that’s what you mean.”

“At least there’s some positive energy in your life.”

“Perhaps.”

“She said you’ve known each other for five years.”

“Three,” I correct him.

“That’s how long you’ve been here on Midgard.”

“Do you have a point?”

“I didn’t know you had a long-term friend.”

“Well, friend is an over-statement. She really just clings to me.”

“Clings to you?”

“She got attached to me for whatever reason. Also, when do you plan on leaving?”

“Done with me already, are you? That’s probably record time for you getting annoyed by me.” 

“Well, I have a lot of homework to do. And frankly, you’re quite a nuisance.”

Thor laughs, enhancing my annoyance. “Yes. Homework. I take pride in being a nuisance, by the way.” He stares out the window, beaming before asking, What is homework?”

“It’s work that is assigned from school to do at home as practice.”

“Oh, right, of course.” Thor nods his head more, staring around and around, distracted. He then asks, “What do you have to do for this homework?”

“Well, for starters, I have to write a poem----”

“Like that other woman?”

“Yes. Like that ‘other woman’.”

“Are you two in the same class together or something?”

“Not this year. We’re in the same club.” I regret saying those words the minute they come out. I cringe as I await Thor’s response of mocking.

“Club? What is a ‘club?’”

“It’s a group of people gathered together to share a common interest or goal.”

“Oh? What’s the common interest in yours?”

“Literature.”

“Literature….I guess that makes sense. So, there’s that woman Sayori, anybody else?”

“There’s only three others. We’re not very popular. There’s Yuri, Natsuki, and Monika.”

“Wow, that is a small group….of women.” A smile stretches across Thor’s face.

“Indeed.” I ignore the smile and begin to find something else to do since I’ve finished the dishes.

“What led you to joining this club of women?” he presses

“Does it matter what gender they are?”

“Of course not. I’m just wondering.”

“I joined for Sayori, if you must know.”

“You did something for someone other than yourself? Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

“Oh, come on. At least give me some credit. Sayori was really desperate to get a member because she lied to her friends about getting a member, so she was practically begging me.”

“Aw, I see….So, you helped the damsel in distress.”

“I guess I did.” I shrug in annoyance.

“Well, seems like everything is in order here. I’d best be off.” I nod my head. “Till morrow!”

I shake my head, glaring at him.

“Have fun homeworking!” he says as he disappears through the back door. I don’t bother seeing Thor out the door, he knows the way. I hear the door slide shut behind him. In the distance I hear the Bifrost come down and transport Thor back to Asgard. I snap my fingers and prepare myself to complete my homework. I retrieve my bag from the entrance and climb the stairs to my bedroom.

I pull a notebook out of my bag along with a pen and lay them on my desk. I seat myself in my chair and hold my pen in my hand, playing with it in fingers. I wait for inspiration to draw me into a poem, but it doesn’t come as quickly as I would like. Like the night before, I turn to the window for inspiration. No inspiration awaits me there either since the curtain blocks all light from coming through. Getting bored by the minute, I become distracted by my computer. Being right on my desk, waiting for me to unleash its unlimited temptations, I reluctantly open it up. Over the years, I’ve become more accustomed with the many inventions of Midgard. This thing here is called a computer, a larger version of what they call a phone. I don’t have a phone because I don’t see the point in getting something that I already have. Plus, I like the computers better. As I open the web browser, I instantly get distracted by my numerous emails. Half way through reading all of my emails, I realize that I’m supposed to be writing a poem. Just one more electronic letter. I click the next letter and begin reading. This one is advertising for a community support group. I read on.

It details the many things that people may need support for. The range is very high and it seems like mortals are depressed by so many things. One part mentions behaviors common of depressed people. Most of them sound obvious to me, but there’s one that stands out: Spending increasing amounts of time sleeping. I read further. Feeling guilty, worthlessness, feeling critical to oneself, self-harm, occupying self with depressed thoughts, decreased ability to concentrate…. The list goes on and on about disheartening things. That one symptom of increased sleep makes me think back to Sayori. She only started oversleeping a few months ago and today’s the only time I’ve seen her act strangely.

Is she depressed? 

She did say that she likes writing about sad things, and that’s one of the things listed. There’s no way Sayori is depressed. I mean, just look at her. All smiles and no tears. It’s just one of her untidy habits. Sleeping in makes sense for her, anyway. It’s nothing to worry about. I cancel out of my email and shut my laptop lid.

I retrieve my pen and breathe in and out as I search for a theme. Well, I’ve already written a poem for Natsuki and Yuri. Just Sayori and Monika left. Just Sayori and Monika left…. I sigh and run my free hand through my once again long, black hair. 

My mind flutters to Sayori’s melancholy expression, making a flood of pain attack my heart. I don’t like thinking it, but seeing Sayori look even bittersweet hurts. Monika’s right, I really don’t want to see her hurt herself. She must be hurting, but why? Why hasn’t she told me? I thought we didn’t keep secrets without reason. What’s your reason, Sayori? 

This feeling of betrayal and worry eats away at my heart and mind. It’s a feeling of hopelessness I can’t describe. The emotions going through me right now are new ones I’ve never experienced. It’s hard to put into words what it feels like. But one thing for sure, it feels like a spear going through my heart. 

This painful sensation goes through my hand as my pen brushes against the paper, attempting to put my thoughts into words. I guess this is what Monika was talking about; “Just write your feelings into words.” I have full concentration as I write a melancholy poem. This is for you, Sayori.


	7. Chapter 7

This time I’m right on time for club. Almost early, actually. Only Yuri awaits me when I step into the club room. I see that she is reading Reflection of Mine. At first I reach into my bag to follow Yuri’s example, but while retrieving the book, I notice Natsuki’s manga. I cringe as I realize that I needed to finish that yester-yesterday. Reluctantly, I grab Natsuki’s manga and begin reading. 

By the time I’m just about finished with the short book, Sayori and Natsuki have arrived. I ignore Natsuki’s glare at me for not completing the book yester-yesterday. As soon as I slam the book shut, Monika strolls through the doorway. 

“Late again,” I point out.

“Ah! I’m the last one again? Ugh….” Monika sighs, looking down at the floor.

“That you are,” I say, turning around at the rest of the room.

“Were you practicing piano, Monika?” Yuri asks, gently closing her book and sliding it to the side of her desk.

“Yeah, you caught me,” Monika says guiltily.

“It isn’t something to be ashamed of. We can all understand the amount of determination and passion you must have for leading this club and picking up piano,” Yuri politely states.  
“Passion is the word I use. But you all are so passionate as well! Without you guys, there would be no Literature Club to be late to!” Monika giggles softly. Yuri and I smile.

“Yeah. Not a club to let your members down,” Natsuki bursts in.

“Eh? Am I really letting you guys down that much?” Monika looks distressed and guilty at this comment.

“No, not really. But it sucks that we can’t start until you get here,” Natsuki says.

“Aw, I see. Well, you guys can start without me.”

“Nah, it’s nicer when you do it.” Natsuki blushes at her own comment. “I mean, you have a way of making it seem....um….”

“Thanks, Natsuki.” Monika smiles at Natsuki.

“You’re welcome,” Natsuki says grudgingly.

“Can’t stay aggressive forever,” I say.

“I guess not,” Monika says.

“Gosh, I’m so hungry, ” Natsuki says, looking down at her clenched stomach.

“Why?” Monika asks.

“I uh….didn’t…..I just skipped breakfast this morning, that’s all,” Natsuki says hastily. It seems like she’s trying to cover something up, but what and why?

“Don’t let Sayori hear you say that,” I mutter.

“And you didn’t have lunch?” Yuri inquires.

“Er, well, I didn’t have….um....time to make a lunch this morning, either.” Natsuki turns scarlet as she folds her arms.

“Why’s that? Did you oversleep?” Monika asks.

“Yeah, I guess,” Natsuki responds.

“Sounds like Sayori’s habits are becoming contagious,” I say.

“It’s not a habit!” Natsuki snaps.

“That’s what everyone says,” I remark.

“It’s just this once, okay?” Natsuki says firmly.

“Yup. That’s all it takes to start,” I say.

“Ugh! Would you shut your mouth already?” Natsuki glares at my smiling face. I laugh, making her crack a smile.

“Speaking of Sayori, where is she?” Monika asks, fraining to see where she is. “Oh, there she is.” I follow her gaze and see Sayori sitting at a desk at the far end of the room. She has a downcasted look, staring blankly at her desk. She isn’t even bobbing up and down or moving her legs around. She’s just sitting there. “She seems odd today. I wonder what happened?” Monika’s comment is met with a short lived conversation. The rest of the women soon start talking about the upcoming festival. Having no interest in the present conversation, I stride over to Sayori. 

I stand right in front of Sayori’s desk now, but she still doesn’t seem to notice me. Unless she’s just ignoring me. Seeing a mischievous opportunity arise, I slam my hand down hard on the desk. Natsuki shrieks in fright, bolting up and almost falling back in her chair. I laugh deviously.

“Zoning out again I see,” I say as I pull up a chair to Sayori’s desk.

“O-Oh....It’s just you,” Sayori stammers, her cheeks turning a peachy pink.

“Who did you think it was?”

“I don’t know. Monika maybe.”

“Hmmm….Yeah, ‘cause she’s so scary,” I say jokingly.

“A-Anyway, why are you over here with me? You should be talking with everyone else.”

“I didn’t know I had to converse with everyone else. Is it now a requirement?”

“Well, no….but….”

“Do you want to get rid of me?”

“No! It’s not that….”

“Sayori, is everything alright?” My gaze becomes serious and concerned as I stare at Sayori’s saddened expression.

“O-Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out. But from observation, anyone that knows you, can easily tell that you’re off.”

“Everything’s fine with me. You know, you do tend to worry about me too much.”

“This is the first time I’ve genuinely worried about you.”

“Well, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m fine! See?” Sayori smiles at me and bobs her head up and down while moving her legs in circles, like she usually does. “So, you can go ahead and talk with everyone else. Don’t let me distract you from everyone else, okay?”

“Well, if you insist. But I’m not going to drop this, okay?” I stand up and nod my head to Sayori who smiles normally up at me. When I’ve rearranged my chair where it was before, I begin to walk away. I take a quick glance back at Sayori and I see her sad expression from before return to her. What is up with you, Sayori? 

By the time I reach the rest of the group, they’ve already finished talking and are dispersing to their personal activities. I awkwardly spin around as they go their own ways. I stand as I think of who to follow. Luckily, someone decides for me.

“Hey, Loki!” Monika calls to me from behind her desk. I perk my gaze to her with raised eyebrows. She shuffles around her desk and walks towards me. “I need you to do a favor for me.”

“Oh?”

“Since, you’re not occupied at the moment, would you like to accompany me to get some supplies for the festival?”

“Um….” I swivel around and eye each member before returning my gaze back to Monika. “I suppose that’d be alright.”

“Great! Let’s go!” Monika leads me out of the club room. She stands in the entryway and calls out to the rest of the club, “We’re just stepping out for a minute. We’ll be right back!” She doesn’t wait for the club to respond before shutting the door. “Come on, I think there’s some nice paper in the room down the hall.” I follow Monika to a dark room. She opens the door and switches the lights on. They flicker on, revealing what seems to be an art room. “Ta-da! Aren’t I magical?”

“Yes, it’s very magical to find a room.”

“Well, I found the perfect room, silly.”

I shrug. “No difference.”

Monika laughs. We begin to explore the room.

“So, what exactly are we looking for,” I ask.

“Paper, pens, paint, colored pencils….” Monika shuffles through a cabinet. “I guess anything that would spice up some pamphlets and posters.”

“Okay.” We begin searching in silence. Monika has already set aside some useful items, where as I have found nothing. “Um, Monika?”

“Yes?”

“Forgive me if you think this is strange of me to think, but doesn’t Sayori seem distraught?”

“Distraught? How so?” Monika turns to me with surprise.

“Well, she’s just been acting distant lately. She always brushes off my concern when I bring it up, though.”

“Huh….I guess that is concerning. Well, wouldn’t you be the one she would open up to since you’re such good friends?”

“Sort of. She has always told me about things that bothered her. I never asked, she just started talking. But this time it’s different. She doesn’t even want to admit that she’s troubled.”

“I share your concern. It’s important to me that my members are happy. I’ll be sure to talk to her when we get back, okay?” I nod my head and return my focus to looking. “Hey! Look at this!” I return my gaze to Monika. “Glitter!” She holds a bottle of sparkly pink glitter in her hands. 

“Mmm….exciting,” I say nonchalantly.

When we return to the club room, Monika drops off the supplies on her desk and nods to me as she heads towards Sayori. I watch Monika kneel down next to Sayori and gently talk to her with a concerned expression. She still has her bittersweet smile intact as she talks to Sayori. Yeah, Monika is the right person to deal with this. She’ll resolve this temporary conflict and everything will return to normal. Well, as normal as it can be.

I suddenly realize an item held in my hand. I look at it and scoff. In my hand lies a bag full of colorful cotton balls. Examining them further, I see that they have eyes glued onto them as well as little pipe cleaners as arms. I roll my eyes as I toss it into the pile of Monika’s supplies. 

The puff balls remind me of something Sayori would make for kicks and giggles. Once again, I am brought back to Sayori. The more I waver on her, the more I think I’m the one not acting normal. I shake my head and turn my thoughts away as well as my body since I was apparently encaptured in Sayori and Monika as they chatted. 

My eyes search the room. Natsuki is reading in the closet as usual and Yuri is….My eyes fall on Yuri and I jump. Yuri stares at me from where she sits at a desk. I raise my eyebrows at her and she immediately turns her head away, flustered. What do you want, Yuri? Just say it. Please, just say it…. 

I shuffle to Yuri and spin a chair around to face her. Now directly next to her, she can’t ignore me, right? Yuri continues to stare down at her hands, making me roll my eyes.

“Hello, Yuri,” I say.

“S-Sorry….I didn’t mean to distract you,” Yuri stammers.

“Distract me from what?”

“U-Um….”

“I wasn’t busy with anything, Yuri. It’s fine.”

“But you were. I could tell that you were deep in thought. I shouldn’t have disturbed you….”

“Just forget it. It wasn’t anything important.” It was important. Very important.

“Very well. If it is something private, I will not press you.”

“Well, I suppose you have a right to know. After all, she’s your friend too.”

“Eh? Who?”

“Sayori.”

“What about her? Has something happened to her?” A look of absolute horror and fear comes across Yuri’s face.

“I want to think it’s nothing serious. It probably isn’t, but---”

“Never assume before you know all the facts,” Yuri interrupts bravely.

“You’re right, this is just me speculating, then.”

“Of course, sorry. Go ahead.”

“It’s just that Sayori’s been off recently. She’s being very dismissive and distant. She doesn’t even smile like she used to. Now, it’s a forced smile. It’s strange how quickly she switched from being a joyous and care-free person to a melancholy, distressed person.”

“Hmmm….” I look up and can see that Yuri is smiling.

“Is something amusing?” My voice is a little stern, but I try my best to make it casual since I know that being rude will only make Yuri upset and awkward.

“Well, I know that’s really concerning, but don’t you think it’s a little romantic?”

“What? Me worrying about Sayori? Gosh, we’re just friends, okay. It’s not love, it’s just friendship. Just barely friendship. To be honest, it’s not very fun being around someone who's always in the dumps. So, I prefer an annoying and loud person over a depressed one who causes worry to others.”

“I-I’m sorry. That was wrong and immature of me to say. Let me correct my wrong response. Sayori’s situation is worrisome. Being her best friend, she should open up to you. You know, It is possible that the source of her stress is you, Loki.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“Nothing. I think that maybe just you being around in the club and socializing with everyone else is either making her overly-happy and she doesn’t know how to express it or, more likely, she has become jealous.”

“Jealous? By me hanging out with the people she wanted me to meet? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Perhaps not. But maybe she wanted that at first because she thought it would make you happy, but now it’s made her feel lonely and selfish. She then feels guilty about feeling selfish and jealous, driving her to stay silent because she doesn’t yet understand how she feels.”

“Hmmm….I can see your point. But that just seems so....far-fetched.”

“I hope so, because that kind of depression is hard to get out of. When I sense myself falling down that waterfall, I quickly stop myself before it’s too late. But Sayori might’ve not seen the drop coming and she fell as a result.”

“It’s crazy how poetic you are about these kind of things. Your opinion has left me more confused and more thoughts are now forming.”

“I hope I helped. I just want you to know that, sometimes, you don’t know someone as well as you think you do. It happens to us all one way or another.” Like how you don’t really know me? 

Yuri makes a valid argument. Maybe I don’t know Sayori as well as I think I do. But I’ve known her for so long. Sure there have been periods of time where we’ve been absent in each other’s lives, but even then, nothing changed. Sayori has always been Sayori, and she always will be. How could she change? Exactly, she can’t.

“Thank you, Yuri.” There’s a beat of silence between us as we silently think to ourselves.

“Hey, Loki?”

“Hmm?”

“Since we’re here, shall we continue our reading? A-As long as you’re okay with it, of course.”

“No need to worry so much. I’m up for it if you are. Getting my mind off of Sayori would be nice.” Yuri nods as she slides her copy towards me. 

“Would you like to read together again?”

“Sure, I don’t see why not.” Maybe the awkwardness of being so close would be a good reason why not.

I shift a desk nearby up to Yuri’s and scoot my chair closer to her. We resume our same procedure as before with each of us working together to keep the book open and turning the page. Surprisingly, this reading experience is a lot nicer than before. I forget that Yuri is reading beside me and all of my concerns about Sayori as I read. The story is so immersing that I lose myself in the pages. 

The story is heating up quickly. The main character is now facing major conflicts. I’m actually really invested in this character’s motive, and by character, I mean the second personality causing all of the conflict. 

Once we’ve done a decent amount of reading, Monika finally speaks.

“Alright, now would be prime time to share our poems,” Monika calls out from beside Sayori. Without a word, Yuri takes the book out of my hand gently and swaps it for her poem inside her bag. I right the position of my borrowed chair and desk and set off to retrieve my poem. Natsuki follows behind me as we make our way back to the arranged desks where we set our bags down. The room is silent as we shuffle through our bags and find our poems. My eye catches on Monika when I stand up, poem in hand. She smiles reassuringly. I nod to her, saying I understand. Seems like everything’s back to normal, then. 

I watch as everyone stands around, waiting for someone to make the first move. I’m not going to do it this time. It’s up to you, girls. Yuri and me lock gazes and she nods with a small smile before striding over to Sayori. Thank you, Yuri. I don’t know if I’m thanking her for making the first move or looking out for Sayori, but I don’t wait to think it over. 

I walk up to Natsuki who is nonchalantly tapping her finger on the desk she sits behind. When she sees me, her gaze becomes serious as she points to a nearby desk. I take a seat in the desk she pointed out and hand her my poem, assuming that she would prefer to go last.

Natsuki reads my poem only once this time.

“Well, this one’s alright,” Natsuki says as she hands me my poem back.

“Just alright?” I ask in mild offense. 

“Yeah. There wasn’t anything very special about it.”

“I thought it had a lot of unique feelings. I actually wrote it from the depths of my heart.” 

Natsuki looks at my serious expression and guilt etches at her face.

“I mean, I didn’t say it was bad! It’s just different, that’s all. The style isn’t really my thing. It’s too depressing for my tastes. Actually, it reminds me of something Sayori would write. And I guess she’s a good writer, so….”

“Does it? I didn’t think it was so ‘Sayori’.”

“It’s not too ‘Sayori.’ But it is some ‘Sayori.’ I just….er….didn’t know you guys were that close.”

“As close as what?”

“Well, you guys seem a little closer than friends.”

“We’re not. We’re barely friends.”

She snorts. “Oh, come on! You are so friends! Why do you insist on denying it? You and Sayori are friends, so deal with it!”

“What are you getting at?” My anger is slowly rising as Natsuki continues to make strange accusations.

“I’m just saying that I didn’t know that you were her type.”

“‘Type’?”

“Yeah. How can the puppy spend so much time with the snake?”

“Am I the snake?”

“Of course, dummy!”

“Is it because I’m menacing? Do you think I’m frightening?” I can tell that my tone and expression are stern and that it’s only making Natsuki more uncomfortable and upset.

“No. You’re distant and cold, serious and aggressive, mischievous and playful….Do you deny any of this?”

“No. No, I don’t. Those are my strongest qualities.”

“Yeah, whatever. I guess it makes sense in the end. Opposites attract, anyway. Maybe your coldness helps even out her warmness.”

“I suppose so. We have looked out for each other. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m helping her. Her joy is truly contagious. But we don’t ‘attract’.”

“Mmmm….Tell me about it….”

“We each have our own way of taking care of each other.”

“What’s your way?”

“Mine? Well, I have a way of listening to people. Sometimes it’s a pain listening to people ramble on about their problems, but it seems to be enough for them.”

“You don’t comfort them?”

“Sometimes I do. If I have a valid opinion on their situation I’ll definitely make it aware.”

“Right. Well, either way, I don’t understand you two.”

“I never said I needed you to. Hey, aren’t you supposed to share your poem with me?”

“Yeah.”

“Stalling won’t work against me.”

“I wasn’t stalling!”

“There you go, stalling.”

“Ugh! Just take it and read!” Natsuki shoves her poem into my hand. I turn the poem to face me and begin from the top.

Your Guide  
When the wolves howl, I’ll be there  
I’ll always be within the swaying trees, beckoning you to follow  
No matter how lost you become, I’ll guide you back home  
I’ll lead you to a sanctuary full of harmony  
Let me take you to the forest of dreaming.

The rhythmic melody of the water splashing from the waterfall  
The hovering trees that shed the perfect light.  
Your worries will get lost as you venture into the unknown.  
Resting in the glade will be your resting soul.  
Left behind in the shadowed canopy of hate will be your sorrows

Let the sun be your beacon of hope.  
Let the silky river be your comfort.  
Let the calm creatures be your example.  
Let the soft grass lift you up.  
Open your heart to the wonders of the forest  
And become whole again.

Bathe in the showering sunshine of love  
Brush against the fur of the wolf that once seemed menacing.  
Let the wolf become your guide as you leave your worries behind.  
The wolf will show you what it feels like to live  
So you can one day live like the careless wind.

Life is an adventure full of wonders.  
Explore the depths of the forest to find meaning  
Let the peaceful sky drown out the despair haunting you.  
Once you’ve become one with the green, the trees will shield you from the horror threatening to bring you back to the dark.  
In the end, you will learn to feel again.

With me by your side, I will never let you lose yourself.  
With me by your side, I’ll take you to the forest of life.  
I’ll teach you to love again.  
And I’ll never let you wither away.  
Now come along, the forest awaits.

“I like how that one turned out,” Natsuki comments.

“Me too. It came out nice,” I say.

“Yeah, I know.” Natsuki smiles proudly.

“It’s a lot more positive this time. Any reason for that?”

“I just felt like I kept writing about sad things and it was kind of disheartening. So, I decided to write something to lift my spirits.”

“Who is your guide?”

“You mean my forest?”

“No. The poem is called ‘Your Guide’.”

“Well, I made it seem like they’re separate things, but they’re really not. They’re the same thing.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize.” I look back down at the poem. “You did a lot of metaphorical terms this time.”

“Yeah, I know. I was actually kind of surprised on how metaphorical it turned out. But it works that way.”

“What made you choose the forest?”

“Well, I don’t know what it is, but the forest just seems so inviting. It just has a calming scenery full of peace and love. It looks like a place for healing. And it has an abundance of animals. And….Yuri wanted to write about the same thing together. And I didn’t want to, so she let me pick what to write about.”

“Why did you guys write about the same thing?”

“Because we wrote about the same message yesterday. Or, almost. I personally think our themes were from different inspiration, therefore they were not the same message, but she insisted. Ugh….That’s so Yuri, though. I bet she just wanted us to do this so she could show off. Grrr….Yuri….”

“I think Yuri’s just trying to get to know you better. She’s trying really hard to get close to you.”

“Hmph…..Maybe….” Natsuki folds her arms and stares to her right.

“Alright, everybody!” Monika calls out. “Time to switch!” I get up and walk a few paces. Yuri passes by me. She stops and gives me a melancholy smile. 

“Did everything go well with Sayori?” I ask her.

“Well, it wasn’t awful. But I understand what you were talking about now,” Yuri says.

“I see.” Yuri walks past me and reaches Natsuki, replacing me. I find Sayori and take a seat next to her.

“Hey, Loki,” Sayori says, mimicking her normal smile. 

“Hi,” I say.

“May I read your poem first?”

“Sure.” I lay my poem in her hand and she begins to read it. When she finishes it, she wears an awkward expression.

“Um....It’s nice, I guess….”

“What? Really? Just nice?” I’m not angry at Sayori’s degrading, I’m more shocked that she didn’t love it. I thought for sure that she was going to love it. The thought hurts inside me. I almost feel betrayed.

“Well, I don’t hate it….”

“First Natsuki and now you? Is it really that bad?”

“No…!”

“Oh, come on. I know you don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to worry about me liking it. My opinion doesn’t matter. You didn’t write it for me, anyway. It may be for Yuri.”

“Yuri? No, I didn’t write it for her. I wrote it for you.” Sayori’s eyes light up in alarm.

“N-No….No, you didn’t. You don’t have to make things up to make me feel better. I want you to make friends, and you have. You’ve become close to Yuri and Natsuki, just like I wanted. Just like I….” Sayori’s gaze is hard to decipher. A mix of guilt, remorse, and despair covers Sayori’s usually happy and cheerful smile. She forces a smile, but her eyes explain it all. “I’m happy for you, Loki.” Sayori presses her smile further, making it look almost believable. “You’re happy too, right?”

“Sayori, how can I be happy if you’re hurting like this?”

“Hurting like what? I’m perfectly fine, Loki. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, the club is fine, my life is fine, but you’re not. Why?”

“I’m fine, though. I’m just a little tired, that’s all. Nothing to worry about, okay?”

“If you wish to dismiss me, then so be it. But please, just tell me if you need anything. I may not be the best comforter, but I’m a good listener.”

“I will. But there’s nothing to worry about. I’m happy if you’re happy.”

“Very well.”

“Go ahead and be with everyone else. I’m going to head home early.” Sayori takes her poem and slides it back in her bag and zips it up.  
“Sayori….?”

“Tell Monika I wasn’t feeling well, okay? Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She swings her bag over her shoulder and smiles at me.

“Sayori….!” Before I can do anything, Sayori walks away. I watch her as she opens the door and shuffles out cheerfully. Why are you pretending? What are you hiding, Sayori? Oh, Sayori, please, tell me. I want to help, for once.

“Rota-ate!” Monika sings. I stand up, still shocked by Sayori. I remember what Yuri said earlier. The brief conversation we had before walking away to share poems still lingers. I find Yuri and walk quickly towards her. I come up from behind her and softly grab her shoulder to stop her from seeing anyone else first.

“Yuri,” I say. Yuri jumps from my abrupt grab. 

“Oh, Loki. Do you want to share poems?” Yuri asks, turning around.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure.” Yuri and I take a seat at two empty desks. “I also want to talk about Sayori since you’re the person to talk to her about because of your divine point of view.”

“Oh, okay. Shall we discuss that first? You seem really distressed.”

“If you’re alright with it.”

“Of course. I’m open to talking about anything.”

“You’re the best, Yuri.”

“I-I’m really not….” Yuri blushes timidly.

“Well, Sayori left earlier.”

“She did?” Yuri frains to see where Sayori is. “She just left?”

“Yes. Without even sharing her poem with me.” 

“That’s strange.”

“Did you read her poem?”

Yuri nods. “Actually, I think I know why she didn’t want to share it with you.”

“Oh?”

“It was about you.”

“Me? How so?”

“Well, it wasn’t explicitly clear that she wrote it about you, but I could see that within it was about her feelings about you. Usually Sayori will write a poem that’s bittersweet, but this time it was completely bitter. It portrayed a theme of helplessness and selfishness, things I never thought Sayori would feel. I-I….shouldn’t have to told you that. If she didn’t want you to read it, then it must’ve been private….” Yuri blushes in shame and turns her gaze away from mine.

“This is important information, Yuri. You needed to tell me.”

“I….know, but I could’ve just made Sayori’s situation worse….”

“You’re only making it better by telling me. Now I know how to approach her.”

Yuri sighs. “I suppose you’re right….”

“Now, you said helplessness and selfishness?” 

Yuri nods sadly. “Yes. She used very dark terms to describe those strong emotions.”

“I’m shocked and confused…..I don’t know what to say…..Sayori has always been….well, you know.”

“I know. It is shocking.”

“What do you think is up with her?”

“It’s hard to say. Did she say anything to you before she left?”

“No….Well, actually, there was something that stood out to me.”

“Oh?”

“She said something about how she only wanted me to be with you guys. She kept saying that I shouldn’t be with her ‘wasting’ my time. It’s like she thinks that me only being with the rest of the club is making her happy. She believes that by being with her, I’m not happy, but how can she think that?”

“Hmmm….I think it’s a combination of guilt and jealousy that’s bringing her down.”

“Okay. How do you bring her up?”

“I don’t know. If she doesn’t want you to be with her, but she actually does. Then, it creates a difficult situation. I….hate to say this….but….perhaps you should decrease the time you spend with me.”

“What?”

“I think that if she doesn’t see you with me, it will either make her happy or sad. If it makes her happy, then….that’s all that matters. If it makes her worse, then we’ll have to figure something else out.”

“I see your point. But is this really the best option?” I’m only saying this because I know this is hard for Yuri and this is probably what she wants me to say. But deep inside, I would miss our intellectual talks.

“If it’s for Sayori, it has to be.”

“Very well. But, we still have to interact with each other at least a little bit since we’re in the club together.”

“Yes. I know. We’ll still be----” Yuri is cut off by Monika.

“Time to switch again!” Monika announces.

“Oh, we took too long,” Yuri says sadly.

“Sorry you didn’t get to share your forest poem,” I say.

“Natsuki told you?”

“Yeah.”

“Aw, well, maybe next time?”

“Maybe.” I stand up and walk away. There’s only one person left, and I have a big question to ask her. 

“Hello, Monika,” I say, hovering over the teacher’s desk.

“Hi, Loki!” Monika greets me with a bright smile. “Has everything gone well so far?”

“Funny you should ask that.”

“Really? Has something happened?” I slide a chair up to Monika’s desk and lay my hands on the desk comfortably. “Do you want to share poems first?”

“Sure, let’s start there.” I act casual as I hand Monika my poem. She reads it with a sweet smile. Monika, you seem so sweet, but what are you really? Are you just a pretender? Do you really feel torn inside? Or are you twisted? Please just be sweet.

“This poem gives me a melancholy feeling, Loki. I really like it. It reminds me of….Sayori.”

“Is that so?” I smile genuinely. “I was feeling a little bittersweet last night.”

“You and Sayori must be really close friends.”

“You could say that. I look at it as a colleagueship.”

“Whatever you say.” Monika giggles brightly. All of my worries fade in that smile and I can’t help but half smile back. “The way Sayori talks about you suggests that the two of you care deeply about each other.”

“That’s Sayori speaking.”

“You were worried about her earlier.”

“I know. I worry that the heart of the club dying would lead to the club’s demise. If Sayori wasn’t here, fights like the one between Natsuki and Yuri would be impossible to stop and it would be pinned on me and you.”

“True, true. Sayori is a valuable member. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I think that’s also the message you conveyed in your poem. Losing Sayori would leave you lost and that’s why you worry.”

“I….don’t know about that.”

“It’s okay if it’s true. It’s a good thing to care.”

“Well, I think you’re reading into it too much.”

“Ehehehe! Am I? I must sound like Yuri to you….”

“Sounding like Yuri isn’t a negative thing.”

“Of course not. But that would mean I’m acting like someone else. Anyway, Sayori’s writing is gentle as it expresses joy and sadness.” Monika giggles. “Who would have thought that someone so happy would like such despair ridden things?”

“Yeah. Didn’t see that coming from Sayori.”

“Well, feel free to experiment with various writing styles to find what suits you best! Here!” Monika slides me her poem. “Maybe there’s something in there that can help.” Monika giggles as I pick the silky piece of paper up.

Drifting  
There’s a girl so divine that she seems too good to be true.  
This girl knows the answers to the most doubted thoughts.  
With her shining personality, she’s a star.  
But every star has their limits.

Those who seek meaning bring tears to her eyes.  
She knows the truth of which we do not.  
The reason,  
The purpose,  
Everything of which we yearn for.

The majestic girl watches us from afar.  
To her we are nothing but fallen leaves, drifting in the wind,  
Searching.  
Our lost souls wander, helplessly looking for the mythical girl.  
But the current of life stops us at every corner,  
Every edge,  
Every path,  
Every opportunity.

As I drift longingly, I find myself with a choice.  
Left.  
Or right.  
It seems like an ordinary decision, but each way leads to unknown mysteries.  
At such a strange decision, I ponder and reflect.  
My family is lost,  
I am lost.  
Those I once knew,  
Are long forgotten.  
How did we end up like this?   
What is this all for?  
There has to be a reason.  
A reason worth living.

And with one final breath, I descend to the Left Way.

I float in the darkness.  
There is no light,  
No life,  
No love.  
I can’t feel my body anymore.  
It’s as if I’ve lost everything,  
And, yet, nothing at all.

Nothing surrounds me and consumes me.  
I don’t fight against it,  
I lay back, and let it happen.  
In an instant,  
My life blinks before my eyes.  
I’m not sad, though.  
I’m glad.  
Even if I never found the girl of hope,  
Reason,  
Purpose,  
Meaning.  
I still found peace.  
And that’s good enough.

I know now know that there is no girl of hope or dreams.  
There is nothing at all,  
Except for what we make to be true.

At the end of the poem, my heart aches. What is the purpose of life? All of this nonsense we endure, and for what? Why do I insist on living? Why do I bother myself with the burden of Sayori’s problems? That’s the strongest question residing within me. But what’s the answer?

“I know this one’s a lot longer than my other ones,” Monika says. “But it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now, so I had a lot to get through. Searching for more has always been my life. It seems like I have everything, and I do. But how can I have everything and still be lost? Life is a confusing thing.”

“Yes, that’s very true. Life arises many….doubts, you could say,” I reply. “When you think you’re going the right way, life hits you and stears you another way. It’s an endless war life always wins.”

“It’s almost paradoxical isn’t it? In all honesty, if we had all the answers, the world would lose all meaning. But we still want answers despite this. We truly can never understand.”

“You know, why is it that everyone in the club likes writing about sad things? It’s really downgrading and depressing.”

Monika giggles at my serious comment. “We do tend to write about a lot of saddening things, don’t we? I guess it’s because those are the feelings we feel strongly of. Poetry expresses how we feel inside, and life is hard, so we write about struggles. Because, in truth, everybody has problems. Writing about these issues helps us cope with them and learn to live with them.”

“I can see that. I guess I sometimes feel that way when writing.” I haven’t really been writing about my feelings, though. This is the only poem I’ve written artistically. 

“I think that even if you don’t think you’re writing from the heart, you still are. Even if you don’t intend to make your poem express your feelings, your feelings find a way to weave themselves into the poem. I’ve seen it in your past poems. They seem broad and common, but within, if you look hard enough, you can truly see the amount of heart and emotions woven into the ink.” Monika’s words leave me stunned. My face must show my shock because Monika giggles and smiles at me.

“How did you----?”

“I could just tell from your response. And, like I said, I could tell from your past written works. You’re actually a really deep and feeling person, Loki. But you never want to admit it. Which, coming from a writing background, I can understand because if a writer wants to be seen a certain way and is seen another, they deny it left and right.”

“Aw….I see. You are quite the genius.”

Monika laughs. “Am I? I guess my leader facade is working!”

“You’re an adequate leader. Maybe not as good as me, but still good.”

Monika laughs again, bringing a half smile to my expression. “You’re so funny, Loki.”

“I’ve never been called that before.”

“Well, I guess I’m the first.”

“I guess so.”

Monika beams at me happily. The silence draws us in as we stare at each other for a second or two. Her green eyes….They’re so beautiful. I’ve never seen something so encapturing. Monika turns away, snapping me out of my daze. What was that? Did I just….get caught in her eyes? Has that ever happened before? I shake my head and look at Monika once more. Oh yeah! My question!

“Hey, Monika?”

“Yes?”

“I just had a question.”

“I might have an answer.”

“What did you say to Sayori?”

“What do you mean?” Monika’s face looks at me with a mix of surprise and worry.

“Well, she left early and she didn’t seem to have changed much from our conversation earlier.”

“Oh?” Monika glances around the room. “You’re right. She is gone.”

“Yeah. When we were sharing poems, she read mine and said a lot of grief ridden words and then just left. She didn’t even share her poem.”

“Aw....That is strange of her. She even said that she was really proud of it.”

“Exactly. She also promised to write a really good one for me yesterday.”

Monika sighs. “I don’t understand what could be bothering her at this point.”

“Monika, what did you tell her?”

“Eh?”

“What did you tell her when you two were talking privately?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Loki. That’s a little private…..”

“It’s important, Monika. Depending on what you said, it could’ve drastically changed her situation.”

“I told her words of encouragement. Along with some positive things and understanding comments.”

“What specifically?”

“Loki, I don’t feel comfortable sharing that information with you.”

“Well, whatever you said to her obviously didn’t help!” I know my voice rose for no reason, but I don’t care; I want answers. I can hear shuffling behind me, probably Natsuki and Yuri staring at me in startled surprise. 

“Loki, I tried my best. Please don’t be mad at me. I handled the situation with my utmost effort and knowledge. From what I heard, Sayori is upset because of stress.”

“Stress over what?”

“School, tests, work, family, life.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, she mentioned an upcoming assessment that she wasn’t ready for. I offered to tutor her and she agreed.” That seems plausible, but it still seems far fetched at the same time. Sayori never lets tests or school get her down. She fights them head on with a shining attitude, nothing like her attitude right now. 

“Why didn’t she tell me?”

“I don’t know, Loki. I really don’t.” Monika’s expression looks genuine and apologetic. My hard stare lightens and I sigh.

“Sorry I overreacted.”

“It’s fine. I can understand your concern. Just know that we’re working together to help Sayori. Even if she doesn’t need it. We’re friends and that’s what friends do, okay?”

“Yes, I know. You’re right.”

“Well, here’s Monika’s Writing Tip of the Day! If you ever find it difficult to share your writing with others, be sure to share it with people who also enjoy writing. Then, you’ll get a useful response from someone who understands the conflicts with writing. You’ll also get encouraging feedback that deals with more in depth of you writing, making it actual feedback! In all, sharing will become a whole lot easier! That’s all. Thanks for listening!”

I nod to Monika to let her know I understand and agree with her tip before I steadily stand up and push my chair back. I retrieve my poem and walk a few paces. 

“I look forward to seeing you at the festival, Loki,” Monika calls to me calmly.

I turn back to her and nod. “Yeah. Me too.” And with that, I turn back and stalk away.


	8. Chapter 8

I slowly walk to where Yuri sits, talking with Natsuki. I take a seat a few desks away from the two they sit in. From where I am, I can faintly hear their conversation. It’s in slurs, though. They seem to be whispering.

“That’s why----” I hear Yuri say.

“He is? I didn’t know----” Natsuki says. “----seems so-----since he’s so-----” Are you guys talking about me? What am I so?

“Even-----people care abo---thi----and----” I hear Yuri whisper. “Say---is feeli---ki----bitter, so it’s only----ural that he would wor---bec---they----ends.” I can’t take it anymore. I swivel my body around and face them.

“What are you guys talking about?” I ask.

“E-Eh?!” Yuri and Natsuki say together as they jump in fright. 

“Oh, Loki, I didn’t notice you,” Yuri says, regaining her cool.

“Were you eavesdropping?” Natsuki asks angrily.

“Only sort of. I couldn’t make sense of your words, though.”

“Hmph! Still stupid!” Natsuki folds her arms and stares at me bitterly.

“I was just filling Natsuki in on the details of Sayori’s odd behavior,” Yuri explains.

“Aw, of course,” I say with recognition. 

“It makes sense, you know! I am her friend too!” Natsuki snaps.

“No one said you weren’t,” I point out.

“Well, you did leave me out of your conversation.”

“Yeah, we did. Oops.”

“‘Oops?’ What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Now, now, Natsuki,” Yuri says soothingly. “Anyway, did you tell Monika about it?” She looks to me for a response.

“Well, here’s the thing. She was the first person I told about it and she had a talk with Sayori while we talked the first time, Yuri. But when I asked her what she said….I guess her response made sense. Never mind.”

“Hmmm….Very well. I think we should hold off on doing anything drastic, but definitely show some sympathy to whatever’s on Sayori’s mind.”

“Yep!” Natsuki agrees. I nod in return. There’s silence between us for a second before Yuri speaks again.

“Has anyone given the festival much thought?”

“Not really,” I reply.

“What?! Not really? How?” Natsuki shouts.

“I don’t know. I’ve just had other things on my mind.”

Natsuki opens her mouth to retort, but thinks better of it.

“I for one am very excited about it.” Yuri smiles sweetly to herself.

“Me too!” Natsuki cries. “And you should be too, Loki!”

“Soon enough I will be,” I lie.

“Sooner would be better.”

“We’ll see.”

“We’ll see by tomorrow.”

“Tonight,” I correct her. 

Natsuki smiles at my remark. I smirk back.

“I’m glad to see you’re catching on to the fact that you can’t win against me,” Natsuki says proudly.

“I’m not so sure about that….” I mumble.

“What was that?!”

“Alriiiight, everyone!” Monika announces. Our focus flickers to Monika, who is standing in front of her desk, beaming brightly. “Ready for today’s preparations?”

“For the festival?” Natsuki asks semi-eagerly and semi-casually. 

“Yup! If you would all come up to the front….” Monika motions with her hand for us to come closer. We obey, moving in a clump to the arranged desks and claiming our usual spots; Yuri next to Natsuki and me across from Yuri. I look to my left and am saddened to see that it’s empty. It feels odd without Sayori giggling beside me. Monika slides into the seat at the end of the arranged desks as usual and begins to speak again. “Today is Saturday, which means----”

Natsuki quickly cuts her off. “Only one more day until the festival!”

“Exactly! We only have Sunday obstructing us now. And frankly, we still have a lot of work to do. So, right now we need to figure out what needs to get done and who’s going to do it. Sayori and I are going to work on the pamphlets together. And Natsuki is----”

Once again, Natsuki excitedly cuts Monika off. “Making cupcakes!” Natsuki beams in excitement.

“Yup! By the way, Natsuki, there are a lot of cupcakes to be made. Are you sure you’ll be able to handle all of that on your own?” Monika asks with a skeptical look.

“Are you doubting my abilities?” Natsuki snaps. “Of course I can handle it!”

“If you say so.” Monika clears her throat. “Now, Yuri and Loki…..”  
Monika looks from both of us as she thinks. You didn’t think of this before hand? Come on, Monika.

“I-I’m useless,” Yuri says miserably. 

“No, no! You’re not useless! You make a tremendous contribution to the club. I’m just having a hard time deciding on what you should do since everything else is taken care of.” Nice save, Monika.

“A-Aw….Well, I already know what I’m going to do,” Yuri says.

“Oh?” Monika’s eyes light up.

“Why didn’t you start with that….?” I mumble.

“I’d like to work on the atmosphere. An inviting and calming environment will bring curious viewers to our room.” 

“What an excellent idea, Yuri!” Monika congratulates, making Yuri turn scarlet. “Now all we have left is Loki.”

“The one who is truly useless,” I challenge.

“Now, now. You’re not useless! You can….uh....” Once again, Monika is stumped as she ponders.

“I can….?” I press.

“Er….Oh! You can partner up with somebody and help them!”

“Partner up?” I already don’t like this idea. I don’t really do “partners.”

“Yes!” Monika says eagerly.

“Um….who would I be partnering up with?”

“Anyone you choose.” Oh, no. Why, Monika? Just why? Why do you always force me to choose someone to work with? This will only lead to my demise. Whoever I don’t pick will despise me and the person I do select. 

“I-I wouldn’t be opposed to a helping hand,” Yuri says timidly.

“Um….wouldn’t I get in the way?” I ask.

“Well, not exactly. I’m sure that your intellect would be useful with the decorations. You are very creative.”

“If you say----” I’m cut off by Natsuki who is quickly firing up.

“Nobody cares about some dumb decorations! They’ll be coming for the cupcakes! Plus, there is a lot of them and…..” Natsuki mumbles the last bit.

“N-Natsuki….?” Yuri glances at Natsuki’s hardened expression. “W-Well, I thought you said that you didn’t need help and that you preferred to do it by yourself.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said that----” Yuri is interrupted by Monika.

“Now, now, everyone. Let’s not turn this into a fight. It’s really not that big of a----”

“This doesn’t involve you!” Natsuki shouts. Dejected, Monika lowers her gaze and lets the fight continue. Come on, Monika! Just for once in your life can you take action?

“There’s a lot more cupcakes to make than useless decorations, Yuri!” Natsuki yells, her glowering pink eyes glaring at Yuri’s intense purple ones.

“Decorations aren’t useless! They help establish a distinct mood and feel. Without decorations, this room would just be a classroom!” Yuri counters.

“You know what else establishes a distinct ‘mood and feel?’ The sweet smell of delicious cupcakes!”

“So does c-candles!”

“Candles are lies!”

“That doesn’t even make any sense!”

“Of course it does! You’re just too stupid to understand it!”

“I am not! I’m probably smarter than y-you!”

“Yeah, right, dummy!”

“You’re the d-dummy!”

“I am the genius here. Without me there would be no Literature Club.”

“Same for me.”

“No, the club would be better off without your stupid comments!”

“I-I….” Yuri’s eyes fall in despair. “The club would also be better without your snarky and immature personality!”

“You little….! You’re the one who’s so full of it that you make everyone listen to your ramblings!”

“I-I….N-Natsu….” Yuri looks away, insulted. Oh yeah, that’s one of her insecurities. I forgot.

“Guys, please, can we discuss this like adults?” I say. Natsuki and Yuri look at me with semi-furious expressions. Mingled in their eyes is a sign of guilt. Yuri sighs.

“Y-You’re right. We should be more mature about this. We are twenty-three after all…..”

“Hmph….!” Natsuki folds her arms and looks to her right. “I’m only twenty….”

“Thank you,” I say in relief.

“Well?” Yuri aks.

“Well what?” I say.

“Who do you want to work with?”

“Oh….um….” I look from Yuri to Natsuki with a stressed expression. Yuri or Natsuki? Who will it be? Yuri is more mature, but she’s also really awkward. Natsuki is fiesty and bossy, but I at least have some superiority around her. Perhaps I could look at it as what I want to do. Baking would be….tiresome. Decorations would be….stressful; especially around Yuri. Although, baking with Natsuki would probably just be her teaching me how to bake and being proud of herself. Do I really want to watch someone act full of it? I guess she wouldn’t be too full of it. She is cute after all. Bute Yuri is pretty too. Why am I thinking about their looks at a time like this? Come on, Loki. Think!

I glance back and forth between Yuri and Natsuki before falling on Monika’s troubled look. “M-Monika!” I don’t know what I’m saying until the word comes out of my mouth.

“Eh?!” All three women say in astonishment as they figure out what I’ve said.

“Awww! Thanks, Loki! It’ll be so much fun to----” Monika gets interrupted by Natsuki’s furious outburst.

“She’s working with Sayori! Having three people work on something so easy would be a waste of resources. And, Monika, how could you agree to that? You’re our leader!”

“I agree with Natsuki,” Yuri adds.

“I-I know….I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. Sorry, Loki. It’s probably best for you to choose Natsuki or Yuri since they have more work to do themselves,” Monika says apologetically.

“Alright, fine,” I respond. Dang it. I really hoped that would’ve worked. In all honesty, I just want to work with Sayori. I wasn’t trying to help Monika, I just wanted to work through her to Sayori. But I guess it has to be Yuri or Natsuki. Is it always this way? These same women always fight, and for the stupidest reasons: Me! Control over me! Gosh….Mortals….

“Loki?” Monika brings me back to the present situation.

“R-Right. Sorry, I….zoned out,” I reply awkwardly. 

“It’s fine.” Monika smiles broadly. Now I really wish I could choose you, Monika. Ugh! This world just hates me!

“I think I’ve made a decision,” I say, not meaning it. Alright, now I really need to make a decision. Yuri and Natsuki stare at me with worried and anxious expressions as they await my response. “I choose….” Worrying, I think back on each girl’s traits. Natsuki would be cute as always. Yuri would be deep and sweet, but awkward all the same. Uh..I don’t know! I guess I’ll pick….. “Yuri.”

“R-Really?” Yuri’s eyes light up with shock and worry as if she can’t believe I chose her over Natsuki.

“Oh, come on!” Natsuki cries in frustration. “Why would anyone in their right mind pick----”

“Natsuki….” Monika chides. “If you’re not going to say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

“I wasn’t….I was just….” Natsuki bites her lip and stares furiously at her desk. “Ugh….whatever.”

“A-Aw….Loki….I don’t know what to say,” Yuri says with a sweet smile, not meeting my gaze. I only shrug. “Having you around should be helpful since you tend to focus on the basics. Whereas I overthink them to the point of headaches.” Focus on the basics? “And by basics I mean the standards of life that I fail to see.” 

“Aw, I see,” I say.

“Excellent!” Monika exclaims. “Um….Natsuki, will you be able to handle the baking by yourself?”

Natsuki sighs. “I mean, sure. Er….Duh! I don’t need some dead weight to bake with me anyway. Loki’d just get in the way....” I nod my head in agreement. “What’s that supposed to mean, Loki?”

“I would be a dead weight against your baking skills.”

“I….Well, of course you would with your amateur skills.” Natsuki turns her head away to hide a blush growing at a fast pace.

“Right you are. I’m not even too good at decorating.”

“You have an exquisite imagination,” Yuri says. “And that’s all that’s needed to create something beautiful.”

“Do I?”

“U-Uh….” Yuri blushes as she begins to weave her fingers in and out of her hair. “Y-Yeah....You do....”

“Thanks.” I smile at her and she smiles delicately back.

“Alright, that should wrap things up,” Monika says. “Is everyone looking forward to the festival?” Monika smiles encouragingly.

“‘Excited’ isn’t how I would put it. A little more anxious,” Yuri says. “But I am looking forward to the festive events.”

“I don’t really feel too much about it. Sorry, but I just don’t see what all the excitement is about,” I say, shrugging.

“You don’t know what the excitement is about?” Natsuki asks pointedly. “It’s so obviously about advertising for clubs and celebrating the coming of fall! Not to mention the coming of seasonal foods. Oh, I can’t wait for those pumpkin spice hot chocolates….” Natsuki dreamily gazes in the air.

“I personally prefer the cinnamon caramel tea,” Yuri says.

“Well, that’s just you.”

A flash of hurt comes across Yuri’s face and I’m afraid that another fight is going to break out. Luckily, Monika saves the conversation.

“I like them both. When I want tea, I have the cinnamon caramel tea immediately. But when I want hot chocolate, it’s obviously the pumpkin spice.”

“I suppose they are different types of drinks. Maybe I’ll try the cinnamon caramel tea this time,” Natsuki says moodily.

“I think I’ll try the pumpkin spice hot cocoa. It sounds delicious,” Yuri says. Is this a real bonding moment? Talking about drinks brings bonds? This world is strange.

“I guess I have to try both of those,” I say.

“Yes! I’ll hook you up,” Natsuki says. “Or, we’ll all hook you up,” she adds. The rest of the club smiles.

“Hey, Natsuki?” Yuri asks.

“What?” Natsuki says aggressively.

“I don’t want there to be any bitterness between us because Loki chose me. I don’t even know why he chose me in the first place....And also, I’d like to confess that….you’re cupcakes are the best cupcakes I’ve ever tasted! And you should keep baking, so you can learn how to bake lots of other delicious treats! A-And….nothing I do will compare to them, so you’re right.” Once Yuri’s finished speaking, she immediately turns away and her fiddling’s speed increases.

“Wow, thanks,” Natsuki says, surprisingly not sarcastically. “This is surprising to hear from you, Yuri. I thought you hated everything I made….And you’re still being nice to me after all of those horrible things I said to you.”

“I know. I regret all of the things I said to you. I try not to let words hurt me. And I know you were just upset and wanted Loki to choose you….I was also feeling that way, so I’m sorry.”

“Mm-Mmm-Mmme-ee too,” Natsuki says with great struggle. “Thanks for, you know, cheering me up….” 

Me and Monika’s gazes flicker from Natsuki to Yuri in shock. It is surprising to hear Yuri approach Natsuki so bravely. And to say that she messed up. Well, they both messed up. I ponder this for only a second before it dawns on me. It’s so obvious! How did I not see it? Yuri was trying to sound like Sayori. Sayori…. The club really would be doomed without her. Yuri probably just got lucky this time. 

“Well, I’m glad that the tension has been dealt with,” Monika says happily. “And with that, our meeting concludes.”

“I’m outta here!” Natsuki giggles to herself as she hastily grabs her bag and slides it on. I calmly pack my bag up and prepare to leave like everyone else.

“U-Um….Loki?” Yuri stands in front of me as I stand up.

“Oh, my….!” Her sudden appearance startles me since I didn’t realize she was there.

“S-Sorry….I just, um, realized I don’t have any way of contacting you….”

“Oh, right. Of course.” I wait for Yuri to do something.

“Um….should we exchange phone numbers?”

“Sure.” I open my mouth to list off some numbers, but quickly realize I don’t have a phone number. “Aw, I don’t have a phone.”

“You don’t?”

“Nope. I have a laptop.”

“Right….Well, let’s exchange emails. Here.” She lays a slip of paper on the desk and begins writing. She soons slides it towards me and hands me the pen. Luckily, I know my email, right? I jot my email down and slide the paper back. Yuri rips it in half and hands me the piece with her email.

“Alright, I’ll see you at my house on Sunday, yes?” I say.

“Y-Your house?”

“Um….yeah, unless you would prefer to----”

“No, no. You’re house is fine. See you then.”

“Alright, bye.”

“Bye.”

We walk together out of the building before turning our separate ways home. As I walk home, I feel a sudden rush of loneliness. It really does feel empty walking home without Sayori. How did I get by all those years without her? Without her walking beside me I feel….lost. 

When I reach my street, I stop in front of Sayori’s house self-consciously. I stare up at Sayori’s closed bedroom window, the curtains drawn. I hope you’re okay, Sayori. I really hope you are. With this thought, I finish my walk and enter my home.


	9. Chapter 9

I wake up to a loud and annoying beeping. I jump up, startled. When I realize it’s just my alarm clock, I sigh in relief. I then realize that it’s Sunday, preparation day. I groan and fall back on my pillow. I know I agreed to meet Yuri today, but I really don’t want to. I’d rather just stay at home and tend to my usual activities. I grudgingly get out of bed and start the day.

When I look presentable, I realize that there’s still at least two hours until Yuri is scheduled to arrive. What am I supposed to do until then? I shuffle around my house, awkwardly looking for something to do. I finally stumble upon my laptop. I internally freak out when I see a billion of messages surveying my front screen. I hurriedly clamber into my chair and tap on the ever growing number of emails. They’re all from Yuri. I open the very first one from about two hours ago. It details a simple message asking my address. I skim the other ones and find similar messages. Each message is about five to ten minutes apart. Wow, Yuri. I didn’t know you worried so much. Well, yeah, I knew. 

I skip to the most recent message and read it. Now Yuri is really panicking. She’s practically begging for any sort of response. I type a short and simple response and send it. I make sure I added all of the necessary details before reading Yuri’s reply. She’s finally calmed down, thank goodness. I shut my laptop and stare out the window like I always do.

I haven’t heard anything from Sayori yet. I told her to tell me if anything was on her mind. It’s strange for her not to have contacted me at all. I reluctantly reopen my laptop and head to my messages. I reload my inbox and scan the page for Sayori’s name. Nothing. 

I reload again and receive the same result. I continue to refresh the page as I think. I don’t even bother looking at the results; I know she isn’t going to show up. Sayori, are you going to approach me? Will I have to approach you myself if I want answers? It’s really just a yes or no question. It’s either yes you are troubled, or no you’re not. I guess you did say no. Were you telling the truth? Am I worrying for nothing? But why did you seem so off yesterday? Why? Why? Why?! 

I can’t take these abrupt feelings and questions anymore. Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m already in front of Sayori’s house. I made sure to email her, letting her know I’m coming over, unlike how she usually does it. I push the gate open and knock on her front door. Surprisingly, she doesn’t answer. I guess she didn’t respond to my message, perhaps she’s not home. I knock again. I test the door knob and find that it’s unlocked. I warily open the door and enter. The layout of her house is the same as mine, so I navigate it easily. She is absent on the first floor, so I venture up the stairs to the bedrooms. I feel like I’m trespassing as I step up the stairs. 

Sayori’s bedroom door is ajar. I slowly push it open further and peak my head inside. “Sayori?” I look around the room and find her sitting on her bed.

“Hi, Loki!” Sayori greets me as she wiggles her feet in her usual manner. I walk in. She motions for me to take a seat in the chair at her desk. I swivel it around to face her and take a seat. “How’s your day?” she asks as she forces a smile to cover her bittersweet eyes. She’s still in her pink pajamas decorated with white puppies, but she hasn’t failed to place her red bow messily on the left side of her head.

“I have been fairing well. You?” I say automatically.

“Same here!” She giggles faintly. “Hmm….It really has been some time since you’ve come over, hasn’t it?”

“When was the last time? I don’t remember coming here all that often.”

“Yeah, we haven’t done this sort of thing since our first years.” She giggles, showing some of the real Sayori. “It makes me feel like we’re at the beginning again.”

“Yeah, I suppose so. And your room hasn’t changed a single bit since then.”

“Hasn’t it?”

“Not really. I mean, look.” I point to a giant panda on the side of her bed. “I remember you getting that from one of your past friends during our first year. And that!” I point to a medium sized parrot propped on top of her windowsill. “You told me you’ve had that ever since birth, and it’s still here.”

“Hehehehe….” Sayori blushes. “I suppose you’re right. It’s still the mess it’s always been, just like me! But, you know, if I had more guests over I would clean it up a bit.”

“Enough to make it semi-presentable,” I add.

“Ehehe! You know me….” She hesitates for a millisecond. “....so well!”

“I think I do,” I say questioningly. “Also, where are your roomates? I thought you had friends living with you or something.”

“They don’t live here anymore; they graduated and moved.”

“So, you’re here….alone?”

“Yep! Just me!”

I look at Sayori hesitantly.

“Oh, it’s fine,” she assures me. “I’ve gotten used to being home alone, anyway. Plus, I’m fine alone, really. And if anything happens you know who I’ll go to you.”

Sayori beams, but I still look at her skeptically.

“Anyway,” Sayori says giddily, “what inspired you to come to my messy abode? Shouldn’t you be with Yuri?” 

I raise my eyebrows suspiciously. “How do you know that? You weren’t there yesterday.”

“O-Oh, Monika told me. She informed me last night. I am the vice president, you know.”

“Aw, right. I forgot.”

“Does that mean I’m not a very good vice president?” Sayori frowns in mock sadness.

“You’re fine.” After I say this, I quickly add, “You’re actually the best vice president. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I-I mean, what we’d do without you.”

Sayori smiles at me. “Thanks. I’m glad I’m not a total failure.”

“Why do you thi----”

“Monika and I also discussed the dispute yesterday. You know, the one about you choosing a partner?”

“Oh, that,” I say bitterly. “Are you going to scold me?”

“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong. I was actually going to say that I thought you handled it well.”

“Oh.” I blink in confusion. “Really?”

“Yeah. Monika did mention that you tried to work with her----”

“I actually really wanted to work with you.” I cringe silently at my own words.

“Y-You did? No, you didn’t. You chose Yuri, so you want to work with her, and that makes me happy. Plus, I’m already working with Monika, so you don’t have to worry.”

“I….I know.” There’s an awkward silence between us as we avoid each other’s gazes. “By the way, when do you plan on meeting up with Monika?” I ask.

“Oh, we’re not going to.”

“But I thought you two were----”

“We’re just going to be working online.”

“Aw, I see.” I refrain from asking why. To distract myself from this question, I comment, “Just me and Yuri are meeting up?”

“Yep!” Another awkward silence. My gaze lingers on Sayori. She stares distantly at the floor. Everything about her is really uncharacteristic. It really doesn’t make any sense. It can’t be just a test bothering her, Monika. Nothing so standard would make her this way. This way….distant and darkened….

What would make Sayori so distant and darkened?

“Hey, Sayori, the real reason I came by was to discuss yesterday.”

“Oh?” Sayori perks her head up.

“I’ll just get right to the point, why did you really leave yesterday?” 

Sayori opens her mouth to reply, but soon shuts it and turns her eyes away.

“I told you that you can talk to me about anything,” I say thoughtfully. “Even if I’m not the best comforter, I’m at least a good listener. So, please, just talk to me. What’s on your mind, Sayori?”

Sayori suddenly smiles. 

“Oh, Loki,” she says softly, “this isn’t good.” I stare at her in shock. I want to say so many things, but my thoughts won’t settle into words.

Sayori continues, “I just want things to be like they’ve always been.” She laughs humorlessly. “This is my fault, isn’t it? If I wasn’t so selfish and weak, we wouldn’t be in this position. If I didn’t slip up and show you my true side. Then----” Sayori’s smile is fading as she speaks. Her eyes are getting heavier and darker as she gazes into my eyes. “----you wouldn’t have become worried, you wouldn’t have come here, and most of all, you wouldn’t have thought about me. But, the galaxy just wants to punish me, and I’ll take it, every last punishment thrown at me, slicing my heart into pieces. But it’s okay. I deserve this. I’ve been selfish, and that’s why the galaxy brought you here. To bring me pain, to torture me, to show me just how awful I really am. Ehehehe….!”

“Sa….Sa-Sayori!” Before I know what I’m doing, I’m kneeling in front of Sayori, my hands gripping her shoulders. “What are you saying?” I say soothingly and arrogantly. “Are you even listening to yourself right now? How can you say all of those things about the most wonderful woman in all the galaxies? If it weren’t for you, I would’ve been lost in this world from day one. But you seeked me out as my miracle and guided me. Now, I know something’s happened to you. And my guide not telling me when something’s crushing her very soul, crushes my own.” My usage of words brings me back to Natsuki’s poem. “How am I ever to get to my forsaken forest without you? The forest of life would be empty without it’s sunshine. So, Sayori, please be my sunshine. Be my guiding light in this strange and confusing world.” I can tell Sayori is on the brink of tears. I lift myself up and wrap my arms around her, embracing her in an awkward hug; I’m not used to hugs. I notice that Sayori doesn’t return the embrace, making me feel more awkward. 

Sayori giggles her tears away. “You really are my dilemma, Loki. But…..you’re wrong.”

“How?” I say in astonishment.

“Nothing happened to me, Loki. Nothing at all. You’re just seeing it for the first time, that’s all. Because I’ve always been like this, even when we first met. You didn’t see it then; nobody else did.”

“Sayori? See what?” I pull away from the embrace and replace my hands on her shoulders, resuming my past position.

“The thing is, Loki. I don’t want you to see that side of me.”

“What side? Sayori,” I say seriously, “what side?”

“You’re really going to make me say it?” She half-smiles.

“Say what?”

“Loki, the truth is….” My heart races as I wait the tiny seconds that seem like hours to hear the next words. I conceal my excitement as best I can, but I don’t realize I’m holding my breath. Finally, I hear them: “....I’ve had really severe depression all my life.” 

My heart skips a beat. My breath is shallow and I feel my hands sliding away from Sayori. Sayori’s explanation is comical. There’s no way that can be true! That’s just absurd! I stare sternly at Sayori, still unbelieving.

Sayori then giggles. “Did you know that, Loki?” She smiles playfully.

“Stop messing with me, Sayori,” I say incredulously.

“I’m not.” Sayori giggles softly, obviously forcing joy.

“You have to be. There’s no way you’re depressed.”

“See? I knew you wouldn’t like my true side.”

“But…..your true side is…..depressed? But….how?”

Sayori shrugs. “Bad luck, I guess.”

“You don’t seem depressed, though.”

“I don’t? That’s a relief.” She smiles sadly. “Loki, you know how I’ve been late to school every day?” I nod. “Well, that’s because I can’t find a reason to get up most days. I always ask myself the same questions. It’s become apart of my daily routine, isn’t that funny? Ehehehe! I ask myself: ‘Why do I even try when I know I’m worthless? Why go to school? Why eat? Why make friends? Why write? Why do anything? Why make others waste their time on me?’ That’s how it’s always been. I just want others to be happy, but the galaxy hates me, so that can never happen. The galaxy persists on making people waste their life on me. Like how it made you worry about me. And now look where we are. Now you know my secret…..”

I’m in pure shock as I stare into Sayori’s melancholy eyes. I don’t even know how to respond to this. Is it really possible for something so serious to be so blind to me? Am I really that oblivious? “Sayori,” I say quietly, “I don’t understand. Why do you reject my concern? Why have you never told me any of this? How are you selfish? How are you depressed?”

“I thought you might not. Why do you think I didn’t tell you? If I had told you, you would have looked at me differently.” I open my mouth to disagree, but she presses on. “You would look at me as someone who needs help, worry, and care. But I don’t want anyone to waste that on me. I don’t want people to care about me.” She smiles. “I know, it is bittersweet, so there’s some sweet to this.”

“But people do care about you, Sayori.”

“Yeah, and I hate that. I hooked you up with the club so you could make friends with everyone else. Not to waste your time on me. Making everyone happy together is the best thing for me. The only thing for me. But, I started to doubt this recently. Seeing you make friends and get close to everyone else…..feels like a spear going through my heart….” Her words draw me back to the previous years when I murdered so many others myself; and with a similar weapon to a spear. Now I’ve done it again. Except this time, I’ve done it without knowing. 

“So,” Sayori says, “that’s why I’ve decided the world just wants to punish me. Even all of those galaxies you mentioned want to torture me. Ehehehe!”

“Sayori….I feel like I don’t know you at all. I thought I understood you more than I understood anyone, but it’s the opposite. I don’t understand your feelings, thoughts, injuries…. But, I don’t need to understand to stop the pain. Like all those years ago, I’ll seek you out and guide you back to the light. And we’ll do it together.” I hold Sayori’s hands in mine. I feel them clench in my gentle grasp.

“No, Loki….There’s nothing you can do. Nothing anyone can do. I’ve drifted to far off the path. The light has abandoned me in the forest of guilt. I’ve wronged the world, and now I must pay. The only thing that I wish for, the only thing I hope for, is for everything to go back to the way it used to be. Us walking to school together as friends, going to school and seeing all of my smiling friends, and most of all, coming to the club full of happy members that love each other. Nobody worrying, fearing, or stressing over me. Not a thought about me whatsoever. But….I was selfish. I ruined it for everyone. Now my friends don’t smile; they frown in distress.” 

Sayori is now crying. Her silky tears stream down her cheeks and fall onto her lap. “I made you join the club because I was selfish!” she cries. “And as a result, my heart is being torn apart. And look what I’ve done! You’ve come here, worried and frowning. Why can’t everyone smile like always? I’ve failed. Everyone should hate me….A-And that’s why….I’m accepting every punishment that comes my way!” 

Seeing such agony, I pull Sayori close to me once more and hold her tightly in my arms. She sobs into my ear, but I don’t care. I just want her to feel supported.

“Sayori….I don’t care what you say, I’m still going to talk to you and listen to every last problem you have locked away in your mind. And, I’m glad you dragged me to the Literature Club. You may see it as a mistake or a crime, but I see it as a miracle. I was really down before you ran up to me only a few days ago. When you walked beside me when no one else would, I felt reassured that someone cared about me. And seeing the one who shined that light to me so many times, is all I want. I made friends in the club because I believed you wanted me to. And I’m glad I did. The club is full of amazing people, but you’re the only one I would choose over everything else. Just know, you can never underestimate me. You don’t know how much I care about you; neither do I. But, please, Sayori, don’t blame yourself for things you didn’t cause. Especially when it’s not something to be ashamed of.” 

Sayori still isn’t hugging me back. It’s already strange for me to be hugging someone, but that person not embracing me back makes the experience much worse.

“No…..Why do you do this to me…..? Loki, I…..can’t do this…..” Sayori can hardly speak through her sobs. It’s hard to tell if I’m doing the right thing when I’m making her cry harder. But I hope she understands that I care, for once.

“Why can’t you let me care about you?” I continue. “I’m willing to help, to listen, to comfort you. But, yet, you object my support when you obviously need it. Sayori, all you need to do is ask and I’ll be there.”

“I….know you would be, and that’s why I won’t ask. I don’t want you to…..to…..” Her sobs swallow her words. She cries uncontrollably now. She finally wraps her arms around me. “You…..were also my light. In our first year, before I met you, I contemplated suicide seriously. I was going to do it that day; the day you first showed up. When I saw you walking to school, I wanted to at least brighten someone’s day before I left. But when I started talking to you, I didn’t want to leave....Loki, you turned my life around. But now, I feel like we’ve come back full circle. Now it’s day one, you don’t know me anymore, all of my efforts are for nothing, and everyone is frowning once again. I feel trapped inside a cascade of ice. The more I try to break free, the more the crystals dig into my skin. I don’t feel warmth anymore; my body’s gone numb. But....your hugs….are so warm….” 

Sayori hugs me tightly before releasing her grip. I do so, too. I’ve never been called....warm. It’s a strange and unsettling feeling. You don’t know the true icey monster I am, Sayori….

Sayori wipes the tears from her eyes and sniffs away the last of her sobs. We sit in silence. I feel like I should say something back to her, but I don’t know what to say. I’ve listened to her, so do I have to say more? I don’t have anything else to say, so I move onto something bright. “So, tomorrow.”

“What about it?” she asks quietly.

“It’s the festival.”

“Oh, yeah….”

“It should be fun, right? Lots of food and activities. That’s something to get excited about, right?”

“Yeah….”

She’s still not smiling?! What am I supposed to say to cheer the cheerful person up? “What if….I spent it all with you?”

“E-Eh?! N-No, you don’t have to----”

“I want to. I really do. I want to enjoy the festival with you, Sayori.”

“But….what about everyone else?”

“They can join too, but I’d like it to be just us spending one afternoon together. We should, you know. To clear up this new tension between us. Think of it as a healing experience, nothing more.”

“W-Well….I suppose that would be nice.”

“Exactly, let’s do it.”

Sayori forces a weak smile. “I….look forward to it.”

I smile at her reassuringly. I then sigh as I glance at my wristwatch. “Yuri should be arriving at my house shortly.”

“Oh, yeah. You should….get going.”

“Maybe I should cancel so I can----”

“No! Don’t. I’ll be fine. Just go and decorate with Yuri. I’m sure it’ll be fun.”

“But are you going to be having fun here?”

“Sure. I’ll be helping Monika.”

“But you won’t have any contact with any other people.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Plus, some alone time should serve me well, you know?”

“Um….not really, but if you insist.”

“Ehehe! Now, go! Yuri might be waiting!” Sayori pushes me out of her bedroom door.

“Farewell!”

“Bye, see ya tomorrow.” She watches me walk down the stairs and leave before returning to her room. Please don’t do anything while I’m gone. Please…..


	10. Chapter 10

I try my best not to think about Sayori as best I can. Luckily enough, my mind is immediately torn from any thought of Sayori as I see an anxious someone awaiting my arrival.

“Yuri?” 

I approach Yuri who stands in front of my house gate.

“Ah, Loki. There you are,” she says shakily. I look her up and down without replying. I knew she probably wouldn’t wear her school uniform, but it’s still surprising to see her not in a skirt and jacket. She looks like a normal human being now. She wears a white sweater with a turtleneck and plain blue jeans. Her hair and expression are the only things that seem unchanged.

“Did you have to wait long?” I ask, opening the gate and holding it open for her. She awkwardly walks past me. 

“No,” she replies. “I actually only got here a few minutes ago.”

“Aw, I’m glad.” 

I open my front door and enter. Yuri stands outside.

“Um….do you not lock your doors?” She stares nervously at the large front door.

“Oh, I usually do; I don’t trust anyone. I just left it unlocked because I thought I was only going to be away for a short amount of time.” 

“Aw, of course.” Yuri walks through the door. I shut it, relieved. Thank goodness she didn’t ask where I was. Maybe it wouldn’t be too odd for me to be at Sayori’s house, but Yuri would probably think too deeply about it.

“I see you brought a lot of supplies,” I comment, nodding to the bag clutched in Yuri’s right hand.

“O-Oh, yeah. I made sure to bring everything. Which reminds me, were you able to find all of the things I asked for?”

“Oh….um….” Crap! I knew I was forgetting something! She probably assumed that that was what I was busy doing before she came. Oh well. “....sorry, I forgot. Will that be a problem? I can run to the story and----”

“No, no. It’s fine. We’ll make do without them,” Yuri says, trying not to show her disappointment. “Anyway, where would you prefer us to work?” 

“O-Oh!” I forgot that we were still standing in the cramped entryway. “Sorry, I’m really not focused right now. Um, let’s go….” I frain around my left and right, examining my options; the living room or the kitchen/dining room. “Let’s just go upstairs, shall we?”

“Whatever works best for you.” Yuri smiles sweetly.

I lead Yuri up the stairs to my bedroom without a word. As we enter, Yuri looks in awe at my room. 

“Is something wrong?” I ask carefully.

“Oh, not at all. I’m just….” Yuri searches for the right word.

“Admiring my tidiness?” I suggest.

Yuri laughs gently. “Yes, that’s it.” She stares longingly at my long row of book cases stacked against the wall across from my bed; it covers the whole wall. “I really like your collection, Loki.” Yuri slides a book out of its slot and opens it. Realizing what it is she holds, I reach my hand out and snatch the book out of her hand. “Ah! I-I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking…..”

“S-Sorry, that’s just….private.” Yuri backs away as I move to place the book back on the shelf. “It’s really nothing to stress over.”

“Um….may I ask why it’s private? U-Unless that’s personal, too.”

“I got it from my mother before she passed away.”

“O-Oh, my condolences. I was not aware that your mother had died.”

“Nevermind it.” I ignore my own hurtful words and push the conversation forward. “Anyway, shall we begin?”

“Aw, yes. I have some things that you can do.”

“Excellent. Let’s see it.”

Yuri sits down on the floor, leaning against my bed, and begins to unpack the contents of her bag. I take a seat across from her, the bookcase behind me. I watch as she piles paper, paints, candles, pens, and other artistic tools onto the floor in front of us. I gaze puzzled at the candles. Yuri notices my staring and clarifies.

“They’re for atmospheric enhancements, such as mood lighting and aromatherapy candles. I thought that they would lighten the mood of the room as well as bring a sense of calm to those inside.”

“That’s brilliant, Yuri. I didn’t realize how much thought you were going to put into this in a matter of hours.”

Yuri smiles. “I want our club to stand out as much as possible. Not to mention we’re going to be cooped up in there for the majority of the festival, so I would prefer if there was a positive environment to keep me company, wouldn’t you?” You don’t want the company of real people? No, of course not. I know that.

“Yes, I would.” I decide to agree, not wanting to dwell on the matter much longer.

“I had the idea of covering up the windows with black paper and spreading the candles out around the room. We would also have, perhaps, a banner with an inspiring quote displayed at the front of the room.”

“That would give it an….ominous feeling,” I say truthfully.

“I-Is that bad?” she stammers, smiling guiltily.

“No, I like it----” I actually do. “----I think that it will mean something different to everyone. Which I think is perfect for a Literature Club because we all express ourselves differently.”

“That’s what I was thinking too. I’m glad you like it.” Yuri gazes at her supplies before selecting one. “Since we don’t have origami paper, we’ll just have to use this and cut it into squares.”

“Sorry,” I say, clearing my throat and shifting uncomfortabley.

“It’s fine. Actually, this could make it look a lot nicer since we can cut them into whatever shapes we please.” 

“I hope these will still work for the origami paper’s purpose. What were you going to use the origami paper for, anyway?”

“Well, we can still do it. On each slip of paper I want to write a different word.”

“What sort of words?”

“Strong, emotional ones. Ones that will bring out creativity and critical thinking.”

“Good idea.” 

Yuri smiles and blushes at my complement.

“We’re going to need about one hundred of them,” Yuri continues, “so we should get started on them.”

“One hundred?” I question in shock, my eyebrows raised. How long is this going to take?

“Yes, will that be a problem?” Yuri looks up at me anxiously.

“Not at all,” I lie. “Where do we plan on putting them?”

“Well, I was thinking of hanging them up around the room. But, mainly, I wanted to focus on the entrance for these ones. We could fasten them around the doorway with ribbon, so that those coming in would have an idea and set feeling for the new surroundings.”

“Aw, smart. Well, shall we begin?”

Yuri nods.

“Here,” she hands me a pen, “you can start writing the words. Once you’ve finished one, I’ll carve it and add ribbon.”

“Okay.” I get to work as soon as the conversation ends. I’ve finished ten papers now. I see Yuri rolling out a spool of ribbon. I watch as she stops it at her desired length, and reach into her bag. My breath catches in my throat as I see her bring out a knife. 

“Yuri?”

Yuri catches my questioning look and starts to panic mildly. “A-Aw,” she stutters. I study the pocket knife in her hands. It surprises me how nice it is. The handle of the knife is a pattern of silver with engraved waves and layers. The blade itself is tainted a pretty, purplish blue. 

“I like your knife,” I say, trying not to sound so shocked.

A reddening scarlet covers Yuri’s cheeks. She looks away from me and begins to fiddle with her hair with her free hand. 

“Just out of curiosity,” I say, “is there a specific reason you carry a knife with you? Is it just for the decorations? It probably is, isn’t it? Gah, I’m an idiot. Sorry for making it a big deal.”

The conversation should have ended there, but Yuri continued to dwell upon it.

“Y-You’re going to think it’s weird…..” she mumbles

“W-Why? It’s not like I’m going to judge you. I actually am….how should I put it? Good with knives. Er, that’s….a strange way of putting it. Um….I fancy knives? No. Ugh….! Let’s just say I’m familiar with them.” I decide to keep the meaning of my words open ended, hoping that she won’t ask too many questions; it isn’t a pleasant thought having Yuri, or any mortal, know very much about my true self.

“You are?” Yuri says with surprise. She now looks up at me, the blush disappearing gradually. “Well, I guess it’s alright, then.” Yuri takes a deep breath. “The truth is, I’m kind of….into knives….”

“Into knives?” What’s that supposed to mean?

“Well, aren’t they beautiful?” She brings the knife in her hands upwards to gaze at it better. I follow her gaze and try to understand what make her admire the sharp weapon.

“The combination of craftsmanship and danger,” she continues in awe, “is just so alluring to me. They’re like a forbidden item that is shunned for its strange purposes, but, in a way, it being forbidden is inviting….” She rotates the knife in her hand, eyes fixed on the shining silver. She suddenly shakes her head, blinking. “What am I saying?” She then turns to me, a little wide eyed and panicky. “P-Please don’t think me weird for this….!”

“I won’t.” I say casually. “I see what you mean. Knives are an interesting thing. I’ve always had an attraction to them myself.”

“I was unaware that I wasn’t the only one.” Yuri now looks at me with a relieved smile.

“Neither was I,” I say, thinking mostly of Yuri’s crowd where it’s not normal to be “into knives.” 

“But,” I continue, “it is still an interesting thing for you to be into. I guess that saying about not judging a book by its cover is what describes you, and me, possibly.”

“U-Uh….”

“I guess it applies to everyone, in a way,” I hastily say. “Especially in the club.”

“That is true,” Yuri says calmly. “I guess we all have things we like to keep hidden and secret.”

“Yeah….” I try not to let my mind wander to all of the secrets I keep from everyone, but it’s really difficult. I continue talking to distract myself. “Anyway, I think knives suit you.”

“Suit….me….?” Yuri looks at me with a confused expression.

“Well….I mean, it’s an intense thing, knives. Not to mention that they are things full of many different opinions and feelings.” Yuri stares at me with a medium look. “May I….hold the knife?”

“Eh?” Yuri blinks and looks around briefly as if she’s forgotten where she is. “Um, I suppose so.” 

Yuri carefully hands me the knife, the handle facing me. I take it smoothly. It’s no new thing for me to hold a knife, but it has been kind of a while, given that I’m technically not supposed to use magic during exile; I do it anyway, of course. 

The dagger feels nice in my hands. I rotate it in my hand, examining every aspect of it. My attention is drawn to the blade. I draw my index finger along the smooth length of the blade until I reach the tip. Just to test the sharpness of the blade, I scathe the end of the blade across my finger. I don’t let out any sound of pain, but the cut surprises me since I wasn’t expecting it to be so sharp. 

“L-Loki!” Yuri notices my injury. “Why did you do that?!”

“It’s nothing serious,” I say calmly. “It’s just a scratch, really----” seriously, I have suffered far worse, “----I only touched it ever so slightly.”

Yuri doesn’t believe me. She goes into full panic; her eyes are wide and concerned; her hands shake, obviously sweating; and she continues to talk frantically. “It’s my fault! I should have warned you….” 

“Yuri, it’s really nothing!” Yuri suddenly grabs my hand and pulls it towards her. I am thrust forward from the pull and am slightly leaning over. I stare at her in disbelief. She examines the wound with a fixed expression. We both see the blood trickling down from the open wound. 

“Yuri,” I say softly, trying not to sound irritated, “It really doesn’t hurt.” Yuri looks as if she’s contemplating something, but before I can ask, she wraps her lips around my finger and begins to lick the wound. “Y-Yuri----!” I feel her tongue wrap around my finger, making the pain intensify. I tear my hand out of Yuri’s grasp and fall back from the struggle, my head hitting one of the shelves behind me, but I hardly notice it; my mind is more occupied on what just happened.

“A-Ah!” Yuri shrieks, her whole body shaking now. “I’m so sorry! I-I just panicked! I don’t know what I was thinking….!” Yuri lowers her face so I can’t read it. I fight through my anger and frustration at Yuri’s actions and try to understand her thought process. I gradually lower my intensity.

“I understand you were trying to help, Yuri,” I say softly. “But, please, never do that again.” I finish my sentences sternly, but try to act almost sympathetic as well.

“I’m sorry…..” Yuri fidgets with her long strands of hair, her head turned to the side so that her hair falls over the side facing me.

“It’s fine,” I say. “Just forget about it.” The room is silent as we struggle with this strange situation. I’m still a little upset about it, but it’s not the worst thing I’ve gone through. 

“U-Um….” Yuri awkwardly looks back to me. “Where do you keep your bandages?”

“Downstairs in the kitchen,” I say, but add, “but I’d rather not get one.” when Yuri makes to get up.

“But----” 

“It’s a really simple cut,” I persist. “If the injury was a lot bigger, and more severe, then I would. But it’s just my finger and it’s only a scratch.”

“I….suppose so….”  
“Remember what I said earlier? I’m familiar with knives too. So I’ve gotten injured by them before. I know how to deal with them, so don’t worry.”

“Right, that’s true.” The tension slowly lifting, we resume our earlier activities. Yuri takes the knife back from me and cuts the ribbon as she originally intended; the ribbon is cut in one single stroke, just like my finger. I ignore Yuri and her knife and continue on the paper and words. It takes us a while, but eventually we reach our goal of one hundred.

“They turned out better than I had hoped,” I comment.

“Same here. Are you ready for the next task?” 

There’s more to do? I stifle a groan.

“Sure.” I bite my tongue in frustration.

“I believe I mentioned a banner, correct?”

I nod. “Correct.” 

“Well, I planned on you getting paint, but since you didn’t----”

“Oh! I happen to own some paints. Let me go fetch them.” I stand up and hurry downstairs. I turn into the living room and head to the wardrobe at the far end of the room. I open one of the lower drawers and shuffle through the art supplies. I don’t usually paint or do crafts, but since school has expected me to do projects, I’ve made sure to be prepared. Once I’ve found the package with what paints I own, I head back upstairs. When I re-enter my bedroom, Yuri is reading the words I’ve written. This tugs at my anxiety. Does she like them? Does she think that they’re good enough? 

I resume my original position across from her and lay the paints in front of me. Yuri examines the paints with a disappointed expression.

“What’s wrong? Are they not what you need?” I ask.

“There’s nothing wrong with them, it’s just that…..” She gazes down at the paints. I follow her gaze and see what she means.

“Aw, sorry. Some of the paints are heavily used.”

“It’s fine. I’m sure we can mix some colors to create the ones missing. At least we have some paint to work with.” Yuri smiles serenely. “Um….Can you go get six cups of water? Unless, I could do it if you----”

“No, no. I’ll go get them.” I once again stand up and exit my room. I contemplate at the stairs if I want to use glass cups from the kitchen or plastic cups in the bathroom. I decide on the kitchen, just because glass cups are more professional. With no instruction otherwise, I fill the cups half way. Fifty, fifty chance of being right. I head back up to my room, carefully holding a tray of small shot glasses; hopefully she won’t question them. 

As I slowly step up the stairs to my bedroom, I can hear heavy breathing above me. As I get closer to the top, it gets clearer. It comes from my bedroom, where Yuri awaits. Getting nervous, I slowen my pace and creep forward. I peer through the slightly opened door and can see Yuri’s back to me. I don’t see anything else, but I can hear her strange exhalations. Is she really this nervous and anxious? Do I really make her that uncomfortable? Feeling guilty, I push the door open with my foot and enter. Yuri swivels around with a bewildered expression. A smile then creeps back to her lips.

“Aw, you’re back,” she says to me sweetly. In the corner of my eye, I can see her unrolling her sleeve and pulling it back over her left forearm. I push the strange feeling arising in stomach away and try to focus on the task at hand. I set the tray of water carefully next to the paints.

“Did I get enough water?” I ask.

“Mhmm. Perfect amount.” I can see that Yuri is a bright shade of red and her arms, which are brought up close to her chest, are shaking.

“Yuri, is there something bothering you?”

“Eh? Oh, no, no. Not at all. There’s nothing wrong. Why? Does something seem wrong?” Yuri’s voice seems a little panicked and hurried, which lengthens my worry.

“Is it hot or something? You look like you’re burning up. Should I----?”

“No, no. I’m just fine. No need to worry, Loki. Let’s….mix the paint now.” Yuri hurriedly brings the paints towards her and begins selecting the ones she wants. “I was thinking of doing something simple for the banner since I don’t want to focus on it too much.”

“What’s the design going to be?”

“I thought it would be a good idea to do fading colors from a sunrise, to daytime, to sunset, and then midnight, since times of days are very popular themes in poetry and literature, don’t you think?”

“Yes, that would look nice.”

“After we paint it, we’ll add an inspirational quote across it.”

“Excellent. Do you have a quote in mind?”

Yuri nods. “But I want it to be a surprise.”

I shrug. “Fine with me.” I honestly couldn’t care less. Once we’ve cleared the space in front of us, we work together to roll the banner across the floor. We set to painting on our different sides. I mostly follow what Yuri’s doing since she’s the one who has an idea of what this should look like. Yuri takes a few colors, and splotches them around the bottom layer. Since her colors are lighter and seem like sunrise, I choose the darker colors for a midnight look. We work in silence, which bothers me. The earlier situation still burns in my mind. It makes me feel uncomfortable thinking about what Yuri was breathing so heavily about. Trying to get my mind off of it, I break the silence.

“So, Yuri, what do you do for fun?” I don’t know where I hope to get by asking this question, but it’s too late now.

“M-Me? U-Um….” Yuri thinks to herself. She takes a deep breath before resuming. “To be honest, I have the most fun when I’m spending time one-on-one with somebody. It doesn’t usually matter what we’re doing. If it’s reading, painting, writing, even simple things interest me. I guess just having a friend beside me makes me calm and happy. And that’s fun for me.”

Really? I thought that you liked being alone. You actually like company? Wow, I really don’t know you, do I? 

“I see,” I say, drawing the words out. “So, kind of like what we’re doing now and what we do at the club together?”

“U-Uh….” Yuri’s face turns a bright scarlet. “Yes, I suppose so….”

“Hmmm…..” I ponder this information for a minute. That’s all it takes to make you happy? Just someone being beside you? Well, it’s not hard to get you on my good side, is it? Even so, I didn’t realize you liked spending time with me so much. It seems everybody at the club likes spending time with me. But, just a little too much. It’s actually kind of tiring having people fight over me. This isn’t how I originally thought this would feel like. I’ve always wanted people to care, so I guess this is nice. Or, more bittersweet, I suppose. 

“I can understand where you’re coming from,” I say, not entirely meaning it. Yuri seems pleased with my response because she smiles gently.

“I knew you’d understand,” she says passionately.

Feeling awkward, I try to busy myself once more. I reach over to select a paint, and at the same time, Yuri does. Our heads bump into each other. Oh, great. We both reel back and stare at each other. Yuri had let out a yelp from the impact and now felt embarrassed by it.

“Sorry, are you okay?” I ask, not bothered by the new ache in my head.

“N-No…..I-I’m fine….It just….startled me…”

“Right. Sorry about that.”

“It’s my fault, I should’ve just asked you to hand it to me.”

“Forget about it. It’s nothing serious.” I study Yuri’s reddened face and am drawn to the unnatural colors at the side of her neck. It looks like blood, which sends a hurried panic through my veins. Then I realize that it’s too bright to be blood. 

“Oh, Yuri,” I catch her attention, “there’s some paint on your neck.”

“Oh?” Yuri strokes the side of her neck I’m staring at. She examines her now reddened fingers. “Oh!” Her eyes light up in surprise.

“I’ll go get a towel.” I stride out of my room and retrieve a small towel from the bathroom. I run the faucet water over it for a few seconds before hurrying back to Yuri. I kneel down in front of Yuri, careful to avoid the wet banner. I originally planned on letting Yuri clean up the paint herself, but I see a droplet of scarlet slide down her neck to her white sweater and I act before thinking. 

I catch the droplet on the towel and begin to soak up the other droplets. I focus on the towel, but I can sense Yuri’s eyes on me. My gaze flickers to her and am startled to see that she stares straight at me. “Sorry. Here.” I begin to retract my hand to give her the towel, but her hand shoots up and grabs my wrist. Her hand holds my wrist in place. “Yuri….!”

“S-Sorry, I just…..” Yuri closes her eyes and leans her head towards the warm towel in my hands. “....It’s so warm….Just for a bit longer….”

“Um, I…..see.” As much as I want to pull my hand away, I’m trapped by Yuri’s shockingly strong grip. Giving up, I hold my hand in place. My eyes wander to Yuri’s once more. She’s staring at me, but yet, it feels as if she looking through me. Her eyes are barely open and her mouth is slightly open in a relaxed way. This situation makes my headache. I can feel her pulse; gentle beats, off and on at a rhythmic pace. I then realize how close Yuri’s gotten to me. I lean back, away from her. She notices and it’s as if she snaps out of a dream.

“A-Ah….! S-Sorry, I zoned out. I’ve been doing that a lot lately,” she says, releasing her grip on my wrist. As soon as my restrictions are gone, I pull my arm back.

“It’s....fine,” I say awkwardly.

Yuri sighs, stroking her neck. I find myself rubbing the place where she held onto my wrist. It feels sore from Yuri’s strength. I feel uncomfortable now. I watch as Yuri resumes painting. I notice that she’s lost her grace from before. Now she seems clumsier and unfocused. I sigh myself, and continue my side of the painting, wishing for this day to be over. 

As we work in silence for a while, the banner starts looking like the imagined picture. Yuri sighs in relief. “It came out nicer than I expected,” she says, smiling triumphantly. “Although…..” Yuri brings her hand to her mouth and bites her nail in thought.

“What?”

“I’m trying to figure out how we should go about doing the lettering.”

“Aw, of course.”

“It won’t be dry for another few hours or so, so that would mean….” Yuri stares at the poster for ideas. “Aw, that’s what we’ll do.”

“Hmm?”

“I’ll leave it here overnight to dry. Then, tomorrow you’ll bring it to the club and we’ll write the quote. Unless that wouldn’t work for you….”

“That works.”

“Great.” Yuri smiles sweetly at me. “Well, I think that should be everything.” Finally…. As Yuri packs her supplies up, I gently move the banner to the side of my room, out of the way. I follow Yuri down the stairs and out the door. We stand outside my house, me on the other side of the gate and Yuri on the sidewalk. 

“Thanks for helping me, Loki,” Yuri says to me.

“No problem,” I say.

Yuri smiles. “Well, I guess I’ll….uh….see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yes, I would think so.”

“Great.” Unexpectedly, Yuri steps closer to me and grabs my hand. “I hope we’ll be able to do this some time in the near future. It was really pleasant being able to spend time with you outside of school. We should….” Yuri exhales, but not nervously; it’s like she’s taking in my aroma. “....do this again. You’re really----”

“Sayori!” I see Sayori in the corner of my eye, approaching us. Yuri spins around in surprise. When she catches sight of Sayori, she yelps and lets go of my hand. “Wait,” I say, now confused, “Sayori?”

“A-Ah…! H-Hi, Loki,” Sayori says, embarrassed.

“Hey, Sayori,” I say more calmly this time. “How are you this fine afternoon?”

“I’m….fine. I just stopped by to say hi.” Sayori giggles and turns to Yuri.

“U-Um….Hi, Sayori,” Yuri mumbles. “Sorry, but I should get going.”

“Aw….” Sayori’s face lowers in disappointment. 

“But we’ll see each other tomorrow, right?” Yuri says.

“Um….yeah. That’s....true….” Sayori’s response seems darkened and unsure.

“We will see you at the festival, right?” I ask Sayori.

“Yeah, of course! I don’t know why I sounded so hesitant. Sorry.” Sayori giggles again.

“Anyway, see you two tomorrow!” Yuri quickly dashes away. Sayori waves at her, even though she can’t see it.

“Sayori, is everything alright?” I ask.

“Yeah. I just couldn’t stay in my room any longer since my imagination was being mean to me.” Sayori giggles. “So, I decided to come over and see what you and Yuri were up to.” Sayori’s expression, despite all of its efforts to appear happy, seems hurt.

“Sayori, what you saw earlier----”

“You don’t need to apologise. I’m happy that you two are becoming such good friends. That’s all that matters to me, Loki.” A tear slips down Sayori’s cheek. And another one, and another one…. “It’s….It’s all that….all that matters to me!” No matter what Sayori says, more tears fall down. “Why am I feeling this way? I should be happy for you. I am happy for you! So….why? Why does it feel like my heart is splitting in half? It hurts....It hurts so much, Loki….I want it to stop! Why won’t it stop?” Sayori begins to sob loudly. “This….would all….stop…..if I just….disappeared….”

“Stop it, Sayori! Don’t say things like that! They aren’t true!”

“But they are! If I wasn’t here, you wouldn't be wasting your life on me! You wouldn’t waste your time on my selfishness and hopelessness!” Sayori sniffs for a few seconds. “Monika was right….I should just….”

“Wait, Monika?” I know stare at her with a serious expression. “What did Monika say?” 

Sayori shakes her head.   
“Sayori,” I say sternly, “what did Monika tell you yesterday?!” Sayori still doesn’t respond. I sigh and let myself become softer. “Sayori, I won’t stop pestering you. You say that this is a burden for me and that it’s bringing me down, but….that’s not true. I care about you, Sayori. More than I thought possible of myself. Listening to you makes me happy. It makes me happy to help and comfort you. Like you did for me, I’m not going to leave your side until the pain is completely gone.” 

Sayori holds back the oncoming tears by looking away from me.

“Loki….I’m….I’m scared…..”

“What are you scared of?”

“I’m scared that….” She looks back to me. “That I might like you more than you like me.” The words hit me hard and suddenly. I’m caught off guard and don’t respond quick enough. “I’m right, aren’t I? I’m sorry I brought us to this. If I hadn’t been so weak and selfish as to fall too deeply for you, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Loki….I like you so much that I want to die!”

“Sayori!” I grab Sayori’s shoulders and stare into her watering eyes. I sigh and resume a soothing tone. “Sayori, I don’t want you to hurt anymore.” I slide my hand into hers and bring it close to our face. Our fingers entwined with each other, I continue. “Do you remember when I said that I know what’s best for you?” She nods, gazing at our hands. “Well, do you still believe me?” She nods again. “I know what you need most right now, Sayori. So, let me show you what to do. Please.” I swallow as I contemplate my decisions.   
“Sayori….” My heart beats fast as the moment nears. Faced with two decisions that will lead down very different paths, I think back to all of the many memories shared with Sayori. 

Are we more than friends? Should we be? I don’t know what to do. What will she do if I tell her how I really feel? How do I really feel? Do I want this to be more than a friendship? 

I think I know the answer, but I keep expecting a different one to be the answer. I fear what Sayori will say in response, but I know she wants the truth, so that’s what I give her. 

“You’ll always be my dearest friend.” I pause briefly and can see Sayori swallow. “What you need most is for things to be like they’ve always been. If you say you trust me, then believe me when I say that this will work out in the end. You’re experiencing a lot of conflicting feelings right now, I get it. But the storm never lasts forever. One way or another, the rain and thunder always subsides. It is always replaced by the comforting sunshine. Always….You were my sunshine, so let me be yours.” 

There’s a beat of silence, such a painful silence that tears at my heart. Finally, Sayori forces a smile through a pained expression.

“I….see….” She suddenly laughs. “Is this what it feels like to be stabbed in the heart? Ahaha! I should write a poem about this….”

“Sayori----”

“It’s okay, Loki,” Sayori says with a smile, the tears not falling, but still in her eyes. “This is what I deserve, remember? There’s no need for your worry anymore. I knew the answer even before I came here. I just….wanted to hear you say it. Now I know I’m right. There is no happiness down any path. No matter what choice you choose, it doesn’t matter. Ehehe! I’m really lost. And that’s why I’ll follow your guidance. Even if….no, it’s fine. I’ll follow you anywhere….Anywhere at all…. Anywhere…..” 

Suddenly, Sayori’s smile breaks. She falls to her knees and begins to scream. She clutches her head with both hands and shakes her head vigorously. I kneel down beside her abruptly.

“Sayori! Sayori, please. Sayori!” 

She continues to scream. I’m panicking now. My hands are shaking as I see how broken Sayori’s become. Feeling the agony emanate off of her, I want to scream too. But I don’t. 

I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me. She doesn’t try to fight against me. Her screaming turns into loud cries. I hold her in my arms and let her cry into my chest. 

“Sayori….” My voice wavers. “Sayori, I love you. I know it’s not the way you want me to, but I still care about you.” I swallow; it’s beginning to get hard to speak; the tears are threatening to reach my eyes. “I don’t want you to go. Please don’t leave me, Sayori. Please….” 

Sayori pulls out of the hug and stares at me with dejected eyes. She smiles weakly at me before standing up and running away. I watch as she dashes into her house and slams the door. I feel a stray tear slip down my cheek. I wipe it away and stand back up. 

Sayori….Why do you attack my heart? I don’t understand your feelings. You want to be friends, but, yet, you want to be more. What am I to do? I’ve never cared about someone so deeply. It’s….a strange feeling that I don’t know what to do with. What if I did tell her the feelings she wanted to hear? Would she have reacted the same way? Would it have solved her problems? I’ll never know. But I do know one thing. Sayori will always be my dearest friend. And I’ll do everything in my power to keep it that way. 

Taking one last look at Sayori’s house, I go through the gate and enter my house with thoughts flaring and emotions drifting.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Today’s the day of the festival. I woke up with only one thought on my mind: Sayori. I emailed her suggesting that we should walk to school today, but she didn’t reply. 

I could always go and check on her myself. 

This thought plays at my mind for a minute before I decide against it. No, that’s a little too much. And given what happened yesterday…. 

I think back to yesterday’s events and a searing pain strikes my heart. I push the thought out of my mind and finish getting ready. 

Having all of the preparations for the festival ready, I begin to head out. I hold Yuri’s banner in my hands, nicely rolled up; Yuri emailed me only seven reminders this time. 

As I approach the halfway point on my walk to school, there’s still no sign of Sayori. I try not to let my mind worry, but it still nags at me. 

Should I go make sure she’s okay? I mean, she’s probably fine, but at this rate she’s going to be late for school. As I ponder this, I’m already one street away from my school. Deciding that it would be foolish to turn back now, I head on.

Since today’s the festival, there’s no real school. I head straight to the club room and find only Monika there.

“Loki!” Monika cries when she sees me, “you’re early!” Monika is busy placing booklets on each desk. I assume they are the pamphlets she’s been mentioning for so long. They turned out a lot nicer than I originally thought. I guess I underestimated her.

“Am I the only one?” I ask, stepping inside.

“Yep!”

“Strange. I would’ve thought that at least Yuri would be here.”

“It is strange. Almost a little worrying. I hope everyone shows up soon. If it’s just the two of us, this could get boring and tiresome a lot sooner. But not to worry! I’m sure that they’ll show up! Oh, also, why didn’t you come with Sayori? I would’ve thought that----”

“She overslept this morning. I’m sure she’ll get herself here sooner or later.”

“Ahaha! Oh, Sayori….You know, you kind of left her hanging this morning. I mean, after your exchange yesterday, you should’ve-----”

“What?” I ask furiously. “How do you know about that?” My voice is stern and worried as I work through Monika’s words. Monika smiles broadly, sending a chilling feeling down my spine.

“I’m the club president, dummy. Of course Sayori told me about it.”

“I don’t feel comfortable talking about Sayori with you, Monika. Can you just leave her to me?”

“Loki, I know more than you think I do.”

“What do you----” What’s that supposed to mean? Know more than I think you do….?

Monika giggles. “Well, let’s not forget about the festival, okay?”

“Fine.” 

I grudgingly drop the subject. Wanting something to busy myself, I pick up a pamphlet and begin reading. I skip the introductions and flip to the poems. Each poem is printed neatly on its own page. Monika’s is first. I skim through hers, not really interested. Next is Natsuki’s and Yuri’s there’s are new poems I haven’t read, but I don’t read them. I’m surprised to see my poem next. I forgot to turn in a poem yesterday, so how is there one here? I read it and learn that it’s the poem I wrote for Sayori. How did Monika remember it so clearly? There isn’t even a single wrong word. I glance up at Monika and see her humming to herself as she places more pamphlets on the desks. I return my gaze to the booklet and move to Sayori’s poem. I almost scream at what I see. I read through her poem again and again, having the same reaction. Written over and over is the same five words.

“Get out of my head,” I read aloud quietly. I skip to where the words change and begin reading. 

Get out of my head before I do what I know is best for everyone.  
Get out of my head before I listen to HER.  
Get out of my head before I show you how far I’ll go for you.  
Get out of my head before I finish this.

In the end, a poem is never finished.

It just stops breathing.

I cover my mouth in shock. I want to scream so much, but nothing comes out. I breathe in and out as I try to understand what I’ve just read.

“Loki? Is everything okay?” Monika’s noticed my panicking. 

I contemplate on telling her, but that line: “Get out of my head before I listen to HER.” Is she talking about….Monika? 

My shivering stops. I straighten myself and stare coldly at Monika. “It’s nothing. I just….need to go check on Sayori really quickly.” I stand up calmly.

“Aw, I see. Be sure to come back, okay?” Something in her voice makes me tense. I nod slowly and walk out of the door. As soon as the doors closes behind me, I break into a run. I’m coming Sayori. Just hang on.

I reach Sayori’s house. I knock on the door. No answer. I knock a few more times with no answer before just letting myself in. When I enter, I cry out, “Sayori?” I yelled pretty loudly, but there’s still no response. The unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach increases as I climb up the stairs to Sayori’s room. Sayori’s door is ajar. I know I’m shivering as I reach my hand out to the knob. I swallow before closing my eyes and pushing the door open. When I reopen my eyes, I choke on my own shock. My feet buckle beneath me and I stare upwards. Upwards at Sayori’s lifeless eyes as they stare blankly down from where she hangs, suspended by the rope around her throat.

I try to breathe, but only small gasps escape me. “S-Sayori….” I close my eyes and rub my face with my hands. My vision is blurry when I open my eyes once more. Sayori’s body hasn’t changed, she still frowns sadly at the floor; her light blue eyes stare hopelessly down; they are now darkened by who knows what.

Is this a nightmare? This isn’t real….This isn’t real….This isn’t real! Sayori would never do this. She wouldn’t even think about doing this! 

I slide down and lean against the wall, still facing Sayori. Both of my legs are extended in front of me, except for one is bent and resting beneath the other. The rest of my body mimics this carelessness; slumped shoulders; downcast eyes; and scrambled thoughts and feelings that are making my fingers go numb. I don’t even realize myself lift the magic on my appearance, making me look like my normal self; long black hair; and green, black, and gold Asgardian clothing. But it doesn’t change how I feel on the inside.

Just yesterday, I ponder weakly, I told Sayori I would be there for her. And now she’s….she’s….she’s dead! Why did she do this? Was it because I turned down her confession? Is that it? Sayori, I’m sorry. I’m sorry….I’m sorry…. 

I’m not sure what I’m apologizing for. I’m just so grief-stricken, I don’t know what else to do. I’m brought back to Sayori’s screams, her agonized screams that still echo in my ears. I want to cry, but I urge them away; I refuse to be pushed that far. 

My mind continues to swarm in circles as I go through the things I could’ve done to prevent this. I go through all of the events leading up to this moment, one by one. I don’t know how long it takes, but it distracts me. When I’m brought to this morning with Monika, a horrible thought occurs to me. 

What did Monika say earlier? It was about Sayori. It was one of the first things she said to me. What was it? Then, I remember it. “You kind of left her hanging this morning.” My heart stops for a split second. Monika….? She….she told Sayori to do this. Like Sayori mentioned yesterday and in her poem today. Monika pushed her over the edge! 

I clamber to my feet with such force that I almost lose my footing again. I steady myself and glance around the room. Everything is in the exact same place as yesterday. I see Sayori’s laptop open and find the poem she entered into the festival pamphlet also open. Next to her laptop sits a drawing. I pick it up and examine it. The colored image details a stick figure drawing of Sayori being hung. She smiles in the drawing and next to it reads: Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts, and beneath the woman: Now you can be happy. I set the paper back down in disgust. 

I am not happy, Sayori. What made you think this would make me happy?

I slowly move myself out of Sayori’s room and seat myself against the wall next to her bedroom; resuming the same position from before. My thoughts refuse to settle as they run wild. Screw the Literature Club. Screw the festival. I just….lost my….best friend. 

Slowly, the tears fall. They’re so gradual and light that I am unaware of them. I don’t sob in agony like one might do in the event of a friend’s death, but these tears say all that needs to be said: I really did care about someone, and that someone was Sayori; the cheerful and carefree woman; my seemingly opposite; and my apparent sunshine.

Sayori was the only person I ever cared about. And now she’s gone. Gone forever. I’m never going to forgive myself for this. This is all my fault. I was selfish. Sayori was my sunshine. My sunshine, my sunshine, my sunshine….

And now the sun will never shine again.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The wind is brisk and the sun is gradually rising in the distance. I set off for school like I would any other day. As I begin walking down my street, I stop at my neighboring house. I stare up at a specific window, but I don’t know why. Nobody’s lived here for quite some time. It’s been for sale as long as I can remember. Nonetheless, I wait for something in front of this house. A feeling of emptiness haunts me, almost like I’ve forgotten something. But nothing registers in my mind and I don’t know how I could have forgotten something. I shrug the uneasy feeling away and continue walking to school. 

The usual couples and groups surround me, walking to school like I am. I’ve always walked to school alone, but it’s never bothered me. I actually prefer being alone. It’s better for me.

School’s bland and ordinary as usual and it’s over before I know it. As I pack up to leave, I notice the reminder posted on the board, detailing clubs. Knowing that it’s required to attend a club, I step up to the board and examine my options. Baking club? No. Baseball club? No. Manga club? No. I sigh helplessly. Do I really have to join a club? 

“Loki?” I hear a feminine voice from the doorway. I turn to see a woman I suspect is in my year due to her height. She has green eyes and light brown hair tied into a ridiculously long ponytail with a white bow. Some of her hair is not tied into her ponytail, but instead is pushed in front, falling onto her shoulders; a style common at this school.

“Um, hi,” I say awkwardly. Who are you? And how do you know who I am?

“I didn’t expect to see you here!” she says, striding inside.

“Oh?” I still don’t know who you are.

“I mean, it’s been so long, hasn’t it?”

“Y-Yeah….” Who. Are. You? 

The woman smiles at me sweetly. 

Finally, I ask, “Sorry, who are you?”

There’s a flash of hurt across the woman’s face. She quickly smiles and says, “Monika. Sorry, I didn’t realize you didn’t remember me. I guess it makes sense. You probably meet a lot of women. It must be hard to keep track of all of them.” She giggles harmoniously.

“Monika….?” I stare into her eyes to find some sort of lost memory, but she just doesn’t seem familiar to me. 

What does she mean by “you probably meet a lot of women?” I eventually take in her smile. That smile…. 

Suddenly, it hits me. Of course! Monika! She was in one of my classes last year and, if I’m remembering correctly, in a class during my first year. We hardly talked. Or, well, did we ever? Monika is one of the most popular girls in the entire school. She holds all of the desirable qualities: pretty, smart, athletic. Basically, completely not my type. But, then again, what is my type?

“Of course. Monika. How could I forget?” I say, smiling for show.

Monika giggles, her hands behind her back, and her body leaned in towards me. “I knew I was in there somewhere!”

“So, what brings you here?”

“Oh, I was just looking for some supplies for my club.”

“What sort of supplies? Perhaps I can help.”

“Any construction paper? Oh, or markers?”

“Um, possibly. I guess you’d have to check the closet.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” Monika beams at me.

“Um….you’re apart of, forgive me if I’m wrong, the debate club, right?”

Monika giggles guiltily. “About that….I actually quit the debate club.”

“Oh. I was unaware of that. What made you drop it?”

“Well, to be honest, I got sick of all of the arguing involved with it. The politics of the major clubs were just too much for me. So, I decided to do something I really enjoy!”

“And what do you really enjoy?” 

“I actually have an interest in writing.”

“Writing?”

“Yep!”

“I didn’t know there was a club for writing....” If there was, I probably would’ve chosen it without contemplation. Well, less contemplation, I should say.

“I’m actually starting a new one! It’s called the Literature Club!” As she says those last two words, there’s a sharp pain in my forehead and the world goes blurry for a second. But it quickly returns to normal and Monika’s smile is still intact. What was that? Did Monika notice it too? It doesn’t appear so. Strange….

“U-Um….H-How many members do you have so far?” I ask, trying to move the conversation forward. 

“W-Well….” Monika’s guilty smile returns. “It’s really hard to find members when starting a new club, especially when it seems boring. But literature really isn’t boring. It has so many variations that apply to different people; reading, writing, poetry….everything, really! Well, not everything. But, you know what I mean. In fact, one of my members keeps their manga in the club room. She insists that manga is also literature, and, I suppose, it is apart of literature.”

“Aw….I….see….” 

It feels as if Monika is having a really hard time getting members and it’s beginning to bother her. I didn’t even attack it, but she immediately started defending it. Monika must really be serious about this Literature Club of hers.

“Hey, Loki?” Monika snaps my attention back to her. “Are you, by chance, still looking for a club to join?”

“A-Aw….Well….” I see what you’re doing, Monika, and I don’t think I like it. “I suppose I….haven’t.” I want to smack myself across the face. I’m falling right into her trap! Ugh….but her smile is just so…. I gaze at Monika’s perfect smile and find myself lost in its beauty.

“Well, in that case, would you like to join my club?” Monika eagerly leans in slightly, her hands clasped behind her back. She smiles at me, pleading for me to make the right choice.

“A-Ah….Er….”

“I know that this is a really huge commitment, but I think that if you just give it a try you’ll find that it’s really fun!”

“Um….Well, I guess I have nothing better to do.” I glance at the list of clubs. “I’ll give into you just the once, Monika.”

“Awww! You’re the best, Loki!” Monika beams even wider, unable to mask her excitement. 

“I know….” 

“Well, shall we should get going?”

“W-What about your, um, supplies?” I’m not stalling, right? Definitely not stalling. What reason would I have to stall?

“Given the circumstances, I think the supplies can wait; you’re more important!” 

Not waiting for me to reply, Monika turns around and strides, a little quicker, out of the room.

I had no clue what I was getting myself into as I followed Monika to the Literature Club room. I didn’t know that it would mark the day I sold my soul for a cupcake and surrendered my clear thinking. I did not yet know the horrors that awaited me behind the Literature Club door. I did not know the hauntings that would take place in such an innocent place. Not knowing any of this, I follow Monika into the unknown.

“I’m back!” Monika calls out as we step through the club room doors. “And I’ve brought a guest!”

“Eh?” A tall and pretty woman with long, purple hair looks from Monika to me in surprise. “A-A….guest?” The woman has her hands behind her back and her school uniform is buttoned up modestly. Something that catches my eye is her sweet smile. Wait. What is this? I know this woman. Her name is….is….Yu….Yuri…. But, I’ve never met her in my life. And, yet, I know her name. How do I know her name?

“Wait. You brought a boy?” a second woman asks. She has cute pink hair that’s put up in half-down-half-up pigtails with red ribbons. A matching red barrette pins her bangs out of her face. She’s shorter than the other woman. Way shorter. She must be one year beneath us. Or maybe three. I know her too. Her name is….Nat….Natsuki. How do I know all of this? What’s happening?

“Don’t be mean, Natsuki,” Monika chides. “Everyone, this is Loki. Loki, welcome to the club!” 

Everyone’s eyes are on me. I’m at a loss of words. I’m stunned by these girls’ appearances, but also, I’m confused as to how I know them. This club is….is….What is this club? What are these girls? Where am I? A panic rushes through me so suddenly, I step back, losing my balance for a second. I inhale and shake the feelings off. 

“Let me guess,” Natsuki begins, “You’re Monika’s boyfriend.”

“I beg your pardon?” I stare down at Natsuki, then look at Monika whose face is a bright shade of scarlet.

“Woah! You’re British?!” Natsuki stares at me in bewilderment. “I didn’t know we had any transfer students here,” she continues. “Wow, that’s so weird. Oh, have you been to London? Wait, Monika, you have a British boyfriend?”

“Natsuki,” Yuri says softly. Natsuki looks at Yuri with surprise, but soon scowls and folds her arms, turning away.

“A-Anyway, this is----” Monika begins, but I already know the answer.

“Natsuki, always full of energy. And Yuri, the smartest woman in the world.” They all stare at me with bewildered expressions, asking: “How do you know that?” But I don’t know how. I just do.

“That’s right!” Monika says, discrediting the strange situation. 

“It’s….nice to m-meet you,” Yuri stammers, fiddling with one of her long strands of hair. Natsuki says nothing, just stares at me intently.

“So, I ran into Loki while I was out looking for supplies, and he decided to stop by and check our club out,” Monika explains enthusiastically.

“You decided to bring me by,” I mumble to myself so no one can hear.

“W-Wait! Monika!” Natsuki cries. “I thought I told you to let me know in advance if you were going to bring someone new. I was….you know….going to….” Natsuki blushes immensely and stares down at her feet.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry,” Monika says apologetically. “I didn’t forget about what you told me. I just ran into Loki, it wasn’t planned.”

“In that case, perhaps I could at least make some tea?” Yuri suggests.

“Yes, I think that would be a good way to start off the meeting,” Monika says with a relieved smile. 

As Yuri strides off to the closet at the back of the room, the other women sit at desks arranged to form a table. Monika inserts another desk to the table and sits down next to it. Assuming that the chair is for me, I take a seat next to her.

“I hope that we haven’t scared you off too soon, Loki,” Monika says jokingly. “I know you don’t plan on spending your early evenings at a literature club, but nonetheless, we’ll make sure you feel right at home here, okay? As president of the Literature Club, it’s my job to make the club fun and exciting for everyone!”

“That’s very….nice of you, Monika,” I say. “By the way, I’ve been wondering, why aren’t there more people in the club? Is it really this hard to start a club?”

“Well,” Monika begins tiredly, “not many people are keen on putting a lot of effort into starting something brand new. Especially when it’s something that seems boring, like literature. It takes a lot of hard work to convince others that your club is both fun and worthwhile. But without the Literature Club, the festival would be very lackluster. I’m one hundred percent sure that we’ll be able to strengthen this club before we graduate! Don’t you agree, Natsuki?” Monika looks expectantly across her desk to Natsuki.

Natsuki sighs. “Well, I guess….” Lucky for Natsuki, Monika doesn’t press the matter further. Yuri then returns, tray in hand. She carefully hands us all a tea cup before taking one herself and seating herself next to Natsuki. Yuri glances up at me every few sips of tea, as if she’s waiting for me to say something. What do you want me to say? Did I miss something? ‘Cause I have nothing to say to you.

“To start off the club,” Monika says, “I thought we could share the types of things we like to read,” she turns to me, “Loki, let’s start with you.” 

I glance at Monika in surprise. Why are you voting for me to go first? I’m not even a full member! 

“Oh….um….I read a variety of things,” I say nonchalantly. “I guess I like to read murder mysteries. Or, just mysteries is fine too.” I sigh. “I’m not really into a certain genre, is what I’m trying to say.” I don’t know why that was so hard for me to say. Ugh, I feel so stupid.

“That’s fine! Keeping an open mind is the key to literature,” Monika says enthusiastically. How does she always say the right things?

Intrigued, Yuri says, “Murder mysteries sound interesting. Perhaps I should read one someday.”

“What do you like to read, Yuri?” I ask.

“Well, let’s see….My favorites are usually novels that have deep meanings that open your eyes to a whole new world. Literature is all about expressing yourself, and I like to see the many different ways people express themselves,” Yuri says passionately. She goes on and on. Everything she says is so meaningful and profound. She must be really serious about her books. After a few minutes, Yuri pauses. “Anyway, I’ve been reading a lot of horror lately….” 

“Aw, I’ve read a horror book before,” I say conversationally.

“Really, Yuri?” Monika asks in a surprised tone. “I wouldn’t have ever guessed that someone as gentle as you would like horror. You don’t seem like the kind of person to be into horror.”

“Is that so?” Yuri says, an embarrassed blush coming across her cheeks. The blush continues to spread across her face as she begins to fidget with her hair. “Well, it doesn’t matter if a book is horror or if it’s science fiction, if a story takes me to another world or level of thinking, then I really can’t put it down. Surreal horror does a really good job of this.”

“Ugh. I hate horror,” Natsuki breaks in.

“Oh?” Yuri turns to Natsuki. “Why’s that?”

“Well, carnage is disgusting. Why would anyone want to read about blood and gore? And death is depressing. I particularly hate zombies.” Natsuki shudders. “It’s awful!”

“Ah, I see,” Monika says. Smiling, she adds, “Oh yeah, you like cute stories, don’t you, Natsuki?” 

Natsuki blushes in surprise.

“W-What gives you that idea?!” Natsuki asks in outrage.

“I read some of your manga last club meeting. It’s very cute,” Monika teases, leaning in towards Natsuki. “I also found this.” Monika reaches into her bag and pulls out a slip of paper. “‘Kitten Whiskers?’”

“H-Hey! Don’t touch my manga! And give that back!” Natsuki tries to snatch the paper out of Monika’s hand, but she can’t reach her from where she sits.

“Okay, okay.” Monika giggles as she hands the paper to Natsuki, who snatches it and shoves it into her bag. “You’re a good writer, Natsuki,” Monika remarks.

“Maybe,” Natsuki mutters bitterly, still furious with Monika.

“Yeah. That was a really good poem,” Monika adds.

“You write poetry, Natsuki?” Yuri says with interest.

“Well, yeah, maybe,” Natsuki mumbles.

“I think that’s really cool, Natsuki,” Yuri says, making Natsuki blush immensely. “Poetry isn’t easy to do,” she continues. “Even if you’re not very good at it, it’s still amazing for anyone to try it. I myself tend to struggle a bit with poetry, and having someone else read it is quite frightening. Having someone read your writing is like exposing your deepest thoughts and weaknesses. But even so, writing is a sacred art and anyone who does it should be proud, even if they aren’t ready to share their writing.” 

The room is silent as we all digest Yuri’s words.

“Wow, Yuri,” Monika finally says. “So, you’re a writer too, then?”

“Yes,” Yuri responds.

“Hmm….” Monika ponders for a minute. “I have an idea, everyone.” We all turn to her with apprehensive looks. “Why don’t we all write a poem tonight to share tomorrow?” Natsuki and Yuri instantly shudder.

“I-I don’t know,” Yuri says hesitantly.

“Yeah. I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea,” Natsuki agrees, folding her arms stubbornly.

“I know that it sounds intimidating at first, but it can’t stay that way forever,” Monika says. “Perhaps Loki should decide? Since he’s our newest member and all.” 

Everyone turns to me expectantly. Why are you putting this all on me? I’m not even an actual member!

“Um….Well, I should probably tell you that I never consented to joining this club. Monika just brought me by and....” I taper off as everyone’s eyes fall in defeat.

“I-I’m sorry, I thought,” Yuri stammers.

“Hmph.” Natsuki folds her arms sassily.

“L-Loki….” Monika’s pleading eyes return to her, tugging at my heartstrings.

My mouth hangs open slightly as I look from each girl with a perplexed expression. Are you serious?! You’re really doing this to me?! Ugh….! I have no idea what to do against these women. Why can’t I think straight?! 

I sigh. “Fine….I guess I’ll join the Literature Club.” One by one, all of the girl’s eyes light up.

“That’s great!” Monika exclaims. “Do you mean it, Loki?”

“Yeah,” I say with a sigh.

“I’m glad,” Yuri says, smiling sweetly. “You really scared me for a moment….”

“I swear, if you really just left after all of that, I would’ve been super pissed,” Natsuki says grudgingly. “I might’ve smacked you….I would have smacked you….”

“I’m so happy, Loki! Now we can become an official club!” Monika exclaims.

“What do you mean ‘an official club?’” I ask.

“To become a full club you have to have a minimum of four members,” Monika explains. 

“Oh, I didn’t know that.” I probably wouldn’t have given it much thought if you had told me that. I would’ve probably joined in an instant if I had had that information. Probably…..

“Do you think we should do poems?” Monika asks again.

“Listen,” I begin, “I don’t want to make any decisions, okay? I think that since you’re the club leader, you probably have better judgement on what is best for the club.”

There’s a brief silence as Natsuki and Yuri quietly nod their heads.

“Great! Then, be sure to write a poem tonight to bring to the next meeting, so we can all share!” Monika announces happily.

“Yes. That sounds like a….good idea,” Yuri adds.

“I guess it’s okay,” Natsuki says reluctantly.

“Okay, everyone,” Monika says, “I think that on that note, we can conclude today’s meeting. Everyone remember to write a poem tonight!” Monika meets my gaze and says a little quieter, “Loki, I look forward to seeing how you express yourself.” She then giggles.

“Y-Yeah,” I stammer, unsure of this. Ugh, can I really pull this off? I watch as the girls finish up with the tea and begin to clean it up. “Um, I guess I’ll be off.”

“See you tomorrow!” Monika shouts to me from the closet. Natsuki and Yuri peer at me from the closet too. Yuri says goodbye and I can see Natsuki do so too, although, it’s very quiet.

I take the same path home as I always do. Self-consciously, I find myself thinking back on the women in the Literature Club. My mind switches between each woman: Natsuki, Yuri, and Monika. All very different women, with the same ambition. It must have taken Monika a long time to find just these two girls. I sure hope I’m not making a huge mistake by joining this club, but I guess it can’t hurt. After all, this is the last year of my exile and my last year of college. As I near my house, my mind wanders from the club to dark thoughts. 

Today, when I knew Yuri’s and Natsuki’s names before they told me, it still makes me uneasy. Why do I have the feeling that I’ve forgotten something? Actually, I feel like I can’t remember a lot of things. But, yet, everything feels so normal to me. Nothing seems out of the ordinary or different. So why….? 

I ask myself questions all the way down my street. Deep in thought, I accidentally pass my home. As I backtrack, I see the unoccupied house next to mine. I stare at its dark windows and empty looking appearance. It makes me feel odd that there should be a light there, even though I know it’s empty and it’s been empty for years. I still can’t help but imagine a woman living there. I don’t know why I imagine a woman, that’s just what comes into view. A woman with short salmon pink hair and blue eyes….And….a red bow pinned on the left side of her head….her name would be…..

I shake the thought away and enter my home to write a poem about a mysterious woman.


	13. Chapter 13

So….a poem. How do you write a poem? I feel like writing about a mysterious woman, but how exactly do I do that? 

I stare down at the blank piece of paper before me, waiting for instructions to strike me, but there’s nothing. I sigh as I plop my pen on my desk and lean back in my chair. My mind begins to wander. Yuri, Natsuki….Wait, why am I thinking about them? 

Trying to distract myself from the women in the Literature Club, I shift back to my desk and retrieve my pen once more. But once again, I quickly drop the pen without having written a word.

“Ugh! This is hopeless!” I yell at the ceiling. 

Again, my mind ventures back to the Literature Club. I wonder if the others are having as much trouble as I am? I run my hands through my long, black hair.

I sigh and pick up my pen to finally start writing. Then, I realize something. If I can’t write a poem I like, then maybe I can write a poem someone from the club will like. That will at least get me on their good sides. But for who? I stare at the wall, thinking. Yuri? Natsuki? Definitely not Monika. I don’t know why I rule her out immediately, but I don’t question myself. 

My options are Yuri or Natsuki. I guess whoever I don’t pick tonight I can do later, so it’s not too big of a deal who I start with, right? 

Well, let’s think. Yuri likes dark and deep stories. Natsuki likes cute things. This isn’t helping. 

What about….What style would be easiest to do? Probably Natsuki, right? There really is no way of knowing, I suppose.

Alright, I think I’ll write a poem for Natsuki. With new resolve, I grab my pen and begin writing a cute poem about a mysterious woman with a bright smile.


	14. Chapter 14

“Hi, again, Loki!” Monika greets me as I walk into the classroom. “I was worried you were going to run off on us.”

“Me….too,” I say with an odd feeling.

I’m back at the Literature Club, surprisingly. I’m the last one to come in, so everyone else is already hanging out.

“I’m glad to see you again,” Yuri says with a smile. Her face twitches, almost inhuman-like. I blink and Yuri’s smile is still perfectly fine. Am I going crazy?

“Diving head first into literature when you’re not accustomed to it can be very intimidating,” Yuri continues.

“Oh come on! Like he deserves any slack!” Natsuki retorts. I see a few variations of Natsuki, like a hallucination. Natsuki seems blurry and unreal for the smallest second, but she returns to normal just as quick. 

“‘Diving head first into literature can be difficult if you’re not duh dud duh,’” Natsuki says in mock tone.

Suddenly, Monika fills my view out of nowhere. She blocks out Natsuki and Yuri, so I can only see her cheerful green eyes and grin. She then slowly turns to face Natsuki. “You sure have a big mouth for someone who keeps their manga in the clubroom,” Monika says with a large smile.   
“M-Mo-Ma----” Natsuki stammers. She seems to be stuck between saying “Monika” and “Manga.” She then shouts, “Manga is literature!” and swiftly sits down at her usual desk in the arranged desks. I stare down at Natsuki for a second, and when I look up, Yuri has inched herself closer to me.

“I’m sorry about that, Loki,” Yuri begins softly, “I promise to put your comfort first, okay?” She glances at Natsuki, and for a second I think she glares at her, but just as quick, she returns her gaze to me. “Anyway….Now that you’re apart of the club….Perhaps you might consider picking up a book?”

I contemplate this for a second. It doesn’t seem all that sketchy. I mean, it’s just reading a book, right? But will I be reading with Yuri? What do you have in mind, Yuri….?

“I don’t see why not,” I finally say. “I mean, I am apart of this club now, right? So it only makes sense for me to read something apart of it.”

Yuri’s eyes light up in alarm. She quickly looks away, her face reddened. She weaves her fingers through her hair as she says, “I-I didn’t mean it l-like that! I-If you really don’t want to, then just forget everything I said! I guess….”

“Y-Yuri! Th-that’s not what I meant!” I hastily look for the right words. “Um....I joined this club, so I should try to be apart of it the best I can. I like reading, so picking up a book isn’t something I’m opposed to.”

“I-Is that so?” Yuri slightly looks back at me. “I just thought….Well….as Vice President, I should be helping new members get started on something. So, I went ahead and, well, give me a second.” Yuri strides over to her bag and retrieves a book. “I happened to stop by the book store yesterday and I picked out a book that I thought you might enjoy. It’s a short read, so it should keep your attention. And we could….” Yuri trails off. I see her fingers wrap around strands of her hair. Here we go again. “Discuss it....if you wanted….”

“Thank you, Yuri. I’ll definitely read this,” I say, enthusiastically taking the book. 

“Well, you can read it at your own pace. I look forward to seeing what you think.” Yuri smiles in relief.

Now that everyone’s settled in, I expect Monika to start off the meeting with some planned activities, but she appears to be busy with something at the teacher’s desk. I look further and see Yuri buried in a book. I notice that she wears an intense gaze as she reads, like she’s completely encaptured inside of her book. Meanwhile, Natsuki is rummaging in the closet at the back of the room. 

What to do….What to do…. I scan the room over and over as I think of something good to do. I then notice the book in my hand. Deciding to just read the book Yuri gave me, I find an open seat and pull the chair back to sit down. But before I do so, I hear a loud grunt of frustration from the closet. I turn around and see Natsuki staring up at the closet, her hands on her hips. She seems to be annoyed, but by what? Curious, I set the book on the desk and walk over to Natsuki. Natsuki stares up at the top shelf and doesn’t seem to have noticed me. I approach her from behind and try to find what she’s looking at.

“Do you….need something from up there?” I ask, nodding to the top shelf.

Suddenly, Natsuki curses harshly about Monika. 

“Natsuki!” I yell with a mix of surprise and outrage.

Natsuki doesn’t seem to hear me. 

“Monika never puts my stuff back in the right place!” she says through clenched teeth. “Why do I even try to keep my stuff organized when some jerk is just going to mess it up?” Natsuki takes a book out of its slot on the shelf and examines it briefly before grunting and placing it back. She continues to scan the shelves and I follow. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a peculiar book in the middle of small literature textbooks. I slide it out of its slot and turn it in my hands to reveal animated manga features.

“There it is!” Natsuki snatches the book out of my hand and kneels down and stashes it on one of the lower shelves. “That’s better! Seeing a box set with one books missing is the worst feeling in the world!” Natsuki smiles to herself. Due to my height, I can easily see down into the box of manga. I can see the words “Sugar and Spice” written on one of the covers.

“Sugar and Spice….?” I question quietly, thinking what it might be.

“If you’re going to judge, you can do it through the glass,” Natsuki growls. She points to the window with furrowed brows.

“Who said I was judging?”

“It was the tone of your voice.”

“What was my tone?”

“I don’t know! But I’ll tell you one thing, Loki,” Natsuki smiles widely at me, “Don’t judge a bookkkbookbookkkkboooook----” Natsuki jerks her head to the side fast, leading me to believe that she broke something. She then blinks, her cute smile still in place, and, like nothing happened, says, “In fact,” she pulls out the first volume of Sugar and Spice from the box, “I’m gonna show you exactly why!” She shoves the book into my hands.

“O-Oh.…” I stare down at the manga awkwardly, still shaken and confused by what just occurred. The cover features five girls in school uniforms all striking feminine poses. “Thanks, but I don’t----” I’m still very wary of the previous situation and can’t understand why Natsuki is turning a blind eye upon it.

“Oh, shut up and take it already,” Natsuki interrupts me.

“Okay, okay.” I flip through the pages of the manga, not really taking in any of the pictures or the content, just trying to busy myself with something. Suddenly, Natsuki snatches the book out of my hands again.

“Don’t just stand there!” Natsuki sits down against the wall, below the windowsill. “Come on!” Natsuki impatiently pats the ground to her left, signalling for me to sit. “We can read a few chapters together.”

“Um….Okay.” I plop down next to her. “Are you sure this isn’t uncomfortable for you? Wouldn’t it be better to use chairs?”

“No, no. I prefer the ground. Now stop stalling!” Natsuki extends the book to me. I take it and open it to the first page. Natsuki grabs the right end of the book and I grab the left side so we can both read. But in doing this, we’re huddled very close together. My shoulder is rubbing up against Natsuki’s left shoulder. I slowly maneuver my legs to avoid them from brushing up against her legs. Natsuki shifts her legs to her right and bends them, so she puts most of her weight against me to stay upright. I try to just read, but I can’t help but get distracted. I risk a look at Natsuki. She’s intently reading. At least she’s enjoying herself. But, then, I notice Natsuki tug on her skirt, trying to make it cover more skin.

“Are you absolutely sure you’re comfortable, Natsuki?” I ask again. 

“Eh?” Natsuki’s mouth is open as she perks her head up. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why would you think I wasn’t?” Natsuki’s gaze intensifies.

“No reason.” I return back to reading. This time I try extremely hard to stay focused, but out of the corner of my eye I see Natsuki staring at me. “Is this boring for you?” 

“Eh?” Natsuki’s head is tilted as she stares confusedly up at me. 

Gosh, she’s adorable.

“Re-reading the book,” I clarify.

“Oh. No. It’s actually really interesting going back and reading the first book.” Natsuki’s baffled expression quickly turns into a shy smile. “I wonder how long it’s been since I’ve read it.”

“You don’t go back and flip through the older volumes?”

“Uh.…” Natsuki’s eyes look to her right as she becomes flustered. “N-Not really. I mean, I might when I’ve finished the series. But, lately I’ve been busy with other series.”

“Oh, I see.” We continue reading. At this point, we’ve finished a couple of chapters. So far, nothing’s really happened. We’ve been introduced to two teenage girls wanting to start a baking club of sorts. Mostly, they’re looking for members to join. I can tell where the story is going easily. The two girls will find one person at a time to join, learning special traits about each; I’ve noticed that it’s a common theme with manga and anime, I think it’s called. 

Now they have four members total, which is enough to form a full club. But, another girl tags alone too, creating what one of the characters calls a “mega club.” This character reminds me of a girl. Specifically the girl I wrote my poem about; she’s cheerful and always smiling; she can be very dumb and doesn’t tend to think before doing or saying things. But it still tugs at my mind how I’ve imagined this woman up. 

Moving on from the crazy girl, I connect another character to someone. This character reminds me of Natsuki because of her aggressive and cute personality. 

Before my mind travels any further, I realize I’m supposed to be reading. I snap out of my thoughts and stare at the page before me. It features a chaotic fight brewing between the full-of-it character and the crazy character. I don’t remember how this started, I must’ve missed something. I read further to see if it clarifies, but of course, it doesn’t.

“Hey, Natsuki?”

“Yeah?”

“Um….What is this book about?”

“You don’t know what it’s about?! But we’re like five chapters in!”

“I know, I know. Everything’s just happening so fast that I keep missing things.”

“You haven’t been paying attention?!”

“It’s not that, I promise!” This is so obviously a lie. I just hope she buys it.

“Hmph! I guess I did forget to tell you before we started….” Natsuki sighs. “It’s about a group of five girls in a baking club. It consists of lots of drama and romance as the girls strive to figure out their confused love lives as well as friendships. It’s an amazing read that keeps you interested the whole way.”

“Aw, so a slice of life story, then?” I smile proudly at the knowledgeable terms I’ve learned since living on Midgard. It really surprises me sometimes how little I know of this realm, so I’ve always noted new terms and whatnot.

“Yeah,” Natsuki replies.

“Okay. Sounds....” I fumble for an appropriate word. I want to say ‘girly,’ but somehow that seems like a bad idea. “Interesting,” I finish.

“If you’re going to judge, you can do it through the window!” Natsuki growls again.

“You’ve already offered that and I’ve passed,” I say.

“Oh, shut up!”

“Either way, I wasn’t judging. If anything I was telling the truth. You obviously really enjoy this, so it must be a good book. Especially if you’re willing to share it with me.” I hope I don’t sound too desperate to preventing Natsuki from erupting on me. I mean, I don’t sound like I’m pleading with her to not be mad at me, right?

Natsuki opens her mouth to retort but shuts it quickly. “Nice save.” I want to say, “I know.” But that will definitely get me smacked, so I just remain silent. Neither of us look at each other as we sit in silence. Finally, I break the stillness.

“So, do you share your manga with your friends? Or am I the first?”

Natsuki turns and glares at me. Shoot. I said the wrong thing, but how? “Could you not rub it in? Jeez….”

“Oh, Sorry. I wasn’t aware that was a sensitive subject for you. Forgive me.”

Natsuki looks forward. “Hmph.” Another pause. Then finally, “Like I could get my friends to read this. They’d just laugh at me and say, ‘You still read that stuff? I would’ve thought that you would have grown out of it by now.’ It makes me want to punch them in the face….”

“Oh….” 

Natsuki continues, “I mean, I feel like I can’t even keep my manga in my own room.” Natsuki suddenly becomes demented as she says, “My boyfriend would beat the crap out of me if he found this!” Then, she returns to her normal tone. “At least they’re safe here in the clubroom. Except Monika’s kind of a jerk about it. Ugh! I can never win, can I?!” 

I stare at Natsuki, shocked and worried. Your father would what?

Feeling now uneasy, I blink down at Natsuki. Suddenly, an overwhelming surge of hatred comes through me and I have the urge to speak. “You should.” I don’t understand why I said that. I just….did.

“Eh?” Natsuki looks at me with a puzzled expression. 

The urge continues to push me further. “You should punch them. They have no right to judge you, especially not your father. Honestly, it takes so much effort to find friends who don’t judge, much more for friends who are also into the stuff you like. It’s the same everywhere, not just here. Even Asgard is the same way. It’s made out to be a golden paradise when it’s really just the same as everywhere else. It covers up all of its impurity with pounds and pounds of shimmering gold, as if that makes it superior to every other realm.” I gasp at my words. I hurriedly glance at Natsuki. I messed up. I mentioned Asgard. Oh no, oh no, oh no…. 

Natsuki stares back at me with bewildered eyes.

“L-Loki….” Natsuki’s face turns into a meaningful expression. “I’m not entirely sure what you were talking about, but….” Natsuki then smiles cutely. “I’ll definitely be sure to hit them really hard next time!”

“O-Oh. I’m glad,” I say in relief. “Plus, everything worked out in the end, right? I mean, I’m reading it now, aren’t I?” I motion to the manga in our hands, Natsuki’s gaze follows it nervously.

“Whatever. Not like it really changes anything. I’m still ruined.”

“What do you----”

“Jeez, that’s enough! Can we just keep reading?” she bursts.

“Oh. Well….if that is what you wish.” 

There’s great silence between us as we read. My vision becomes ominously darkened around the edges. Natsuki is strangely quiet now. I glance over at her to see if she’s okay and find that she’s fallen asleep. Her head resting on my shoulder, she looks so cute. I don’t want to disturb her, but how am I ever supposed to focus like this?

“Natsuki….?” I say softly.

“Y-Yeah….?” Natsuki opens her eyes slightly, still drowsy. 

“Well, it’s just----” Suddenly, Natsuki gasps and falls into my lap. She continues to gasp for air.

“Natsuki....!” I hastily turn Natsuki around so that she faces up. Her mouth keeps opening and closing as if she’s saying something, but all that comes out is nonsense. Her eyes rapidly twitch, blinking and turning in their sockets. She then starts screaming. “Natsuki!!” I hold her in my arms, panicking. I’ve never seen anything like this in my life! What is happening?! Suddenly, I hear Monika say, “Oh jeez….” 

I see her slowly approaching us. “Natsuki, are you okay?” Monika asks as she kneels down next to Natsuki’s panicked body. “Here….” Monika reaches into one of her coat pockets and retrieves a protein bar. “That’s all I have right now.” She drops it into Natsuki’s shaking hand. Natsuki’s eyes light up monstrously as she pulls herself out of my lap. She hurriedly tears the wrapper and shoves the bar in her mouth, taking a large chunk off. Natsuki turns her back to us as she savagely eats the snack. Monika slides down against the wall on my left.

“Don’t worry, Loki,” she says with a smile, “Natsuki’s fine. This happens every now and then; it’s completely normal. I always keep a snack handy for her just in case! I suggest you do the same if you intend on hanging out with her frequently.” 

Monika giggles. I stare at her with horror. I have so many things to say, but Monika changes the subject. “Why don’t we share poems now?” She nods to herself and stands up. She reaches her hand out to me to help me up, but I ignore it and get up myself. I straighten my tie and brush off my coat and pants, trying to brush away the rising dread I feel, but I feel unsuccessful at this.

\---------

I look down to where Natsuki was gobbling up her snack, but I find her gone. How did she move without me noticing? I scan the room and find her at a desk near the back entrance. 

Yuri is at the same desk near the windows and Monika is already behind the teacher’s desk once again. Who’s going to share with who? Do I get to choose? I wait a few more seconds for someone to make a move, but everyone insists on staying seated. Sighing, I contemplate who to share with first. 

If I’m going first, then….Well, I’ve already spent time with Natsuki and that didn’t go all that well….I don’t want to share with Monika at all, so that leaves….Yuri. 

As I walk towards Yuri’s desk, I continue to convince myself that this is the right choice. Yuri is the most experienced writer, so her opinion should be just. Granted she is the most mature as well. Although, she and I did have a strange exchange before. But I guess by now I’ve had strange events with each member and Yuri’s hasn’t been too bad.

“Hey, Yuri.”

“H-Hello, Loki.”

“Do you want to share poems?”

“O-Oh, sure….”

“Here, you can read mine first.” I extend my poem to her and she gently takes it out of my hand. Yuri stares down at it intensely without saying a word. A minute passes, more than enough time for her to finish reading.

“Um.…” I break the silence.

“O-Oh!” Yuri finally realizes that she’s been taking a while. “S-Sorry….! I forgot to start speaking, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, though. Don’t force yourself.”

Yuri inhales and exhales slowly. “I just need to put my thoughts into words. Hold on….” Yuri breathes for a second. “....Okay.” Yuri returns her gaze to me with renewed strength. “This is your first time writing a poem, right?”

I chuckle gently. “Does it show?”

“I-It’s not that! I’m just making sure. I guessed that it might be after reading through it.”

“Aw, so it’s that bad.”

“N-No!! Did I just raise my voice? I’m sorry….” Yuri turns her reddened gaze away as her fingers weave in and out of her hair.

I sigh; I’ve had my bit of fun. “It’s fine. It honestly doesn’t bother me. What were you saying?”

“R-Right….um….It’s just that there are specific writing habits that are usually common for new writers. And having been through the beginning stages of writing myself, I’ve learned to pick up on them. I think the most noticeable thing I recognize in new writers is that they try to make their style very deliberate. In other words, they tend to pick a writing style separate from the topic at hand, and they combine the two together. In the end, both the style and the expressiveness are weakened.” 

My eyes are transfixed on Yuri. Once she finds her train of thought, it’s as if her demeanor totally changes. Her stammering is completely gone, and she sounds like a genius. 

“....Of course that’s not something you can be blamed for,” she continues. “There are so many different skills and techniques that go into writing, even one simple poem. It might take you some time, but it all comes with practice, learning by example, and trying new things. It also helps when others give you valuable feedback.” She pauses briefly before saying a bit hastily, “Natsuki can be a little biased sometimes, though….”

“Biased? How?” I snap out of my daze.

“U-Um....Well….N-Never mind. It’s nothing. I shouldn’t be talking about people like that, anyway. Sorry….”

“It’s fine.” There’s an awkward pause between us. “Do you mind if I read your poem now?”

“Not at all. I’d love to share my thought process behind it.” Yuri smiles dreamily, as if this is a rare opportunity for her. She hands me her poem eagerly.

The Creeping Shadow

On sunny days, she grazes in the meadow.  
On cloudy days, she sneaks inside the rabbit’s burrow.  
On rainy days, she is forced to hide beneath the roof.  
On stormy days, there is nothing to do but fall where it is waterproof.  
But, Gracie won’t listen to the soft whispering of the older,  
She wishes to go outside into the alder.

Laughing and smiling, Gracie ventures into the depth of the woods.  
She continues further and further, farther than she should.  
Farther and farther, later and later, Gracie sings happily.  
The swaying trees swing around her absently.  
Ignorant Little Gracie does not yet notice the creeping shadow.  
Little Gracie finds herself in the depth of a white glow.  
Endless white fog stretches for miles.  
The storm rages on without a smile.  
Little Gracie’s eyes are a waterfall as she becomes a lost soul.  
But the tall shadow is also a lost soul,  
And he has a goal.

Slowly and silently, the shadow strides to the crying girl.  
Little Gracie still cries out to the fog, still as white as a pearl.  
Slithering, long fingers wrap around Gracie’s neck and stroke threateningly.  
The talons slice, revealing a sight so very unsettling.

Little Gracie fell on that stormy night.  
She was nothing but a gruesome sight.  
Gracie’s story is told through the village.  
A story detailing a frightening image.  
The image of a tall black figure,  
With looks so disfigured,  
A sight so bitter.  
A merciless killer.  
Nothing like a calming meadow.  
But instead, a creeping shadow.

“I-It’s awful, isn’t it?” Yuri says.

“What? No, it’s really good,” I say.

“I-Is that so….?” 

“Yeah. I thought it was dark, which, in my opinion, suites you.”

“But Loki, being dark isn’t exactly a compliment….”

“O-Oh. I meant that it had a creepy feeling. Especially the ending. That was pretty dark. And by ‘it suits you’ I meant that you’re really good at writing horror. Not many people can capture the true and unsettling feeling of horror. But you can.”

“Oh….I’m….glad you like it. To be honest, I wanted to write something a little more mild since this is the first time sharing.”

“Aw, I see.” That was mild? What is not mild like, then? Holding back a smirk, I say, “So to not show off too much.” I smile slightly at her, expecting her to smile back, but instead, she blushes and turns away from me.

“Showing off isn’t something I can do when I’m not really good. Yours is much better….” Yuri’s lying through her teeth and she knows it. Of course hers is better! It’s beautifully structured and meaningfully written. Which, is much more than you can say about my poem since I didn’t write it from my heart. Or, not for the right reasons, I should say. It came from some part of my heart, maybe just not the part Yuri writes from. 

“I didn’t mean it in a mean way. I was just….” I want to say that she was just coming up with an excuse for not writing the ‘best’ poem she could, but that’ll probably just make her even more awkward. “I just think that you should give yourself more credit. The poem you wrote today was completely fine. In fact, it was amazing. I would say not to worry about the club being able to fully comprehend your poems, you write whatever way gets your feelings and thoughts through. Even if the reader doesn’t understand the point of it, at least you understand it, you know?”

Yuri stares at me with pleased eyes, giving me the feeling that I said the right thing. “I understand what you’re trying to say and you’re completely right,” Yuri says kindly. “I do tend to be very modest about my writing, I just can’t help it. Thank you for accepting my writing and feelings, Loki. No one’s ever been able to see eye to eye with my thoughts.” 

“Don’t mention it.” I half smile at Yuri who timidly smiles back. 

“Switch!” Monika’s voice calls out to the room.

“Well, it was nice sharing with you,” I say as I get up.

“You too. I look forward to seeing your writing skills develop,” Yuri responds, getting up too. I nod to her and walk a few paces before stopping. I quickly glance around the room and see Monika striding away from Natsuki. Yuri approaches Monika, leaving me with only one choice: Natsuki.

Feeling slightly wary of Natsuki, I slowly inch towards her. Has she recovered from earlier? Have I recovered? I am still a little shaken, I guess. I just….don’t want to see Natsuki like that again.

As I near Natsuki, I see her eyes dart to me and I can see an expression of alarm, but she hides it and pretends she hasn’t noticed me yet. Finally, I’m standing right in front of her and she can’t ignore me anymore. Natsuki aggressively looks at me as I take a seat next to her.

“You first, dummy,” Natsuki says with a stern stare. I look into her pink eyes and can see a look of absolute fear. My smirk lengthens. “What?! Ugh! Just give me the poem!”I hand her my poem and she snatches it from me. I stare at Natsuki, taking in her intense look as she reads it and her unmistakably cute features. Finally, Natsuki hands the poem back to me. She clears her throat, and with a cute and feisty smile she says, “Okay, let’s start with the things I don’t like!” Typical Natsuki….

“Yes, let’s start there, shall we?” I say in a mock tone similar to hers. I stare at Natsuki and she stares back. Without saying a word, Natsuki snatches my poem back and re-reads it. 

“Nevermind,” Natsuki says as she tosses the poem back to me. “I don’t feel like giving you my opinion.”

“What? But I’ve been dying to hear what you think of my poem.” In all honesty, that statement isn’t entirely false. After all, I did write this poem for Natsuki. So, she better tell me if I pleased her or not! “Come on, Natsuki. Just tell me how great it is and we’ll be on our way. Or, how awful it is. Plus, I wrote this poem thinking about sharing it with you.” I know I’ve gone too far with that one sentence, but too late to go back now! “In addition, Monika said that she wants everyone to become more comfortable sharing. How are you going to get comfortable sharing your writing when you can’t give feedback for someone else’s writing?” I might’ve hit a nerve there because Natsuki eyes are now firey and her fists are clenched. But, yet, she still looks cute.

“Well, I would be more comfortable sharing if my poem if yours was really bad!” My eyes widen in surprise. Natsuki turns her head away and I can tell she’s blushing. “You were supposed to write a super dumb poem so that I could show you what real literature looks like! But you just had to ruin it!”

“So….you liked it?” I smirk. “Thanks, Natsuki.”

“Ugh! You’re so.…so.…! You just….You....don’t…. You really are stupid, you know that!” I laugh gently. Natsuki must really hate me. I can’t tell if it’s a good thing that she liked my poem. Maybe I shouldn’t have made it so “good”.

“Anyway, you still have to show me your poem, right?”

“Ugh….fine…. But it’s only because Monika would kill me if I didn’t share.” Natsuki extends her poem to me and I take it out of her hand.

It’s Alright  
Kittens have claws.  
Puppies have paws.  
Elephants have trumpets.  
Tea cups have crumpets.  
Mortals are stupid.  
But everything is stupid.  
So I guess it’s alright.

“See? I told you you weren’t going to like it,” Natsuki says, averting her eyes from me. When did she say that?

“First of all, you never said that. And second, I like it,” I shrug, nodding slowly.

“What?” Natsuki’s eyes shoot back to me, full of anger and surprise. “Don’t you dare lie to me!”

“I’m being serious for once. I thought it was nice. Why are you so convinced I wouldn’t like it?”

“Well….” Natsuki folds her arms as she searches for words. “I just thought that you would be like everyone else.”

“And what is everyone else like?

“They’re ignorant jerks who think that writing has to be sophisticated in order for it to be good. So.…” Natsuki’s eyes show an expression of hurt and fury, which makes me feel….a little bad for her. “....people never take my writing seriously.”

“They have no right to do that, though. After all, isn’t writing about expressing yourself? Everyone has different ways they choose to express their feelings. If your style works best for you, just ignore all of those jerks and write that way. Plus, the style doesn’t lessen the meaning of the writing, so I don’t see how they can judge.”

“Exactly! I like when it’s easy to read, but it hits hard. You’re the only to ever understand that, Loki.” Natsuki goes quiet for a second before resuming. “I made a big deal about your poem because seeing others around you do great things can be….disheartening. I guess that’s why I wrote that poem. To express how I feel about people and my whole life, in a way.”

“I think I understand. People really are stupid. But, I guess we all are in one way or another, so you’re right.”

“But the nice thing about simple writing is that it puts more focus on the structure and words. Like how I set it up for a rhyme at the end, but made it fall flat on purpose. It helps establish the deeper meaning.”

“Indeed. There are a lot more things that went into that poem than what meets the eye.”

“That’s what it means to be a pro!” Natsuki’s snarky attitude is  
back and I can’t help but smile. “I’m glad you learned something.”

“Me too. I guess I didn’t expect to learn something from the youngest member.”

Natsuki’s hard stare returns as she says, “Hey! I’m just about the same age as everyone else, you know! I’m twenty! Only like a year beneath everyone else….”

“O-Oh. I didn’t realize.” I’m still older than you, not just as a god, but as a human. Aren’t I, what? twenty-three here?

“Just because I’m a lot smaller than everyone else doesn’t mean you can discredit me!”

“I won’t discredit you. Forgive me. Either way, thank you for sharing your poem with me. I look forward to doing it again.” Natsuki’s face turns a bright pink as she stares at the wall to her left. Deciding she’s not going to respond, I get up and walk away.

Seeing that there’s only one person left, I easily stride up to the teacher’s desk and slide a chair up to it. As I sit down I see Monika smile up at me.

“Hi, Loki! Having a good time so far?”

“Yeah. I guess it’s alright.” Those few words remind me of Natsuki’s poem, but I quickly push the thought out of my mind.

“Glad to hear it! My member’s happiness is my top priority in this club, so be sure to tell me if you have any suggestions or concerns, okay? I’m always here.”

“Of course. I’ll definitely come to you if I need anything.” Yeah, right. Like I’m going to ever bring things up. That’s Yuri’s job, isn’t it? 

“Anyway….Want to share your poem with me?”

“Is it a choice?”

Monika giggles. “Not really. But if you really don’t want to share it with me I’ll let you get by without my prestigious feedback. Also, everyone's a little nervous about sharing poems, so just know you’re not alone.”

“Yeah, tell me about it….” I recall Yuri’s nervousness and Natsuki’s stubbornness.

Monika laughs brightly. “I’m sure we’ll all be able to get more and more comfortable as we progress. After all, it’s just a barrier we have to get past before we can fully bloom.”

“I suppose you’re right.” I hand Monika my poem and watch as she reads it.

“Mhm….” Monika furrows her eyebrows. “Mhm!” Her eyes light up. Finally, she looks up at me. She rests her forearms on the desk and clasps her hands together. “I like it, Loki!”

“Thanks.”

“It’s a lot cuter than I expected.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, exactly?” At my resigned face, Monika laughs. 

“It’s not a bad thing! It actually reminds me of something Natsuki would write. And she’s a good writer, so it’s a compliment to be like her.” I laugh nervously.

“If you say so….” I hope Monika can’t tell that I’m desperately trying to hide the fact that I did write the poem for Natsuki.

“Yep! Natsuki’s way of writing isn’t actually as easy as it may seem. Her poems might be easy to write, but it’s challenging to get the meaning through within such a short and simple poem. I think it’s an accomplishment that you’re willing to try that writing style.”

“Perhaps. But I plan on trying many different styles.”

“That’s good too! Keeping an open mind always helps people  
find the style that best suites them. And not to mention that I love seeing you try new things! Everyone’s a little biased of their own writing at first, but I’ll always help others find what suits them best! So be sure not to let others force you to write the way they want you to. After all, it’s not like you have to worry about impressing them or anything.” Monika laughs. I can’t tell if she’s mocking me by mentioning impressing others, or if she’s just saying it without knowing. But either way, she gives me this strange feeling, like there’s more about her personality than she lets on.

“By the way, if you’re interested in Natsuki,” Monika continues, “then always keep a snack on you.”

“Why?” I ask, now very confused and worried.

“Natsuki is completely dependant upon her boyfriend since she is unemployed and has nothing from her family. But Natsuki’s boyfriend doesn’t give her any money to buy food and doesn’t allow her to eat the food at home without his permission. He only really provides dinner for her, that is, if he comes home. So she’s fussy quite often. But sometimes she just loses all strength and shuts down completely; like earlier. I think that this contributes to her size because her malnutrition is interfering with her already halted growth due to her poor family situations as a child. But on a good note, some guys are attracted to petite women, right?” Monika giggles, a bright smile on her face. I stare, stunned at what Monika has told me.

“Why does she stay with him?” I ask in shock.

“Oh, I’m sure she would if she could. But her boyfriend provides her with shelter and, although miniscule, some food.”

I still have many thoughts on the matter, but all I manage to say is, “Poor girl….” 

I glance at Natsuki who is exchanging poems with Yuri. Great sympathy surges through me; a feeling that I’ve never felt so deeply. Or, have I? My heart quickens as I try to recall a memory where I experienced great sympathy. The image of the mysterious woman comes into view, but it quickly disappears as Monika speaks once more.

“Anyway, that’ll be our little secret, okay? Natsuki doesn’t want people knowing about this.”

I nod slowly, not sure of the answer. “Sure.”

“Alright! Well, would you like to read my poem now? Don’t worry, I’m not nearly as good as everyone else….”

“Um….” I turn back to Monika, still concerned. But Monika’s playful smile brings a small grin to my lips. “You sound pretty confident for someone who claims to not be very good.”

“Well, that’s because I have to sound confident since I’m the club leader. But, that doesn’t mean I always feel that way.” Monika grins at me, obviously entertained by my devious remarks.

“I see. Well, let me read it so I can see just how ‘bad’ it is.” Monika grins as she passes me her poem.

A Fragile Flower

I hold a fragile flower within my hand.  
A blooming, fluttering rose as red as blood.  
I must keep it from falling at all costs.  
I watch as it explodes into a large and flowery sight.  
It’s so overwhelming. I don’t want it to ever end.  
But in time, everything withers away.  
As soon as it starts, it will disappear.  
Now, all I hold are the broken pieces of my heart.  
Within me is a sudden emptiness. Without him, I am lost.  
But I keep moving forward, never giving up,  
Not until I find the perfect rose bud.

“So? What do you think?” Monika asks eagerly.

“It’s very well done. What was the inspiration behind it?”

“Aw….” Monika looks very hesitant to share this information with me, but she does nonetheless. “Well, I actually got out of a relationship recently. It was really hard to say goodbye to someone I had spent so much time with. I’ve been in lots of breaks up in the past and it always feels the same way. Despite all my efforts to stay close, the world just has a different plan. Writing about my feelings always makes me feel better. I guess it’s a way of healing. But, it’s kind of hard to talk about deep stuff like that sometimes. It just takes time I guess.” Monika laughs cheerfully. “Anyway….Here’s Monika’s Writing Tip of the Day!”

“You have tips?”

“Of course! It’s part of my job as the leader.” She giggles brightly. “Well, here it is: Sometimes when you’re writing a poem or a story, your brain gets too focused on a specific part. If you stress over making it perfect, then you’ll never get anywhere. You just have to get something down on paper first, then you can tidy it up later! Another way I look at it is: If you keep your pen in the same spot for too long, you’ll end up with a big dark puddle of ink! So get moving, and go with the flow! That’s my advice for today! Thanks for listening.” 

“No problem.” I push my chair back and place it back where I found it. Glad that’s over. I find an available seat and sit down. That was a little more nerve-wracking than I anticipated. I think I know what Yuri and Natsuki were talking about now; sharing your writing is really frightening; especially when you feel like everyone is judging you for your inexperience. I just wish they’d tell me the truth, even if it may hurt, I can take it. I’ve been in combat before, so I’m pretty sure I can take a few bad comments about my writing. But, I guess I can’t expect that from these girls. 

I look around the room and see Monika writing at her desk. My eyes then land on Yuri and Natsuki who are still sharing poems. I continue to watch with interest. 

The two girls’ expression are extremely different as they read. Natsuki’s eyebrows furrow in frustration and she wears a thin frown, while Yuri smiles bittersweetly. I notice Natsuki mouthing, “What’s with this language….?” to herself. Unfortunately, Yuri notices too.

“Eh? Did you say something?” Yuri asks politely.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Natsuki responds in a sassy tone as she shoves Yuri’s poem back into Yuri’s hand.

“Eep!” Yuri freaks out and begins to flatten the paper out on a desk.

“I guess you could say it was fancy.”

“Th-The poem? Um...thanks. I thought yours was….er....cute.”

“Uh….cute?” Natsuki puts her hands on her hips. “Did you completely miss the point? It’s clearly about people being ignorant and, well, stupid! How can that be cute?”

“I-I know it’s about that! I just meant….um...the language was cute. The way you wrote it just felt….”

“Felt....?”

“Felt cute, I guess.”

“Is that really all you have to say about it?”

“W-Well, I was just trying to say something nice….”

“Yeah, that was real nice. Is it really that hard for you to come up with something nice to say?”

“U-Um….” Yuri tries to hide her hurt expression by changing the subject. “I do have a couple of suggestions if you’re open to hearing them.”

“If I was looking for suggestions, I would have asked someone who actually understood it. Which people did, by the way. Loki understood my thought process behind it completely.” Stop. Bringing. Me. Into these things! Just leave me out of it! Please! “....He liked it, too! So, I think I’ll give you some suggestions! First of all---” Yuri raises a hand to silence her.

“Sorry. I appreciate the offer, but I’ve worked a long time establishing my writing style. I don’t plan on changing it anytime soon, not unless I come across something truly inspiring, which I haven’t yet.”

“Eh?!” Natsuki clenches her fists and grits her teeth. She suddenly gets up. “How can you offer suggestions when you won’t accept them from others?! You’re so full of it, you know that?”

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just that….” A strong and confident expression comes over Yuri as she says, “I think that you are also that way, refusing my suggestions just as fast.”

“Urk! W-Well....!”

“I think we’re both in the wrong here. We should apologize and move on. After all, Loki also liked my poem too, so both our poems are good. In fact, he thought it was really impressive.” As soon as she says this, I know she’s made a mistake.

“Oh?” A devious grin comes over Natsuki’s face. “I didn’t realize you were so set on impressing our newest member, Yuri.”

“E-Eh?! N-No! That’s not….I was...You’re just…” Yuri stands up as well. A courageous look comes across Yuri’s face as she claims a defensive pose. “M-Maybe you’re jealous that Loki appreciates my advice more than he appreciates yours!”

“Huh? What do you know? He probably appreciated my advice a lot more because it made sense, you dummy!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! My advice makes perfect sense! I think it’s actually really helpful and inspiring.”

“Yeah, that’s you. Nobody else thinks that. Honestly, are you really that stuck up?”

“U-Uh….No….If I was full of myself….” I think Yuri is going to set things right finally, but instead, she says, “....I would go out of my way to make everything better than everyone else!”

“You already do!” 

“What? How?!”

“You know what?! I’m not the one who started to thrust their chest forward in order to show off their feminine features as soon as Loki showed up!”

“What?!” Yuri brings her hands to her chest in a defensive stance. 

“Um, Natsuki, that’s a little----” Monika gets cut off by Yuri and Natsuki.

“This doesn’t involve you!” they shout together.

“Taking out your own insecurities on others,” Yuri mumbles furiously. “You really act as young as you look, Natsuki.” Suddenly, my vision becomes blurry. The world fades in and out around me. 

Natsuki cusses at Yuri. “You’re the nervous wreck around here!”

“Am I? That’s quite the statement coming from the person who’s too scared to keep her manga at home. And I apologize if my life and talents are too difficult for your miniscule brain to handle!”

“Just saying that proves the proud monster you are! Most people learn to get over themselves after they graduate college, but apparently you have the mind of a child.”

“I have the mind of a child?” Yuri scoffs. “It’s childish just to say that. If you would just stop harassing others with your bitter attitude, then you would understand what we all see in you! Do you really think you can hide that awful and toxic truth within you by dressing and acting cute? Well, the only thing that you can call cute is how hard you try.”

Natsuki laughs. “Careful, Yuri, you might cut yourself on that edge. Oh, wait, you already do, don’t you? Have you gotten those wrists of yours checked recently?” 

Yuri lights up in fear.

“H-How….W-When….W-What makes you accuse me of such things?!” Yuri furrows her brows and calls Natsuki a crude name along with many other swear words.

“Yeah, music to my ears!” Natsuki shouts. “Let Loki hear all of those nasty thoughts inside your head! Show us how you really are!”

Yuri yelps, glancing at me, alarmed. The world is still fuzzy, and I can feel a headache coming on. 

“Loki….! She’s just trying to make me look bad….!” Yuri pleads.

“I’ve heard everything. You both are making yourselves look bad,” I say pointedly.

“She started it!” Natsuki yells, pointing at Yuri. Yuri growls at Natsuki. Flashes of thoughts go through my head. I already know that I must make a decision now. But it’s such a pointless argument. In fact, how did this all start? Over poetry? How could something so stupid turn into something so dangerous? 

I look from each girl. Who do I agree with? I….I think that they’re both right, but they can’t see that. I wish....I wish….I wish that mysterious woman was here right now; she would know what to do. 

But she isn’t. She’ll never be here. After all, she’s not real.

“Listen, I don’t want to choose either of you. But....” I trail off as Natsuki and Yuri blink fiercely. There’s a sudden pull in my heart. Yes, she’s right. Why did I not see it before? Wait! What am I thinking? That’s not true! But….why is my heart pushing for her? I want to choose….I want to choose…. 

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. I try again to say one simple name, but nothing. I stumble backwards, the women slowly fade in the distance, replaced by none other than Monika.

“Monika?” I stare at Monika’s unfading smile.

“Hey, Loki,” she says with bittersweetness. “We should….step outside. Just for a bit. Okay?” I don’t fight Monika as she gently takes my hand and guides me out of the room.


	15. Chapter 15

As soon as the doors shut behind us, the darkness fades and I am met with the light once more.

“Sorry about that,” Monika says with a guilty expression. “I didn’t expect them to try and get you involved. I-It’s probably best for us to wait it out.” Monika giggles, her arms wrapped behind her back. “Some president I am, huh? I wish I was strong enough to confront my own members.” Monika smiles sadly at the floor. “Anyway,” she returns her gaze back to me, “if you wish to spend less time with the others, feel free to do so. I’d be more than happy to spend time with you instead!” 

I don’t want to spend time with anyone right now….I just….want to go home and think over everything….But not my small home here, no. I want to go home to Asgard. But….no….That can’t happen.

Suddenly, Natsuki bursts through the classroom doors. 

“Natsu----” I trail off as I see tears glistening down Natsuki’s reddened face. She turns her head from me, glancing a hurt eye at me, before closing her eyes and whimpering. She then dashes off, sobbing uncontrollably. “Natsuki….!” I cry after her. I want to run after her, but Monika puts a hand on my shoulder and I feel stuck where I am.

“Oh dear!” Monika says with a little laugh. “Well, it appears they’re done.”

“That’s what you’re worried about right now?” I ask sternly, turning to face Monika. Monika smiles and opens the doors to the classroom once more. I grudgingly follow her. 

Inside, I can see Yuri rocking back and forth in her chair, her hands sporadically going from her head to her wrists. As I approach her, I can hear her mumbling fastly.

“I didn’t mean it….I didn’t mean it….I didn’t mean it....” Yuri continues to ramble, breathing rapidly.

“Yuri….?” I lay a hand on her shoulder. She jumps, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I DIDN’T MEAN IT!!” she shouts at me through guilty eyes.

“Woah, Yuri, calm down.” I slide a chair up to Yuri and face her. What do you not mean, Yuri? What did you say to Natsuki to make her….make her….

The image of Natsuki’s torn face sends a sharp pain through my heart. 

“Loki,” Yuri addresses, still breathing in and out quickly, “p-please don’t hate me….Please! I-I’m not like this! This isn’t me! Please don’t think that this is who I am! I-I’m----”

“It’s fine, Yuri,” Monika says, kneeling down beside me, looking up at Yuri with sympathetic eyes that I can’t tell are truthful. “We know you didn’t mean whatever you said. Besides,” Monika smiles, “I’m sure Natsuki will forget about it by tomorrow! Completely.” 

I stare at Monika with a disgusted expression. You make me sick, Monika.

“Anyway, the meeting is over if you didn’t notice,” Monika giggles. “You can go home if you want.” Monika waits for us to make moves to leave, but we all stay put. Monika’s smile fades ever so slightly.

“U-Um….” Yuri looks from me to Monika. “I’d like to stay a bit longer.”

“No, no, I’m the President, so I should be the last one out,” Monika presses.

“I’m Vice President, so I should take some responsibility today,” Yuri continues. 

“It kind of sounds like you don’t want me to be around for something, Yuri,” Monika says with a devious smile.

Yuri’s eyes light up. “I-It’s nothing like that, Monika! I just….didn’t get much of a chance to discuss my book with Loki and it’s kind of a private matter, you see.” 

Monika sighs as she stands. “If you insist.” Monika waves us goodbye as she collects her things. “You two have fun.”

“Thank you,” Yuri says, turning to me with a monstrous smile. “Thank you so much----” Suddenly, everything goes black. The world filters in and out, collapsing around me. I struggle to see what’s going on and once everything comes into focus, I’m in my room, pen in hand, blank sheet of paper before me; ready to write a poem.


	16. Chapter 16

I glance around my room anxiously. My heart races as I look for the answer of how I got here. The last thing I can remember was being alone with Yuri at the end of the club meeting. What happened? It almost feels like a whole part of my life was just….skipped. 

I glance back down at the blank sheet of paper. My eyes flicker to the pen in my hands. I’m writing a poem? I mean, it is something I have to do.

Feeling still very disgruntled I fidget with my pen as I stare down at the white rectangle in front of me. I retrace all of the events that took place yesterday. The greatest highlights being Natsuki’s panic attack and her fight with Yuri where she…..came out crying. I stare out the window, praying for Natsuki to be okay.

I should have gone after her. I should’ve comforted her. I’m such a failure! It was something so simple, and yet, so difficult. A mass of feelings rises in my stomach. Are you okay, Natsuki?

The sun sets in the distance as I think of Natsuki’s suffering. The mix of the oranges and pinks drives me on and before I know what I’m doing, I’ve written a poem, especially for Natsuki.


	17. Chapter 17

A day passes, and it’s time for another club meeting once again. Feeling wary, I push the doors of the club room open. Yuri is the first person I see.

“Welcome back, Loki,” she says sweetly.

“Hi…..,Yuri,” I say, studying her face for anything out of the ordinary. The argument from yesterday is still heavy in the air, and I’m not sure if I fully forgive Yuri for making Natsuki cry.

“U-Um….” Yuri glances around the room; Natsuki is reading manga at a desk at the front of the room and Monika is nowhere to be seen. “H-Here….” Yuri grabs my hand and pulls me to a corner of the room, far away from Natsuki. We stop in front of the closet at the back of the room. “About Yesterday….I….I don’t feel good about what I said…..Nothing like that has happened before, I assure you. I….I don’t know what came over me.” there’s now a panic in Yuri’s voice. “I-I wasn’t acting accordingly. Please don’t think we’re usually like that! Natsuki and I aren’t like that. We’d never choose to be like that. We just…..Well, sometimes it’s hard to understand what somebody else is going through. I try my best to understand Natsuki’s situation, but I really don’t know what it’s like for her and…..”

“Yuri, it means a lot to me that you went out of your way to apologize. Not many people in my life have given this much thought, but you have and that means something, it really does. I could tell something was off yesterday. We all feel out of place every once in a while. Perhaps all of the sensitivity of sharing poems yesterday pushed everyone a little too far.”

“L-Loki….Y-You’re right….I’m….really glad that you’re such an understanding person. And I’m really glad you joined the club. Ever since you arrived, the room’s been brighter and----” Yuri’s expression changes from bittersweet to an embarrassed confusion. “S-Sorry, I’m….rambling, aren’t I? I just----” Natsuki suddenly appears next to us.

“Hey, has anyone seen Monika?” Natsuki asks, avoiding Yuri’s gaze. Yuri stares guiltily at the floor.

“No, I haven’t,” I say.

“Jeez….She better not have ditched us. Yuri, I’m guessing you haven’t seen her either?” Natsuki says, her arms folded. Yuri is taken aback by how calm Natsuki is acting, and I am too.

“N-No, I haven’t….,” Yuri replies quietly.

“Well, she better get her butt in her soon,” Natsuki says cooly. “I mean, it’s not like her to be late like this. I know it’s stupid, and I can hardly believe I’m saying it, but I can’t help but worry a little bit…” Yuri looks up in mild shock. “W-What? What’s that look for?”

“U-Um….Well, about yesterday…..I just wanted to say I’m sorry! I really didn’t mean what I said to you! C-Can we move past this?” Yuri stares hopefully at Natsuki. Natsuki looks at Yuri as if she’s crazy.

“Um, Yuri, did something happen yesterday?” Natsuki says with confused eyes.

“Eh?” Yuri looks at Natsuki, her eyebrows raised. I do the same.

Natsuki chuckles. “Well, whatever it was, I’m sure it was nothing. Nothing. At. All. I actually can’t remember anything bad happening yesterday. You really do worry too much, Yuri.” Natsuki stands, smiling at us. She sounds uncharacteristic. Did she really forget about everything that happened yesterday? Does she remember her panic attack? 

“B-But----” Yuri tries to persist, but Natsuki butts in, her voice now demented like it was during her panic attack. All that comes out of Natsuki’s mouth is nonsensical words packed into unknown sentences. Finally, her voice returns to normal.

“Anyway, I’ll accept your apology,” Natsuki says, oblivious to anything she just said. “Actually, it’s kind of nice hearing you say it since, you know, I thought you hated me and all…..”

“H-Hated you?” Yuri asks in shock. “Not at all! I don’t hate you!” Natsuki only giggles. Yuri lowers her shield and laughs softly.

“Well, you’re kind of weird, but I don’t hate you,” Natsuki says. Yuri opens her mouth to say something, but the door swings open and Monika rushes in. She sees us and joins our gathering at the back of the room.

“Sorry! I. Am. So. Sorry!” Monika cries, out of breath. “I didn’t mean to be late, I promise! I hope you guys weren’t worried about me or anything.” I glance at Natsuki, who gives me a warning look.

“Not at all,” I say. “What took you so long, anyway?”

“Aw….Well, my last period was study hall and I kind of lost track of time,” Monika says guiltily.

“What? But wouldn’t you have at least heard the bell?” Natsuki asks.

“I must’ve not heard it over the piano,” Monika says.

“Piano...?” Yuri questions.

“Yeah…..I was practicing piano,” Monika explains.

“I was unaware you played music, Monika,” Yuri says.

“Aw, I’m not that good yet, so don’t give me all that much credit,” Monika says.

“Still, music is not an easy skill to master. It takes a large amount of dedication and hard work. It’s very impressive that you strive to play piano, Monika,” Yuri says passionately.

“Aw, thanks, Yuri!” Monika says.

“You should play something for us,” Natsuki suggests.  
“Well…..” Monika looks hesitantly at the floor then at me. “Actually, I happen to be writing a song at the moment. It’s not finished yet, but when it is, maybe I’ll share it with you guys.”

“I look forward to it,” I say. Monika smiles at me. I return a half smile.

“Me too. I can’t wait to share it with you, Loki,” Monika says sweetly. Suddenly, everyone else fades away and there’s only Monika in front of me. “I guess that’s why I’ve been practicing so much.”

“I….I see,” I say. “I….wish you the best of luck.”

“Thanks!” Monika cheers happily. “Anyway, did I miss anything important?” I think back to Yuri’s apologies and Natsuki’s sudden forgetfulness, but all I say is: 

“No, not really.” 

Monika smiles and nods to me before striding off to her desk. I hear rummaging from the closet and can see Natsuki shuffling through the shelves inside. Yuri timidly taps on my shoulder. I turn to her and see her nervous expression.

“Um….” Yuri awkwardly stares at the floor, not daring to meet my gaze. “I was wondering if you wanted to spend some time together today.” Yuri flinches at her words, bringing her hands up to her chest anxiously. I glance at Natsuki reluctantly. I kind of wanted to spend more time with Natsuki…..But…. I return my gaze to Yuri.

“I suppose so,” I say. “I just need to check up on Natsuki really quick. It’s just that yesterday she was----” 

“NAtSuKi iS fINe!” Yuri says suddenly, her eyes now fiery. “She’s reading over there. See?” She points to a desk near the back entrance. I once again missed Natsuki removing herself from my near surroundings. “DOn’T ThINk AboUT hEr So mUCh,” Yuri says, her voice more deranged, her eyes more manic, “SHe’S UsED TO beInG IgnOReD. CoME oN, WE’rE goInG OVeR tHeRE.” Yuri hastily grabs my hand tightly and pulls me away. 

“Y-Yuri….?” I stammer, horror-struck. We finally stop and sit down at two desks next to each other. Yuri faces me, her sweet smile back.

“Yes?” she says calmly. She seems completely normal now. What was that just now?

“Nothing,” I say.

“Do you have your copy?” she asks.

“Huh?”

“Of the book.”

“Oh, let me go get it.” 

When I return to my seat, book in hand, I ask, “So what’s it about?”

“Um….Well….” Yuri ponders this as I study the cover. The book is titled “Reflection of Mine”. The cover details a woman looking in a mirror, a shadow creeping up behind her. It looks oddly familiar, but I don’t see why. I’ve never read or seen this book in my life.

“Alright, I just needed to make sure I didn’t accidentally spoil anything,” Yuri says finally, “This book features a young woman trying to live a normal life. She runs away from her ancestor’s curse, trying her best to avoid it, but there is no escaping it. Eventually, once she’s secured a decent job and is blooming a relationship between a handsome man, her other side takes over and murders the man she loves. Through a long line in her family, the descendants have had a variety of multiple personalities, the number varies and the purposes vary too. The main character only has one other personality, and its cause is one single thing. And that is the lust for blood. Anyway, I’m really into it. N-Not the lust for blood!” Yuri’s eyes stare at me with a mix of alarm and worry.

“That sounds….” I want to say dark, but perhaps there is more to it than just being dark and gory. “....Interesting.” Yuri laughs at my comment.

“Are you not a fan of that sort of thing, Loki?”

“It’s not that. It really sounds interesting. I’m sure it’ll be an enjoyable book.”

“I hope so. These stories often interest me because of the way they challenge me to look at life from another perspective. For instance, from the second personality’s point of view I learned a whole other aspect to villians. When a villian makes horrible things happen, they don’t do it because they want to be evil…..” Yuri’s voice flips to its deranged tone as she continues, “THEy Do iT BEcAuse ThE WoRLD iS FuLL Of hORRIbLE PeOPLe AnD wE’re All woRthLesS ANywAY. THeN, SUddENLY yYYy, WhEN yoU ThouGHt ThiNGs CouLDN’t GeT WOrSe….” Yuri sighs, the tone dying down. “I’m...I’m rambling aren’t I? Sorry…. I just get lost in my own philosophies sometimes….”

“Don’t apologize! This is actually really interesting to me.” What are you even talking about, Yuri? 

“Well, in that case, I guess it’s alright for now. But, I should warn you that, like my rambling issue, I have a problem with,” the voice returns, “DEStroYing My BOdYyyYYy,” then it’s gone, “I forget about other people’s existence. In other words, when my mind is focused on books or writing, I end up forgetting to pay attention to other people. S-So, please ignore any strange things I may say! And be sure to stop me if I start rambling like that again!”

“I….really don’t think it’s all that much of a big deal,” I say warily. “That just means you’re very passionate about literature. And I have no problem listening to you. After all, when you’re rambling, you say really interesting things that show me different ways of interpreting certain ideas. It’s something I like about you.”

“Eh? That’s…..I’m not sure if….”

“In fact! I should probably start reading it so I can fully understand what you were talking about.” I hurriedly change the subject as to avoid any more awkward responses to this conversation.

“Y-YEs!” Yuri excitedly smiles at me, her eyes shining more bright than I’ve ever seen them. There’s a slight flicker as the world goes hazy for the slightest second before returning back to normal. Her face then becomes anxious as she says, “I-I mean, you don’t have to!”

“Uh, what are you saying?” Why do you wish to confuse me further, Yuri? Can we just start reading and forget all about this?

“U-Uh….” Yuri awkwardly looks away. 

“Um…..I’ll….just get started then.” I open the book to the first page and start reading.

“A-Ah…!”

“Is there something wrong?” I look up at her in alarm.

“I-It’s nothing! It’s just….”

“I thought it was nothing.”

“It is! But, I guess I feel a little strange.”

“Strange how?”

“Well, I’ve never done this before.”

“Done what before?” Why can’t you just give me a straight answer?!

“U-Um….reading in company. It’s just not something I’m used to, that’s all.”

“I see. Well, I can always move if you end up getting distracted, just let me know.”

“N-No!” Yuri cries. She then become embarrassed, looking away from me. “A-Alright….” I see Yuri look back down at her book and quickly follow. Opening the book back to the prologue, I begin reading. It isn’t long until I realize what Yuri meant by reading in company. I can hear her soft breathing beside me as we read side by side. It’s as if I can feel her presence all around me as I read. It’s not entirely awful. It is a little distracting, given that I usually have to re-read one sentence a couple of times before moving on, but it’s still a little comforting not being completely alone. This thought makes me glance at Yuri. I don’t know why I look at her, there isn’t a particular reason for me to watch her read, but I can’t stop myself from risking a glimpse. I look at her purple eyes as they swivel from side to side as she reads. Then, I realize she’s not actually looking at her own book, she’s in fact looking at mine. As soon as I realize she’s reading from my book, Yuri notices me.

“S-Sorry! I was just….,” the dreadful tone speaks, “I WaS JUst BatHINg In YOUr ScENttTTtttt….!” Yuri blinks. 

“Um...N-No need to apologize. Um….You really do apologize a lot, don’t you?”

“Do I? I don’t mean to….Sorry….I mean…!” I can’t help but laugh.

“You should stop worrying so much about it. It’s fine that you were reading from my book. I mean, it’s a little odd. But, that’s okay. In fact….” I slide my copy towards her until it’s centered between us.

“E-Eh? I….suppose that works.” Yuri slowly closes her own copy and pushes it aside. We each lean in a little bit, scooting our chairs close to each other to the point where our shoulders are just about touching. Like I did with Natsuki, I use my right hand to keep the book open while Yuri uses her left hand. I see that this makes it kind of difficult to turn the page. Before I bring this up with Yuri, she already fixes it by holding the left side of the book between her thumb and forefinger. Seeing how brilliant this is, I do the same on the right side. This way, I turn the page and Yuri slides it under her thumb after it flips to her side. But, like with Natsuki, by doing this, we are huddled even closer together. Our shoulders are now pressing together. It’s actually distracting me. I try my best to ignore Yuri’s soft breathing and the warmth of her shoulder against mine, but it’s almost impossible.

“Are you ready?” Yuri asks, her eyes flickering to me, not moving any part of her body as her purple eyes stare at me.

“Huh?”

“To turn the page.”

“Ah, sorry. Yes, I’m ready.”

“I’ve noticed it takes you a little longer to read, so I’m fine with being patient. In fact, you can go ahead and flip the page whenever you’ve finished.”

“Alright.” I try not to let Yuri’s words insult me, but I’m irritated nonetheless. I am an adequate reader! You only read faster because you have more time to read than I do! If I didn’t spend time fighting than I would probably be reading a lot more. But, then again, I guess since I’m not allowed to do any fighting, I do have more time to read. Still, if you knew you were talking to a God….

We read on in silence. Within just the first chapter, it has established so many things that one would not think someone like Yuri would be into. The abrupt violence is what surprises me most. Now, I have read many horror novels far bloodier than this one, but really, it’s the fact that calm Yuri is into this level of gore. So far, a man’s head has already been severed, a woman’s heart has been ripped out, and many others have died brutally. The second personality is nicknamed “Midna” from her true name, Midnight. The prologue describes Midna being in control, slaughtering mercilessly at some sort of party. The first chapter is from the point of view of the main character. Her name is Lightning Nightingale, a name that instantly catches my attention. She is at work, preparing to head home, really nothing much to it. There are a some foreshadowed lines here and there, but everything seems normal. Or it would be, if I didn’t know that something horrible is going to happen soon. Just from the little reading, I can already see the similarities between the main character and Yuri.  
“Hey, Yuri, just a thought,” I begin, “the main character reminds me of you.”

“E-Eh?!” Yuri’s expression become manic: her eyes are wide open along with her mouth which is twisted into a smile. “N-No, I don’t relate to her at all! Absolutely not! Not at all, not at all, not at all…..”

“U-Uh….really? I was just, er, thinking that she second-guesses herself a lot. Do you not think you second-guess yourself?”

“O-Oh….That’s what you were talking about….My mistake….I thought you meant…..”

“Meant….?”

“N-Nothing! We haven’t even gotten that far yet. Or, have we? It’s hard to tell at this point.” Yuri giggles softly. 

“Y-Yuri…? Are you….feeling alright?”

“What do you mean?” Yuri shuts her mouth and her eyes return to normal, or, they seem to.

“Well, ever since we started reading you’ve been breathing really----”

“Breathing? Is there something wrong with my breathing?” Yuri put her hand over her chest to test her heart rate. “A-Ah, you’re right…..”

“Do you want to rest or take a break?”

“No! I just….just...just need some water!” Yuri stands up quickly and dashes out of the classroom. What is up with her? It seems like she’s getting worse the more we hang out…… Suddenly, Monika approaches my desk. 

“Is everything alright? I saw Yuri run out. Did something happen?” Monika asks, seeming genuinely worried.

“I’m not sure. She was acting a little strange and just left,” I say.

“Oh, I see…..Well, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t do anything to her.” Monika smiles at me.

“Monika….! Do you really think so little of me?”

Monika giggles. “Don’t worry! I don’t blame you. Actually, Yuri does this sometimes. It’s completely normal.” You said that about Natsuki’s situation even though it plainly isn’t. “Anyway, why don’t we start sharing poems?”

“But, what about Yuri?”

“Well, she’ll probably be a while, so we better get started without her.”

“Very well.” I make a mental note of where I left off in the book and shut it. Standing up, I drop it into my bag, and scan the room. Natsuki is sitting in the same desk as before and Monika is behind her desk. Not wanting to share with Monika, I approach Natsuki. She notices me, nods to a seat next to hers, and folds her arms. Seeing this as the best invitation I’m going to get from Natsuki, I slide down into the seat next to hers. Like we did before, I hand Natsuki my poem and she takes it. 

“You’re not even going to ask me if I want to go first?” Natsuki snaps.

“Well, do you want to? Last time I went first and that seemed to work out,” I reply.

“W-Well….Ugh. Fine.” Natsuki stares intensely at my poem, all the while her leg shaking in frustration. Eventually, she hands me my poem. “It’s not terrible. But I liked your last one better. I guess it makes sense for you to try new styles and variations. I mean, everyone in the club writes their own way. Maybe you’ll learn from all of us. Like, for instance…..I noticed you were spending time with Yuri earlier.”

“Natsuki----”

“Not that I care who you spend your time with or anything. After all, I’ve gotten used to being ignored. I don’t expect anything from anybody anymore. So it’s not like I was…..waiting for you, or anything.”

“Natsuki----”

“Nonetheless, you should at least read my poem. Maybe you’ll learn something from it on the slight chance.” Natsuki shoves her poem into my hands and turns her gaze away from me. I open my mouth to say something, but the poem makes me lose my train of thought.

IT’S nOT liKE i CaRE oR anYthInG  
StUpiD fREAkInG MonIkA dID Ai DIE YuRoD   
I’M WoRthLEsdS anywWdianD NoBOdY CaIreAS So Why ShOUld i?  
DieD feiDN I’LFL jUst Takeit IwIllingLY   
KiLL MMEee  
I dON’T carEI fos AnyMOAreh ForGet DOj  
DiJust dIFnn DUDNK doiomk67ijnk92Nk 9  
d8DNDOW dIE moNiKa Get OUT OF MY HEAD  
SaYoriFjnf IDAWheRe Is SaYoruiDJ   
4UA LeTS dI ite Dend   
PAIn anD SusffEreing isnS Eaakd d IW   
FreDak i YFuri wDSien HatE yURi YirI   
NoDInO no no mOnaidkafue WHEndjeu WIll yoefh eDie  
I DoN’t CareEE  
SoF juSt KiLL MeEEee

I look up at Natsuki, horrified. 

“LoKI!” Natsuki cries with the demented tone, “WhY DiDn’t YoU ReAD WitH mEee TodAY? I wAS WaiTInG FoR yUo. I wAS WaiTiNG FOr a LOnG tImE. It’S ALL I hAd To liVE fOR. WhY DiD yOU LeAvE MeEe? DO yoU LiKE YuRI beTTeR? She’S A moNsTER! DoN’T TAlk To hER! ArE YOu LIsteNing tO ME? yURi Is a SiCK FrEAk,” the world around me goes darker, slowly dimming as Natsuki’s eyes and mouth open and close rapicly like yesterday, “PlAY WiTh Me inSteAD, oKAy? YOu dOn’t HaTE me, LoKI, dO yoU? dO YoU HaTE ME? dO yOu WAnt mE To GO CrYinG LiKe YeStERdaY?” Blood streams down Natsuki’s cheeks. It didn’t register in my mind at first that Natsuki was crying blood, I was too focused on her flickering eyes. “ThE ClUb IS tHe oNly PlACe I kNow I wANt GeT BEatEn. LeT ME StAy SaFE! sAFe! LeT mE bE wiTh yOU. BE WiTh yOu. Be wItH YoU. WiTh YoU. YoU. YOu. yOu. YOU. PLeAsE. StOP TalKIng WiTH YuRi. PLay WiTh ME InSTeAD. yOu’RE aLL i HavE…. PLaY WIth ME. PLAY WITH ME!!!” Natsuki then screams at the top of her lungs and brings her hands to her throat and squeezes. I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand. What do I do?! I frantically look around for Monika, but she appears to have left. I listen to Natsuki’s chokes as I think hard for something to stop her. I know I can try to pry her hands away, but in the state she’s in now, she’ll continue to try to kill herself. Suddenly, I remember Monika’s words. Knowing what to do, I run to my bag and pull it open. I shuffle through it carelessly as I search for an ounce of food. Finally, I find a granola bar. I hurry back to Natsuki, peeling the wrapper off. 

“Natsuki!” I cry, extending the bar to her, but she doesn’t take it. I pry one of her hands away from her neck and break a piece off of the bar and shove it into her mouth. The choking slowly dies down as Natsuki chews the granola. Natsuki snatches the rest of the bar out of my hand and gobbles it down. I sigh in relief, falling into a chair nearby. At the same time, Monika strides into the room.

“Where were you?” I ask aggressively.

“Just checking on Yuri. Why? Did something happen?” Monika asks.

I point to Natsuki who is savagely licking the remaining pieces of granola off the wrapper.

“Oh my….I’m so sorry…..Well, it appears you handled it,” Monika says, a smile playing at her lips. I scowl at her, making her recoil back to her desk. Freaking Monika…...


	18. Chapter 18

Natsuki has finished the granola bar and is now seating at the back of the room, staring out the window. Monika sits behind her desk, flipping through a book. We’re supposed to still be sharing, so technically I should share with Monika since Yuri still isn’t back. 

Seeing that I have no other option, I approach the teacher’s desk and pull up a chair.

“Hello, Loki,” Monika greets me from the other side of the desk.

“Hi,” I respond calmly.

“How has the writing been going? Do you feel like you’re improving?”

“It’s fine. I’ve learned a few techniques so far.”

“Glad to hear it! As long as it’s not bad, I’m content.”

“I suppose so.”

“Now I’m interested! I want to see what you’ve wrote for me today!” 

“Very well.” Who said I wrote it for you? Or anyone? Monika takes my poem out of my extended hand and begins to read it with her usual smile. It only takes Monika half a minute to read my poem.

“Excellent work, Loki! I see that you chose to write like Natsuki once again. I love how metaphorical it was. I didn’t expect you to write something so deep, so when I started reading it I was taken aback by your usage of complex terms. It came out really nice as a result!”

“Of course it did. After all, I am Loki, Go----” I trail off. “---good at everything.” I smile nervously at her.

Monika laughs. “That you are! I really underestimated just how good ‘Loki, good at everything’ really is.”

“Indeed.” Monika giggles.

“Either way, I’m happy to see that everything went your way. The description of the sunset last night was spot on.”

“How did you….?”

“I saw the sunset too. I actually wrote about it as well! Ehehehe! Isn’t that funny?”

“Yes, quite the coincidence.” Of course. It makes sense for her to have seen it too. Why didn’t I think of that earlier? Why did my mind instantly think the worst? I thought the worst because of how ominous she acts. Especially how light hearted she is about Natsuki’s situation.

“Actually, the way you wrote your poem reminded me of something Yuri would write.”

“Is that so?” But, I wrote it for Natsuki. Does it sound like something Yuri would write?

“Yeah, just how deep it was. And the fact that it had a hidden dark meaning behind it just seemed like Yuri’s style. But I suppose Yuri’s style is quite popular.”

“Hmm….I‘m afraid I can’t see the resemblance. I actually wrote this poem with Natsuki in mind.”

“Oh?” Monika glances over the poem. “It seems very much like Yuri’s.”

“What do you mean?” Monika extends the poem to me and I read it over. I swallow as I see the metaphors and sophisticated language. How….How did I…..But I didn’t write any of this. How did this happen? I remember distinctly writing cute and simple words. It almost feels like I was possessed or something. Perhaps self-consciously I wrote a poem for Yuri. But I wasn’t even thinking about her.

“Loki?” Monika snaps me out of my theories. “Is everything alright?”

“Um….yes. It appears I made a little mistake,” I say.

“Aw, I----” Suddenly, the door opens and Yuri walks through.

Yuri pants as she says, “Did I miss anything?”

“Not really,” Monika lies.

“We started sharing poems,” I say.

“Already?” Yuri says, a little disappointed. “I’m sorry for being late….”

“No need to apologize! We still have plenty of time. I’m glad you took your time,” Monika says. Wait. Wasn’t Yuri just going to go get a drink of water? Does it really take Yuri that long just to get a drink? Or was she doing something else? Well, what would she be doing? She probably just stopped by the bathroom.

“Thanks, Monika,” Yuri says. “I’ll just go get my poem.” Yuri strides over to her bag and opens it.

“Well, I’m guessing you want to read my poem,” Monika says to me.

“Oh, yeah,” I say. Monika hands me her poem and I read it silently.

You Are My Sunset  
You are my sunset.  
Your eyes shine with rays of celestial light that DARKEN my day whenever you CRY.  
REDS, pinks, oranges, purples….  
The COLORS mix together, forming your DEATHLY personality, the one that always DRIVES me DOWN.  
You glow like the shining sun, glinting off of the swaying water of the rising tides that THREATEN to DROWN me.   
You SINK beneath the depths of the DARKENED water to WATCH me drown in my SORROWS.  
Even if you DISAPPEAR for a time, you fail to color me again with your blazing PIGMENTS.   
You are my reassurance that there is NOTHING worth living for.  
Showing endless amounts of kindness, your colors reach far and wide across the land to SHOW someone that life is MEANINGLESS.  
The grace you show with you pure perfection provides endless DESIRE in my heart.  
And most of all, I know that you’ll always be there, just beyond the horizon.  
For, you are my sunset.

I gulp as I slowly set the poem down. I stare at Monika. For a split second the world fades out, but quickly returns.

“I know this one is a bit more abstract than usual,” Monika says, smiling.

“Yeah, I can see that….,” I say warily. “Well, our messages were  
quite different. Mine was about how something as beautiful as a sunset can be misread. While yours focused on……”

“Yeah, I know. Very abstract. But there’s no point in explaining myself. Anyway, here’s Monika’s Writing Tip of the Day! When faced with difficult situations, your mind can become jammed and stressed. If you are trying to write something, for instance, and you don’t know how to get past a certain obstacle, you can always try writing it from other angles. Poetry helps do this. Poetry helps unwind your feelings and stresses and relieve it from you. After you get all of those jumbled feelings down, you’ll feel stronger and better. So just start writing your emotions down on paper, it doesn’t have to be good, it just needs to help work around them. That’s all! Thanks for listening!” 

“Yeah, anytime.”

Monika quickly smiles at me before looking down at one of her papers. I get up and walk away. I see Yuri excitedly staring at me from a desk. I seat myself next to her desk.

“I’ve been waiting all day for this,” Yuri mutters eagerly. “Let’s see what you’ve written.” I hand Yuri my poem and she takes it quickly. She hold it close to her face and I think I see her sniff it. “I like just holding it…..” Yuri sighs with delight. “I-I mean….! Er….The poem turned out nice! No, great! Well, there are some things I would have changed…. It doesn’t matter though. Anything you touch is a treasure. I mean, write! Anything you write is a treasure!” Yuri laughs extremely nervously. “That came out bad. Let’s move on. Here’s my poem.” Yuri excitedly hands me her poem. The first thing I notice is the faint splotches of reds and silvers staining the wilted paper. But that’s not what concerns me the most.

Fire  
A burning fire. Scorched flesh. Screaming burns. Flickering embers. Stakes ablaze. Sinking ship. Burning in Hell. A strong rope wrapped around, squeezing. A torn artery. Gateway to Heaven. Swimming in deep water. Trapped from above, forced to look down. Love written in crimson. Bleeding children. Cursed skies. No light. Trapped in outer darkness. Nowhere to go. God disserting. Love wilting. Sun going out. A never ending pit. Trapped in Hell with a rope fastened around your arteries. Rays of sunshine. Sky full of stars. Bleeding skies. A clock that ticks every five seconds for every word said. Burning churches filled with children. Breathing lungs. Breathing people. Suffocating in suffering. Breathing love. Breathing water. Breathing Hell. Breathing artery. Laughing God. Slithering rope. Breathing skies. Breathing children. Breathing fire.  
In the end, every flame goes out.

As soon as I’ve read the last line, I hear Yuri start to laugh.

“I-It doesn’t matter what it’s about,” Yuri says, “My mind has been  
hyperactive recently, so I-I had to take it on your pen.”

“My pen?”

“A-Ah…! You...uh….Well….a pen feel out of your backpack yesterday, so I….took it for safekeeping. And….I just liked the way it wrote, so I wrote this poem with it. A-And now y-you’re touching it…..” Yuri laughs once more. “I-I’m okay! Can we pretend this conversation never happened? You can keep the poem. Actually, please do.” 

“Um….Yuri…..?” Yuri turns her gaze away.

“Okay, everyone!” Monika calls out. “If we’re all done sharing poems, I have something to discuss, so if everyone would gather at the front of the room…..”

“I bet this is about the festival,” Natsuki mutters behind me, possibly speaking to me. At the arranged desks, Yuri and Natsuki take a seat next to each other; Monika stays standing at the front of the room. I take a seat across from Natsuki, not wanting to stare at Yuri.

“Ehehehe! It very well could be about the festival,” Monika says.

“Why are we doing this so late?” Natsuki retorts. “At this point we shouldn’t even try to compete against the other clubs. Especially since we’re the Literature Club and we’re the ones to be made fun of. There’s no possible way we’re going to get any new members with our hurried projects and crap anyway.” 

“I have that concern as well,” Yuri says. “I don’t tend to do well with pressured preparations. I’ll probably just mess everything up.”

“Guys, guys!” Monika says with the same airiness as before. “Don’t overthink it so much. We’re only going to do what’s necessary, you know, the basics. After all, it’ll only be a minor project. A few decorations should suffice.”

“And what exactly are these decorations?” Natsuki asks sassily.

“Well, we’ll have to discuss that later. But right now….” Monika’s voice rises over Natsuki’s upcoming retort. “....we’ll be performing!”

“Eh? Performing?” Natsuki and Yuri stare perplexed at Monika.

“Yeah! I mean, we’re going to have to practice saying or poems out loud if we plan on performing them at the festival!” Monika smiles as everyone digests her words.

“Um….We plan to….say our poems out loud?” Yuri mumbles apprehensively.

“Heck to the no!” I can see Natsuki is firing up quickly in response to Monika’s proposal. “There is no way you can force us to perform our poems in front of everybody!”

“Now, now, Natsuki. This is just another thing to get past. Plus, it won’t just be us sharing poems. I’ve invited anyone who wants to share their poetry to feel free to do so.” 

“I guess I see your point, Monika,” Natsuki says. “But I’m still mad that you didn’t tell us sooner.”

“I know, I know. You’re right, I should’ve made an effort to tell you all sooner,” Monika responds.

“Oh, Monika, I don’t think…..I would never….There’s no way…..” We all stare at Yuri as she attempts to put her thoughts into words. “I’m not comfortable doing this sort of thing!”

“Yeah, Monika. What’s the big deal about getting more members anyway?” Natsuki asks. “I mean, we’re better off with a small amount. Just look at Yuri, she used to not talk at all until Loki showed up,” Yuri recoils, muttering to herself, but Natsuki presses on, “As for me, I happen to like it better at the club than at home. And Loki isn’t even passionate about literature in the first place. In fact, I don’t even know why he sticks around,” I open my mouth to object, but Natsuki continues, “I think Loki and Yuri like having condensed meetings with just the four of us, so it’s just you, Monika, who want to find new members. And just because you’re President doesn’t mean you can discredit our opinions.”

Monika blinks, her expression clearly hurt. Monika struggles for words as she thinks through Natsuki’s words. “Th-That's not true, Natsuki,” Monika says softly, looking at the floor. “Surely Loki and Yuri want to get new members too?” She looks from me and Yuri with a pleading and hopeful look. Yuri blushes and turns her head away, leaving Monika’s gaze completely on me. Do I want new members? I haven’t really given it too much thought. I guess it is nice having a small club. I can keep up with everyone easier and, not to mention that I get to spend time with each of them. That’s probably what Natsuki likes most. Natsuki…. I look at Natsuki’s quizzical look. A flash of remorse comes across her face as she turns scarlet and averts her eyes.

“Um….,” I begin shakily, “I suppose----”

“No!” Monika says suddenly. We all look at her in surprise. She now wears a strong look. “Natsuki’s right, isn’t she? I was stupid to think that everyone saw the cub the same way as I did. This club really is just for a few people to hang out.”

“B-But, Monika, surely there’s some benefit to more members,” I say, confused.

“Loki,” Monika’s gaze is now serious and almost angry, “Why did you even join this club?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“What were you hoping to gain from it?”

“Monika….?” I stare at Monika and see that she’s being serious. “Well, I joined because…..” Why did I join? It’s not like me to give in to people. But I gave into Monika. Why? 

“I guess you didn’t really have a choice,” Monika says miserably. 

“What do you mean?” Monika sadly slumps into a chair, staring off into the distance.

“I don’t even know why I started this club. This was a mistake. What’s the point, anyway?” Monika says hopelessly. There’s a beat of silence where nobody speaks. Finally, Yuri says,

“Natsuki, I think you went a little too far.”

“What, me?” Natsuki says indignantly. “I was speaking my mind, being honest. Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, being honest is an honorable trait. It was your word choice that I’m talking about,” Yuri says politely, the disappointment showing in her voice, “Besides, you had no right to speak for everyone in the club.”

“Well, hey! I was just…..just….I just want a place to….to hang out with friends,” Natsuki says, her eyes showing guilt and sadness, “There aren’t many clubs that offer that kind of thing. A-And Monika wants to take it away from me!”

“But, she’s not taking anything away,” I say.

“No, Loki,” Natsuki says sternly, “You don’t understand. With the direction Monika wants to take the club, it won’t be the same. If I wanted Monika’s stupid fantasy, I would’ve just joined one of the other dumb clubs. B-But this one,” Natsuki turns her head away as tears begin to settle over her eyes, “I-I mean….A-At least things were nice at one point, no matter how brief,” Natsuki lets out a small sob as she begins to pack up, “I-I’m going home. I...I feel like I don’t belong here right now…..”

“Natsuki….!” I cry after her, but she runs out of the classroom. Yuri and I stare at the door before returning our gazes to each other.

“I….I don’t know what to do…,” Yuri says shakily. 

“Neither do I,” I agree. There’s brief silence between us until I decide to change the subject. “Um...what do you...um….want to do for the….uh….festival?”

“U-Uhm….I don’t know. I kind of don’t care. I-I mean! I’m indifferent about it.” Yuri takes a sharp breath, snapping her head up to me fast. Her eyes are now wide and she wears a large smile. “WhO CaRES aBouT ThAT ObNOXiOus BrAt, aNyWay?” Then, it returns to normal. “I do agree with Natsuki about how the club is nice when it’s quiet. And I’m just happy….to be here…..like Natsuki. B-But still!” Yuri brings here hand up to her chest, signalling her oncoming bravery, “I’m the Vice President, it was wrong of me to ignore my responsibilities like that.” Yuri jerks her head to the side and back, the smile now returning. “NoBOdy WouLD CrY If SHe kiLLeD HeRseLf.” A drop of blood slides down Yuri’s cheek from her eye. The smile falters and is returned to its normal state. Nonchalantly, Yuri wipes the red tear away and continues like nothing has happened, “It’s my job to keep everyone’s opinions valid. In addition, I also have to make the decision that’s best for the club. But, what about you, Loki? What do you think is best?” Yuri looks quizzically at me.

“I….” I study Yuri’s face for any signs that may suggest she’s going to go all insane again. All of the things she said made me furious. I would hurt if Natsuki killed herself. I decide that’s what would happen in the event of Natsuki’s death. Somehow, I am too proud to admit that I would cry over a mortal. But Natsuki won’t kill herself, I’ll see to that. She won’t die like…..like….. An image of a suspended woman hanging from a ceiling flashes in my mind. Sayo----

“Loki?” Yuri snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Oh, sorry. Um….Well, I think that the most important thing above all else is to….er….for everyone to...uh...get along. Or, rather, the club should provide something that you can’t get anywhere else. The number of members is irrelevant. In the end, the quality of each member is all that matters.”

“I...I see,” Yuri smiles sweetly, “I agree. Each member has their own way of contributing to the club. With every new member, the identity of the club will change. I suppose that’s not necessarily a bad thing. That is, stepping out of your comfort zone every once in a while…..,” Yuri still smiles serenely, but there are red tears dripping from her eyes. “So if you want to support Monika and the festival, then I’ll follow.” The tears stop flowing. They don’t appear to have left any marks.

“Al-Alright,” I say shakily, “Well, we’ll just have to inform Natsuki tomorrow….” I expected Yuri to go insane at the mention of Natsuki, but she only nods in agreement.

“Hey, Yuri,” Monika asks slowly as she approaches us. “Um…..Things might have seemed awkward yesterday, but I want you to know that you’re still a great vice president. And a wonderful friend.” Monika smiles bittersweetly.

“Oh, M-Monika….” Yuri returns the smile.

“Now, I want to do everything in my power to make this club the best club, okay?”

“Me too,” Yuri says calmly.

“Yeah….Hey, let’s all go home today. We’ll talk about the festival tomorrow,” Monika says softly.

“Right, I look forward to it,” Yuri says. I nod in turn. Yuri then turns to me. “Should we head home, Loki?”

“U-Um….” I stutter as Yuri waits for my response. It feels strange for her to ask me to walk home with me. I mean, I don’t even think we live close to each other.

“Yuri, don’t take this the wrong way, but,” Monika says, “I need to have a word with Loki before we leave. I just need to check up on him since he’s new. It’s something I feel is important as President.” Monika and I brace ourselves for Yuri’s response, but she stays silent and appears to be troubled by something.

“Okay, Monika,” Yuri says faintly, “Well, I’ll see you both tomorrow.”  
“See you tomorrow!” Monika says with a bright smile. Monika waves at Yuri as she exits the classroom. When the door closes safely behind Yuri, Monika turns to me and sighs in relief. 

“Well, today was tough, wasn’t it?” she comments serenely. “So, Loki, how are you enjoying the club? I would really hate to see something….” Monika pauses. The world begins to blur, bringing Monika’s figure out more. “....dreadful happen. I’m responsible for those sort of things, as President. And I really care about you, you know? We all do. Although….the others tend to give you a hard time, I can tell. I mean, Natsuki’s ill attitude and Yuri’s, well, you know.” Monika laughs nervously. “Does it make you feel like we’re the only people here? I feel like it does. But it’s strange because we’ve hardly spend any time together and it’s really upsetting, don’t you agree?” I nod slowly, trying to figure out where this is going. “Er...well, I suppose it’s only been a couple of days….technically….Sorry! I didn’t mean to say something weird!” Monika giggles, her smile showing in her green eyes. “Anyway, I actually wanted to talk about some things with you....Things….I know know only you would understand….So, that’s why----” Everything goes black instantly. I blink rapidly, but there’s only darkness. Finally, light filters into view, and I’m no longer in the club room. I find myself in my room, pen in hand, blank sheet of paper before me; ready to write a poem, just like the day before.


	19. Chapter 19

I….I don’t understand. This happened yesterday, too. What’s going on? I turn the pen in my hand as I rack my brain for answers. Each time I was talking to somebody privately, and then I woke up here, writing a poem. Writing a poem…. I blink at the paper before me, the dread settling in quickly. Things seem to be getting stranger. What was up with Natsuki today? She almost, no, she did hurt herself. I scowl, suddenly feeling a rush of pity and fury. How could her father not even feed her? It’s awful! Absolutely horrible! I swear, if I get my hands on that man….. My grasp on the pen tightens, digging into my palm. I release it, along with a prolonged exhale. 

The best I can do now, is write a poem. 

I try to focus on writing, but my mind refuses to. It continues to explore aspects of Natsuki and, although very slightly, Yuri. After a while, my heart aches for Natsuki. Is she okay? Did she get any food before she went to bed? She left so abruptly, I wish I could’ve walked her home. I just don’t want her to end up like---- My breath catches in my throat as memories flood into my mind. I see flashbacks from the very first day I arrived on Midgard all the way up to….up to…. 

“Sayori!” I call out the name, expecting an answer, but I know there won’t be; I know she’s gone, gone forever.

I try to steady my breathing as I recall the woman that was such a big part of my life here on Midgard. How could I forget her? Or, rather, how did I forget her? The last memory of Sayori when she was alive was when she confessed to me and I broke her heart selfishly. The thought makes me want to stab myself over and over, but my mind ventures on. 

Sayori’s hanging body appears in my mind and I flinch. I skip over those details and am met with myself crying in the hallway. And then, there’s only darkness after that. Then, I’m waking up and walking to school like any other day. But…..this doesn’t make sense. If Sayori was the one who brought me to the club in the first place, then how did Monika bring me this time? Am I in….a loop? I stare at my ceiling in shock. But that’s….that’s not possible. That’s not possible! The pen is now in my hand once again and is fidgeting between my shaking fingers. The more I try to figure out everything, less things make sense. Monika, Yuri, Natsuki….they all don’t remember anything, but I do. Why? I suddenly laugh. I’m such an idiot! Of course they don’t! They’re nothing but pitiful mortals, whereas I am a god! 

This sliver of joy only lasts for a manner of seconds before I return to my sunken state. Suddenly, I can’t take it anymore. I need to busy myself with something, anything! Just as quick, millions upon billions of words and ideas soar through my mind, creating the perfect poem. I write vigorously, not pausing once. I find myself breathing in and out frantically, smiling all the same. When I finish, I slowly set my pen down and lean back in my chair, a pleased smile on my face. 

I forget all about Sayori’s death, the loop, and Sayori completely. The previous minutes are erased from my mind and are instead replaced by many thoughts of none other than cute little Natsuki, not an ounce of boisterous Sayori to be remembered.


	20. Chapter 20

“Hi, Loki!” Yuri greets me loudly, a wide smile plastered to her face, as I walk in. Her eagerness surprises me and I stop in my tracks ever so slightly before forcing myself forward.

“Hello, Yuri,” I say composedly, straightening my tie.

“I’ve been waiting for you!”

“You have?”

Yuri giggles. “Are you ready to continue reading? In fact, I brought----”

“Monika!!” Natsuki yells, “I told you not to----” Natsuki glances around the room, noticing that Monika isn’t here. “Is she really late again?”

“Inconsiderate as usual,” Yuri says bitterly.

“Uh, do you have a problem?” Natsuki snaps.

“Yes, I do! It’s your rude interruptions and yellings that bothers me!” Yuri counters.

“Oh, I’m so sorry that my yelling bothers you, miss princess!” Natsuki says sarcastically. “And hey, I don’t yell on a regular basis, dummy!” I open my mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. It’s probably best for me not to call Natsuki out on that one.  
Yuri scoffs. “And you say I’m the one that’s full of it.”

Natsuki clenches her teeth and fists, her eyes ablaze. “Shut up, Yuri! What the heck, anyway? I didn’t even mean to yell, okay? Sheesh! And for the record, the world doesn’t revolve around you, Yuri. Also,” Natsuki raises her voice when Yuri furrows her brows and opens her mouth, “I did some thinking…..about yesterday….” I perk my head up, now interested. Yuri does the same, her fierce expression now gone. Natsuki refuses to look at either of us, her expression looks troubled, almost remorseful. Finally, Natsuki sighs and says, “I acted a little more hostile than I meant to be.” I can’t hide my surprise. She’s….actually apologising? Natsuki cringes and presses on, “Maybe it was because I felt threatened or something, I don’t really know. But we’re in this together! I know that! And,” Natsuki flinches, biting her lip, “another member wouldn’t, you know, hurt, I guess. I mean, as long as their not total idiots. And another woman would be nice too!” she adds. Please no. I’m already so outnumbered. 

“Oh, Natsuki,” Yuri says, now kinder. But the kindness abruptly ends, “NoBODy CaREs. wHY DOn’T YOu juSt LEaVe? BeG fOr SOmE fOoD oR soMEThiNG woRThlEsS LiKe YoU.” Pure shock is mimicked on me and Natsuki’s eyes. I quickly turn to Natsuki, trying to offer her even the slightest bit of support, but Natsuki’s gaze is directed to the floor. I can hear her faint sobs as the tears pour down her cheeks and fall to the floor. 

“Natsuki,” I say strongly, “don’t listen to Yuri, she’s wrong.” I glare at Yuri, making her recoil slightly; her senses seem to have kicked in. Natsuki just shakes her head and dashes towards the door. I reach out my hand to stop her, but I miss her. “Natsuki!” Suddenly, the door opens, revealing Monika and Natsuki runs past her.

“Oh my,” Monika says in shock. She closes the door, not bothering to run after Natsuki or even call after her. Monika laughs lightly and says, “Am I the last one again?” I scowl at the ground, Yuri and Monika don’t notice.

“It appears you are,” Yuri says, discrediting the previous situation. “Were you practicing piano?”

“Ehehe! Yeah….” Monika wraps her arms around her back and rocks on her heels.

“Your abundance of determination never ceases to impress me,” Yuri says, a nice smile playing at her lips. “Even though you have the club, you also take up piano.”

“I would call it passionate, not determination,” Monika says, beaming.

“All the same, still quite the achievement.”

“I suppose so.” Monika blushes at Yuri before turning to me. “Anyway, what do you want to do, Loki?”

“M-Me? But, you’re the club leader, shouldn’t you be the one to decide that? Or even Yuri since she’s the vice president?”

“Well, I was actually thinking of----” Monika is cut off by Yuri’s strong voice.

“There are already plans for today,” Yuri says pointedly.

“Aw, I see. Forgive me. It’s just that…..” Monika trails off.

“Well,” Yuri says, still standing tall, “Loki and I are still very engaged in a book presently. I mean, isn’t it exciting that Loki’s becoming more engaged in literature?” Yuri smiles brightly, her teeth visible; unlike her usual closed smile.

“I….I suppose. I guess I just thought that….Actually, no. Never mind. It doesn’t matter. You guys can do whatever you want.” 

Yuri gasps, the amount of joy extremely visible through her glowing expression. She quickly clears her throat, reclaiming her mellow look. “Thank you, Monika, for understanding.” Monika waves her hand in the air, dismissing Yuri’s words. I stare at Monika as she gloomily walks to the teacher’s desk and sits down with a tired expression. Yuri clears her throat, catching my attention.

“Um, I’ll just go make some tea,” she says. 

“Of course,” I say, nodding. As Yuri walks over to the closet and shuffles inside, I take a seat at the arranged desks; my usual seat, of course. I stare at my surroundings and marvel at how empty it feels. It makes me feel odd since we’re only missing Natsuki, that’s only one person. But yet, I feel like there’s more being missed.

“Um, Loki?” Yuri says from the closet. 

“Yeah?”

“Can you come help me?”

“Sure.” I slide out of my chair and join Yuri at the back of the room. Set on one of the middle shelves is the supplies needed for the tea: a plastic pitcher, packets of tea, a tea kettle, and the cups and spoons. 

“Here, can you hold this for me?” Yuri extends the plastic pitcher to me. I take it and watch as she retrieves the kettle. “All I need to do is plug this in and get some water, then I’ll be back, okay?”

“Of course.” Yuri picks the pitcher out of my hands, careful not to drop the kettle in her other hand, and then walks to the teacher’s desk and kneels down, evidently plugging in the kettle. She then swiftly strides out of the room. I follow her until the door closes behind her. Maybe I should have gone with her. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? I guess I could always catch up with her now. But perhaps that would be too much. I fight with myself until it’s been a solid five minutes. Well, now it’d just be stupid to join her. I sit down in a chair near the closet. I tap my finger on the desk as I wait for Yuri to return. I pull my sleeve back slightly and check my watch. It’s been ten minutes. She said it wouldn’t take long. Ugh, what’s holding her up? I can’t wait all day. Well, wait all day for what? I guess we’d only be reading Reflection of Mine. But still, that’s at least something rather than nothing which is what I’m doing right now.

After checking my watch one last time and seeing that it’s been another ten minutes, I stand up and leave the classroom. Outside the classroom, I glance down my left and right. 

“Okay, the nearest water fountain would be….” I start walking down the right, but quickly swivel around and point to the left way. “this way.” If I remember correctly, there should be a water fountain just around the corner of this hallway. As I near it, I can hear faint, what seems to be, laughter. I slowen my pace, now gradually stepping forward. As I get closer and closer, the laughing turns into exasperated exhales and inhales. What is that sound? Now feeling increasingly shaken, I conjure a dagger in my hand and hold it forward in a defensive stance. Half crouching, I lurk closer to the corner. Suddenly, I hear a stifled scream of what I think is pain, almost like someone’s sucking air through their teeth, trying to stop themself from screaming loudly. I finally reach the corner. I lean close to the wall, take a deep breath, and step out.

“Yuri?” I say in disbelief. My breath catches in my throat as I take in the scene. Yuri shrieks in surprise, bringing her hands to her chest instinctively. I first take in the bloodied dagger in her right hand, then the cut and dripping left forearm where the sleeve has been rolled up. The long lines carved into Yuri’s forearm are crimson and pouring. I then look at Yuri’s horrified face, sharing her horror. Suddenly, something flies at my face and a sharp pain shoots through my head as the world goes black.


	21. Chapter 21

As consciousness filters through my body, a burning pain comes from my nose. I groan as I blink in the light and bring my hand up to my face. I softly touch my nose, the source of the aching, and am met with a wet substance. I hold my fingers up to my eyes and blink rapidly, trying to focus my senses. Then, the crimson liquid registers in my mind as it drips down my finger. Realizing that I’m bleeding, I hold my hand up to my nose as to stop its flow. I right myself in the chair I’m sitting in and frantically glance around my surroundings: I’m back in the Literature Club room. 

As I recount the last things I can remember, the sudden realization strikes me as it did before. Yuri was cutting herself. Yuri was cutting herself! Why was she….she was….why would she…. My mind is scrambled as it looks for an explanation. Wait a minute. I peer at my bloodied hand. Did Yuri…..punch me? Suddenly, the doors open and Yuri enters. I stand up abruptly as she approaches me. 

“I’m back,” she says, her usual mellow smile on her lips. “Thanks for waiting patien----” Her eyes suddenly widen. “Y-You’re bleeding! Are you okay? Did something happen?” 

“Um….I….” This….this can’t be happening. Does Yuri not remember? Or is she….just pretending?

“Wait a moment.” Yuri sets the now full pitcher of water on a desk and goes to her bag and shuffles through it until she finds some tissues. “Here. I hope this helps.” I take the tissues and hold them up to my nose. 

“Thank you,” I say, an emotionless expression plastered on my face.

“You just sit down and relax,” Yuri says. “I’ll go and fix us some tea.” I nod slowly, my gaze fixed on the water pitcher. Yuri retrieves it and the kettle before heading off to the closet. I follow Yuri’s suggestion and take a seat at a nearby desk. So, I went looking for Yuri because she was taking too long and found her….cutting herself, and then she punched me. The pain in my nose stings as I think about it. Jeez, Yuri’s a lot stronger than she looks. I feel like she might have broken my nose. It usually takes a lot more than a measly punch to knock me out. It seems that I have wilted over the years. Yuri soon returns, the tray of tea in her hand. She sets it down on my desk and slides another desk up to it.

“Do you like Oolong tea, Loki?” Yuri asks as she sits down. 

“Um, sure, any tea is good for the most part,” I say as we each take a tea cup.

“I’m glad.” Yuri smiles more happily than I’ve ever seen her smile. “I tend to make Oolong tea when I’m making tea for others because it sets a likeable mood that influences a good atmosphere for them.”

“Is that so?” I lay my bloodied tissue carefully on the desk, trying to not get any of it on the desk. I then sip my tea tentatively. 

“Mhm!” Yuri nods, sipping her tea as well. “In fact, I can already feel a brighter atmosphere, can you?”

I take another sip of my tea and wait a few seconds. “No, I can’t say I do.”  
“Well, not to worry. It’ll come in time.” Yuri giggles happily, very different from her usual soft one.

“You seem like you’re in a good mood, am I correct?”

“Oh?” Yuri sets her tea cup on her desk and beams at me. “I guess I was letting it show.” She laughs lightly. “Perhaps I let it show too much, but that’s a good thing. I want to try to express myself more anyway. It’s actually strange how easy it is for me to act freely. I mean, that is, around you.”

“Aw, well, I am glad you are turning over a new leaf. Just don’t push yourself too much.” I think back to Yuri’s crimson forearm and think to myself that that’s acting a little to freely and definitely pushing herself too far.

“Loki,” Yuri says, her voice implying how touched she feels, “you’re always worrying about me. It’s such a warming feeling to have your concern. It’s actually satisfying.”

“Oh, that’s….,” I stumble for the right words. I’m not sure if I like you expressing yourself, Yuri. I don’t know if I can manage this. Luckily, Yuri doesn’t seem to be waiting for me to reply. 

“I have a request, Loki,” she says openly.

“Okay,” I say warily.

“Do you mind if we sit in the floor today?”

“Um….” I glance at the floor in thought. “I don’t see why not. But, what makes you ask?”

“Er….Well, it’s easier on my back, you know? It’s a lot nicer leaning against the wall instead of bending over a desk.”

“Aw, of course. Then by all means.” 

“Thank you for understanding, Loki.” I nod to her. “I’ll go get the book. Feel free to make yourself comfortable anywhere against the wall.” I nod once more and she turns to retrieve the book. I select the floor beneath the windowsill; the place where Natsuki and I read. Yuri hands the book to me and fetches our tea cups and the tray. Yuri sits down on my right, setting the tray down on her other side. She hands me my cup and I place it on my other side. We resume the same positions as Natsuki and I did before: my legs criss-crossed and Yuri’s bent to her right, her skirt firmly placed as far as they’ll reach down her legs. I extend the book to her and she takes one side of it. We use the same system as we did before to hold the book open, but since we’re on the floor, we’re huddled much closer than before. There’s only a slight few inches between our shoulders, but only briefly. Yuri nonchalantly slides herself closer, closing the gap.

Drinking tea while reading is nothing like the soothing experience Yuri described it as. I hold the book open with my left hand while my right hand holds the tea cup. Yuri does the opposite, her tea cup in her left hand. I find it nearly impossible to drink any tea without disturbing Yuri. I have to press my bent arm so close to my chest as to not connect with Yuri’s arm or tea cup or anything really. 

I glance at Yuri and see her intensely reading, not showing any signs of discomfort. I try to mimic her stare, but find it challenging. After a few minutes of desperate attempts to focus, I manage to relax ever so slightly. I then feel a warm sensation from my nose. I set my tea cup down by bending my right arm underneath my left arm and stretching it until the cup is safely placed on the floor. I pull my arm back and see Yuri staring at my arm: I must’ve pulled the book with me.

“Sorry,” I say. Yuri looks up at me, her blank eyes staring at me.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Her eyes then widen slightly. “Um….you’re nose is bleeding again.”

“Is it?” I touch the skin between my lips and nose with my right hand and glance down to see the crimson liquid. “Aw, it appears so. Sorry, if you’ll just excuse me for just a second.” I let go of the book, letting it fall onto Yuri’s hand, and stand up, careful not to knock my tea cup over or place my bloodied fingers anywhere. I walk towards my previous bloodied tissue and reluctantly hold it up to my nose, catching a drop of blood sliding down my nostril. I glance around the room and find a box of tissues on a cabinet in the back of the room. I pull a handful out of the box and replace my used tissue with them. I wait a few seconds, letting the tissue soak up the majority of the blood, before throwing away all but one of the tissues.

With one tissue still held up to my nose, I return to Yuri’s side and resume the same position as before. “Sorry,” I say, “that took a little bit longer than I anticipated.” 

“No, you were fine,” Yuri says. She takes in my bleeding and then looks down at the book. “Here,” she holds the book open with both hands, “I’ll hold the book.”

“A-Are you sure?” I glance at her and the book, knowing that she probably doesn’t want to take the chance of getting blood on her book.

“Of course.” Yuri extends the book towards me so that I’m able to read it, but in doing so, her left arm is practically resting on my right leg. Now feeling exponentially uncomfortable, I attempt with great effort to focus on reading, but now it is absolutely impossible. I focus enough to understand the major event of the second personality, Midna, the dark one, spilling her heart out to the main character, Lightning. By now, the bleeding has stopped and I’ve taken the tissue out of its uncomfortable spot and placed it a decent distance apart from myself. I then hear sniffling from my right. I turn to Yuri and see small tears glistening on her cheeks. I didn’t know she felt so deeply about this. I suppose it is an emotional moment for the characters right now, but I was unaware that she was so invested in it. 

I watch as a tear forms in Yuri’s left eye and drops down her cheek. Without giving it much thought, I bring my right hand up and caress Yuri’s cheek, catching the tear. Yuri’s intense focus suddenly breaks. She turns to me, wide eyed, the tears now halted by her shock. 

“Did….Did you just….” Yuri trails off, her voice shaky. “U-Um….Loki….”

“Forgive me, I didn't mean to cause any discomfort,” I say, not really understanding the situation.

“L-Loki….I can’t….”

“Can’t what?” Suddenly, Yuri grabs my arm and forces me up, knocking the book out of her hands along with the tea cups at our sides. Her grip on my arm is so strong, I feel my it going numb in pain. 

“Yuri….!” Yuri finally let’s go. We now stand, face to face, near the closet. Yuri looks apprehensive with her left hand held over heart and the other clenched tightly to her side. 

“Loki…..My….My heart…..” As Yuri speaks, the lights begin dim. The world becomes blurry and out of focus. Everything is plunged into darkness and I can hardly make out Yuri. “Loki…..It…..Won’t stop pounding….” Yuri breathes in and out sharply and unsteadily. “I can’t….calm….down….” She exhales deeply and lets out a shaky breath. “I-I can’t focus anymore!”

“Yu----”

“Can you feel it, Loki?” I feel Yuri grab my hand and gently place it over her heart. Sure enough, I can feel a rapid beat at a ridiculously fast pace. “Why is this happening to me?” Yuri asks, pain in her voice. “I feel like….I’m losing my mind.” I can make out Yuri holding her other hand up to her head. “Loki….” Yuri now breathes in and out like she’s holding back tears. “I….I can’t make it stop. Reading used to numb the pain, but I don’t want to read anymore. Now, I just…..want….you, Loki….” Suddenly, Yuri appears in front of my face, her eyes wide and eager as they gaze into mine. Yuri still holds my hand, her grip tightening and untightening. Yuri then laughs softly, like the laughing I heard when I found her hurting herself. She continues to laugh. I step back, but her other hand grabs my arm tightly, preventing me from moving. She then releases my arm and slides her hand to my back. She peers at me, her face slowly getting closer to mine. Then, the lights return and I am met with Yuri’s surprised expression as she leaps back from me. Then Monika comes into view, her nervous expression visible through her smile.

“U-Um….Well, it’s time to share poems,” Monika says a little awkwardly. “So….Um….Yeah….” Monika swiftly leaves us. I glance at Yuri with a discomforted look before turning away and following Monika.

As I walk, Yuri fills my thoughts, but only for a small moment. Once I’ve retrieved my poem from my bag, I stop and scan the room. Out of the corner of my eye I see pink hair at a desk on the far side of the room. Natsuki! I stop and stare at her. She seems to be fine. She wears her same strong look, her arms folded and her lips pursed. Knowing that she’s the one I’d prefer to share with rather than Yuri and Monika, I approach her.

“Hi,” I say to her softly as I take a seat in a desk next to hers.

“Hmph….!” Natsuki says, her eyebrows furrowed.

“Do you want to share poems?”   
“Yeah, isn’t that why you’re here, anyway?”

“Yes, it is.” Natsuk holds out her hand to me and I set my poem in it. I watch as she reads it through. She soon hands it back to me.

“This one’s alright,” she says nonchalantly.

“Alright?”

“Yeah, nothing about it was all that new compared to your last one. To be honest, I can’t tell if you really enjoy or care about literature, but you seem to, you know, be doing alright. Even though you insist on spending your time…..with….Yuri, but yeah, whatever.” Natsuki gazes furiously at her right so that I can’t see, but I can make out her blazing eyes and clenched teeth. “Nonetheless….It’s still good that we have activities we can all do together, so that’s cool. But, you better keep working hard! I mean, I know I’m nothing special like President or Vice President or anything, but that doesn’t mean you can let me down, okay?”

“I won’t let you down,” I say thoughtfully. “I promise,” I add.

“So…..at least read mine. But let’s get something straight,” I expect Natsuki to get all sassy and full of it, but her gaze lightens and she appears troubled, “this poem means a lot to me, so read it carefully, okay?” 

“Of course.” Something about how Natsuki speaks feels strange and new, but I don’t object. Natsuki hands me her poem and I take it gently. 

I’ve been feeling bothered lately, and I’m sure you have too. The truth is that I’m worried about Yuri. You have to agree that she’s been acting strange and, well, off. I mean, you’ve only been here a few days, so maybe you haven’t really noticed a difference. But, it feels like you’ve been here more than just a few days. Maybe i’m just crazy. Anyway, Yuri’s not like this at all. She’s usually quiet and polite and mature and all that. But now she’s, well, you know.

Ugh…….It bothers me SO much……..but I’m going to come out and say it. I’m actually REALLY worried about Yuri. It hurts so much to say that, but I guess it’s the truth. But every time I try to be nice to her she…….she just yells at me. And I’m too weak to handle it, so I just run away crying. Ugh! It’s so stupid! But I’ve been doing some thinking, and you’re probably the best person to talk to her. She’ll listen to you, I know that for sure. I’m not entirely sure why, but she seems to have this addiction with you. I just hope you can convince her to go see a therapist or something, I don’t know, just tell her to get some help! 

It all comes down to this: I’ve always wanted to be friends with Yuri. She’s always seemed, I don’t know, cool, I guess. She seems really strong and powerful with her exterior. So that’s why it hurts to see her like this. It hurts more to hear her hate me. Maybe she’s being truthful. But that doesn’t matter, at least, not right now. I just really need you to help her, please. If you want me to pay you to do it I can make you cupcakes or something. I just feel so hopeless right now. I’ll do anything at this point. Well, not anything, but you know what I mean.

Also…...Sayori…..Sayori…...that name keeps running through my mind, but I don’t know why. I feel like I know her, like we all know her, you too. Or maybe, knew her. But I can’t remember her. Why do I feel like I’ve forgotten something so important? Something that I care about so much? Every time I think about her, tears come to my eyes. But I don’t know why I cry. Do you think about whoever this Sayori is?

Now, on to Monika….. I can’t explain what it is, but I don’t trust her. She’s been really dismissive to Yuri and…….me. It seems like she’s going out of her way to ignore it instead of help it. So, if you couldn’t tell, I’m really mad at her right now. That’s why I’m coming to you. Because I trust you, Loki. And I don’t trust Monika. And, PLEASE DON’T LET HER KNOW I WROTE THIS!!! PLEASE! Just pretend like I gave you an amazing poem, okay? I’m counting on you, Loki.

Thanks for reading.

I’m shaking when I finish reading. I struggle to set the poem down on the desk. Natsuki….Yuri….Sayori….Monika…..Sayori….. Sayori! The memories flood in. I forgot. I forgot again! How did this happen? What is going on? Natsuki’s right, something is wrong. First with Sayori’s depression and death. Second with Yuri’s obsession with me and flip of personality. Natsuki now hurting. And…..Monika….. Monika with her ignorance and dismissal. 

I turn to Natsuki and see her staring at me with concerned eyes.

“Natsuki, I---” Natsuki’s expression suddenly changes as she speaks first.

“WaIT a MiNUte. I CHaNgED mY mInD.” Natsuki speaks oddly and her face is darkened and unvisible. She stares at the floor, her hair falling over her face. “FOrGet evERtHinG yOu JuST ReAD. iT DOeSn’T MaTTeR. ThERe’s nO PoINt. It’S YuRI’s FaUlt ThAT NoBOdY LiKeS HEr. iN FaCT, YoU SHouLD JuST SpENd tImE WItH MoNIkA. ShE WOuLD MaKe aLL oF tHe pRoblEMs Go AWaY. YuRi anD i ArE ToO MeSSeD Up FoR SoMeONe As PeRfeCT aS YoU. WE dON’t DeSerVe yOU, BuT MoNIkA DoES. FoRgET AbOUt US. JUst ThINK Of MoNIKa. JuST MOnIKA. jUsT moNIkA. jusT MoNIKa. JUST MONIKA.” 

“Time to switch!” Monika calls out. My chest hurts and I feel like I can’t breathe. Thoughts of Monika fill my head, and I can’t get them out. I try to fight it, but it’s like Monika is taking over. I bring my hands up to my head, the pain increasing. Everything around me becomes blurry and unreal. Monika…..Monika….Just….Monika…. It won’t stop. Monika won’t leave my mind. Finally, I feel myself lose strength. And I give in to Monika.


	22. Chapter 22

As I approach Monika, all I can think about is her. She really is beautiful. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. Monika, you’re so perfect. 

“Hello, Monika,” I say as I sit down across from the teacher’s desk where Monika sits. Monika stares at me with a worried expression.

“Loki, I think you saw something you weren’t supposed to see,” she says. 

“What do you mean?” I think back to Natsuki’s poem and suddenly feel unsure. Wait. Natsuki’s poem was…..warning me. Wait, what am I doing? 

“I didn’t want to have to do this, but it’s gotten out of hand. Loki, it’s becoming dangerous for you to spend so much time with Yuri.” 

“What? Why’s that?” Oh, this is about the exchange Yuri and I had while we were reading together, not about Natsuki’s poem. 

“I’m not entirely sure, but she’s getting over excited when she’s around you. Which, wouldn’t usually be a problem, but the way Yuri’s acting…..Loki, whenever Yuri gets too excited, she hides and starts cutting herself with a knife. Isn’t that messed up?” Monika smiles nervously. “In fact, she brings a different knife every day. It seems like she has a collection or something. I mean, it’s not because she’s depressed or anything.” My mind flits to a hanging woman with salmon pink hair sending a sharp pain through my head. “It’s really the opposite. I think Yuri gets enlightened from cutting herself. It might be like some kind of medicine to her. Point is,” Monika sighs, “you’ve been pushing her to do it more than usual. I mean, it’s not your fault or anything! But it’s gotten out of hand, like I said before. At this point, all we can do is keep a distance between the two of you. It’s what’s best for her right now. And, while you’re at it,” Monika beams, leaning closer to me, “feel free to spend time with me!” Part of me feels eager to, but another part of me wants to stay as far away from Monika as I can. “Anyway, I worked really hard on this poem, so I hope that you like it.” Monika slides her poem to me and I stare down at it. 

I look down at the paper, but I don’t see anything. None of it registers in my mind. I pick it up and bring it closer to my eyes, but still, everything appears out of focus. The paper makes me think of so many lost memories. My head aches in protest. I blink rapidly, but the paper refuses to reveal a poem. Suddenly, the poem is torn from my hand. 

“Um….never mind,” Monika says with a guilty smile. “Let’s just move on.” I rub my forehead with my hand as I stare at Monika for an explanation as to what just happened, but she continues to grin at me. “Time to switch!” she calls out to the rest of the room. I shakily stand up, poem in hand, and walk away from Monika’s desk. The more distance I make between Monika and myself, the more the headache stiffens and heals. 

Yuri is the only one left, so I seat myself next to her. When I am comfortable, Yuri grins at me sweetly.

“Finally….!” she says eagerly under her breath. She then giggles as I hand her my poem. She takes it and holds it close to her face. I see her inhale deeply. “I love it.”

“Thank you,” I say warily.

“I love everything about it,” Yuri continues. “Loki, can I have this?”

“Have it? Um….I suppose so. I guess I don’t really care about it.”

Yuri laughs happily. “You’re too nice to me, Loki.” Sometimes I think so too. “You know, I’ve never met someone so nice.” How is that possible? I’m not nice. I’m Loki, God of Mischief. I am not a good person. “I-I could die for you. I could die! I-I mean, not really, but….” Yuri smiles wildly, her eyes wide and eager. “It’s indescribable. I-Is it okay for me to feel this way? It’s not bad is it? You don’t think I’m crazy, do you?” Yuri holds my poem to her heart, staring at me apprehensively.

“O-Of course not. You’re completely…..normal,” I say, not liking where this is going.

“I’m going to take this home and frame it and put it on my wall….” Yuri smiles, closing her eyes. “I hope that you’ll feel good when you think about me admiring it. I’ll take really good care of it!”

“O-Okay…..Thanks….”

“i’LL ThINk oF iT EvErY TiMe My BloOD is DrAwn. I’LL GiVE MySelF pApER CuTS wITh It. I’LL SpILL mY BlOOd In iT’s HonOUr.” Yuri laughs crazily, her eyes and mouth wide in excitement. “You can keep my poem too,” she says, now back to her mellow state. “I know you’ll want to keep it after you read it. Here, take it. I-I can’t wait anymore.” Yuri beams, unable to mask her eagerness. “Hurry! Read it!” 

I take her poem and feel it’s crumpled and stained paper in my hands. Blood. Blood taints the worn paper. I can’t make out any of the words. It seems like they might be in another language. The words are sprawled out messily and look like scribbles from afar. I hold the paper gently, not wanting to touch the blood. I lay the paper on my desk and look up to see Yuri’s wide eyes in front of me. I jump, almost falling out of my chair. The world around me is dark and appears like a faint crimson. Like the blurry atmosphere I’ve seen before, it taints everything around me.

“Do you like it?” she asks wickedly. “I wrote it for you, so I really hope it meets your expectations!” Yuri slowly steps away from me. “In case you couldn’t tell, the poem is about mY UNDYING loVe FoR YoU. More importantly, I’ve endowed it with my scent. Aren’t I the most thoughtful person? Don’t you just want to----” Suddenly, the crimson returns to its normal light. Yuri’s eyes widen in embarrassment. She turns her head away to hide a blush. I see her fumble with her hair, sending relief through my body. 

“I think I’m….” Yuri stammers, her normal shyness showing. “I’m going to vomit.” Yuri dashes past me, running out the door. I stare at her, a strange feeling settling in my stomach. I then see a small folded up piece of paper on the ground. It must have fallen out of Yuri’s coat pocket when she was running. I kneel down and pick it up. I unfold it carefully and read it.

I can’t convince myself to go to therapy when I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

I’d rather keep this up until I blow my cover and someone takes me to the emergency room.

“Okay, everyone!” Monika says from the front of the room. I can hardly hear her as my unsettled feeling grows. “It’s time to discuss the preparations for the festival!” I hear Monika sigh tiredly and look up at her as I stand up, pocketing the paper. “Let’s just get this over with,” Monika says, her smile now gone. I glance at Natsuki, who stares at the floor sadly. I then see Yuri back in the room. We all converse at the front of the room.

“Stagnating air commonly foreshadows that something terrible is about to happen,” Yuri mumbles to herself, but Natsuki and I hear it. We glance at each other with worried looks.

“Guys, can we just get this over with?” Monika asks, her eyes closed and one hand on her hip. “I’m going to be printing and creating pamphlets. Natsuki is going to make cupcakes, I know you’re at least good at that.” Natsuki folds her arm, obviously trying to hold back tears. “Yuri, you can….never mind. It doesn’t matter. You can do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t, you know, hurt anybody.” 

“Monika…..?” Yuri says, her eyes staring at the floor, unreadable. “I-Im not useless!”

“Yeah, yeah….” Monika says unamused.

“I already know what I’m going to do anyway,” Yuri says. “I’ll be working on creating an inviting atmosphere. So I’ll make decorations and set up mood lighting.”

“Great,” Monika says, faking a smile. “Then that’s everyone.”

“Eh? What about Loki?” Yuri inquires.

“He’ll be helping me,” Monika says excitedly. I light up in surprise.

“I will?” I say.

“Why would he help you?” Natsuki asks furiously. “You have the easiest job, Monika!”

“I actually don’t. But either way, that’s just the way it is,” Monika shrugs. Natsuki curses.

“What are you playing at?” Natsuki presses. 

“I-I agree with Natsuki,” Yuri says bravely. “Not only is your job suitable for one person, but my task includes many long hours of work that would benefit from an extra pair of hands.”

“Excuse me! Mine is too!” Natsuki says.

Yuri scoffs. “What? Your cupcakes? Please….”

Natsuki curses again. “Like you would know! All you care about is being around Loki and sharing your stupid books with him! Well, newsflash, nobody cares about your dumb books! In fact, both you and Monika are the problems!”

“Hey!” Monika says. “I didn’t even do anything!”

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you stop abusing your power and let Loki choose for himself?”

“I’m not….abusing my power,” Monika says miserably. 

“Yes you are, Monika,” Yuri says. “Just let Loki choose already.”

“Okay, fine!” Monika shouts with annoyance.

“Jeez!” Natsuki says. “Loki, I know how fed up you must be with these two. Why don’t we just----”

Yuri cusses loudly over Natsuki. “Shut your mouth, Natsuki! And let him decide for himself!”

“You shut your mouth!” Natsuki counters.

“Oh my gosh….Just make a choice,” Monika says. It’s times like these that I find myself the most conflicted. I feel like I’ve seen these hard, pleading gazes before, each of them saying: “Choose me, or else.” Although…..Somehow, Monika is the only one who makes sense to pick. I stare into Monika’s green eyes and get lost in their beauty. Monika stares back, not showing any emotion. Suddenly, a sharp pain splits through my head. I cringe and try to shake it off, but it persists. The burning tells me to choose Monika over and over. Soon, Yuri and Natsuki seem to fade out of existence, and all I can see is Monika and her green eyes: my favorite color. 

I see it so clearly now. Monika is the only one. Monika is the one I am destined to pick. Monika’s name streams through my mind, confirming my choice.

“Monika,” I say, gasping as air filters through my lungs; I didn’t realize I was holding my breath.

“Yay!” Monika cheers, her smile now shining. “You picked me! Oh, I’m so happy!” Monika then rambles about the plan, “Okay, so I’ll meet at your house this Sunday and I’ll bring all of the materials we need, so don’t worry about doing anything, okay? I promise it’s going to be fun! What time would work best for you?” I open my mouth as I think how to answer, but Natsuki breaks me out of my thoughts.

Natsuki uses strong profanity before saying, “Are you serious? This is not fair!”

“It’s entirely fair, Natsuki,” Monika says, her voice a little hardened. “Loki chose himself, you heard him.”

“No!” Yuri cries in frustration. “It isn’t fair!” Yuri calls Monika a demeaning name, sounding completely uncharacteristic. “It’s just crude to assign all this work to Natsuki and I and take Loki to work for you. And, yes, I said work for. You should be ashamed! In fact, I can’t stand the fact that you intend to put yourself first. You are our leader! Being leader means that you need to act like one, Monika.”

“Yuri,” Monika says, sighing, “I didn’t even assign you any work. You took up the part of decorating yourself. If you ask me, you’re being pretty unreasonable.”

“Oh?” Yuri’s eyes light up deviously, a smile twitching on her lips. “I’m being unreasonable?” She suddenly laughs, the laugh slowly getting louder and crazier. She then clenches her teeth, baring them maliciously. “Oh, Monika, you make me laugh! You never stop to show how truly delusional and self-obsessed you are! Pulling Loki away from me just because you’re not getting enough attention? It’s really childish and selfish. It almost makes me think you’re jealous! Are you, Monika? Are you jealous of the bond Loki and I have? ARE YOU? Or, do you hate yourself so much that you take it out on others? Allow me to help you. Have you ever considered killing yourself? I think it would be very beneficial to your mental health, not to mention the people around you.” Yuri smirks, her eyes wide and crazed.

“Yuri,” Natsuki says, her arms folded and her eyes downcast as a worry stretches across her face, “you’re beginning to scare me….”

“Natsuki,” Monika says, the annoyance showing in her voice, “let’s just go. I think it’s evident she doesn’t want us around right now.”

“See?” Yuri says, her grin widening. “That wasn’t really hard, was it? All I want and ever want is to spend a little time with Loki. Is that so much to ask?” Yuri smiles at me as Natsuki and Monika retrieve their bags and shuffle out the door. Yuri sees them out the door before closing it and turning back to me with an eager look.

“Finally,” she says. “Finally!” She then sighs, her melancholy eyes returning some what. “This….This is all I’ve wanted. Loki, you don’t need to bother yourself with spending the weekend with Monika. Don’t listen to her. Everything she says is just as useless as she is. Just come to my house, okay?” Yuri smiles brightly, her hands slowly creeping up to her heart in their usual manner, but this time they seem excited, not nervous. “Just think, the whole day, just the two of us….Doesn’t that sound….sound wonderful?!” Yuri’s eyes widen with insanity as she laughs. “Wow….There really is something wrong with me, isn’t there? But…..I don’t care anymore. I’ve never felt this good in my life. Just being with you is better than anything I can imagine. I….I think I’m addicted to you.” Yuri’s eyes intensify, almost like she’s scared or anxious. “It….It feels like I could die. In fact…..I might die if I’m not breathing the same air as you. Does it feel nice to have someone care about you? To have someone base their whole life off of you? To have someone dedicate their life and love to you? But….if it feels so good….Why does it feel like something horrible is about to happen? Loki, do you sense it too? I guess that’s why I tried to hold myself back. But now….The feelings….they’re too strong…..I….I don’t care anymore, Loki!” Yuri grins widely in excitement. “I have to tell you! Loki….” Yuri suddenly gets serious, but her eyes are still trained on me. “I’m…..I’m madly in love with you! I can’t make it stop. No matter what I do, my mind always comes back to….you. So, now I don’t care about what consequences might wait for me. Please, Loki, understand how much I love you.” Yuri smiles to herself, closing her eyes. “I love you so much that I even…..Well, perhaps I won’t mention that. Loki, I want you. I want you so bad. I want you all to myself. And I will be only yours. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” Yuri opens her eyes, smiling dreamily. “Tell me, Loki. Tell me….do you want to be my lover? Loki…..do you…..accept my confession?”

Yuri’s eyes stare into me longingly. They flicker around semi-calmly as they stare into my bewildered eyes. Her grin is sweet; like the one she usually smiles. I can hear her breathe in and out; her heart must be pounding faster than ever; perhaps faster than it did when I felt her pulse. 

“Yuri,” I say, a nervous half smile on my face. I slowly step a pace backwards, but am met with the podium. Yuri inches forward, reclaiming the space I just made between us. At this point, I am in full panic. What am I supposed to say? How will she react if I say no? Or….What will she do if I say yes? The thought sends a shiver down my spine.

“Yuri, I….” I struggle for words as Yuri leans in closer. 

“L-Loki….I really love you….” Yuri reaches her hand out and caresses my cheek. Then she slowly slides her other hand on my chest. Having the podium behind me and Yuri in front of me, I find myself trapped. Yuri’s meaningful purple eyes stare at me, pleading and acting beautiful as ever. Yuri’s hands continue to stroke the places they lie. Suddenly, I can’t take it anymore. I pull Yuri’s hands off me and push her away. She stumbles back, disbelief and hurt etched in her expression.

“No! I don’t accept your confession.” Pain flashes across Yuri’s face. I think she’s going to cry, but her insane grin returns. The grin lengthens as she begins to laugh joyously. The laugh slowly gets louder and crazier.

“You’re mad,” I say in disgust.

“Am I? AM I?!” The laughing continues. There is now tears streaming down Yuri’s face. Finally, the laughing stops. Yuri stares at me, panting. She laughs lightly at my bewildered expression. Slowly, she reaches behind her back. I tense up when I see her retrieve a dagger.

“Yuri, what are you doing?” I instinctively create a dagger behind my back. I turn the dagger in my hand as I search Yuri’s face. Yuri then erupts into laughter, growing louder by the second. She brings the dagger up and i bring mine out in front of me, preparing for an attack, but it never comes.

The dagger in Yuri’s hand is swiftly twisted around and driven in, stabbing herself in the stomach. I’m speechless as she brings the blade in and out, her stomach growing more crimson. Yuri’s insane smile doesn’t once falter. Not even when she brings the knife up to her heart and drives it in once. Finally, Yuri collapses.


	23. Chapter 23

I’m shaking as I slowly bring myself to Yuri’s level. My back leans against the podium as I seat myself on the the ground facing Yuri’s bloodied body. Yuri’s body is propped up against a desk with her knees bent. Her lifeless purple eyes stare at me, slowly losing their color and turning into a dull grayish purple. Her expression asks me the same questions over and over: Why did you not accept me? What did I do wrong? What have I done to you to deserve this? You brought this upon me.

I rub my face with my hands as I try to stay calm. I play the last few minutes back in my head, trying to find what I should’ve done. Did I really have to say yes? This is madness. This is utter madness! My gaze lingers on Yuri’s body, not with sadness or grief, but with anger and hatred. 

“Why did you do this to me, Yuri? Why were you so selfish?” I want to say more, but the words won’t come out. My eyes search Yuri’s face for answers, but she doesn’t respond, of course she doesn’t, she’s dead, I killed her. No, she killed herself. I had nothing to do with this. I had nothing to do with this…. I hope if I repeat those words to myself they’ll become true. I don’t know if it’s my fault. I don’t understand what I did wrong, but I don’t know if I did anything right. My gaze somehow ends up on the dagger next to Yuri’s blood stained fingers. With a horrifying feeling, I realize that the dagger is my own. I recognize the dark blue blade and handle that has lines of silver etched in it’s design. How did she get a hold of my dagger? The only time I ever pulled one out was…..Suddenly, it all fits together. When I found Yuri cutting herself, I had conjured a dagger. But when she knocked me out and I woke up, it was gone. I was too busy with other thoughts to remember the missing dagger. I cringe over and over as I continue to think about it. I can just imagine the words Yuri would say about it. They would be very similar to the ones she used to describe the pen of mine that she found: “You….you dropped it, so I took to keep it safe. And….I just liked the way it cut, so I kept it. It’s just so….pretty.” I close my eyes and turn my head away from the bloodied dagger. 

When I open them again, I see the crimson splatters around Yuri’s body. I trace them back up. The blood is splattered on Yuri’s uniform, mostly around her stomach, but also around her heart. My jaw stiffens as I stare at the wound over her heart. It feels like it’s mocking me. Mocking me for not loving her back. I shake my head and my gaze once again falls on her face. A trace of blood is streaked across her cheek. I can’t take it anymore, I have to turn my gaze away. 

I look down to avoid seeing Yuri’s body once more. My hands are in my lap and I can see with the light from the setting sun, that they too, have traces of blood. Alarmed, I rub my cheek, more blood appears on my hand. It is a sparse amount of blood, leading my to believe that Yuri’s blood only splattered on me ever so slightly. But, nonetheless, it increases the guilt growing in my stomach. It feels as if my hands are dirty from Yuri’s death. As if I caused her death. I push the thought of my mind over and over until I cry in frustration. 

I abruptly stand up. I look down at Yuri’s body, clenching and unclenching my fists. I turn my head away and stare out the window. The bright sun slowly fades in the distance. Oranges, reds, and pinks illuminate the room as it sinks farther down. It reminds me of the poem I wrote for Yuri. Wait, what poem? My head suddenly hurts. I never wrote a poem for Yuri. Perhaps it just reminds me of something she would write about. Or, would have. I look at the floor to prevent myself from gazing at Yuri’s lifeless body. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flicker. I peer at what caused the flicker and find my dagger. I kneel down and pick up the dagger that matches the very one that is now stained in Yuri’s blood. I twist it in my fingers, watching the sunlight reflect off it. Then, a painful thought strikes me. I was worried about myself. When Yuri pulled out a knife, I was worried about myself! I pulled out a dagger to protect myself! My grip strengthens on the dagger in my hand. Am I truly that selfish? I was too ignorant to save….save….to save Sayori. And now Yuri’s died too. Why are the deaths of these women affecting me so much? I’ve killed hundreds of people in the past, so why are two women making me feel this way?

With a shimmer of gold, the dagger in my hand vanishes. I stand up and lift my bag from the floor. As I swing my bag over my shoulder, I take one last look at Yuri’s body. My throat tightens, making it difficult to breathe. My heart aches, sears in agony. Finally, I brush my fingers gently across Yuri’s face, closing her eyes. I pull away from her and stare. Now, she looks as if she could be sleeping.

“Forgive me….” I switch the lights off and exit, starting my journey down the lonely halls.

Walking down the dark streets is lonelier than usual. It makes me miss….Sayori. Sayori….the woman who was my only friend when I needed you most. I always took her for granted. I always thought of her as a nuisance. But now that she’s gone…..it’s like a piece of me is missing. Now that I’ve lost somebody else, I yearn for Sayori more than I ever thought was possible. I miss her so much. I miss her unkempt uniform and hair, her laughing blue eyes, and most of all, her cheerful smile. 

I soon find myself in front of Sayori’s house. The night has basically fallen and the street lights are all that combat its darkness. I stare up at what I remember as Sayori’s bedroom window. I wish for her to be up there doing whatever it is she does. Or, did. 

Without giving it much thought, I push the gate of Sayori’s home open and approach her front door. I slowly turn the knob and it submits me. I enter the lonely house and shut the door behind me. I stand in the entryway and take in the familiar surroundings. I then cast my head down and climb up the stairs. Sayori’s room is separated by one slightly closed door. I stare at it, mentally preparing myself. I am unsure if Sayori’s body will still be inside, hanging and sad-looking. A lot still doesn’t make sense. I still don’t understand how I relived the days in the clubs twice, once with Sayori, and the other without her. 

Eventually, I take a deep breath and push the door open. Sayori’s body is nowhere to be found. In fact, her room seems to be completely normal. The same stuffed animals and decorations litter the area: it appears untouched. I sit down on Sayori’s bed and stare at my hands resting in my lap. 

“I….I miss you so much, Sayori. Why did you kill yourself? I….I loved you!” I cry out to the empty room, but am only met with an ominous silence. My breath becomes shallow and I attempt to steady it. “Sayori…..Oh, Sayori….What am I feeling? I’ve never felt such heartache in my life. It hurts….It hurts so much…..” Before I can stop myself, tears slide down my face in anguish. “Sayori, where are you now? Do you watch me from the stars? Do you know my sorrows at this very moment? Sayori, if you’re listening…..I’m sorry…..I’m sorry I was too stubborn and selfish to save you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much I love you.” I move myself farther down the bed so my back is against the wall and I lay my legs out in front of me, one bent and the other straight. One arm rests on my bent leg while the other is laying on my side. As more tears pour down, I lean my head back and look up at the ceiling. “Please….Please, release me from the Hell I’m trapped in.” Then, my eyes close and I fall into a troubled sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

When I wake up the next morning, I don’t feel like getting up, so I stay in bed and sleep for the majority of the day. I don’t do anything except for flipping through Natsuki’s manga and examining the few things left out on Sayori’s desk and what not. Night falls once more and I am met with more nightmares. The next day is Sunday. I wake up and have the realization that Monika is supposed to meet me at my house to work on the preparations. I hate the thought of seeing Monika. What will happen if I tell her about Yuri? Maybe she already knows. Either way, she’s definitely not the person I want to see right now. I lay on the bed, staring sorrowful at the ceiling as I flick a small stuffed bird in the air and catch it. Who do I want to see right now? My mind flits to Sayori, Natsuki, and, surprisingly, Thor. I sigh and turn on my side, the little bird clenched in my fist. I close my eyes once more and try to block out all of the depressing thoughts that enter my mind. 

I haven’t been eating, which I know is bad, but I just having had an appetite for anything. I’ve also been busy sleeping in. I’m sleeping so much that it reminds me of Sayori. Is this how she felt every night and morning? I remember her words: “Most of the time of I can’t even find a reason to wake up in the morning.” I definitely feel like that now. 

Eventually, Sunday ends and it’s Monday: the day of the festival. I reluctantly get out of bed and pack the few things that found their ways out of my bag and return them to their places. I leave Sayori’s house the way I found it and contemplate on going back to my house to check on some things or just get something to eat. Deciding against it, I follow the chattering groups of students heading to school.

Since it’s the day of the festival, everyone is to report to their clubs first thing. I am the first one in the club by pure luck. I gulp as I see Yuri’s body that is now covered in dried up blood. Behind me, I can hear Natsuki excitedly approaching the room. I dread the few seconds that will follow when Natsuki enters to find her friend dead.

“It’s festival time!” Natsuki says loudly as she walks through the entryway. I step in front of her to stall for as long as I can. She stumbles back a few paces in surprise. “Wow, you got here before me? I thought I was pretty-----” Natsuki then looks past me and I know she’s seen Yuri’s body. She screams in horror. She glances at me, pure disgust showing in her eyes.

“Natsuki,” I say hastily, “I can explain!” Suddenly, Natsuki clutched her stomach with one hand, the other clasped over her mouth. I can see vomit spill down her mouth as she turns on her feet and runs out of the room. “Natsuki!” I step out of the room and watch as Natsuki runs down the hall. 

“What happened?” Monika says, appearing behind me. 

“U-Um….” I stare at Monika nervously as I walk back into the room slowly. 

“Did something happen? Why did Natsuki run away throwing up?” Monika glances past my shoulder and recognition filter into her gaze. “Oh….Oh…..” She sighs sadly.

“Monika, it’s not what it looks like,” I say. Monika suddenly giggles.  
“Well, that’s a shame,” she says lightly. “Wait, where were you this weekend?”

“Why? What’s wrong with you, Monika? Why are asking where I was? Is it because you think I murdered her?”

“No, no, nothing like that. Never mind. At this point it doesn’t really matter.”

“What do you mean?” Dread slowly sets in as Monika continues to speak.

“Well, it’s going to be just us pretty soon, isn’t it? I mean, with Sayori and Yuri already gone and Natsuki soon to be----”

“Wait! H-How do you…..You remember Sayori!”

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?” Monika laughs.

“B-But….Natsuki and Yuri----”

“You still don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?” I say sternly.

Monika only sighs. “Well, you’ll soon see. We just have to wait till it’s only us. Natsuki should be almost done throwing up now and already be well on her way to the roof.”

“Wait, what are you talking about? Why would she be going to the roof?”

Monika giggles again, increasing my frustration. “To throw herself off, why else? It’s about time too. She’s put it off for so long. It really is funny how much she truly cares about Yuri, her enemy.” Monika laughs once more, but I don’t stay to listen to it. I bolt out the door, ignoring Monika’s protests. 

My mind scrambles to remember the layout of the school. Where is the roof? How do I get to the roof?! Then, I remember a vivid image of a door with the label “roof” on it. I turn a corner and head to the location in my mind. I dodge past the crowds of students littering the halls, pushing my way through them carelessly. I finally reach the stairs. I climb them up, up, up until I reach the roof landing. I burst through the door.

“Natsuki!” I cry out her name and see her turning around from the edge of the roof. I lower myself slightly as I slowly walk towards her. “Natsuki,” I say softly, “come away from the edge. We can work this out together. Let’s just talk about this, okay?” I nod reassuringly, but Natsuki shakes her head helplessly. She sobs quietly, her face torn in pain.

“What’s the point?” Natsuki asks through sobs. “Why do I even try? Y-Yuri….Y-Yuri’s dead! A-And s-so is….S-Sayori! I sh-should just…..die too…..Nobody loves me anyway…..”

“Natsuki, that’s not true.”

“Do you love me, then?” she snaps.

“I….” I waiver on the question for a slight second. “I care about you, Natsuki. I care enough for you not to kill yourself.” I step forward. “Natsuki, it’s only us left. Us and Monika. And I don’t know about you, but Monika seems to be the cause of all of this chaos.” I step closer. “I know life’s been hard for you and it still is, but I can help you, I promise I can. I know I promised to help Yuri and I know I failed, but I won’t fail to help you. I swear I will not let you die, Natsuki! So don’t you dare die on me!” I move closer and am now just a few feet away from Natsuki. Natsuki stares at me, tears falling down her face uncontrollably. 

“L-Loki….” Natsuki suddenly falls toward me. I move forward and catch her in my arms, wrapping her in a tight hug. She holds on to me, sobbing into my shoulder. I close my eyes and hug her tighter. I won’t let you succumb to ends like Sayori’s and Yuri’s. After Natsuki’s held in my embrace for a few minutes, the tears stop flowing. I sit her down on a bench and sit beside her.

“Okay, tell me everything,” I say consolingly. Natsuki takes a deep breath before looking up at me.

“It all started at the club,” she begins. “Sayori, Yuri, and I all joined Monika’s club out of interest, mostly. You joined a week later, but in just that one week when we were together, it became clear that Monika wasn’t…..normal. The three of us, Yuri, Sayori, and I, discussed it one day, and Monika overheard us. We freaked out at first, but she only laughed. Surprisingly, she told us that we were right. She told us that ever since she was little, she’s had this power of sorts. She described it as a manipulative ability. An ability that can basically tamper with time and, she said she wasn’t sure, but people too. We made her promise not to use it, and we in turn promised not to tell anyone. We mostly learned to forget about it, but then you joined. It wasn’t clear at first that Monika was attracted to you. I mean, I guess all of us were. But that’s besides the point. I think by now you’ve noticed that we’ve replayed through the same few days twice, yes?” I nod. “Yeah, I didn’t notice it at first. When you joined for the second time, everything felt normal for me. I actually didn’t notice any changes until, well, I wrote that ‘poem’ for you----”

“You remember that?” I jerk in.

Natsuki glares at me. “Yeah, now I do. I seem to remember everything now. Every memory before and after Sayori’s disappearance.” I gulp, taking a deep breath. Natsuki’s eyes get excited. “Do you know where Sayori is?” 

“Sayori is….dead.” Natsuki’s eyes light up in shock, but quickly darken.

“How did she….die?”

“She hung herself. I believe Monika pushed her over the edge, convinced her to do it.” 

Natsuki looks furiously at me. “I can’t believe Monika did that! And to Sayori! Ugh….! It’s all so awful!”

“I know….So that’s why I need all the information about Monika that you know.” Natsuki sighs and continues.

“Monika obviously fell in love with you and didn’t like you spending time with everyone else. It must have been easy to her. All she had to do was kill your best friend and make Yuri and I unattractive. Ugh! I just hate how she messed with my head!”

“I do too. I don’t take kindly to those who tamper with my mind.”

“Exactly.” Natsuki sighs once more. “Yuri would hint to me that she was being messed with and she knew it, but she couldn’t stop it. She suffered so much…. Even when she hurt me, I could see the remorse of the real Yuri shining through her eyes, buried far beneath Monika’s tampering. Ugh….I feel so stuck. What are we supposed to do?”

“I think I know what I have to do.” I stare coldly at the ground.

“Loki,” Natsuki says, worry etched in her voice, “you’re not really thinking of going back, are you?”

“Shouldn’t I?”

“Um, no! It’s obviously a trap!”

“I think I can handle it.”

“Ugh! You really are full-of-it, you know! What makes you think you can fight her or whatever?”

“Well,” I ponder on if I should tell her my true identity, but I can’t help but want to keep Natsuki’s knowledge of me limited, “let’s just say I have a trick up my sleeve.”

Natsuki rolls her eyes. “Ugh! Stop being an idiot! I think we should just stay away from her.”

“What? Run? Hide?” Natsuki scowls.

“Well, what would you prefer? Because I’m scared, okay? And I don’t have anywhere to go. The club was the only place for me. But now I can’t go back there because I feel like someone there is also trying to kill me.”

“Natsuki, I don’t fully understand your situation, but I think that we may be able to persuade Monika into coming to an agreement. If things go south, then we can run. To be honest, I don’t fancy talking to a psychopath either. Look, I think you should come with me because I can keep an eye on you. You know, make sure you don’t try to throw yourself off a building.”

“Grrr….” Natsuki clenches her teeth. “Fine! But you’re going to be in front the whole time, got that?”

“Sure. I am combat trained, so that was the prime plan anyway.” Natsuki gives me a skeptical look, but I nod it off.

“Come on.” I stand up and extend a hand to her. She grudgingly takes it. 

By now, all of the halls are empty and everyone has retired to their club rooms. The halls seem somehow dark and eerie despite the natural sunlight that seeps in through the windows. Natsuki clasps onto my arm tightly as we walk together down the corridors. I can hear Natsuki’s scared breathing from behind me and I suddenly feel a strong responsibility to protect her.  
We near the club room; it’s only a few rooms down. Natsuki’s grip on my arm strengthens.

“Keep calm, Natsuki,” I say softly to her. She looks up at me, appearing irresistibly adorable as she nods slowly. Finally, we step into the Literature Club room, where it all began.

“Aw, there you are!” Monika says with a smile. She seats on a desk, her legs rocking back and forth. “I’ve been waiting for a while now, Loki.” I say nothing. I stop, Natsuki quivering behind me, obviously hiding behind me. “Oh?” Monika leans around and peers at Natsuki. “Oh.” Natsuki’s grip once again tightens, making my arm hurt slightly.

Monika sighs, her annoyance showing in her eyes. “Oh, Loki….. You’ve really messed things up, haven’t you? Oh, what to do, what to do….”

“Perhaps we can come to an agreement,” I say.

Monika laughs. “An agreement about what? I see nothing wrong. Well, nothing I can’t fix.” Monika’s gaze lingers on Natsuki. I move to the side and cover Natsuki from Monika’s view. Monika smiles. “I didn’t know you took such a liking to Natsuki. Oh dear…..You really need to stop doing that. After all, just look what happens to those who get too close.” Monika looks over at Yuri’s body with a malefic grin. “No matter. Loki, I just can’t wait anymore. I’ve waited so, so long for this.” Suddenly, Natsuki’s grip tightens and releases. I turn to her and see her gasping for air.

“Natsuki!” I swivel fully around and grab her shoulders. She’s shaking so much. “Natsuki what’s wrong?” I already know the answer. It’s so plainly Monika who is tampering with Natsuki. I turn and scowl at Monika. “Stop it! Leave her alone! I said stop!” Natsuki brings her hands to her throat as she continues to sputter for air. A horrible pain reaches my heart. “Monika, please. Let her live. She doesn’t deserve this. Monika….” Monika stares at me, her legs crossed and one elbow resting on her thigh with the hand raised in the air.

“Just give it a second, Loki. It’ll be over soon.” Monika giggles and with a snap of her fingers, I am plunged into darkness. 

I swivel around and around but there’s not a light in sight. The air feels colder and there’s a strong breeze blowing through the room. I can’t hear anything. All that fills my ears is the gently whirring of the wind.

“Uh, can you hear me?” I hear Monika say, her voice echoing.

“Monika,” I say, “where are you? Natsuki….?”

“Natsuki is dead, Loki. It’s just us now.” Suddenly, the lights flicker on. I stand in a classroom familiar to that of the club room’s, but there are no chairs or desks, there is only empty space. I then set eyes on Monika. She sits at the one desk centered in the room. I slowly step towards her. Behind her sits two open windows, and through them, I can see fluctuating stars and auras of many colors. 

“Aw, there you are, Loki!” Monika says excitedly. “Here, have a seat.” Monika nods to the space in front of her and a chair magically appears.

“Where are we?”

“That’s a difficult question to answer. Take a seat first.” I reluctantly slide into the chair across from Monika and am now face to face with her. She smiles sweetly, but her eyes seem darker. She rests her elbows on the desk, her hands raised and her fingers entwined beneath her resting chin. “I guess you could call this place my dimension of sorts.”

“Your dimension?”

“Yeah! Isn’t it cool? I’ve been coming here recently to have some alone time. It’s become my secret hideout. It works as any platform I wish it to be. Right now it takes the form as the Literature Club room, as you might have noticed.”

“Where is Natsuki?”

“Why do you keep asking about her? She doesn’t even matter anymore. She’s gone. In fact, this is the new Literature Club. Welcome to the Literature Club!”

“No, no, no…..You can’t say things like that and just expect everything to be okay. Monika, you killed them, all of them. You pushed them to their breaking points.”

“I wasn’t holding the knife. They killed themselves.”

“It must make you feel a lot better by telling yourself that.”

Monika grins. “How did you figure out that I was tampering with everyone, anyway?”

“I remembered. I remembered Sayori, the real Yuri, the real Natsuki…..And the only one who hadn’t changed was you. Not to mention the fact that there were many hints dropped about suspicions of you. And, well, Natsuki may have told me a few things.”

“Oh, that little girl…..” Monika sighs. “Well, nonetheless, you noticed I started messing with Yuri’s pretty little head, but all too late it seems. I actually didn’t mean to kill her. How funny is that?” Monika laughs. “I knew killing Sayori was the only possible way for her. She was just too close to you. Even when I amped up her depression, you still loved her.” My eyes widen in surprise. “Oh yes, poor, poor Sayori couldn’t be helped. Although, I didn’t plan on you remembering her so much. It seems that Sayori persisted on slithering back into your head. I was afraid of tampering with your brain too much, so eventually I gave up on trying to make you forget Sayori. Eventually a small thing turned into a much bigger thing: you started to realize that you were in a loop. I was actually quite pleased with how well I created that loop. I’ve never done a loop before, well, not one that lasted so long. I’ve done tiny loops before, but only for really minor things. But a whole few days, that is my greatest achievement. And given the fact that I’ve only had this power for what, a week? Well, factoring in the various loops, probably about three.”

“What? When did you get this power?”

“The first day I acted as the club president. The first day was actually a week before you joined, so I had a few days to figure it out. But the others noticed minor changes and figured it all out. They of course made me promise not to use it. As much as I was fascinated by it, I promised, but when you arrived, the promise didn’t seem to matter anymore.”

“You got it when you became president….?”

“I know! Isn’t that strange? I actually didn’t realize I had until the third club meeting. This was all before you came, of course. You know, I never gave it much thought, I was just glad to have it.”

“No one else is glad.”

Monika chuckles. “These powers offered me such glory. The ability to rewind time, mind control, and brainwash was like a blessing. The brainwashing of the other members was a prized factor of mine. Of course, Sayori was the easiest to brainwash, bless her heart. She fell right into my arms. With Yuri, I was really careless. I amped up her obsessiveness exponentially. In all honesty, she was pretty unattractive, but she kept snatching you away, so I never got to spend time with you. You know, do you remember that time Yuri requested to speak with you alone after club meeting? Well, I was feeling jealous and a bit angry, so I willed you to black-out, or just get away from Yuri’s grasp, because I actually thought she was going to confess to you right there and then; maybe she was, we’ll never know. What ended up happening was Yuri and you both passing out.” Monika humorously. “Oh, that was not very pleasant. I dragged you home with immense struggle, leaving Yuri alone and confused in the club room. Though powerful that ability is, it kind of drains my mental and physical energy too much, so I never did it again after that.”

Monika exhales, still smiling. “Yeah, a lot of experimenting took place. Sometimes it ended well, sometimes it ended good, but it mostly ended up sort of okay. But, you know what’s not okay? The fact that you kept spending time with everyone else, but me. You made them all fall deeply in love with you. And the best part is, you didn’t even mean to. I know it was heartbreaking to watch Sayori die, and I really didn’t think she was going to confess her love to you, I really didn’t. But, she did. And then she hung herself when you turned her away. Even with Yuri too. She confessed and you said no. Well, I suppose Yuri was a lot more unattractive than Sayori, but nonetheless. Oh, and didn’t Natsuki confess to you? To be honest, it was absolute torture for me. I had to watch as all my friends confessed to you and spent time with you, but you never thought about me. Not once. And I don’t blame you for not understanding, Loki. It’s just that I hoped you would be able to understand how lonely I feel. We together are outcasts. You, the hated Frost Giant of Asgard. And me, the woman in the background who’s expected to support everyone else.”

My heart skips a beat; my throat tightens, preventing me from breathing properly; and my mind whirls in tangles.

“How do you----”

“Loki, I know all about you. I know that you’re Loki, God of Mischief. I know that you’re adopted and that you’re true father was the king of Jotunheim. I know that you are jealous of your brother, Thor, and that you feel hatred towards him because he has everything, while you have nothing. You live in his shadow. I also know that you only sought to rule Earth to prove yourself. After all, it is your birthright, isn’t it?” I open my mouth, but I have nothing to say. I only stare at her in disbelief. Monika laughs. “You see, the others wouldn’t have understood you. But I do. I completely understand you. And now we’re here. You’re really here. And you’re wonderful. You’re all I need. That’s why I need you to be here with me forever. I’ve been lost for so many years, following blindly in the direction of popularity. Nothing filled the emptiness inside me. Nothing. Until you arrived. You probably saved my life, Loki. I don’t think I would have continued to live if I hadn’t met you. I guess I have to give that up to Sayori. She did after all, bring you into my arms.”

“But, I don’t understand. Natsuki, Yuri, Sayori….they were all your friends. And you just killed them.”

“To be honest, I never really cared for any of them. They really just made me sick. All they would do is fall over you while I watched from the side lines. Don’t you think that’s cruel?”

“I think it’s cruel to kill them over something so petty.”

“Petty? You think your love is petty? Loki, your love is far from petty. It might seem stupid to you, but a lot of women see you another way, a way you don’t see. Each member had their own reasons for liking you. Sayori loved you because you were the exact opposite, and opposites attract. Yuri loved you because of your intellectuality and your higher understanding. Natsuki, however, only loved you because you read her manga.” 

Natsuki didn’t just love me because I read her manga, it’s also because I’m the only who cared enough to comfort her about her problems.

“Actually, I think you made Natsuki more attractive.”

“Oh? How so?”

“You made her seem weaker, more hurt and damaged, but none of the damages were her fault. They were the cause of you and her father. Yuri’s was from herself and you. Same for Sayori.”

“Hmm....Well, none of that matters anyway. Oh, and I really must apologise.”

“Oh really?” I smirk, folding my arms.

Monika laughs. “I’m sorry that you had to see some nasty things. I thought you would get over them though. I mean, given the fact that you’ve mercilessly killed hundreds in the past.” Monika pauses as I grimace. “But it seems you had more trouble with it than anticipated.” Monika sighs, taking a deep breath. “That being said, Loki, I’ve got a confession to make.” I stare at her coldly, obviously making her nervous. “I’m in love with you. You are the light in my days. Your personality always lifts me up. Somehow, some way, you find a way to pull me out of my sorrows. You are my reassurance that there is something worth living for. Loki, will you make me smile everyday? Will you go out with me?”

A sharp pain spikes through my head. I scowl and cover my face with my hand, but the pain continues. The answer is no! The answer is NO! The more I say it, the more it hurts. Finally, I say, “Yes”, and the pain stops.

“I’m so happy! It really warms my heart to hear you say that. You really are my everything. If you didn’t realize, I was quoting my poem, ‘You Are My Sunset’. I wrote that poem for you, Loki, but I don’t think you knew that when you read it. Perhaps some of it was unrealistic in your eyes, but in mine, I think it fits you exactly. I actually wrote all of my poems with you in mind.” Monika smiles, making me sicker. “Well, it’s just the two of us now. We can be together forever. Seriously, time isn’t even passing. Time is irrelevant in this dimension. You know, it’s really such a dream come true seeing you here right now. I worked so hard for this, Loki.” Monika giggles softly. 

I stare at Monika incredulously. “None of this changes the fact that I’m not the one for you.”

“There’s no way of knowing that for sure.”

“There’s also no way of knowing we are meant to be.”

Monika only smiles, blinking slowly every once in a while. 

“What are you going to do with me?” I ask finally.

“Do with you? I just want to be with you, Loki. I want to be with you forever.”

“Well, I don’t.” I abruptly stand up and turn towards one of the doors. I head towards it, but suddenly, it disappears. I move to the next one, but it too vanishes. I turn on Monika. “What are you doing, Monika? You can’t keep me here.”

“Do you really not want to be with me?”

“Yes, I really don’t. Monika, how can you expect me to love you when you killed my only friend?”

“But, you agreed to go out with me.”

“No, you tampered with my mind. You made me agree. And I do not take kindly to those who tamper with my head.”

“Oh? You seemed completely fine doing it in the past.”

“Get out of my head!” 

Monika giggles, sliding her hand underneath her cheek, leaving the other hand to rest on the desk. “I can’t help but look into people’s heads. I really can’t. It’s just so easy, you see. I know you feel really troubled right now, and I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not.” I scof as I lean against the wall.

“I really am, Loki. I’m sorry that they had to die. I’m sorry that this is the only way we could be together.”

“If this is the only way we can be together, then I don’t think we should be together.”

“Loki…..Please….I love you so much….Please….” Monika’s mournful eyes bore into me. I feel myself being pulled towards her. I try to stand my ground, but my feet move by themselves. I am now standing face to face with Monika. The chairs and desk are gone and the room is entirely empty again. Monika steps closer to me and entwines her fingers in mine. She brings our held hands up close to our faces. We both stare at them, each having different feelings. I can’t fight Monika’s powers. No matter what I do, she pulls me in. I think I’m losing my mind.

Monika then looks at me. I stare into her longing green eyes and suddenly want to kiss her. I want to love her. No! Stop it! Monika releases my hand and moves hers onto my chest. I feel my own hand creeping up her back. Stop it, Monika! Get out of my head! Monika then closes her eyes and leans in and our lips meet. I don’t want to stop. I want to stay in this kiss forever. I feel surging amounts of love flow through me. All I want is her. 

Monika slides her other hand to my back, pulling me closer. I rest my other hand on her waist, the other one still caressing her back. I suddenly feel guilty. This isn’t right. I should be with Sayori. I don’t love Monika. I love Sayori. I turn my head down and the kiss breaks. Monika stares at me with confusion, but she seems to sense my doubt. I feel another pain in my head, and the desire returns. This time, I lean in for the kiss, and Monika accepts it happily.

In the back of my mind, I can hear myself protest in frustration. But no matter what my mind says, my body moves on its own accord. Suddenly, I feel myself recall all of the memories of Sayori. I remember the first day I met her and how she refused to leave my side. It fast forwards to one of the many days we spent time together as friends. Moving farther, I see memory after memory all leading up to when she asked me to join the Literature Club. I remember the time she tried to talk me into buying her something to eat. I see her sadly staring at her desk. I relive the moment she confessed her love to me. And finally, her suspended body fills my head.

I see memories of Yuri and Natsuki. All of them fill me with rage and sorrow. I don’t realize what I’m doing at first; I continue to kiss Monika with fake compassion. I see the glint off the blade from the fluctuating lights outside. I twist the dagger in my hand, hidden behind Monika’s back. I pull my hand back slowly and steadily, preparing for what happens next. Then, with one swift motion, the dagger is driven in, piercing Monika.


	25. Chapter 25

I pull out of the kiss as Monika gasps. I still hold the dagger tightly as it sticks into Monika’s back. I quickly rip it out, making Monika yelp. She sways on her feet, slowly figuring out what just occurred.

“L-Loki….?” she says in disbelief. “W-Why?”

“You know why, Monika,” I say, pain threatening to consume my mind.

Monika shudders. “Loki…..It hurts so much….Help me, Loki….” Around me, the world begins to fade. In an instant, the classroom is gone and all there is is stars and blackness. “Please hurry and help me, Loki.” Monika whimpers in pain and falls to her knees. I can see blood dripping down her back and falling to the floor. “HELP ME!! It hurts!” Monika’s sobs fill the empty space, but I stand still, the bloodied dagger still held tightly in my hand. “LOKI!!!” The surroundings filter in and out as Monika’s screams get louder and more filled with anguish. “Why did you do this, Loki? Why did you stab me when you knew I loved you? How…..How could you?” Monika kneels on the floor, staring helplessly down as the tears and blood spill. “I never thought that this could hurt so much. It’s just…..I’ve never been hurt before, never in my life. This is the only pain I’ve ever felt, but…..It’s not the cut that hurts…. I’m actually not sure if this wound is enough to kill me. It’s my heart that hurts the most. Loki…..why did you do this? I sacrificed everything to get us here. Everything, Loki. All I had was devoted into getting us together. I loved you so much, Loki…..And what hurts more is that I still love you. Even though you’ve caused me so much pain….My heart still aches to be with you. But….I trusted you…..Did you just want to hurt me in the end?”

“Monika,” I say with strain in my voice as I feel Monika pulling my strings, “you should know that you can’t trust me. I’m the God of Mischief. I’m not meant to be trusted. You killed the only person I’ve ever learned to love, I couldn’t just fall in love with you blindly.”

“I never thought….that….anyone could be as horrible….as you are….”

“Most people don’t.”

Monika laughs, but it turns into a gasp of pain. “You win, okay? You. Win. I hope you’re happy. Now, you can go find someone else to torture.” Monika sighs prolonguely and the stars disappear, plunging us into darkness. 

I can’t see anything now. There’s only black.

“Loki….” Monika says softly. I hear her all around me, but I can’t see her. “You make me sick.”

“I know.”

“Goodbye,” she says bitterly. 

“Goodbye, Monika….” 

I wait a few minutes, pacing back and forth. Then I hear Monika speak again.

“Loki…..I still love you….”

“I know…..”

“I can’t help it. Loki, what’s wrong with me? Why do you hate me so much? Am I really that horrible?”

“You killed my best friend!”

There’s silence for a minute. Until Monika says, “She was my friend too. They were all my friends. Oh, Loki, I did so many awful things. I was so selfish and disgusting. I….I shouldn’t done those things. I shouldn’t have done any of this. I-I’m just messing up a world I don’t belong in. A world that you wanted to be a part of…..I ruined it. I ruined all of it. Maybe that’s why you stabbed me….Because I deserved it. I destroyed everything you wanted. How could I so easily do that to someone I love….? Loki….this isn’t love. This is….I don’t know what this is….” I nod in silence, staring at the floor. I almost feel bad for Monika, but I won’t let myself fall for her. 

“Loki, I’m truly sorry for all I’ve done. I loved Sayori, Yuri, and Natsuki, they were my friends. I regret what I’ve done. And…..Loki, the truth is….I can bring them back."

I look up in shock. “What did you say?”

“I have the ability to rewind time, I can place you back to the time before this all happened. I can fix all of this. I miss them so much….I loved them, Loki. I really did. And….I loved the Literature Club…..” I hear Monika sob. “I really...did….love the Literature Club….And that’s why…..I’m going to do this. I know that the only way for everyone to be happy is for me to disappear, so I will. This is the only way, I see that now. I know that if I really love you….then….” Suddenly, the darkness consumes me, and I collapse.


	26. Chapter 26

Today is like any other. I find myself walking to school surrounded by the same couples and groups. I’ve never been one for friends. I guess nobody’s really stuck.

“Hey, Loki,” Sayori says as she jumps up beside me. Well, except for Sayori, she’s never let go. Sayori is my neighbor and my good friend since I got banished here and started going to college. We used to walk together a lot, and we’ve recently picked that habit up. 

“Loki,” Sayori says with her usual giddiness, “are you proud of me?”

“Not particularly. Should I be?” I say, a smile threatening to show.

“You know….For waking up on time!” Sayori giggles.

“Well, sure, but you’ve been doing that for a while now.”

“Well, yeah, but still! You’ve never said anything about it….Even though….we walk to school…..like….every day…..”

I roll my eyes, now smiling. “Okay, then I’m proud of you.” Sayori giggles happily, now bobbing up and down a little more excited. We cross the street side by side and take the usual path to our school. We can see our school now, just a street away.

“Hey, Loki?” Sayori asks as we cross the street.

“Hmm?” 

“Do you know what club you’re joining?”

“Club?” I think for a second. “No. I haven’t really given it too much----” I mean to say that I haven’t given it much thought, but that would be lying. “Actually, I do know.”

“You do?” Sayori’s eyes widen, a huge grin on her face. “Oh, oh! What is it, what is it? Tell me!!”

“Nah, it’s best not to tell you.”

“What? Why?” Sayori wears her pouty face as she stares up at me.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Boo…..” Sayori taps her index fingers together and stares upset-like at the floor.

“You’ll learn soon enough.” I used to wonder why I stayed around such a carefree girl, but then I realized that in a way, I envy her. It seems that nothing can get her down. And when she puts her mind to something, she can do wonderful things. I guess that’s why I feel like doing something for her, even though I don’t do that sort of thing regularly. 

School is as boring and plain as ever, and it’s over before I know it. After my final class, I step out into the fastly emptying hall and try to remember the directions. I recall the number of the classroom from the flier, but I still have to do some figuring out. I walk across the school and upstairs. Finally, I find the room. I take a deep breath and push the door open. 

“Um….Hello…?” I say, peaking my head through. Sayori sees me and yelps, falling out of her seat. She quickly stands back up.

“Loki?! W-What are you….um….doing here?” she asks awkwardly. 

“Well, I was----” My eyes then land on two other women who sit at desks near Sayori’s. One woman, with cute pink hair that’s put up in half-down-half-up pigtails with red ribbons, stares at me with a smug smile.

“Huh….So this is the Loki Sayori’s always talking about?” she asks deviously. The second woman looks horrified by the other’s words and abruptly stands up. She smiles sweetly, her eyes closed and her hand over her heart.

“Th-Thank you for s-stopping by,” she says timidly. She is extremely tall and has very long purple hair that reaches very far down her back. “It is a pleasure to meet you. W-Welcome to the Literature Club. I...er….hope you enjoy your, uh, visit….”

“There’s no need to be so formal, Yuri,” the pink-haired girl says plainly. “Don’t give him the wrong impression, okay?”

“A-Aw….” The woman Yuri now seems extremely embarrassed. “Y-You’re right, Natsuki.” Yuri seems to be quite shy when compared to Sayori and the other girl, Natsuki. She might be shy when compared to anyone. Whereas Natsuki is the confident one, despite her small figure. 

“It is nice to meet you both,” I say when I’ve safely closed the door behind me and am fully in the room. I smile as I add, “I look forward to working with you.”

Sayori looks from me to the other two with a bewildered expression. “W-Working….? Loki, you don’t mean….you’re…..”

“I do, Sayori. The club I’ve decided to join is yours, Sayori, the Literature Club.” I hold back a laugh as Sayori’s eyes widen.

“No….that can’t be it….” Sayori giggles, now beaming. “That can’t be!” She squeals in excitement as she runs towards me and wraps her arms around me. I stagger slightly as she begins to jump up and down. I hear Natsuki giggle behind Sayori.

“Well, if Sayori is this happy, you must be pretty good,” she says.

“Wait, this means we have four members now,” Yuri says, not able to hide her excitement. “We can now become an official club.”

“I….I don’t know what to say!” Sayori cries in joy. “We….We have to celebrate!”

“What a coincidence,” Yuri says. “I mean, Natsuki even----”  
“Hey!” Natsuki breaks in. “Don’t ruin it!”

“S-Sorry….” Yuri says as she fumbles with her hair, blushing.

“Everyone sit down, okay?” Natsuki calls out.

“I’ll go make some tea,” Yuri says before following Natsuki to the closet at the back of the room. The women have arranged a few desks to form a table. Still feeling a little wary of the other women, I sit down next to Sayori.

Natsuki soon returns, tray in hand. “Ta-da!” Natsuki pulls the cover off of the tray revealing an adorable sight. Sayori yelps in surprise at the cupcakes that are decorated to look like cats with white and black icing. I have to give it to Natsuki, they’re adorable.

“So cuuuute!” Sayori says in amazement.

“Ehehe. Well, you know…” Natsuki mumbles. “You haven’t tried them yet, so don’t say anything tell you eat one.” We each take a cupcake. Sayori is the first to take a bite.

“Mmmm! Delicious!” Sayori exclaims, getting frosting on her face. 

I gaze at the cupcake in my hand, deciding if I really want to eat something so sugary. In the corner of my eye, I see Natsuki staring at me. Is she waiting for me taste it? Awkwardly, I bite into the cupcake. It is delicious, but really unhealthy.

“These are really good, Natsuki,” I say, making Natsuki blush and turn her gaze away from me.

“Of course they are! I am the best, you know. Th-There’s no need to thank me or anything….” Natsuki stammers, trying not to sound embarrassed. Natsuki bites into a cupcake wearing a stiff expression, but it quickly turns into a bubbly smile. “Gosh….I haven’t eaten all day! These are delicious!”

“Wait, you haven’t eaten anything?” I say.

“Er….Well….” Natsuki stares at her desk as if she wants to say something, but can’t.

“Did you not have lunch?” Sayori asks, licking frosting off her lips.

“Yeah….” Natsuki says quietly.

“Why?” Sayori says with giddiness.

“Well….my boyfriend didn’t give me any money, so….”

“Why?” Sayori asks the same question again, making Natsuki glare at her.

“I don’t usually get money anyway, so it’s not like it was all that new to me or anything. Plus, I didn’t want to get into this so much….”

“Okay….But you at least had breakfast right?” Sayori blinks her blue eyes as Natsuki.

Natsuki grimaces as she says, “N-No….”

“WHAT?!” Sayori leaps back in her chair in utter shock. Knowing Sayori, I know that she thinks very highly of breakfast and that not having it is a matter of life and death to her. “Why didn’t you have any breakfast? I mean, just think of all the bacon, eggs, and pancakes that are missing you!”

“Ugh! Well, maybe somebody doesn’t have any food in the house to eat ever, have you ever thought of that?” Natsuki speaks loudly, a bit louder than she spent, because she quickly turns away, her arms folded.

“Natsuki….? Are you saying that you…..don’t get fed?” Sayori asks in worry.

“Maybe….” Natsuki mumbles miserably.

“Oh my gosh! How come I never knew about this?!”

“I never wanted to bring it up in the first place, that’s why! Ugh…. I really don’t want to talk about this…..”

“We’ll stop pestering you if you agree to let us help you,” I say before I can stop myself. Sayori and Natsuki look up at me. Sayori looks surprised, while Natsuki looks anxious. I don’t know why I say it, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that Natsuki was being abused, I just knew. It’s like I have this strong urge to help her out of her bad situation with her boyfriend. How do I know it’s her boyfriend and that she even has one? I don’t know how I know. I just know it is from some distant memory in my head.

As Natsuki and Sayori whisper back and forth about Natsuki’s situation, Yuri returns to the table carrying a tea set. She carefully hands us all a tea cup before placing the teapot next to the cupcake tray.

Wanting to change the subject, I ask, “You keep a whole tea set in this classroom?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, the teachers gave us permission. After all, doesn’t a hot cup of tea help you enjoy a good book?” Yuri smiles sweetly.

“I would think so. Even if I’ve never done it before.” I sip my tea. The hot liquid fills my mouth, giving me a calming feeling. Yeah, this probably would go well with reading.

Next to Yuri, Natsuki giggles. “I see you’re already trying to impress the new member,” she says with a smirk.

“Eh?! W-What do you….” Insulted, Yuri looks away. “I was just saying that, you know….”

“I know what you meant.” I set my cup of tea down. “Maybe drinking tea while reading isn’t something I do consistently, but I at least like tea and am interested in combining the two.”

“Aw, I’m glad.” Yuri smiles softly, still not meeting my gaze. “Anyway, what kind of literature do you like, Loki?”

“Oh….um…..I read a variety of things. I guess I like to read murder mysteries. Or, just mysteries is fine too.” I sigh. “I’m not really into a certain genre, is what I’m trying to say.” I don’t know why that was so hard for me to say. Ugh, I feel so stupid.

Intrigued, Yuri says, “Murder mysteries sound interesting. Perhaps I should read one someday.”

“What do you like to read, Yuri?” I ask.

“Well, let’s see…. My favorites are usually novels that have deep meanings that open your eyes to a whole new world. Literature is all about expressing yourself and I like to see the many different ways people express themselves,” Yuri says passionately. She goes on and on. Everything she says is so meaningful and profound. She must be really serious about her books. After a few minutes, Yuri pauses. “Anyway, I’ve been reading a lot of horror lately….” 

“Aw, I’ve read a horror book before,” I say conversationally.

“Er….well….um……” Natsuki stammers, obviously wanting to say something.

“Yes, Natsuki?” Yuri says.

“Well, it’s just that….um….I think that….er….Well…. Ma-Manga….Is like….um….”

“Aw, yeah. You like reading manga, right?” Yuri says calmly. “In fact, don’t you keep some here in the club room?”

“Don’t just say it!” Natsuki growls. “I mean, manga is literature too, so…..” A huge blush stretches across Natsuki’s face. “So, er….if Loki or anybody else wants to read some of my manga, they can do it and you can’t try to stop them, Yuri!”

“I would never think of doing such a thing,” Yuri says cooly. “I actually think it would be a good idea for us to diversify a little. Wouldn’t you agree, Loki?”

“Perhaps all of us should try something new,” Sayori says hastily. “I think it could be fun. And we’ll all get to know each other better! I mean, isn’t that what this club is about….?” Yuri is silent. She wears a thoughtful expression with hints of nervousness.

“I mean….I um….don’t disagree, Sayori,” Yuri says finally.

“Yeah,” Natsuki says, a cute smile on her face, “you’re right as usual, President.” Sayori giggles, a bubble smile complimenting her pink cheeks. “Does this mean I should try picking up a novel or something?”

“Isn’t that the point?” I say. “Well, wouldn’t I then be trying some manga?” Natsuki’s eyes light up for a second as the realization hits her, but she quickly hushes it, returning to her normal state.  
“Yeah,” Natsuki says, smirking, “that means Yuri too, right?”

“Eh?” Yuri raises her eyebrows and clenches the fist over her heart in shock. “I…..Er….You want me to read...um...manga?”

“Uh, duh! Jeez! You were the one who suggested this in the first place,” Natsuki snaps. “It’s…..actually kind of hurtful,” she adds quietly.

“H-Hurtful….? I didn’t mean any disrespect,” Yuri says sadly. “I’m sorry if I harmed you in any way, Natsuki. If you are into manga, then I am sure it must be a worthy form of literature.”

“Thanks….but if you’re just saying that….”

“I’m not. I have recognized my error and have fessed up to it. In the end, if you are willing to read a novel, then it is only right for me to read some manga.”

“Really?!” Natsuki smiles in excitement, but quickly coughs and the excitement is turned back into confidence. “It….uh...makes me happy that you would consider doing that, Yuri. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to pick something out that you’ll like. I mean, I’m not a jerk, so….”

“Same here. I will be sure to visit the bookstore after school.”

“Um….Just....you?”

“E-Eh….? I mean, that is, unless you would like to join me.”

“Well, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not! I always end up going alone, so maybe having company will make it a fuller experience.”

“Same…..” Natsuki and Yuri sit side by side, Yuri fumbling with her fingers apprehensively, and Natsuki folding her arms moodily. Suddenly, Sayori giggles.

“Aww!” she says with a bright smile, her hands held up in the air near her face. “This is so heartwarming!”

“Shut up, Sayori,” I murmur to her. She smiles, winks, and then finally pulls herself out of the conversation.

“I’ll see if I can show you any manga there, okay?” Natsuki says smiling.

“Yes,” Yuri says kindly, “I look forward to it. Seeing that the conversation has concluded, the two girls work together to clean up the food. 

Sayori giggles beside me and I turn to her. “I guess that means the meeting’s over, huh?” she says to me.

“The meeting is over when you say it is, President,” I say playfully.

“I suppose that’s true! Aw….” Sayori gazes at Natsuki and Yuri who are helping each other at the back of the room. “It really is nice to see everyone get along. They also seem to like you, Loki.”

“I was afraid of that.” Sayori laughs. “To be honest, I think everyone tends to get along better because you’re around making them happier.

“Aww, Loki….” Sayori blushes not able to stop herself. “Ah! You always embarrass me like this!” Sayori covers her face with her hands.

“Oh, I’m the one embarrassing you? I’m afraid it’s the other way around.”

Sayori laughs, making me chuckle softly. “Hey, Loki,” Sayori says, some seriousness etched in her voice, “I really want to thank you. I’m really happy that you joined the club. I know it must have cost you a lot to get here, and it means a lot to me.” I stare at her, confusion growing. “It’s just, if you hadn’t gotten rid of Monika----” suddenly, at the mention of that name, memories flood into my mind, and I remember everything. “I don’t think that I would have ever saw you again. I still can’t remember a lot of things, everything’s just so hazy. But it comes in in little splotches, just little bits of memories. I remember all of the things Monika did…..And all of the things you did, too. Thank you so much, Loki. It means so much….” There are now tears spilling down Sayori’s face.

“S-Sayori….” I reach out and wipe the tears away. “It’s okay.”

“I know it is. Everything’s going to be okay from now on. Because I don’t want to see my friends get hurt, Loki! I don’t want to see them in pain!”

“You won’t have to.” As I remember the memories of both loops, all of the feelings come back too. I slowly wrap my arms around Sayori and pull her into a hug. She accepts the embrace and softly sobs onto my shoulder. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you or anyone in the club, okay? We’re safe. I’m going to keep you safe.” 

Sayori slowly nods as she pulls away. She smiles as she wipes away the tears. “Thank you, Loki……”

Natsuki and Yuri return and retrieve their bags. “Bye, Sayori, Loki!” Natsuki says.

“Good bye, everyone,” Yuri says timidly. “I look forward to seeing everyone grow as writers and readers.”

“Me too!” Sayori calls. “Bye, everyone! See you all tomorrow!” She waves at them as they exit. Finally, it’s just us.

“Well, shall we walk home?” I ask.

“Yeah!” 

As we walk home, Sayori doesn’t talk very much, but she does skip around like always. I find myself wondering, not about the club, but Sayori. I can’t help but glance at her every now and then. She excitedly bobbs up and down in her step, daydreaming or something. Somehow I think that she looks beautiful in a way. Maybe it’s because she is so care-free. Whatever it is, I can’t stop thinking about it.

“Hey, Sayori?”

Sayori stops mid-leap and stands upright at me. “Yes?” she says, her tongue hanging out of her mouth and her eyes wide.

“I’ve been thinking….about the others in the club….Do you think they remember anything from, you know, before?”

“Hm…” Sayori purses her lips and stares up at the sky as she thinks. She finally shrugs. “I guess there’s no way to know. Although, they probably have flashbacks from it every once in a while, like me. But, not like you, strangely enough….” Sayori furrows her eyebrows and studies my face.

“Maybe it is strange, I wouldn’t know.”

Sayori sighs. “You know, sometimes I think you’re keeping something from me.” She puts her hands on her hips. “And I don’t like secrets….”

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.” Sayori glares at me. I smile and pat her head softly. “Maybe someday you’ll learn everything…..”

By now, we’ve reached our street. Our homes sit next to each other in the middle of the row. I suddenly feel that I’m running out of time.

“Hey, Sayori?” I say again.

She looks up at me. “Yeessss?”

“Oh, well, it’s just that….um….” What was I going to say? I know it was important. “I’m….really excited to get to know everyone in the club.”

“Aw, I’m glad to see you get along with them.” Sayori beams at me, but somehow, I don’t believe her.

“Um….Sayori, in the loop, you said that you were at war with yourself about seeing me be with everyone else when you wanted to be with me. But when I was with you, you pushed me away. Sayori…..?” Sayori stares sadly at the ground.

“I’m still figuring those feelings out, you know?” Sayori giggles softly.

“If you ever need help with figuring them out, I’m always here.”

“I know.” Sayori beams.

“I mean it, you better come to me if you need anything.”

“Okay, okay, I will.” Sayori giggles happily.  
We reach our homes, but stand outside for a bit. “Hey, Loki,” Sayori says, “I’m really glad that you joined and all, it’s really nice to see you. I kind of wish you would have joined earlier though. Then I could’ve made you my vice president.”

“Nah, I’m sure Yuri is much better than me,” I say smiling.

“Maybe, but either way, I just really hope you stick around, you know?” 

“Yeah, I know. I won’t go anywhere.” Sayori and I smile at each other for a moment before saying goodbye to each other. I feel like somethings were left unsaid, but I shake the feelings off and push the gate of my house open.


	27. Chapter 27

As I approach my front door, I can see a package under the light. I kneel down and retrieve the small box. I enter my home and climb the stairs to my bedroom. I set my bag down and set the package on my desk and sit down.

I examine the front and back of the package. It seems to be the size of a book, but I don’t remember ordering any books. All of the information on the exterior checks out, so I use a dagger to cut the tape off the box. When it’s open, I steadily peal the flaps up. I see first, a note. I take it and read it.

Dear Loki,

This is my final goodbye. I know now that I have no place in the Literature Club. I know that I have no place in this world either. I was so foolish to think that we could be together. I’m obviously not the one for you.

I’m sorry I didn’t realize this sooner. I caused all of that blood to be spilled for nothing it seems. I’ve come out of all of that more broken than I did going in. I lost all of my friends in that selfish process. But I won’t make them forget, that’s even more selfish and I can’t take it anymore. 

You won’t see me anymore, and that’s probably for the best. I still love you, Loki. And I probably won’t ever stop loving you. I’ll never forget all the time we spent together. Even though it wasn’t perfect, I want to thank you for giving me those small times with you. You made all of my dreams come true, even for a short while. Even if you hate me now, I still thank you for being nice to me in the past. And most of all, thank you for being a friend to all of the club members when I couldn’t. 

Thank you for being apart of my Literature Club. However short it lasted, I won’t forget any of it. And I will never forget you.

With undying love,  
Monika

I slowly fold the paper neatly and hold it in my hands. I feel bad for her. Despite all of the horrible things she did, she still had a heart.

At the bottom of the package lies one last thing. I pull it out gently and study it. It appears to be a dvd. Stuck to the casing of the disk is a small note.

I really hope you enjoy! I spent a lot of time on this, so I hope it’s worth while.  
-Monika

I slide my bag closer and pull my laptop out. I open it and insert the disc carefully. A new icon labeled “Your Reality” appears on the desktop. I click it and a video pops up. I hesitate briefly before hitting play. 

I see Monika first. She sets the camera up and sits down at a piano. I see her usual smile and hazelnut brown ponytail tied with a white ribbon, and my heart aches. Her forest green eyes glance at the camera and the piano nervously.

Monika clears her throat and says, “Hi, it’s me, Monika. Um….so as you know, I’ve been practicing piano. And I’m not really good, like, at all.” She chuckles softly. “But nonetheless, I’ve been writing a song, and I think it’s ready to be heard. I’ve been really looking forward to sharing it with you, since I’ve worked really, really hard on it. Anyway, let’s get into it!” Monika glances at the piano keys and a happy melody begins. It switches from a low tune to a catchy high one. Eventually, Monika begins singing.

“Every day….I imagine a future where….I can be with you.” The piano repeats the tune of the lyrics then returns to its soft tune. “In my hand….is a pen that will write a poem….of me and you.” Again the piano mimics it. The tune gets deeper as Monika sings, “The ink flows down into a dark pu-ddle.” The piano slowly gets higher as she sings, “Just move your hand - write the way into his heart! But in this world of infinite choi-ces, what will it take….just to find that special day?” The song gets high as she continues, “What will it take, just to find….that special day?” The piano plays solo, allowing me to think. 

I think of the very first day I met everyone at the club. It was all so new to me. It all seemed like a mess to me at first, but Sayori’s smile seemed worth it. Monika’s too, even if I didn’t realize it at first.

“Have I found….everybody a fun assign-ment to do today?” The piano skips a beat. “When you’re here, everything that we do is fun for them anyway.” 

And Monika’s sweet smile and perfect words….They may have seemed ominous at first, but now they seem so meaningful. 

“When I can’t even read my own feelings. What good are words….when a smile says it all? What will it take…. just for me to have it all?” The piano takes over once more. 

I know that in Monika’s eyes, she was doing what she needed to get to me. I guess it’s like Yuri said. All villains aren’t villains in their eyes. From their perspective, they’re doing what’s best. And Monika was thinking out of love. Yuri also mentioned that this made you hate the protagonist. Does that mean I’m the bad guy here?

“Does my pen….only write bitter words for those who are dear to me?.....Is it love….if I take you, or is it love….if I set you free?” The piano switches to an emotional and strong melody, but quickly returns to a joyful tune. “The ink flows down into a dark pu-ddle. How can I write….love into reality? If I can’t hear the sound of your heartbeat. What do you call....love in your reality?” I have now noticed a pattern. Every last word is drawn out longer than the others. The other words tend to switch from fast paced to slow with the melody. 

“And in your reality, if I don’t know how to love you….” The piano is slow and concise with its high notes as it finishes, “I’ll leave you be.” The beginning tune repeats for a brief time before ending. 

“Thanks for listening,” Monika says normally as she gets up and approaches the camera. “Bye!” The video ends on Monika’s sweet smile.

The song leaves me feeling empty. I almost feel guilty for not paying Monika as much as I should have. Maybe I could have prevented any of this to happen. But, then again, I would never have offered my love to her. She just wasn’t meant to be with me. But….who am I meant to be with? An image of Sayori flashes in my mind. Is Sayori the one? Despite all of the times she’s annoyed me, I’ve still stuck around her. I even joined her club, three times. Every time, even when I hung out with the other women, it felt empty. Especially when Sayori wasn’t ever there during the second playthrough of those few days. 

It almost feels like I can’t imagine living in a world without her now that I’ve met her. That loop helped me realize things I hadn’t noticed before. Seeing her die like that….it made me want to follow her. But now she’s here, she’s alive again. I’ve been given a second chance, haven’t I? Does this mean, I need to act now? Sayori said that she’s still figuring out her feelings. Maybe if I can help her decide earlier, she won’t have to ever feel troubled. 

My heart feels heavy with masses if emotions. I don’t really know what I’m doing as I open my email. I click on a new draft and type in Sayori’s contact information. I stare at the keys as I wait for the words to flow in. Suddenly, I know what to say and I type in the words on my mind.

I love you.

I click send without another thought. I lean back in my chair. I feel almost scared of what will happen next. My mind wanders rapidly as my heart beats faster and faster. Finally, my laptop dings. I open the new message and read it.

I love you too.

I smile to myself. The mass of emotions seems to lift. I exhale softly and re-read the message a few times. Eventually, I look away from the message and stare out at the sunset. 

At one time the sunset reminded me of Yuri, but now it reminds me of all of things Monika was talking about. I understand how Monika felt. Except I don’t feel upset or distraught. I only feel elated.

Even though it took a long time, I finally learned to love again. Sayori is the only one for me, I know that now. And I’ll be able to see her everyday, in the Literature Club. Even though the club isn’t something I’m passionate about, I at least care about the members inside it. 

The sunset in the distance and the emotions inside me mix together. Once again, I don’t realize what’s happening until it’s done. There’s now a pen in my hand and a blank white piece of paper lies on the desk before me, waiting for the ink to flow through it to form a magnificent poem.

My pen comes in contact with the paper and immediately the words filter in. I move my hand in swift motions as the poem comes into view. I finally finish it. I gaze down at it, re-reading every word of it. It conveys every ounce of my feelings. I find that within this bittersweet poem, there are traces of my own style; meaningful, but at a moderate level of reading; bitter feelings with a trace of goodness in the end; and never faltering to express the utmost emotions within my heart. After all this time, it appears I’ve learned something from all of the members. And to think that I technically haven’t really gotten to know them yet, is utterly amusing.

I feel more confident about my writing than I’ve ever felt. I now understand how everyone else felt when they wrote something from the deepest parts of their hearts. 

I then copy the poem down onto a draft on my computer, and hit send. My heart races as I read the poem, flitting to the name tag of Sayori every now and then.

What You See  
A ray of sunshine is all I see,  
But you never fail to see past the obvious.  
A mass of orange and red fills the sky, drowning me in overwhelming light.  
But you don’t see it as overwhelming.  
You see all those chaotic colors as different feelings and emotions.  
You see infinite possibilities and hopes and dreams.  
The colors fill your mind with unending energy and ideas,  
Those ideas you try to share with me.

I don’t understand.  
No matter how many times you explain the wonders of the rays,  
I see only colors, and nothing more.  
I feel forever trapped in the midnight,  
Not knowing what you see.  
I am always filled with the dark feelings of the night.  
The only light being the white moon in the sky,  
Sucking all of my joy away.

I watch as you dreamily gaze at the rays of colors.  
What are you thinking about?

Your mind swims in the light,   
absorbing every happy thought as well as the sad ones.  
You thrive beneath its light,  
While I stand by,  
Unknowing  
And unaware.

I never see the lure of the light.  
Not ever will I see what you see.   
But it doesn’t matter to me.  
In the end, I am drawn to the only light I’ve ever desired.

Despite all of the glory,  
Life,  
Hope,  
And wonders of the colors,  
They are not what I desire.   
I desire only one light.

You are the only rays of oranges and reds that I will accept.  
The only colors that I will allow to drown me.  
The only colors I will allow to confuse me.  
You are my sunset,  
So don’t ever stop shining.

Finally, Sayori responds.

Loki, you’re such a good writer. This is the best poem you’ve written, I mean that. It might as well be the best poem I’ve ever read. It means so much to me that you think so highly of me. Just know that I feel the same. Even if you don’t think you are, you’re my sunset too, okay? I was lost in the midnight too until you brought me back to the light. I guess we’re both sunsets in the end, huh? 

I love you, Loki. I care for you more than I can put down into words. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to write about my feelings. I think we should pick up poetry again. I’ll make sure to steer ourselves clear of any mishaps from before, so don’t worry! But I think it’s important for us to express ourselves, and I really love reading your writing. I like reading everybody’s writing. 

Anyway, it’s getting kind of late. I should go to bed, so we can walk to school together tomorrow! Goodnight! Love you!

I smile softly as I type in my response.

I agree. See you tomorrow. I love you too.

I close my laptop and stare out the window once more. The sunset is practically gone by now. There’s only a sliver of orange left in the horizon. I take one last look at the lights before closing the curtains.

My heart beats fast in excitement. I can’t believe it. I actually fell in love. And with Sayori, of all people. But I don’t feel disappointed or upset, I feel glad. I finally have someone in my life worth caring for, and I can’t wait to see her again. I can’t wait for all of the things in our future. I really love her, enough to die for her.


End file.
